Sunday Family Humour 6th July Page 2

Sunday Family Humour 6th July Page 2

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour

Benjamin Franklin's Virtues

Thanks to Ray O'.

These are the used to develop what he called 'moral perfection'.

He had a checklist in a notebook to measure each day how he lived up to his virtues.

They became known through Benjamin Franklin's autobiography.

  1. Temperance: Eat not to Dullness. Drink not to Elevation.

  2. Silence: Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself. Avoid trifling Conversation.

  3. Order: Let all your Things have their Places. Let each Part of your Business have its Time.

  4. Resolution: Resolve to perform what you ought. Perform without fail what you resolve.

  5. Frugality: Make no Expense but to do good to others or yourself; i.e. Waste nothing.

  6. Industry: Lose no Time. Be always employed in something useful. Cut off all unnecessary Actions.

  7. Sincerity: Use no hurtful Deceit. Think innocently and justly; and, if you speak, speak accordingly.

  8. Justice: Wrong none, by doing Injuries or omitting the Benefits that are your Duty.

  9. Moderation: Avoid Extremes. Forbear resenting Injuries so much as you think they deserve.

  10. Cleanliness: Tolerate no Uncleanness in Body, Clothes or Habitation.

  11. Tranquility: Be not disturbed at Trifles, or at Accidents common or unavoidable.

  12. Chastity: Rarely use Venery but for Health or Offspring; Never to Dullness, Weakness, or the Injury of your own or another's Peace or Reputation.

  13. Humility: Imitate Jesus and Socrates.

Dear God: It's me, the Dog

Thanks to Paula M.

Dear God: Is it on purpose that Our

Names are spelled the same, only in reverse?

Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers,

But seldom, if ever, smell one another?

Dear God: When we get to Heaven, can we sit

On your couch? Or will it be the same old story?

Dear God: Why are there cars named after

The jaguar, the cougar, the mustang,

The colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE

Named for a Dog? How often do you

See a cougar riding around? We love a nice car

Ride! Would it be so hard to rename

The 'Chrysler Eagle' the 'Chrysler Beagle'?

Dear God: If a Dog barks his head off

In the forest and no human hears him,

Is he still a bad Dog?

Dear God: We Dogs can understand human

Verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles,

Horns, clickers, beepers, scent IDs,

Electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee

Flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God: More meatballs,

Less spaghetti, please.

Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven?

If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God: Here is a list of

Just some of the things I must remember

To be a good Dog:

1. I will not eat the cat's food before he eats

It or after he throws it up.

2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish,

Crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.

4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.

5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's

Underwear when he's on the toilet.

7. Sticking my nose into someone's

Crotch is an unacceptable way of saying 'hello'.

8. I don't need to suddenly stand

Straight up when I'm under the coffee table.

9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before

Entering the house - not after.

10. I will not come in from outside,

And immediately drag my butt across the carpet.

11. I will not sit in the middle of the living

Room, and lick my crotch.

12. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy',

So when I play with him and he makes that noise,

it's usually not a good thing.

P.S. Dear God:

When I get to Heaven,

May I have my testicles back?

Changing a wheel in Saudi

Thanks to Mark E.

To receive the weekly link to the latest Sunday Family humour,

send an email to dgwest7@gmail.com

saying subscribe Sunday Family Humour.

No costs, nothing else needed. Welcome and thank you.

Trouble Naming The Boat

Thanks to Ray O'.

Trouble Naming The Boat

I Love My Job

Thanks to Connie

Bob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana

He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs.

Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister.

She then sent it to radio station 103 .5 on FM dial in

Indiana, who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest.

Needless to say, she won.

Read his letter below..

Hi Sue,

Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother.

Last week I had a bad day at the office.

I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realise it's not so bad after all.

Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job.

As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office.

It's a wet suit.

This time of year the water is quite cool, so what we do to keep warm is this:

We have a diesel powered industrial water heater.

This $20,000.00 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose.

Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints.

What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working,

is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wet suit.

This floods my whole suit with warm water.

It's like working in a Jacuzzi.

Everything was going well until, all of a sudden, my butt started to itch.

So, of course, I scratched it

This only made things worse.

Within a few seconds my ass started to burn.

I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done.

In agony I realised what had happened.

The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit.

Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it, however, the crack of my ass was not as fortunate.

When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my ass.

I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator.

His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically.

Needless to say, I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three agonising in-water decompression stops totalling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression.

When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet.

As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber.

The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't shit for two days because my ass was swollen shut.

So, next time you're having a bad day at work,

think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your ass.

Now repeat to yourself, 'I love my job, I love my job, I love my job.'

Whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish bad day?

May you NEVER have a jellyfish bad day! !!!!

A Dog And His Dolphin

Thanks to Paula M.

Under The Red Sea

Thanks to Murray S.

Red_Sea_Under_Water1

Did you Enjoy This Page?

Please click +1