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This is probably the best of mine.

A Few Days in the Life of Posessed_Butterfly

By Posessed_Butterfly

My alarm clock began to sing, Apologize, I think, but that wasn't very important. The fact was, I was tired. Rolling over, I looked at my clock. 6:05. Groaning, I rolled back over and put a pillow over my head to block out the protruding light. Ten more minutes, I thought. WRONG! I rolled over once again, expecting to see something along the lines of 6:12, but no... 6:48. DAMN! I thought to myself. Hurriedly, I hopped out of bed and into the shower, barely even noticing my dog staring at me. I got out of most likely the fastest shower ever taken in the history of mankind. 6:52. I raced downstairs. Forgot my phone, I thought. Raced back up, then, running down the hallway and down the stairs, I fell due to my new and slippery socks. Down I fell, rolling 2 or 3 times until slamming into the wall at the bottom. "What was that?!" My mom yelled from the bathroom where she was most likely ironing her hair. "Just me!" I hollered back, slightly smirking to myself. I raced downstairs whispering to myself "No, no, no, no, no, no." MADE IT! "And now for the top ten plays of Thursday!" Said the announcer of Sports Center. I watched them, for no reason really, I mean, it was always basketball, which I hated. 6:56. I ran into the kitchen and slid around the island to the refrigerator. I whipped out the milk. Milk. I had to get the milk the milkman had left on our porch. I quickly poured myself some milk and raced to the door, slamming into at full speed, totally forgetting that it was locked. Rubbing my now sore forehead, I got the milk inside. 6:59. I wolfed down my food and chugged my milk. 7:09. I ran into the garage, putting on my shoes. My math homework. Censored I cursed to myself, mad at my laziness. 7:11. I ran to the door, yelling goodbye to my mom. "Did you brush your teeth?!" CensoredCensored I raced back up stairs and turned on my electronic toothbrush. Then the water pick. Then rinsed. 7:16. CensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensored I was late. Very late. I was 3 minutes late. I ran down the hill to the bus stop, hearing a diesel engine approach. I SPRINTED! Moving van. Hate those damn things, they always freak the Censored out of me. I made it to the bus and moaned a hello to Erik, pinning my head against the seat. Before I knew it, we where at school. I slumped inside, saying hello to people from 6th grade and people who I just knew because I am the awesome. Everything was laid back from there. "knowledge bowl!" announced Dr. Baldy. I knew he was lieing, he always was. "I'm just kidding" He said with a grin that made you think he just told the funniest fricken joke ever. P.E Today.

I came out of the locker room, always feeling cold, for some reason that was beyond my attention span to figure out. After stretching and push ups, we got to run. And run. And run. After a FULL 20 MINUTES OF CARDIO! We finally got to play floor hockey. My knees got hit and my shins where sore, but it was all worth it to score the greatest goal ever in the history of Me. I was standing back, the puck was in the corner. Prepared for a spit out and possibly an opportunity for a defensive play, I was being conservative, tired of being hit in the leg by the sticks and puck. The puck shot out to my left, rolling on it's side. I ran over to it and it full stride carried it (the hockey version of dribbling) while keeping it on it's side, I shot it with the might of a thousand miniature pigeons. I didn't even look where it went, I knew it was a goal. SLAM! The puck hit the back wall. I raised my stick into the air like the NHL players and then jogged back over to the back wall. Censored waved to me. I waved back, happy the she saw my goal. CensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensored and I said CensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensored

CensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensored She CensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensored and walked away. After P.E, I slowly walked to Digital Media. What a terrible day in Digital Media. It was all talk, and I don't think you want to hear about that.

After E.L.T, which was just outstanding on the level of boredom, I speed walked to lunch, A.K.A Not exactly Red Robin. I picked at my chicken sandwich, mostly talking. 11:15 I began to eat, almost not chewing. The evil lady from Tennessee came up and these are her exact words. "Young man, would you ever so kindly give me your food?" I'm not done" "I didn't ask if you are done, I asked for your food." The wrath begins. "YOUNG MAN! I HAVE TALKED TO YOU ABOUT THIS VERY ISSUE, YOU NEED TO BE DONE! LUNCH... IS... OVER!" It was 11:17. Lunch was most definitely not over. It was far from over. As a matter of fact, it had 3 minutes left. She swiped my food away and slammed it into the garbage, quickly followed by a lecture that included the topics of trash, teamwork, and a Tennessee accent that is hard to believe.

After a long but still entertaining Social Studies, I went to math. Does everyone have their homework? Good. Now it is time for a quiz! Ms. Lornell said to us, as sweetly as she could probably bear, yet it still sounded like she was writing a ransom note. I breezed through the quiz that I had completely forgotten about., totally confident of a 4. That was to be determined next Monday, which is not included in this wonderful piece. On to science, the large bit of walnut in a brownie, the brown slice of banana in your banana split, the shriveled up, unappetizing pepperoni on the should be world's most perfect pizza. We read about some cute prairie dog that was happy. Until a hawk came and wrecked it's wonderful, fulfilling life, shattering it's family and friend's hearts. The poor prairie dog was torn away and carried to be brutally torn apart before festering in the bowels of a large flying raptor. Good 'ol science. After that, I went through an especially chatty Language Arts, then took the bus home. But, this was only beginning the interest of modern day Aaron McCusker.

When I got home, I popped a warm delight into the microwave, I prefer the chocolate lava cakes. Really, you should try them, they are like a bite of heaven, and then another, and another. So, after a blast of taste that would send a midget flying across the room at approximately 34.736734985651753598437858920356987 MPH, I went up to the computer. I enjoyed maybe 1 hour of blowing people to bits online, I headed downstairs. I popped another warm delight into the microwave, and this one was so good, I saw my brother fly from his perch on the couch and slam into the opposite wall, knocking him out cold. AHAHHAHAHAHAH good times. No, I'm kidding, he barely flinched from watching whatever the hell he was watching. Then, he got up. Maybe the warm delight was having some effect on his brain. I watched intently. Nope, he was just getting about 4 inches from the screen, his eyes becoming big sunny-side up eggs with a blue center. His loss. "Aaron, you shouldn't eat those before dinnerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr" Zach whined. "Zzzzzzzzzzzzzaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaach you shouldn't be so close to that crrrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap. You could die of booooooooooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeedoooooooooooooooooooommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm" He took this personally and ran away, crying. In my attempt to trip him, I slipped, hitting my hip on the large piece of wood on a hugely sharp pillar, also known as our table, which was surprisingly sharp today, I noticed as I pulled myself back to my feet. CensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensored She CensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensored CensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensored CensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensored CensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensored CensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensored CensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensored CensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensored CensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensored CensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensored CensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensored CensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensored CensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensored. What a day, and it wasn't even time for my extreme double ninja secret chinese ping pong game with my dad... My dad took like 30 hours to get home, so in my idleness, I turned on the Rockies. Anyone wanna' guess the score? 6-1, Rockies! That's right, they were actually winning a game! I checked to see if the Avs were on. I checked ESPN news for a breaking news. Maybe Terrell Owens died or something... I turned back. Does anyone care to know what the score was? 13-6, Padres. CensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensored

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CensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensored Why the crap do we suck so bad?! I'll tell you why, it's that foul smelling, democratic, fish snorting, doorknob licking, salmon consuming, liposuction patient dating, Old timey music listening toey, unnaturally hair colored piece of crap named Manny Corpas. This guy tries to lose. Here are his thoughts: My god, we might actually win. Not if I can help it! NuhNuhNuhNuhNuhNuhNuhNuh MANNY CORPAS! MANNY CORPAS! Hmmm, maybe I should throw really hard so it looks like I'm not really a foul smelling, democratic, fish snorting, doorknob licking, salmon consuming, liposuction patient dating, Old timey music listening toey, unnaturally hair colored piece of crap. Hmmm, let's hit the pitcher so their good players can come up! STEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKE! Come on ump, are you blind? That hit him in the head! GET SOME GLASSES! Now you see why the Rockies lose all the fricken time! I hear the garage door opening, a car door close, a muffled belch, the front door open, his shoes hit the floor, a muffled fart/belch, a long and drawn out hello. Then, my father strolls downstairs, ready to meat his maker... AAWONTON! FRIED RICE CHIMICHANGA KUNG PAO CHICKEN EGGROLL! WOULDYOULIKESAUCEWITHTHAT?! EGGDROP SOUP! WONTON CHICKEN! HAPPY FAMILY TATERTOT! FORTUNE COOKIE WITH MISFOURTUNE!

It was ON! My reaction time was simialar to that of a can of Chicken Broth... Except that the chicken broth was actaully... CHUCK NORRIS! WHAM! I slammed the unfourtunate anger taker outer across the table tennis table of many names. The ball whictled back at me, I didn't even think, I just reacted. I hit it for the fourth time, i hit the table and stopped, rolled back, bouncing twice. PONIT! YES! POINT! AHAHAHAH I AM AHEAD! WINNER! HERE I GO! I AM ABOUT TO WIN! I AM AHEAD 20-6. 20-7. 20-8. 20-9. YES! I GET THE SERVE! WHAT NOW! I'M GOING TO WIN! 48 seconds later... CensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensoredCensored

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I am only ahead 21-20. Here comes the game point. He fires it back at me, I spin it like an egg that just escaped my now pissed off jaws. He shoots it back. BAM! It all goes in slow motion.

