Sunday Family Humour 26th October Page 2

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour

Physics of Government

Thanks to David H.

Scientists at CERN in Geneva have announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science.

The new element is Governmentium ( Gv ).

It has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lefton-like particles called peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons or protons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.

A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction normally taking less than a second to take from four days to four years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2-6 years. It does not decay but instead undergoes a reorganisation in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganisation will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.

When catalysed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons. All of the money is consumed in the exchange, and no other by-products are produced.

A Few Words of Advice to Help You Along

Thanks to Peter H.

Sometimes it seems our lives are built from little rules and plans we make for ourselves.

What we want, what we're afraid of, and what drives us forward.

These issues are easier to navigate with a few words of wisdom and advice,

to help you along that convoluted path life always seem to take us on.

Dancing Traffic Light

Thanks to Unslave Me

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Food For The Soul

Thanks to Ray O'.

Food For The Soul

The Gift of Time

Thanks to Paula M.

“EACH MORNING WE AWAKEN WITH THE GIFT OF TIME.”

Imagine that you had won the following Prize in a contest:

Each morning your bank would deposit $86,400 in your private account for your use.

However, the prize comes with rules.

Here they are.

1. Everything that you don’t spend during each day would be taken away from you.

2. You may not simply transfer money into some other account.

3. You may only spend it.

4. Each morning upon awakening, the bank opens your account with another $86,400 for that day.

5. The bank can end the game without warning and at any time.

The bank can close the account and you will not receive a new one.

What would you personally do?

Here’s an educated guess.

You would likely buy everything you ever wanted.

Not only for yourself, but for all the people you love and care for.

You’d likely even buy things for people you didn't know because you couldn't possibly spend all the money on yourself.

You would likely try to spend every penny and use it all,

because you’d know that it would be replenished the next morning.

Well, this game is “ACTUALLY” real!

Each one of us is already the winner of this prize. Most people just can't seem to see it.

The prize is TIME.

Each morning we awaken to receive 86,400 seconds as a gift of life.

When we go to sleep at night, any remaining time is not credited to us.

What we haven't used up that day is forever lost.

Yesterday is forever gone.

Each morning the account is refilled but the bank can dissolve your account at any time without warning.

The question is what will you do with your 86,400 seconds?

These seconds are worth so much more than the same amount in dollars.

Think about it and remember to enjoy every second of your life, because time races by so much quicker than you think.

Take care of yourself, be happy, love deeply and enjoy life!

Be content with what you have, rejoice in the way things are.

When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you. – Lao Tzu

Smart first graders

Thanks to Carol P.

Clever, logical first graders!---YOU HAVE 20 SECONDS

There is a reason why the question shown below, from a Hong Kong elementary school test, is making the rounds on the internet. Most adults can't solve it – not for want of math skills, but because most of them have lost the child's ability of unconventional thinking. Instead, they have acquired the debilitating unwillingness to try a different perspective. Look closely.

The answer to the problem is provided at the bottom, but before you give up, here are some clues.

This problem is not mathematical, but rather philosophical. It proves that, in spite of what the modern "progressive" philosophers tell us, not all viewpoints are equally valid; in most cases, there is only one point of view that leads to the right answer

+++++ (actually, it's optical not philosophical) ++++++++ forget the "clue"

If you're still unsure about the answer, see below.

6 Cs to Avoid in Life

Thanks to Peter H.

Everyone one wants to stay happy in life but only small fraction of people put efforts on the factors which can bring happiness. Some factors are required to work on and some factors to be avoided... In this article 6 factors are discussed which are recommended to be avoided in order to achieve extreme heights of happiness and peace of mind.

Cursing:

Cursing is opposite of blessing which means the one who curses is away from blessing. Both cursing and blessing are indirectly proportional to each other. The more you curse people the more you make yourself away from them and also from the blessings of Almighty. Control your thoughts to control your tongue. Daily audit at the end of each day will help improve your habit of cursing. This will improve your mental health and strengthen your inner powers.

Complaining:

Your complaining attitude reduces your social circle. When you start complaining about circumstances, about people around you and so on, you give up your energies to strive and eventually you weaken your relations with others and also lose your grip on your goals. This act degrades you in your social group and eventually you lose respect. Try speaking positive or stay silent.

Criticizing:

While healthy criticism helps improve things but most of the time you criticize with no clear positive intention. The more you criticize this way, the more you pollute your own mind and build up negative powers which back fires in terms of added stress due to negativity. Also criticizing is an indication that you are not part of solutions instead you are part of problems. So if you would like to live a happy life then no negative criticism please.

Complicating

Mind your own business. If you can't help don't complicate their problems. Don't confuse people by raising complicated questions. Speak up only if you have a positive advice and neat intention. Remember, giving advice is a matter of honesty so put yourself in others' shoes; listen empathically and then advice in the best interest of your companion.

Conspiring

This is one of the extreme ethical crimes I can think of. You conspire when you plan secretly (alone or with others) against someone to do something which is harmful and unlawful. In the court of humanity this is a punishable act and nature always takes revenge form you for the things you do against humanity.

Corrupting:

Corruption is a phenomenon of moral or economical deviation from the ideal. Corruption is a world-wide social disease which has spread like jungle fire and impacting millions of lives every day consequently polluting every society. May it be financial corruption, Ethical corruption or Relationship corruption, it is consistently polluting societies and families. The more you earn with illicit acts the more you push yourself away from the state of contentment. Illegal acts always have reaction exactly equal or more than the magnitude of the actions you do.

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