Sunday Family Humour 4th January Page 2

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour

Daftland

Thanks to David H.

We live in a country called Daftland

The England we knew is no more

Where sensible people do ludicrous things

Or risk breaking some Daftland law.

In Daftland we've police dogs with muzzles

Less the villain has cause to complain

And to steal from a shop and say 'sorry'

Means your free with no stain to your name.

You had better leave lights on in buildings

When you lock up and go home at night

'cause the burglars might hurt themselves entering

And there's no way you'll be in the right.

When speaking be wary in Daftland

As some terms that you've used all your life

Now have connotations unintended

And you'll end up in all sorts of strife.

We elect politicians in Daftland

To give us the laws of the land

Yet eight laws in ten now come from abroad

The whole thing has got out of hand.

The borders are open in Daftland

And of migrants there's no keeping track

Just a few of the thousands illegally here

Will ever be caught and sent back.

The exception to this is the hero

Who fought for this land in the war

He's old and he's sick, he might cost us a bit

So he's not welcome here any more.

When the history is written of Daftland

Historians may just recall

That the craziest people in Daftland

Were the public who put up with it all.

Work harder; millions on benefits depend on your taxes!

Save the Earth... it's the only planet with chocolate!!!!!

“Foreign aid is taking money from the poor people of a rich country and

giving it to the rich people of a poor country.”

Cool Pictures

Thanks to Paula M..

Cool Pictures

Need A Good Laugh (Dave Allen)

Thanks to Paul S.

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Motivational

Thanks to David H.

What a homeless person does given $100

Thanks to John K.

Jewish Proverbs

Thanks to David H.

If the rich could hire other people to die for them,

the poor could make a wonderful living.

Yiddish Proverb

The wise man, even when he holds his tongue,

says more than the fool when he speaks .

Yiddish Proverb

What you don't see with your eyes,

don't invent with your mouth.

Yiddish proverb

A hero is someone who can keep his mouth shut

when he is right.

Yiddish Proverb

One old friend is better than two new ones.

Yiddish Proverb

One of life's greatest mysteries is how the boy who wasn't

good enough to marry your daughter can be the father

of the smartest grandchild in the world.

Jewish Proverb

A wise man hears one word and understands two.

Yiddish Proverb

"Don't be so humble -

you are not that great."

Golda Meir (1898-1978) to a visiting diplomat

Any intelligent fool can make things bigger and more complex.

It takes a touch of genius - and a lot of courage

to move in the opposite direction.

Albert Einstein

Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance,

you must keep moving.

Albert Einstein

Intellectuals solve problems;

geniuses prevent them.

Albert Einstein

You can't control the wind, but you

can adjust your sails.

Yiddish proverb

I don't want to become immortal through my work.

I want to become Immortal through not dying.

Woody Allen

Imagination is more important than knowledge.

Sign hanging in Einstein's office at Princeton .

We can't solve problems by using the same kind

of thinking we used when we created them .

Albert Einstein

Elephant Clears Rubbish

Thanks to Unslave Me

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