TO BE CONTINUED WHEN I FELL LIKE IT! GOSH!

I wrote this to show how incredibly hard my life really is.

Just for Survival (or chex mix)

June 28, 2031

I woke up, rubbing my eyes and staring at my feet. The bugle sounded a second time. The regular hustle and bustle began to start for the coming of our leader. I threw the sheets on my cot as a makeshift “bed making” and ducked out of my family and the Bumpess’ family cottage. Yawning, I plucked and apple from a nearby tree and handed the man in the bamboo booth my food ticket. He also handed me a banana and a small amount of fish. I dragged my feet as I trudged towards the public table. Kids whispered and adults ate slowly, procrastinating the upcoming work day for as long as possible. I plunked down in my designated spot and began slowly chewing my only meal of the day. It was a Wednesday, so we only received breakfast. I loved Thursdays though, for we received all for meals for the only day of the week other than Sunday, but that was a worship day, which I found extremely boring. As I handed the fish bones to the collector, I remembered the day we ship wrecked, 23 years ago, exactly. Today was feast day! I had completely forgotten! I lost all of my longing for more food and was eager to go to work to earn my meal. I hopped into my rags of clothes, which would be replaced today at the celebration for 23 “successful” years. The 41 people of our island gave our thanks for the meal and then filed out to the mill, the field, the farm, or the fishing boats. I walked towards the docks and boarded the “boat” and tipped my sailor hat to the captain of the floating piece of wood with walls. “ROW! ROW! ROW!” He yelled, seeming like it was me whom he was shouting at me in particular. When we arrived to the fishing spot, the 3 crew all dropped lines into the water. This was a job that required patience and a strong possibility of failure. But, the reward was so sweet after success. There would be fish for everyone, and they would thank you constantly. After 9 hours of fishing, we rowed back to shore, packing just 11 red fish. Just enough for about 7 people to be able to eat. they would be given to the leader, the court and the rest of our people of authority, such as our captain, who had a large grin smeared on his face. The feast would soon begin and I was getting new clothes, and, maybe, will be rewarded the privilege to talk.

June 29, 2031

I waved to my neighbors, but carrying a small, but clearly noticeable frown. I had been denied, I was not in authority yet, though I am the third oldest person in our village. Discouraged, I looked out to the endless ocean and began to move my dry and nearly dead lips. The words began to come out of my mouth. A DEMON APPEARED! AGHHHH! No, I’m kidding, I talked and talked. I discussed the cruel and helpless world with myself. I began to shout, testing the limits and true possibilities of my awesome voice. A man came running over to me, wielding a machete. He swung it around his head as went for mine. I ducked away and ran while singing, talking, yelling, whispering. I had held it in for 19 years, after the leader decided that we could not plot or gossip if there was no speach, so only people that had been proven to be the most reliable had been allowed to speak. Now, I joined them in the crew of the word, as I had always thought about, but never actually shouted out. People arose from their work to witness the man yelling and screaming through the streets. I laughed and waved at them, telling them how great they looked, or the horrible truth that I had kept secret for an eternity. I fell, losing all feeling in my legs and arms. Rolling over, I looked at the man who had hit me in the upper back with the machete. He ripped it out and walked away, his job now done.

I wrote this because it was an assignment and I felt a little bad that day, so I let it out in a really depressing story.

The evil world of online schools and their ways compared to the even worse world of schools made of real buildng materials and actual test grading instead of just scanning it on the web page or something that would be a lot easier

In online schools, you can get private classes cheaper and public classes are not as loud and if you want to fall asleep during class your bed is right there.

It would be a lot more convenient to be able to work from home. You could get along without owning a car and you don't even have to leave your "cozy" apartment. But, if you are talking about elementary on the internet, it would be so much better. Instead of catching the bus, how about you make an omelet? Would you rather eat greasy school lunches or greasy fast food items for lunch?

Online classes does not mean that there is less work involved. Actually, you must work to buy the computer, and when you are done making your eyes bleed, you must go to work so that you can pay for your education and more importantly, your internet.

It doesn't cost you a cent (O.K I'm stretching the truth just a little, no, a lot), but going to real school is a lot more, well, you know, funner. I'm kidding, I didn't get an online education and have glasses because of the burning sensation that you get when the class is over. You will not get nearly as good social exposure and you are not exactly who you say you are on the internet. Also, it would be really easy to skip class and still get credit. All you must do is press apple+T and maybe go to www.academyofdiscovery.com/Posessed_Butterfly and read some wonderful reads, if you catch my drift. Scientists have proven that if you take online classes as long as you do regular classes, you are guarenteed to have glasses and be a MEGA NERD!!!

The Key

By Aaron McCusker

Chapter 1

Today was the big day. I was packing may last items. My toothbrush, comb and a book. I was going to Australia to meet up with my Aunt and Uncle for 6 months. I was so excited. I always wanted to go to Australia. I was going to ride an airplane to Los Angeles and then take a taxi to the cruise ship terminal. It turned out that it was less expensive to take a cruise ship one way with no stops than take a plane across the biggest ocean in the world. It made sense. Even though I would end up being there 3 days later than planned at first, I would get there, and I love the ocean. It was going to be fun. My older brother honked the horn at me, telling me that it was time to go. I took one last look at my room, which would belong to another family starting next week, my stuff would be mailed to my new temporary home. I picked up a picture of my parents and stared at it. I was 4 years old in the picture, laughing and squirming in my father's arms. My parents had died Sixteen days after that picture had been taken, in a car accident on the way to church. I now lived with my brother, who cared for me in our small house. He was planning to sell the house and use the money to finish college. Because he would be living in a dorm, I needed somewhere to stay. I chose Australia over North Dakota, where my Grandparents lived. The horn honked again, my brother was getting impatient. I hopped into the car and asked my brother what he got for me. He showed me a knife, a Swiss army knife that was so nice, my jaw dropped and I stared at it in disbelief. He opened it and revealed all different types of tools, a huge knife, for cleaning fish, one of my favorite hobbies. There was another that looked like a mini bread knife, there was also a screwdriver, toothpick, and even a built in spork. He handed it to me and I gently took it, as if I were holding some sort of baby animal and was afraid to hurt it. He said, "Happy birthday, Grahm," I had completely forgotten! I turn fourteen today! I thanked him a thousand times on the way to the airport. I got on a very small plane at the airport, a private one actually. My brother new some "people" who had a jet, so they let me ride it to Los Angeles with them, no charge. After the flight, I caught a taxi and told the man, "Cruise ship terminal please,". When I saw the huge boats, I nearly fainted. Like floating hotels, they towered above buildings and everything else in sight. the taxi driver grunted "Which ship you on?". I stared at a little piece of paper my brother had given me. It said the one with the big blue smokestack and red bow. I gasped, it was the nicest one in the dock. I pointed to it and said "That's the one, sir." I got onto the boat, knife in my pocket. Not because I was in LA, just because I forgot it was there until I was in line for security. I shrugged it off and put the knife into my bag of clothes. I had three pairs of clothes, all shorts. One of them was a quick dry shirt that I got for Christmas. I got through security cleanly and dragged my bag to the ramp that would lead onto the ship. I got inside and nearly fainted, again. It was like a hotel, no, more than a hotel, a palace. Chandeliers loomed over the lobby, which was decorated with pictures of koalas and kangaroos. I went into the glass elevator, pressed the floor, and I was on my way.

I threw my bag into the corner of the room, which almost touched the other corner of the room. I felt like I was in a closet, but at least it had a bathroom. After the lifeboat drill and the ceremony when we left the dock, I went upstairs to the top deck. I could not believe that I was on such a nice boat. A lap pool took up about half of the deck. There was an ice cream store, where I could get endless ice cream and shakes. There was also a pool with a diving board and a slide leading into it. I soaked it all in. This was going to be a perfect trip, I decided.

Chapter 2

The food was fantastic, I ate a New York strip steak, for free! I had never had so much food at one time. The steak was perfect, the mashed potatoes endless and my milkshake was heavenly. The chocolate was so good, I had to have another piece. I felt like a king, the ones that I had only read about and seen in the movies. I was the Czars, King Arthur and George Bush all at once. Employees would come and rush my dishes back to the kitchen to be cleaned and have the delectable food put right back on it. I went to bed that night and let the ocean rock me to sleep.

I woke up the next morning, refreshed. The ocean was everywhere. It was if we were on a ghost ship with passengers just floating across the surface being guided by the huge floating watercraft. I sucked the sea air in and stretched. I went to the pool deck to get an omelet, maybe a pancake, maybe even something new and undiscovered by me. The breakfast was great. I met another kid who would be moving to Australia too on this trip. His name was Thomas. He seemed nervous and constantly uptight, but he was my age, we both like sports, and me being a quarter-back and him being a wide receiver just made sense that we would get along. There was only one problem with him. He had a voice that sounded like devil had a frog in his throat. He laughed like he had killed someone and was getting annoying really fast. I decided to talk all of the time and say nothing funny. It sort of worked, but he would constantly point out errors in my grammar, interrupting endlessly. I chugged my orange juice and gobbled down the rest of my omelet, slipping the last couple bites onto his plate so I could make a speedy escape. The reason for putting all of the food on his plate was that he looked like a kid who eats the corn straight down to the cob, doesn't leave a bite of fat left on his steak and licks the salt off his plate after he finishes a pretzel. Oh well, I thought, you make friends, you lose friends.

