Sunday Family Humour 28th September

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour

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The Confessional

 
An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini Italy, went to
the local church for confession.


When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said:
"Father, during World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our
neighbourhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the
Nazis. So I hid her in my attic."
The priest replied: "That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no
need to confess that."
"There is more to tell, Father. She started to repay me with sexual
favours. This happened several times a week, and sometimes twice on
Sundays."
The priest said, "That was a long time ago and by doing what you did, you
placed the two of you in great danger, but two people under those
circumstances can easily succumb to the weakness of the flesh. However, if
you are truly sorry for your actions,you are indeed forgiven."
"Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind.. I do have one more
question."
"And what is that?" asked the priest.
"Should I tell her the war is over?''


Let Sleeping Dogs Lie

Thanks To Lee

Let Sleeping Dogs Lie




 Manure, what you maybe didn't know

 
Thanks to Tony H.
shit 1

Manure... An interesting fact

 
 
Manure : In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything had to be transported by ship and it was also before the invention of commercial fertilizers, so large shipments of manure were quite common.
shit 2

 
It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet, but once water (at sea) hit it, not only did it become heavier, but the process of fermentation began again, of which a by-product is methane gas of course.

As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles you can see what could (and did) happen. Methane began to build up below decks and the first time someone came below at night with a lantern, BOOM!

shit 3

Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was determined just what was happening

 
After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped with the instruction ' Stow high in transit ' on them, which meant for the sailors to stow it high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this volatile cargo and start the production of methane.

shit 4


Thus evolved the term ' S.H.I.T ', (Stow High In Transit which has come down through the centuries and is in use to this very day.

You probably did not know the true history of this word.

Neither did I.

I had always thought it was a golf term


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Grandson of slaves

Thanks to Ray O'.
A Grandson of slaves, a boy, was born in a poor neighbourhood of New Orleans known as the "Back of Town."
  His father abandoned the family when the child was an infant, His mother became a prostitute and the boy and his sister had to live with their grandmother.
 
Early in life he proved to be gifted for music and with three other kids he sang in the streets of New Orleans. His first gains were the coins that were thrown to them.
 
A Jewish family, Karnofsky, who had immigrated from Lithuania to the USA had pity for the 7-year-old boy and brought him into their home. Initially given 'work' in the house, to feed this hungry child. There he remained and slept in this Jewish families home where, for the first time in his life he was treated with kindness and tenderness.
 
When he went to bed, Mrs. Karnovsky sang him a Russian Lullaby that he would sing with her.
Later, he learned to sing and play several Russian and Jewish songs. Over time, this boy became the adopted son of this family. The Karnofskys gave him money to buy his first musical instrument; as well the custom in the Jewish families. They sincerely admired his musical talent. 
Later, when he became professional musician and composer, he used these Jewish melodies in compositions, such as St. James Infirmary and Go Down Moses.
 
The little black boy grew up and wrote a book about this Jewish family who had adopted him in 1907. In memory of this family and until the end of his life, he wore a star of David and said that in this family he had learned "how to live real life and determination.” 
You might recognize his name.
 
This little boy was called Louis "Satchmo" Armstrong.
 
Louis Armstrong proudly spoke fluent Yiddish!
 


Two businessmen in a shopping mall

Thanks to Lee

Two businessmen in a shopping mall..... 
Business men 1

were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be-open new shop. 
Business men 2

As yet, the shop wasn't ready. 
Only a few shelves set up but they were not stocked.  
Business men 3

One said to the other,  i'll
bet any minute now some old foggy pensioner  
is going to walk by, put their face to the window,  
and ask what we're selling."
 
No sooner were the words out of his mouth  
when, sure enough, a curious old woman walked to the window,  
had a peek, and in a soft voice asked,  

"What are you selling here?"  

One of the men replied sarcastically,  
"We're selling idiots." 
Business men 4

Without skipping a beat, the old dear said,  
Must be doing well,  Only two left!."
 
Lesson here:
 
Don't mess with old people ! ! !


Not A Word Was Spoken

Thanks to Lee

Never A Word Was Spoken



A Note for the Engineer

Thanks to Kathy K

His wife left a note for him to prepare dinner that evening: 
 
Shepherds Pie needs to be taken out of the fridge and placed in the oven at 140 degrees.

 

engineers note



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