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TCAP Issue:
Student uses #1 pencil instead of #2; 223 people were killed and 153 were injured.
During the T-CAP a student made the fatal mistake of using a #1 pencil instead of a number two. When the tests were turned in to the test grading machine it tried to read the test with the #1 pencils writer, it caused the machine to combust and release enough soul-crushing energy to kill a million happy people, luckily the grading machine was located in New York, New York so almost everyone had been unhappy at the blast site. unfortunately there were some people who had recently moved in and taken up the job at the faculty.
The blast killed 223 people and crushed 153 people's souls. There is expected to be a “terrible day” fallout until summer. The student has been taken to court on charges of; mass murder, 2nd degree murder, and mass dream crushing. The student has been sentenced to lifetime in jail.
TCAP PRACTICE Q:
why is the sky blue?
a. I ain't no Albert Einstein
b. it's all in our minds man
c. because democracy is F*&$ING AWESOME
d. none and/or all of the above
what would kirk do?
a. quit
b. play truth or dare with the staff
c. sing every little things gonna be alright
d. walk into classrooms and pretend like your doing something important
Issue#3
Leek News (Video)
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Ones I want Published
Bieber fever and flu mutate together to create new killer disease
A week ago in Builder hospital a female "Bieber fan" was rushed into the emergency room after picking up a tissue that Bieber had used at the concert and then smothered her face with said tissue. The doctor was quoted as saying “the child had already had bieber fever much before this incident. The regular flu was most likely caught from the tissue she grabbed.” The CDC has decided to name the new disease Onedirectividous. The expected casualties from the new epidemic is 15 million 9-17 year old female victims and most of the male 9-40 year old demographic really pissed off.
Unexpected High Demand of Tissues Causes Mass Shortage
Within the past month the demand for tissues has jumped by 42% and is expected to increase even more within the coming months. The New vista staff and students are in complete outrage over this issue, Pfouts has been quoted as saying “This Tissue Issue is completely unacceptable and must be solved immediately”, a anonymous student has been quoted “WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?! DO YOU WANT ME TO WIPE ON MY SLEEVE!?”. The file for more tissues has been sent into bvsd, but do to the the cost of the tissue boxes interfering with the costs of Boulder highs new complimentary cooked lobster lunches and imported silk curtains The tissue box order is most likely to be postponed for at least another month
Mutant Cockroach Formed from Leaking Black Sludge in Science Storage Closet
earlier this week a colony of new species of cockroaches was found in the science room storage area. Scientific experts have suggested that a colony of cockroaches was around for 20 years. The Cockroaches themselves appear to have 2 or more extra appendeges, with some having 2, and rarely, 3 heads. We sent an interview team to ask kirk why the leaky pipes have been leaking for at least 20 years. Kirk has this about the topic“The pipes have been leaking for at least a year, we have had this problem on our list of Issues needed to be resolved at number 237”. New Vista students planned a protest outside the science room about preventing the clean up of the toxic waste in order to preserve the species habitat. One student has been quoted saying “Cockroaches are such beautiful creatures, I have know idea why you would want to harm them or their habitat”. We can expect to see some discoveries about the creature in the coming weeks along with the verdict on whether or not to clean up the large scale chemical waste spill.
New Vista to Go Into Debt Over Cookie Budget
during last community gathering it was revealed to the public that with the current budget New Vista will not be able to keep up with monthly fees if the cookies are consumed in this manner. Julie has stated “there are a few ways to resolve the issue one we reduce the amount of cookies we buy or buy cheaper cookies.” Students are in an outrage over the issue, in fact, many students have taken matters into their own hands. Students have formed various charities and cookie aid programs in a attempt to raise enough money such as “Cookie Aid and Support Group” (C.A.S.G.) and “Cookie Friday Charity Fund”(C.F.C.F). These charities have raise a substantial amount of money for cookie Friday, but it may not be enough The front office reports that only one half of the money has been raised to satisfy the cookie budget. You can expect to see the results of the fundraising this Friday, when you reach unto the famous big red bowl.
Extra Articles
Bieber fever and flu mutate together to create new killer disease
A week ago in Builder hospital a female "Bieber fan" was rushed into the emergency room after picking up a tissue that Bieber had used at the concert and then smothered her face with said tissue. The doctor was quoted as saying “the child had already had bieber fever much before this incident. The regular flu was most likely caught from the tissue she grabbed.” The expected casualties from the new epidemic is 15 million 9-17 year old female victims and most of the male 9-40 year old demographic really pissed off.
warm ups:
1/30
cat 1st World Martial arts Championship to be held soon
The ceo of Untied Martial Arts Directors(U.M.A.D) announced earlier today that the 1st annual cat martial arts tournament was to be held sometime in April along with the list of accepted martial arts:
katrate
Toywando
R.A.W.R.S.(military)
kenpounce
scratchboxing
Brazilian jump-Jitsu
BVSD has announced that it will give all the the teachers overseeing the T-CAPs painkillers and 20 cups of coffee each day before the test is given
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T-cap warm-up
2/13
Student Ticketed and license taken for running stop sign in T-CAP
During the T-cap a student accidentally turned the page after finishing with the section. After he was immediately given a ticket and 4 points on his student license. The student previously had a issue with the district before, the student had no points left on his student license and had it then taken away as well as being expelled.
T-cap advisers to be given 20 cups of coffee and painkillers for next T-caps
BVSD has reported that multiple teachers have become numb to all pain or completely soulless and lack emotion. BVSD has announced that it will give all the the teachers overseeing the T-CAPs painkillers and 20 cups of coffee each day before the test is given in a attempt to treat the illnesss. Our team of Leek researchers have found out that not only is this caused by supervising multiple T-CAPs but It can only be cured by a bonuses, completely free Saturdays, playing Daniel Powter's Ya had a Bad Day or finish doing the T-CAPs