Chapter 3

I was still up on the pool deck, watching the sun disappear behind the waves. Almost as if it wanted to take a swim, but that wouldn't be too good for 'Ol Mr. Sun. I smiled. It had been a great day. The was not a soul in sight to make a noise, all downstairs getting ready for dinner. I heard a very peculiar noise, one that I thought I knew, but thought I didn't. I slowly walked toward where the restaurants were. The sound slowly got louder. Waiters and waitresses rushed out, one of the thrusting a life jacket into my hand. I looked up at her and she was scared. So scared it made me scared. I knew the sound, a fire alarm. I asked the woman where the fire was. She looked down at me and said quietly, so quietly I had to lean in to hear her. She said two words that would haunt me. "Fuel room". Guessing that that meant that if the fire could not be contained, the ship could catch completely on fire, stranded in the ocean. I began running towards a life boat. I was getting off this boat. A man grabbed my arm. He said, "We may be the only survivors. Everyone is downstairs. We need to wait for the explosion and then run for it". The horn on the ship began wailing. BRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM BRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM BROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM BROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SHABOOM!. The aft part of the ship erupted into flames and was nearly ripped from the other half of the ship. People screamed as they carried their mangled arms and legs up the stairs and dragged them to the life boats. Another explosion shook the boat and people fell over the sides. Some waiters and waitresses began to run for the life boats. I followed the one the had told me to go after the explosion. Another explosion shot fire up through the ship. The boat was nearly engulfed in flame. There were low rumbles and horrible cries of help. We had to keep going. Explosions and fire made me sweat like crazy. My shirt was getting really hot. The heat radiated off of everything that was metal. Paint was chipped. There were burnt and mangled people lying on the ground. Some were still hanging on to life and others calmly closing there eyes and praying, tears flowing down their faces. I hopped into the first life boat I came to. The man who had lead me to the lifeboat had the worst burns I had ever seen. His face was black as charcoal and blood was all over his face. He dropped someone into the lifeboat. It looked like another waitress. I could barely tell though, she had clearly been on fire due to he charred nature of her clothing. Flares shot off from the crow's nest. The explosions illuminated the darkening sky. The lifeboat began to slowly drop.The man jumped in and punched in some controls. Suddenly, the boat swayed back and forth. One on the chains had snapped, or melted due to the extreme heat where we stood just moments ago. We waited, swaying and slowly lowering into the ocean. A weightless feeling engulfed me. I felt my body begin to leave the ground. The man screamed words in his native tongue. The woman awoke from unconsciousness and realized what was happening. We were falling in a covered lifeboat from 8 stories into the air. I braced myself for the sure to be bone crushing impact. We hit the water with a splash. I slammed into the ground and the woman screamed as her fragile and wounded body was thrown onto the concrete floor. The man looked at me. Tears were running down his face. I looked down and noticed that his leg was bleeding. I crawled over to him, the woman still crying out in pain as we bobbed up and down in the Pacific Ocean. As I was tending to his leg, I saw my own wounds. The adrenaline had made it so I could not even feel the pain. I kept working while he tried to revive the radio system, which had risen to the ceiling and then crash to the floor. The woman had stopped screaming. I looked at her, something was wrong. Her eyes stared up at the top of the lifeboat. They were blank. Her facial expressions finally at rest. The man saw me staring at her body, blood in a pool around her. His face fell. He took something off of her hand and put it in his pocket. I caught a quick glimpse of it. It was a wedding ring. Her wore one that was the complete same. She was his wife. I was shocked, a cruise, both employees, turned horribly wrong. The man turned back to reality. He turned to me and whispered, "We can not keep her here. We have to let her go into 'the 'water," He clicked a button and the top hatch opened, I saw the lights of the ship disappear into the Pacific. I grabbed the woman by the under arms and hoisted her limp body onto the side of the boat. I made the sign of the cross on her forehead and whispered a silent prayer. Then, I let her slip into the ocean. She slowly sank to the bottom of the seemingly endless depths. I looked back to the man and he looked deep into my eyes. The light from the sinking ship made it so I could make out rough details of him. He was tall, maybe six foot six, had pretty short hair and deep eyes. Nearly sucked back into his head. The final pieces of the burning ship sizzled as they slid beneath the surface. There was complete silence. Suddenly, the engine roared to life, almost like a sleeping lion waking up. The boat jerked as it sped towards the horizon.

Chapter 4

As we bounced along the high waves, I started to see stars, wonderful patterns in the sky, almost looking down on me and talking to me. Telling me to keep hope. I tried to "listen", but it was hard. We were in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, somewhere near the equator. We were in the very middle of the cruise so I presumed that we were in between Hawaii and Australia. Hope was seeping out of me. I looked towards the grieving man who was also driving the boat. I asked him "Radio? Is the radio fixed?" The man shook his head slowly. My heart sank. It was smoking on the floor, little broken pieces lay around it. He pointed to himself "I am Vlad. What is your name?" I found it completely irrelevant to our survival, but I answered "I am Grahm,". He suddenly became very distressed. He looked up to me "That is my child's name, my child from England," My heart sank, that must have been his wife, he is floating away from his son. What a horrible state of mind he must be in right now. My heart began to beat quickly. There was something on the horizon. Vlad saw it too. He pointed to it. It was a small set of islands. I could see that one of them was bigger than the other and even had a small hill. He steered the boat straight at the silhouetted shape, maybe my new and final home. It took many hours to get to the islands, and the sun was poking its' rays and illuminating the clouds. The island was heavily vegetated and I could hear the low whisper of a river. Birds flocked all over the hills and scouted the beaches for fish. We beached the boat, figuring that it would not be needed once we were safe on the island. I jumped out of the boat. Now that it was not moving, I could feel the thickness of the humidity and the sun, just over the hill, was beating down on us. Vlad pulled out a kit from the hull of the boat. He threw it to me. I prayed that there would be something of use. It was as if I had found the Dutchman's treasure. Fishing equipment, a knife with sharpening tools, water bottles and a purification kit. There was a 1000 pack of matches, 5 ponchos and a pretty complex first aid kit. I shouted for joy. He threw another bag to me, this one containing more tarps. I was so excited, but something was missing. "Tracking system?" I asked Vlad. His face fell, "This is an old lifeboat, they don't have one," I thought about it, why would they not include a GPS, it is a very valuable asset. We have a good chance of surviving, especially after watching Survivor Man. We can stay alive for five or six days until rescue comes.I trudged off the beach, leaving Vlad in the lifeboat for the time being. His leg made it so he would just be concrete blocks on my shoes. I struggled up the deep, soft sand and towards the jungle that the keys housed. I was excited. Would everything work? Will help come? Are there sharks? The sun was raining down on me. It was so hot. I had to find water. I looked to Vlad and said "We need water. I hear some. I think we can find it in the jungle," I took our survival kits up off of the shore where they could be swept away and ruin our chances of getting back home. The beautiful sound of running water filled my ears. I began running towards the sound. I began to climb. I could tell that I was going up the huge hill that I had seen when we were coming in to the island. I ran faster, the sound getting louder and louder, now nearly a roar. Like a waterfall. I was right, but there was a problem. The waterfall was on the other side of a huge gorge. I would have to climb down the face of the rock and get to the bottom of the gorge to get to the small creek that ran crystal clear water that wove through the deep canyon. It was steep, but manageable. I began my descent. Because I was stumbling, tripping and falling down the face, I had huge scrapes and bruises. I came closer, I could feel the water in my mouth, refreshing me, giving me new life. I was 20 yards from the bottom. I began sprinting. I ran fast, way too fast. My feet could not move as fast as I was moving. I flipped over my heels. My arms flailed and I rolled and rolled, out of control. Then, I began to fall, the ten foot drop broke my unforgiving decent. I was there. Crawling over to the water and swearing to myself for being so idiotic, I dipped my face in the water. Only about 2 feet deep, the water ran over my sweltering face. I took a breath in and swallowed the miracle water. Rolling onto my back, I splashed the water onto my stomach, I was like the little kids whom I babysat when they were in the sprinklers. Laughing and rolling about. The creek ran up and around the hill. When I got back to Vlad, I could give him his filled water bottle and I could try to find the source of the water. I filled each bottle to the absolute physically possible top. I crawled up the face I had just moments ago somersaulted down, I clawed my way back to the top. Carefully this time, I shuffled down the hill I had to climb earlier. I had ended up about 200 yards away from where the bright orange lifeboat was, so I jogged up to him and said "Happy Birthday!", He looked at me, puzzled as he drank the water from the bottle. "It is not my birthday though," I laughed out loud, towards the heavens I laughed. I was going mad, and I didn't give a care in the world.

