Sunday Family Humour 18th January

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour

British Humour

Thanks to Bryan W.

Paddy decides to take up boxing and goes for the required medical. A few days later the doctor ‘phones and says “Paddy, you realise you’ve got sugar diabetes.”

Paddy says, “Nice one, when do I fight him ?”

It was hard getting over my addiction to the Hokey Cokey. But I’ve turned myself around and that’s what it’s all about.

A Muslim bloke I work with was bragging he had the entire Koran on DVD. Being interested, I asked him to burn me a copy. Well, that’s when it all kicked off !

Little boy gets home from school and says "Dad, I've got a part in the school play as a man who's been married for 25 years.” His Dad replies "Never mind Son. Maybe next time you'll get a speaking part !!!"

A dwarf goes to a very good but very busy doctor and asks "I know you are busy but do you treat dwarves ?” The doctor replies "Yes, but you will have to be a little patient".

Police have just released details of a new drug craze that is being carried out in Yorkshire nightclubs. Apparently, Yorkshireclub goers have started injecting Ecstasy just above their front teeth. Police say the dangerous practice is called "e by gum"

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A Yorkshire man takes his cat to the vet.

Yorkshireman: "Ayup, lad, I need to talk to thee about me cat."

Vet: "Is it a tom ?"

Yorkshireman: "Nay, I've browt it with uz."

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A Yorkshireman's dog dies and as it was a favourite pet he decides to have a gold statue made by a jeweller to remember the dog by.

Yorkshireman: "Can tha mek us a gold statue of yon dog ?"

Jeweller: "Do you want it 18 carat ?"

Yorkshireman: "No I want it chewin' a bone yer daft bugger !"

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The last is always best Bloke from Barnsley with piles asks chemist

"Nah then lad, does tha sell arse cream ?"

Chemist replies "Aye, Magnum or Cornetto ?"

Air New Zealand

Epic Safety Video

Thanks to David H.

Fascinating Polish Salt Mines

Thanks to John C.

Poland Salt Mines

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Life's Truisms

Thanks to Spike

We never get what we want,

We never want what we get,

We never have what we like,

We never like what we have.

And still we live & love.

That's life...

The best kind of friends,

are the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with,

Never say a word,

And then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.

It's true that we don't know

What we've got until it's gone,

But it's also true that we don't know

What we've been missing until it arrives.

Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they'll love you back!

Don't expect love in return;

Just wait for it to grow in their heart,

But if it doesn't, be content it grew in yours.

It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone,

An hour to like someone,

And a day to love someone,

But it takes a lifetime to forget someone.

Don't go for looks; they can deceive.

Don't go for wealth; even that fades away.

Go for someone who makes you smile,

Because it takes only a smile to

Make a dark day seem bright.

Find the one that makes your heart smile!

May you have

Enough happiness to make you sweet,

Enough trials to make you strong,

Enough sorrow to keep you human,

And enough hope to make you happy

Always put yourself in others' shoes.

If you feel that it hurts you,

It probably hurts the other person, too.

The happiest of people

Don't necessarily have the best of everything;

They just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

Happiness comes to

Those who cry,

Those who hurt,

Those who have searched,

And those who have tried,

For only they can appreciate the importance of people

Who have touched their lives.

When you were born, you were crying

And everyone around you was smiling.

Live your life so that when you die,

You're the one who is smiling

And everyone around you is crying.

Forward to those people who mean something to you,

To those who have touched your life in one way or another,

To those who make you smile when you really need it,

To those that make you see the brighter side of things When you are really down,

To those who you want to know

That you appreciate their friendship

Polish Airlines Flash Mob

Thanks to David H.

Made To Suit

Thanks to Ray O'.

A man who'd just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, black suit.

The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.

The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the Blonde mortician a blank check and says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.'

The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly...

She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied.. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful.. How much did you spend?'

To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check.

'There's no charge,' she says.

'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!' she says.

'Honestly, ma'am,' the blonde says, 'it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.'

'So I just switched the heads.'

(BET YOU DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING!!!)

Driving in India

Thanks to Tony H.

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