Chapter 5

Vlad had somehow gotten out of the lifeboat and was tying a fishing line to a lure. There were 3 boxes of lures, I noticed. One read Mid Atlantic, One read Alaska and the last one, which was opened read Mid Pacific. Organized, I thought. I told Vlad about the creek and how I thought that there may be a source at the top of the hill. I left out the part where I nearly broke my arms and legs tumbling down the gorge. It did not seem like a vital detail. He said that we would only go to the top of the hill if deemed absolutely necessary. We stared out at the sea, waves splashing against the rocks. "YES! Look!" said Vlad. He pointed out, slightly to the right of where he sat in the sugary sand. A red, glistening fish leaped out of the water like an acrobat. Vlad shouted, and started whooping. He reeled in and the fish came closer and closer. My heart thudded against my chest like the pizza guy when you order a brain and peanut butter pizza but accidental give your address. The fish came closer and closer. "Get it! Grab it!" Yelled Vlad. I jumped head first into the waves and reached for the fish. Suddenly, my heart stopped and I held my breath kicking away from the fish. "What are you doing?! NO!" yelled Vlad, who had obviously not seen the shark that had taken the three toes clean off of my left foot. He scolded me and pointed at me accusing me of being suicidal. I sat there and took it, temper bubbling up inside of me. More and more waves of verbal abuse came with no sign of it to cease. "SHUT UP! A STUPID SHARK BIT OFF MY TOES!" Tears falling down my face, I looked down to where the five little pigs who had gone to the market had experienced a drive by from a shark. Blood was seeping out. Pain was hurling itself at my sanity. Trying to break me, trying to take me over. Vlad stood, flabbergasted. I clawed my way to the kits and slapped a gauze and some anti septic cream on the bloody wound. I laid in the sugary sand. Reality was sinking in. I was stuck in the middle of the largest ocean on earth. My toes were now mere bloody stumps. Rescue would come, I know it would. It always comes. Will it? Vlad limped over to me and sat down. He slapped a fish onto my stomach. It was the very one that he had hooked when I had gone into the water. "I'll make the fire," said Vlad, disappointed in his behavior towards me. "I guess there are sharks," I told Vlad with a slight smirk. I began to find pieces of wood that were flat the could fashion as shoes that could help me balance. After about 5 minutes later, Vlad returned with a handful of wood and matches. He struck the match a couple times and dropped it into a small pile of coconut husk. It instantly lit and burst into flames. I had found a piece of bark on the beach and some string. I tied the bark to the bottom of my foot to be a sort of a shoe so I could balance once I could stand up without crying in pain and crumpling down to the ground. Vlad had a stick and stuck it straight through the heart of the ruby-red fish. Blood leaked out and sizzled on the fire while Vlad cooked it like a marshmallow on a stick. It was a little past noon now and the fish was nearly done. I was hypnotized by the smell of the cooked fish. It was nothing compared to the smell of New York strip steak with seasoning and steaming with mashed potatoes. I pushed the thought out of my mind. It was only a foot and a half long fish. Vlad would probably need more fish than me. So that means that I would get around six inches of fish. "Done!" Vlad explained after about 5 minutes. He pulled the fish off the fire, took it of of the stick and tore it in half. He warned me to watch out for the bones. I looked at the uncleaned fish. I whipped out the knife my brother had given me. How it stayed with me during all of the drama I do not know. I cut open the bottom of the snapper and emptied it out. I studied what was in it's stomach. There were some small fish and clam shells. That indicated that these fish eat. That also meant that I could use the heart and other body parts for bait. The fish disappeared with five quick bites. Although I felt a lot stronger, I could still feel hunger clawing at my stomach, but it would do for now. We need to find shelter. "We can't stay in the life boat," I said to Vlad, who was deboning his fish. He looked up and asked "Why not? It has a roof,"

"I get seasick," I admitted. "We need to stay in it during the rain, and it rains every day here from about 3 O'clock to 6 O'clock. We should stay in it because you really do not want to get wet here. You could get foot fungus," I shuddered at the memory of when I was camping with the Boy Scouts and got foot fungus at summer camp. My feet smelled and hurt constantly. After that I quit because it was such a horrible experience. I definitely want to avoid that again. "We will stay in it today when it rains, but I want a shelter that does not rock back and forth," I explained. Vlad agreed to start building a shelter right away. Sure enough, around 2:30, the clouds began to thunder and rumble. "WE NEED TO FINISH THE SHELTER AND KEEP IT IN PLACE!!!!" Vlad yelled over the charging winds. The clouds looked like huge mountains of doom rolling in towards the keys to claim it's victims. The birds all fled when a lightning strike destroyed a palm tree on another island. I stuck the last rocks on the palm shelter and began stumbling down to the beach. Vlad lifted me into the bright orange boat. The storm was on top of us, throwing everything it had at us. Vlad closed the hatch right as the rain began puring down. Buckets and buckets slammed down on the small watercraft. I laid down on the bottom of the boat, hugging the floor. Every 30 minutes or so, I would ask Vlad the time and we would glance at the watch and tell me the time. We talked about our lives. We even talked about baseball. He had lived in America and had grown to love the game. I bragged to him that my favorite team always won. He said "But what fun is it if you always win? I like to make it exciting. After the Red Sox beat the Rockies in the world series, I took the teams that always lose. I was a Rays fan, Giants and now, I like the Red Sox," I chuckled. Why would you root for a team that has had a record of 45 and 623 since they swept the Rockies? I thought to myself. At around six thirty in the afternoon, the rain let up. I was feeling sick because the boat was rocking back a forth. Vlad cranked open the top and I slid out. The clouds were very light now, and the sun was setting. My stomach roared for food. It was now raining just a lite mist. I called to Vlad to come out. He poked out his head and then (with difficulty) lowered himself into the water and waded to the beach. The humidity was so intense, it was like I was breathing under water. A low cloud hid the tip of the hill. I could hear the river rushing into the ocean. I imagined a flash flood, completely engulfing where I had stood a couple of hours ago. We finished the shelter and put a tarp over the rock and pine tree shelter. It was cozy in a sense that there was only room for 1 person and that we had to fit along with the supplies that could not get wet. The sun had disappeared from it's place in the sky. I reflected about the last 24 hours. I was exhausted, we were all alone on an island somewhere between Australia and Hawaii. We had no food, no clean fresh water and because we were surrounded by islands, it would be extremely difficult for a ship to notice our signals. I let myself slip into sleep. I was jolted back to being alert. I peeked out of the "tent" and the jungle around us was roaring with life. Birds screamed, bugs chattered and many sorts of small animals scurried around. Animals were running past the tent, paying no attention to the fact that there were humans. A shot rang out, obviously from a gun. The animals ran more frantically. A scream erupted from the jungle. I jumped out of the tent. Vlad, who had been awoken by the gunshot, followed me out. We cautiously made our ascent up the hill towards where the scream had come from. The animals avoided us as we struggled through a dangerous part of the jungle. The person screamed again, a scream of pain and fear. We turned a corner, closing in on our chance of rescue. The man was very close to us now. I walked around a tree to a man bleeding slightly and lying pale on the ground. He blinked to me and said "Snake," I looked around and saw nothing. They forest was completely still. There was not a soul in sight. It was only Vlad, the injured man and I in the middle of the desolate forest. The man continued writhing in pain. There were two small dots of blood on his now exposed leg. The man itched at it and kept crying out. Vlad and I dragged him to the beach and laid him on some leaves. The two dots were now swelled up and looking like a huge red and purple apple. The man was now very pale. Facial expressions were leaving him. He became very sick, vomiting on the leaves he lay on. I thought back to the gunshot. I had not seen a gun. I hoped to god that there were not two people with guns. The man's muscles tensed and his body bent backwards like a rubberband after it breaks. He stared with absolutely no facial expressions, or even signs of life. The man had died. For the first time I noticed that he had a pistol in his pocket, along with a few rounds. I pocketed them and decided I should do a quick autopsy. It was obviously a snake bite. The fang marks were not very big. I hoped that the snakes hid on the other side of the jungle. Then, it hit me like a 250 pound linebacker on the blind side, he had to have gotten here somehow. He may even have radios and a GPS system. I explained my theory to Vlad and he agreed to look for the boat "when the sun shone high". We discussed what to do with the dead man. "Should we drift him out to sea?" asked Vlad. "No, he might float back and we don't want to bury a decayed person, there are too many health risks," I told Vlad. He smirked at me, it was in plain sight that he had never heard me refer to health risks. We decided to just bury him. there was only one problem. We didn't have a shovel. I chose a spot, got on my knees and began digging, looking around, expecting to see a huge snake or a person with a pistol pointed at my head. I fingered the gun. It was warm. Relief poured out of me. It was this man whom had fired the shot, probably at his attacker. Vlad and I had dug a crude hole to drop the man into. Neither one of us wanted to touch him, but I eventually persuaded Vlad to "do the honors". I lay on the beach, preferring it over the crammed tent. The clouds had completely gone and the star field was the most magnificent I had ever seen. I thought there were a lot when I went camping. No, there weren't any compared to this. It was peaceful. The stars looming overhead and the waves whispering. Sleep overcame me.

Chapter 6

I woke the next morning. Vlad was already walking along the beach, collecting coconuts that had washed ashore during the storm. I stretched my arms and walked out of the "tent". I snatched the fishing rod and casted it out, professionally luring in the fish. 30 minutes passed. An hour passed. After 2 hours of no bites, i reeled in and called it quits. Vlad looked a little pale. "I found something," Vlad told me solemnly. He led me to the other side of the island. I didn't realize what we were doing until we got over the hill. We were going to the other beach, the rocky one on which we had steered around to reach the more comfortable sand. My bare feet began to get sores and blisters. Blood popped out of the sores, making the soles of me feet red. On the top of the hill, a small motor boat rocked on top of the waves. A man was driving the boat away, increasing speed. He leaned over the boat and did something, but at the altitude we were above the beach and waves, I could not tell what. I looked at Vlad. A tear was falling down his face. We slowly descended down the hill. It was like walking to a funeral. It was so depressing. I could not go faster because Vlad was leading. He dragged his feet on the dirt, head down at the ground. "Look," he pointed to the beach, sorrow flooding into his words. People where washing up on the beach. It was like trash was washing onto shore with all of the dead bodies. "You'll need this," He said as Vlad gave me a bandanna. The final 100 yards were the last I would have not being haunted by the scene that awaited me. A huge stench overcame me. I instinctively covered my mouth with the bandanna and gagged. The scene was horrific. Bodies were washed up on the beach like dead fish, bobbing in the water with haunting faces. He walked me over to spots where he had placed sticks in the ground for identifiable marks for bodies that were recognized. There was the elevator man, a hole was in his chest and burn marks were everywhere. There was the man from the pool, who too had a hole, but this one was near his neck. He was extremely burned, most likely changing in the crew quarters during the blast. I saw Thomas' body rolling onto shore. Even though I did not like him at all, it was still scary to see a once living face now dull and lifeless. He also had a hole, no, two. There was one on his leg and another near his left eye. The signs of burns were not as clear, but were there. There were many workers for the waiter and waitress "brigade". Some had crude crosses by their heads. There were a lot of passengers who had met an awful fate. "WHOA! Look at this!" I picked my way towards Vlad who was staring mysteriously at a corpse. I did not recognize this person. The woman was not burned at all. Vlad bent down and touched her shoulder. "Look," He held a bullet. Someone had shot this poor woman over 10 times. I had not remembered hearing gunshots. The boat sinking was no accident. We were attacked.

Chapter 7

I left the gruesome sight with my head up. Not because I was proud, but because it was like a war zone. I vomited violently, gagging on myself. Tears were streaming down my face. It was so horrible. People I knew just 50 hours ago are dead. I rushed out of the death zone. I found the stream and drank until I felt sick. I sobbed about how bad this situation really was. We may be the only 2 survivors of the attack on America. Or maybe it was on Australia. My aunt and uncle were probably so worried. I was worried. I was worried for my life. The military would fight back before they try to save 2 survivors. They probably think that everyone is dead. Everyone has abandoned hope. We are going to live the rest of our life here. Rescue will not come. We will have to build a house, a way to survive the tremendous storms. Food would be needed. I wondered if we could go to the other island. Maybe the fishing there was better, maybe there are survivors, maybe we have a chance. No, it is too dangerous, the shark that took my toes was at least 4 feet long. It would be too dangerous to cross the 300 yards to the other islands in the set of keys. But maybe it was necessary. That may be our only hope. I explain my plan to Vlad and he agreed that we should give it a shot. We cut down a tree with the small hatchet that came with the supply kit. Then we cut it in half. One person would hold the boat together while the other would use a long stick to push us through the water. The first time we went, Vlad convinced me that he should hold the craft together and I should paddle because he is stronger and if a big wave comes we do not want to be stuck in the water. I agreed to the plan and we were off. The stick I used was thin but sturdy. I would plant it into the ground and push. We spotted fishing holes and as we slowly traveled across the small channel, it was clear that the fish were more plentiful on the other island. Vlad and I were almost knocked off the boat when we hit a sand bar. The water was only about and inch or two deep, so we decided to try our luck about 100 yards from our destination. Vlad casted and sloppily reeled and bobbed. It was obvious Vlad had not fished very much. I took the reel from him and launched the lure at least 100 feet in front of us where I had seen a small school of snapper. The second the lure hit the bottom, the biggest hit I had ever experienced impacted the lure. I was lurched forward and Vlad stood up, watching in awe as I skillfully reeled in. The fish fought harder than I had ever seen. It was incredible that this one fish could possess so much force. The huge fish lurched and yanked. Vlad cheered me on as I laughed like a mad man. The fish was almost here. It was 30 feet away. I could taste it and feel the sweet relief of food in my stomach. A huge snapper leaped out of the water and splashed back in. I almost lost it when it gave one last desperate jerk. I let it have around 10 feet and then pumped on the reel. The fish glided towards me. It was all down hill from here, or so I thought. Yes, I thought correctly. I shoved the reel into Vlad's awestruck hands and grabbed the fish by its' gills. I lifted it out of the water. The fish gasped for air. I cleanly hit it on the boat and killed it. I admired the fish and how lucky I was. I had caught a two foot fish with a 3 foot rod. I was so happy. Vlad patted me o the back and we hopped onto the boat. "Now what? Do you 'wanna go to the island or head home and cook the fish?" I asked Vlad. He pondered it and said "I am so hungry I could eat a snapper," I laughed and we went back to the island from which we came. Thoughts overcame me. It was by far the biggest fish I had ever caught. I was used to foot long trout, not 5 pound snapper. When we reached the island, something was wrong. I could feel it. Footprints in the sand led from where our camp was. I ran to shore, carrying the fish. I pushed the feeling out of my head. I was too hungry for worries. I looked at Vlad excitedly. Worry was stricken on his face as well. It was eerie, as if something was scaring him. I looked up and gasped. The bushes moved, a small rustling but still movement. I stared at the spot for at lest 3 minutes, frozen in anxiety. Nothing happened. I concluded it was the wind. I went to skinning the fish. I looked up from my work. Vlad was gone. Panic shot through me like a bullet. Where was he? I looked around in shear fear. "VLAD!" I shouted to the heavens. "What and why are you yelling?" Asked Vlad, who apparently was right in front of me. Relief swelled through me. I was scared and both of us knew it. We were up tight, frightened of what moved the bush on a perfectly still day. The wind was absent from it's usual spot in the sky. There were no clouds. It was odd, yet something familiar was itching at me. I gripped the stick that held the fish that was cooking over an open flame. I thought about the situation. I was so scared. Something had moved that bush. Maybe the snake that had killed the man had returned. Maybe the people who destroyed the cruise ships were on the island. Fear rode like a wild animal through me. I was shaking. Vlad was scared. I was scared. My aunt and Uncle were scared. My brother was scared. All of America was scared out of their minds. The world may be at war. The USA may be a flattened wasteland. I was imagining the worst. People are stocking up on food. They cry and run. I shake about the horrible thought. I looked down at the fish, snapping out of the daydream, no, it was a day nightmare. The fish was done cooking. I checked the sky for any sign of rescue. It was nowhere to be found. I looked around, my eyes darting mildly as I chopped the fish in half, giving Vlad the tail side. He was becoming something like a father to me. He would look out for me. He gave me guidance. The leaves rustled again. I gripped the hatchet that lay next to me. I was very intent on throwing it if the thing that made the leaves rustle was going to hurt us. I could lead a receiver, so I figured that I could hit a running terrorist, plus, even if the sharp end does not hit him, it will hurt like nothing else with the steel hitting your leg or chest. The leaves shuttered again. I cocked the hatchet to a position where I could throw it from. A small monkey emerged from the bush. I relaxed my grip on the hatchet, but still kept it at my side. The monkey shyly walked towards me. He looked at a coconut on the ground and then at me. Then back at the coconut and back at me. Maybe the men brought this monkey from a far away place. I had never heard of monkeys on the islands near Australia. Maybe those people were poachers. It was awful that people would do that. Vlad had taken notice of the monkey as he returned from getting water. He smiled at it and whistled. The monkey titled it's head to the side, as if confused by the offering of peace. It scrambled forward after a moment and picked up the harvested coconut. The yellow and brown monkey looked at me and licked it's lips. I smiled for the fist time in 3 days. Vlad tossed me a water bottle and it hit the ground, bounced and landed inches from the monkey. The monkey screamed and ran away, into the jungle. I glared at Vlad. He looked sorry that he had done such a thing to the poor animal. That animal would return, I thought. I never got to have a pet because my brother was allergic to dogs, and that was the only animal I ever wanted. I never thought that I would become friends with a monkey. I laughed at the fact that it was so bizarre and absurd. It was funny. Hope was all around me. Then, it was instantly crushed, shattered and utterly destroyed with one look at the sky. A huge F-16 Raptor roared over our heads. The plane shot a missile. It screamed out of the jet and flew into the distance. An explosion erupted. My ears burned from the intense noise. Another air plane flew over, this one I identified as a bomber. I stood in shock. A Korean flag was raising on the opposing island which we were going to fish from. "GET DOWN!" I screamed to Vlad. We dove to the ground and ate sand. I watched in complete fear as the bomber opened it's hatch. The huge airplane roared over, dropping a small collection of bombs. They whizzed down from the altitude the plane was at, which was a lot closer to the ground than I would expect. I forced my self to my feet. I ran for the tent. I was intending on getting a flare and a white t-shirt with a stick. Rescue was here. No, it wasn't, it was something more deadly. The bombs hit the island inhabited by the Koreans. They yelled and ran away from the barrage of huge explosions. The shock-wave hit me in the chest like a kick. I screamed in pain as I was tossed like a rag doll towards the ground and rolled to a painful stop. I clawed at the sand. I was intending to make a foxhole. It was my first instinct. The, I remembered. Vlad was out there. I army crawled over to him, yelling his name over and over. There was no answer. I felt his neck for a pulse. Tears filled my eyes when I felt none. No, it was there, but it was very faint. I could barely tell. He was unconscious. Blood was on his face. Suddenly, all hell broke loose. A squadron of American planes screamed over the island, shooting missiles at unseen targets. More explosions shook the world all around. Me. I braced for the impact of the shock-wave, unwittingly standing up to see where the missiles were flying. I fell to the ground. The explosion was closer. The island that was bombed was a complete wasteland. It was obvious that nothing had survived the enormous blast. Or did something survive? An anti-aircraft gun began firing insanely fast. Korean planes flew over us. I thought about the situation. We are in the middle of a war-zone. An entire island was just destroyed before my eyes and our island could be next. My eyes darted through the scene. A dozen Korean MIGs roared over us. I covered my ears and screamed. The sound was so incredible, it shook the ocean causing ripples and the animals of the jungle to go into a screeching frenzy. I was considering going for Old Glory who was stationed on our lifeboat. But it was at least 1 mile to the lifeboat and if another bomber came, it would be the end of me. Besides, even if I did make it there and back, I would still be at risk of the Koreans spotting the American Flag and opening fire. I dug more furiously at the ground. Another anti aircraft gun began firing at the sky. Missiles were flying everywhere. Then, something that I won't soon forget happened. A Korean plane burst into a frenzy of flame and exploded metal. The plane spiraled towards the ocean. I saw no sign of an ejection. The pilot was most likely dead. I nearly cheered. The Koreans deserved it. They had killed so many of our kind. Another plane exploded and landed in the water. A small parachute was fluttering down. He was going to land on our island. I stood up and ran towards the person was going to land. Bad idea. Very very bad idea. A stray missile slammed into the dense forest, nearly disintegrating everything around it. Just 200 yards form the explosion, I felt a fiery force hit me, like a train that was on fire ans was intent on taking at least one casualty. I lost my footing and was thrown into the sea. Coral jabbed at my legs and arms. A sea urchin was stuck to my chest. I swiped it of and waded to shore. The amount of missiles had gone down. The battle had apparently left the area. The man had landed by now and was lying on the ground, aperently in shock. I ran over to him. He was American. He looked up at me when I reached him. He whipped a pistol from his pocket and pointed it at my head. "Now wait right there, you just a little boy. Whatchya doin round here little boy?" "Sir! I am stranded on this island. I was on the cruise ship that was attacked. Please, you need to stay concious," I said as I looked on anxiously. The man chuckled and asked "Which one?" I was shocked. There had been more than one attack? The man fumbled with his radio and got it in tune. "This is Stingray, I repeat, this is Stingray. Please come in," The man yelled into the radio. A voice crackled and I leaned in to hear what the response was "We ---------- you, what do you ne----------, repeat, what do------- need?" The voice was cut out and the man yelled back "I need 2 gunships, one blackhawk ASAP we have 1 cruise ship survivor. I have been shot down. We are in hostile area, do you read?" "We read you loud and clear, coordinates please," "The man rolled over and looked at a very old fashioned GPS system. "We are in sector 4, area 6, small set of keys, south island that wasn't bombed. Will be on beach, please copy" "We read you. Please stand by and god bless," I bent down and hugged the man. Tears poured down my face. Through the sound of ferocious explosions, I could hear songs of happyness and joy. The man smiled at me. My moment was broken when an explosion destroyed a small part of the island. "VLAD!" I yelled and hobbled to where the explosion was. The man ran behind me, finding new strength. He yelled to me "Kid where are you goin? Who is over there?" "My friend, he survived as well," Well I'll be darned. 2 survivors of the wreck the man mumbled to himself. I ran as fast as I could. I began to feel a wild urge to see Vlad. It looked grim. The ground was burned. I got to a spot where stuff was strewn everywhere. Our tent was a gonner. Vlad was still sprawled out on the ground. Although this time, he he was blood red. I rolled him onto his back. His eyes were closed peacefully. I felt for a pulse. Then again. Still nothing. I resorted to feeling where his heart was. Still no response. A missile hitting the opposite island silenced both anti aircraft guns. The jets flew off, leaving me weeping by Vlad's crippled and stiff body. The man took off his hat and bowed. His face was red. Tears were water falling down my face. I sat there for what seemed like an eternity before it had finally reached me that Vlad would never see his child again, nor his wife, friends, anybody. I lay on the beach and awaited our rescue.The sun was high in the sky. I noticed the man next to me was in deep despair. "I saw him go down. Charlie went down," I looked up to the man. Who was Charlie? "His plane went down. oh Charlie. Why? Why oh why Charlie?" Guessing that the man named Charlie was a friend of the man who now spoke to me, I guessed that Charlie had been shot down. "T'was no parachute. T'was nothin. He's gone. Charlie is gone," I looked up to the man. We grieved together. We talked to each other about the high points in Charlie's life, and I told him of Vlad's great parenting skills. Neither of them would walk the earth again. Hours passed with no sign of the helicopters that were sent to save us. We laid in the increasingly hot sand. I looked at my stomach, which was now burned to a pretty bad extent. I tended to my wounds by pressuring them. Migraines shot threw me, but nothing mattered now. No siree, nothing mattered. I was being rescued. Vlad and I sang America the Beautiful, the National Anthem and even Sweet Home Alabama. It was obviously his favorite song due to the fact that we sang it a lot more than the other 2. I looked at Vlad's body, now lifeless. I was so sad. Nothing was even close to my sorrow, but the sorrow was overshadowed by joy that I would be alive and I survived the hardest thing of my life. I thought about how hard this was. It was like Survivor man or Survivor. The funny thing is that they both had the word survive, the only instinct that mattered. A small group of helicopters came around the island, chopping at the air. One of them landed by a palm tree and two Marines stepped out and eyed the area. We trotted over to the landing site. I waved and laughed. It was strange. Someone like a father to me just died, but I was merrily laughing. A medic hopped out of the chopper. He ran over to me and checked out my eyes, my legs, he saw that a toe was missing and I had to explain that a shark was digesting it somewhere in the ocean. We climbed into the helicopter. The yellow and brown monkey I saw slowly crept out of the bushes. I looked at the man, as if questioning if I could keep him. He pondered it and even radioed in to see if it would be frowned upon. He tried to protect my case by telling the Sergent quote "This kid just lost his father, he has been stuck on a desert island for over 3 days and hasn't eaten a good meal in forever. He deserves a souvenir," There was a sigh on the other line and he said "Okay, let him keep it. It isn't from any countries is it?" "Ummm, Korea sir," "Take the monkey," The helicopter roared to life. It jumped off the ground. Small arms fire began hitting the side of the aircraft. The most magnificent thing I will even and had ever seen happed. A small whir began and the gunship fired 3 of its' gatling guns. The island exploded to dust. The fire stopped instantly. The island was not just a bullet hole filled hill of bloody dust.

This was a novel by me (not finished) that I do in ELT.

10 writing kickoffs

1. You get to spend 1 day, all expenses paid with any person (celebrity, President, Sports player) you want. How did you find out about this and what do you do on the special day.
2. You are any age you want to be over 21 and you have won the lotto. You decide you are not going to give any of it to charity and are going to spend it all on a house, car, pets and belongings. Describe what you buy and if you learn your lesson that money can’t buy happyness, just things that can make you happy. (Not the last part)
3. You are living out your dream job. What is the job, why is it your dream to live it out and explain some made up situations that changed the way you do your job. (Computer explosion, Super Bowl, all animals run free)
4. One day, you discover you are magical. You are so excitited that you somehow find a way to get into Hogwarts, but they kick you out because you have no scars that are lightning shaped. Instead of trying give yourself a scar, you read up on magic and live out the rest of your magical days playing pranks, making life easier, world domination or anything else that you may want to do. What do you do with your “gift” and why do you do it?
5. One day, on a hike through the Sahara dessert, you come across a time machine. It can go backwards through time and bolt to the future. Of course you are very curious to see if it really works, so you dial in a date and ZOOM! There you are. Do you try to change the past, or find that in 2100, the earth is non existent and just another part of space so you die? And, how do you get home, does everything change?
6. You recieve a homework assighnment that says “Write ten ideas for a story that are open ended, but also descriptive” You go “AGH!” and you can only think of 5 really fabulously good ones and are going to try it again after the rockies game, praying that I know how to edit it correctly.

Well, another assignment, the bad news, I didn't finish, the good news, the Rockies won.

Characters:

These are the people in your group:

1. The Pilot- age forty-six, big and strong. Owner of most of the supplies.

2. The Co-Pilot- age twenty-nine, wiry and strong, but clumsy also.

3. The Surgeon- age thirty-four, average in size and strength. Brilliant with medicine and sciences (including chemistry and physics).

4. The Actor/Actress- age thirty, strong, but a trifle lazy.

5. The Fisherman/woman- age twenty-four, very strong. Good skills with cooking, sewing, organizing.

6. The Millionaire- age thirty, severely obese, slow, but good resourceful. Good with economics, budgeting of resources, and accounting

Millionaire (Erica):

- Lazy and cocky
- feels like the leader of the group
- thinks that she should get special treatment
- very pushy
- yells a lot
- is annoyed by the pilot because she has all of the supplies
- is amazed at the craftsman's skills
- does not like to work
- hates shy people
- wears a black t-shirt that barely fits over her fat, disgusting stomach and a jean skirt that reveals her 2 foot wide thighs

passes gas periodically
- 4 feet, 10 inches tall
- weighs a whopping 400 pounds
- thinks that it is all the pilot's fault that we crashed
- thinks that the surgeon is too "useful"
- thinks that co-pilot makes too many jokes

Carpenter (Aaron):

Sort of like a camel because he can go days without eating, but then eats like a walrus

Brings every one's mood up, or down, to HIS

Favorite movie: How to make a house/boat out of the fuselage of an airplane

Easily irritated by people that are annoying

Can easily count to eleven

Prefers to work a lot and then sleep for 9-12 hours

Stubborn

Likes shiny objects

Is plotting to steal the knife and ax from the pilot

Despises the fisherthing and everything it stands for

Wearing quick dry pants with quick dry shirt. Shirt has exessive amounts of pockets.

Perscription sunglasses.

Surgeon: Vera

Irritable

Witty

Doesn't eat much

Sensitive

VERY social

Stays awake long

Confident in work

Lazy in the morning

Tells mind too much

Pilot:

Becki:

Gets grumpy when i don't have food.

Is EXTREMELY protective of belongings.

has dreams of shooting the carpenter

Thinks i should be the leader

Jokes alot

gets hyper really easily

Absentminded

Knows how to weave baskets underwater

Tells you what is on my mind--doesn't lie to make you feel better.

I am wearing black button-up shirt green undershirt and black pants and shoes with socksm

Actress - Manas

Thinks the co pilot needs a reality check

Thinks the Carpenter is ugly

Stupid skinny

Is really really hyper and prone to randomness and pain in the arm

Thinks that he should be leader of the island

Has absolutely no life.

Wears Black Jeans, sunglasses, fancy shirt

CO PILOT AKA CHRIS

.TALL AND THIN BUT STRONG

.AWESOME, THICK, SHINY, CHICK MAGNETY HAIR WHICH EVERYONE IS IN AWE OF... AS FAR AS HE KNOWS.....

.CAN BE VERY HARD WORKING BUT PREFERS NOT TO BE

.SOCIAL AND GETS ALONG WITH PRETTY MUCH EVERYONE WHO DOESN'T FISH

.OK A BASIC COOKING, BURNS ANYTHING MORE DIFFICULT TO COOK THAT PANCAKES WITHIN SECONDS OF CONTACT WITH FRYING PAN. ALSO BURNS PANCAKES AS WELL AS HIS FINGERS FROM TIME TO TIME

.HAS VAST KNOWLEDGE OF THE NATIVE PLANTS/ANIMALS BUT IS COMPLETELY HOPELESS IN MATH AND OTHER MORE NECCESARY BUT LESS INTERESTING SUBJECTS

.SPEAKS 3 LANGUAGES: ENGLISH, SPANISH, AND WHATEVER LANGUAGE(S) IS/ARE SPOKEN ON THIS ISLAND

.IS ABLE TO HUNT, FISH, AND GATHER FOOD BUT PREFERS NOT TO

.ANYONE WHO MAKES HIM FEEL LIKE AN IDIOT OR DISSES HIS HAIR OR REPTILES OF ANY SORT DOES NOT REMAIN IN ONE PIECE VERY LONG AFTER THAT

.WEARING CO-PILOT'S UNIFORM AND T-SHIRT UNDERNEATH

.BREAKS PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING HE TOUCHES

.HAS GOOD ENDURANCE (NOT LIKE RUNNING AND PUSH UPS BUT IN HARSH SITUATIONS)

.HATES AS WELL AS MAKES FUN OF THE FISHERWOMAN AND EVERYTHING IT STANDS FOR, IS OK WITH THE CARPENTER, THINKS THE ACTRESS IS KINDA ARROGANT, OK WITH THE PILOT, LAUGHS AT THE MILLIONAIRE'S HEIGHT DISADVANTAGE AND... UHHH.... SPHERICALNESS BEHIND HER BACK, AND IS OK WITH THE SURGEON.

.IS OBSESSED WITH REPTILES AND IS NOT AFRAID TO PICK UP AND REMOVE ANY POISONOUS SNAKES OR HUGE MONITOR LIZARDS FROM CAMP

.MAKES JOKES A LOT, SOMETIMES DOESN'T KNOW WHEN TO STOP. EVERYONE BESIDES WHOEVER HE'S MAKING FUN OF THINKS IT'S FUNNY

.IS WITHOUT A DOUBT THE #1 MOST AWESOME PERSON ON THE ISLAND AND POSSIBLY THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

5. The Fisherman- Tommy

Hates the craftsman.

Friends with the millionaire

Thinks that the craftsman is a mean person who will never have a chance.

Wears a leather jacket with a bright blue shirt and jeans.

Also has a backpack with some fishing baits and stuff in it.

IS a nerd

Thinks that co-pilot has the worst haircut on earth, even though he is a great headbanger.

Goals:

General Goals:

- What are your immediate goals as a group, that is, what do you think needs to be done in your first week on the island?
- I think that we should try to build a shelter and establish who will do what jobs/chores- erica
- WE SHOLD PROBABLY START BY BUILDING A SHELTER, MADE PRIMARILY OUT OF STUFF THAT CAME OFF THE PLANE WHEN IT CRASHED

Food
- What are your mid-range goals as a group, that is, what do you think needs to be done in the second through eighth weeks on the island?
- we should try to get along and make a daily schedules-erica
leadership by voting. Speeches and no one can vote for themself.
- What are your long-range goals as a group, that is, what would you like to strive for in the long-run (over eight weeks)?
- To include everyone in every single decision-becki
some sort of power

Political Goals:

- How will decisions that affect the group be made?

With everyone's opinion in an organized way and settle on a decent solution without arguing.
- Who will make these decisions?
Everyone, starting with the pilot's opinion.
- How will these decisions be enforced if violated?
Constant surveillance until trust is earned
- How will problems be solved?
A team decision on the solution.
- What other "rules for living" will you make? Why?
We each have a job to do daily or weekly, based on the talents of certain people.

Economic Goals:

- What jobs will need to be done? How will you decide who does each job?
- GATHERING FOOD,GATHERING WATER, DOING LAUNDRY, WORKING ON A SHELTER,

we will draw names out of a coconut shell to decide jobs
- How will you decide how to divide up the belonging that you have now? Who gets to "own" or "possess" them?
- WE WILL HAVE EVERYONE OWN EVERYTHING, LET EVERYONE USE EVERYTHING. BUT LIMIT THE BULLETS TO ONE PER PERSON.
- What "rules for ownership and possession" will you make for things that will be made or found in the future? Why?
- everything will belong to everyone because ownership will rip us all apart.
- How will the possesions be divided up?

Other Goals:

- Will you make rules for marriage and families? Why? If yes, then what will those rules be?
- no there will be no rules because it wont happen-becki
- entertainment, games, competitions, a completed "home"-erica

Landscape

- What does your island look like?

Squarish island with a small lagoon in the middle, and freshwater oasises scattered around. Heavily forested, and humid.
- What are the major features that affect your society?
- FORESTS, LAGOON, THE OCEAN AROUND THE ISLAND.

What if's:

1. What if one of your group members is injured and is unable to work? he gets a break and we try to fix the injury.
2. What if a very contagious disease breaks out?We will drink lots of water and hope for survival. protect the surgeon the most, she will help the most.
3. What if someone dies?We will try to give them a proper burial and continue to survive. spread out their duties and belongings.
  1. What if the bugs annoy us?We try to find some other homeopathic cure for keeping away bugs and bug bites, like mud.
  2. If a large fire burns up our wood and a large amount of the forest and some of our huts? We salvage as much as we can and stop wasting wood. we use other materials to make shelters.
4. What if someone gets lost?We will wait a few hours and if someone does not come back then we will all search
  1. If somebody goes crazy and/or insane and tries to kill us all?We tie him/her up and try to keep her/him alive.
5. 8. What if all of the food on the island was used up?We catch fish and ration the food better. We use plants and try to grow food. like gardens.
6. 9. You can still fish some more, but where does the meat and other protein come in? We eat nuts from the island, and try to catch toher things on the islond, like try to breed animals. also eat other things form water, like seaweed and shrimp.
7. 11. What if a tsunami hits?We would clean up and look for other things. take inventory then decide what to use to replace things.
8. 12. What if a heat wave hits? We would take shelter and go swimming alot. keep hats on and don't waste water!!
9. 13. What if there is a sever dose of loneliness in the group? We will have a night of fun and entertainment.
10. 14. What if there is a major argument in the group? We try to work it out without violence. if that doesnt work, we keep them separated at all times.
11. 15. What if we start to lose strength and become very weak?We rest and up the rations.
12. 16. What if the fresh water gets contaminated?We find more, or boil it.
13. 17. What if all of the food goes bad? We search for more.
14. 19. What if an alligator attacks? we clean out the wound then the surgeon will take care of the person. we will spread out their jobs.
15. 20. What if a troop of monkeys steals some if not all of the food? we step up protection of the food and search for more.
16. 21. What if a vicious tiger attacks?we kill the tiger and clean the wound and the surgeon will take care of him/her.
17. 22. What if we run out of paper?we dont need paper.
18. 23. What if someone goes to live with the monkeys and refuses to come back? we try to get them to come back, but if not, we let them live with the monkeys.
19. 24. What if someone can't swim and falls into the rushing river? we try to rescue them.
20. 25. What if there is treasure on the island we go crazy? we do not try to hunt out the treasure.
21. 26. What if half the people go on a scouting trip and never come back? we send out a couple people to look then stop after a coupLe of days
22. 27. What if we find birds who like to drop poison from a plant on our food?put a tarp over the food.
23. 28. What if we run out of clothes? we make clothes out of the seats on the plane That is logical
24. 29. What if someone breaks every bone in their body? we splint the bone, and let them heal...
25. 30. What if your house/hut gets ruined in the storm? We build another one!!!
26. 31. What if there is an earthquake? we will take shelter in the fusealage and hide under the seats.
27. 32. What if someone hoards food?T we tell them not to.
28. 33. What if there is a lightning storm?We hide in our shelter and wait it out.
29. 34. What if someone deserts the group? Then it is their choice to come back or not, the chores will be passed on to someone else.

This was the survival simulation (I don't have time to look for all of the errors)

Save ze Rainforest, Save ze Vorld.

They used to cover 14% of the earth’s land. Now, they cover less than 6%. Every second, half and acre of rain forest is destroyed. That is 30 acres a minute. 1,800 acres an hour. 43,200 a day. That would be an enormous 15,768,000 acres a year. We can’t stand for this. There are hundreds of thousands of species that live in the rain forest. The more we wipe out to extinction, the less we can study. We could have wiped out one of the few species of plant that can cure cancer. Millions of people would die just so that one wealthy landlord can have a huge farm. As you most likely know, trees create oxygen. If there are less trees, there is less oxygen. If there is less oxygen, it is harder to think. If it is harder to think, it is harder to recognize that we are demolishing our rain forests.

We are completely ignoring the fact the we are destroying one of the greatest natural wonders. If we continue to completely shave the world of it’s natural beauty at his rate, there will be no more rain forests in just 42 years. We do not have much time. This is one of the most urgent things that we will pay attention to. We must give this subject thought. Do we really want a world where there are no trees? There are no animals that aren’t domesticated? Oxygen is limited because we looked away as our rain forests were destroyed by loggers and poachers. It sounds like a scene from a sci fi movie, but it could get all too real.

As we try to take steps to saving the rain forests, we also destroy huge mazes of nature. Why not make our homes of concrete? It is made of dirt and water, some of the two most (nearly) unlimited resources on our planet. When you destroy a tree, it will never grow back. You think, we could plant another, but it will take decades for a tree to grow back to what it once was. All of this destruction brings to mind one of my favorite childhood movies and books. In The Lorax, a small creature tries to protect his home,a huge forest where birds fly overhead, singing and the lakes are clear and fresh. Then, some evil people come and chop down all of the trees, polute the air and dump waste into the ponds. In the end, the Lorax is old and pleads with the director of the project not to chop down the very last tree. The man throws a nut at the Lorax and chops down the last tree in the forest. This is what our wold could come to.

This was a persuasion assignment, so ya, save the rainforest. Yo.

This is a document that has been through deletion and valor.

CHUCK NORRIS!

- Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
- Chuck Norris woke up in the payload bay of Challenger. Challenger exploded in 1986.My dad worked for NASA when that happened. No, it wasn't his fault. Retards... -Aaron McCusker 5/8/08 2:04 PM
- Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
- Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.
- The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’ fist.
- When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
- Geico saved 15% by switching to Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris clogs the toilet even when he pisses.
- Similar to a Russian Nesting Doll, if you were to break Chuck Norris open you would find another Chuck Norris inside, only smaller and angrier.
- Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
- In order to survive a nuclear attack, you must remember to stop, drop, and be Chuck Norris.
- Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once ate a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
- Bullets dodge Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris once took sleeping pills. They made him blink.
- Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a midget and it burst into 25 gold coins.
- When Chuck Norris jumps into a pool, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet, the pool gets Chuck Norris.
- If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.
- There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
- Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
- The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
- Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
- Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.
- If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies, just check the extinct species list.
- Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker's real father.
- Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.
- Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
- Chuck Norris can watch 27 hours of TV in one day.
- Everything blends in a blender but Chuck Norris.go to willitblend.com
- Chuck Norris doesn't do push ups he pushes down the world.
- There is another fist behind Chuck Norris' beard.
- Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
- Chuck Norris once played the Mighty Ducks. They are now known as the Ducklings.
- I have 5 dollars. Chuck Norris has 5 dollars. Chuck Norris has more money than me.
- Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
- Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that’s why there are no signs of life there.
- When the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
- The best part of waking up, is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn’t kill you in your sleep.
- Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.

I actually made these up, so don't question them.

- December 21, 2012 is the day that Chuck Norris gets really mad.
- When Chuck Norris farts, everyone within a 1 mile radius is killed instantly, later, other people die from radiation.
- The U.S dropped Chuck Norris on Hiroshima
- If the U.S. dropped Chuck Norris on Japan, how is it more humane to drop a nuke on it also? -Asks way too many questions 4/8/08 8:42 PM
- If Chuck Norris were to choke, he would simply wait until the food manages to escape his throat.
- Do not shake hands with Chuck Norris, it means you want to fight him. There is a 4,000,000,000,000% chance that you will die seconds later
- Chuck Norris put the Kung Pao into the chicken
- Chuck Norris does not text, he simply stands there until the message is clear that you have 2 seconds to live.
- The U.S.A was going to drop Chuck Norris onto Japan, but they thought that the atom bomb was more "humane".
- There is only one way to beat Chuck Norris. Wait, no there isn't.
- Chuck Norris uses Lava to moisturize his skin
- Do you know why Baskin Robins only has 31 flavors? Chuck Norris doesn't like Fudge Ripple.
- Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink
- Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks to much, he throws down
- TNT was originally created by Chuck Norris to cure indigestion
- Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a salesman. Over the phone.
- If you work in an office with Chuck Norris don't ask him for his three-hole-punch
- A study showed that in the United states the three leading cause of death are 1.Heart disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer
- Chuck Norris doesn't age. every birthday is an added year to his exsitence. Which sucks for you
- Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents when he listens to a song.
- Chuck Norris counted to infinity, twice.
- The pen is mightier than the sword but only if the pen is held by Chuck Norris
- Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
- Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
- The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
- Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
- If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
- Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.
- Chuck Norris got a perfect score on his SAT's, simply by writing Chuck Norris for every answer.
- On the SAT if you put Chuck Norris for every answer you will score over 9000
- Chuck Norris eats eight meals a day. Seven are steak, and the last is the rest of the cow.
- Chuck Norris's body temperature is 98.6 degrees... Celsius.
- When Chuck Norris wants popcorn, he breathes on Nebraska.
- Chuck Norris CAN lick his elbow. (so can i ohemgee)
- Chuck Norris does not love Raymond.
- When Chuck Norris jumps in to a pool, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet, the pool gets Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris is allowed to talk about Fight Club.
- Grass is always greener on the other side. Unless Chuck Norris has been there then it's covered in tears and blood.
- Google won't search Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.
- When Chuck Norris crosses the street, cars look both ways
- The only reason pink still exists is because Chuck Norris is color blind.
- If you were somehow able to land a punch on Chuck Norris your entire arm would shatter on impact. This is only theory, since, come on, who in their right mind would do this.
- In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris is RIGHT BEHIND YOU!
- One time Chuck Norris stubbed his toe. It destroyed the state of Ohio.
- Chuck Norris can MAKE water run uphill
- Chuck Norris' round house kicks don't really kill people. They wipe out their total existence from the space-time continuum.
- Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
- Chuck Norris does not own a house, he walks into random houses and people move.
- Not everyone Chuck Norris gets mad at gets killed. Some get away; they're called astronauts.
- Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Chuck Norris while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic
- When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders
- There is no Bigfoot, only Chuck Norris when he doesn't shave
- Chuck Norris eats cement and napalm... for a snack.
- Chuck Norris finds science interesting.
- Chuck Norris is the reason for World War 1.
- When you fire a weapon, you don't shoot a bullet, just a small fragment of Chuck Norris's fist.
- Chuck Norris holds all the world records. The people you see in the Guiness Book of World Records are the runner-ups.
- A roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris can break an invertebrate's spine.
- Chuck Norris once farted on his pet lizard. It then attacked Tokyo and they made a movie about it. It is called Godzilla.
- Chuck Norris is first in every phone book, though he has no phone, just a suicide hotline.
- Chuck Norris lives in a pineapple under a sea.
- Chuck Norris could make the Rockies win the World Series. OH SNAP!

Chuck Norris likes Green Eggs and Ham
Bill Gates is the second richest person in the world.
Chuck Norris once ran for president, unopposed. Wonder why?
Chuck Norris once spit, now where is Atlantis?
Chuck Norris can actually speak Swahili.
Jurassic Park was originally supposed to be based on Chuck Norris, but who would pay to see a 9 second movie? 8.95 of those seconds would be credits...