Sunday Family Humour 20th July Page 2
Sunday Family Humour 20th July Page 2
Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour
Post Tortoise
Thanks to Connie
An elderly farmer was in the Emergency Ward having stitches put in his hand, due to an accident with a piece of machinery.
The doctor carrying out the procedure struck up a conversation with the old man, and eventually the topic got around to Politicians and their role as our leaders.
The old farmer said, "Well, you know, most Politicians are 'Post Tortoises'.''
Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him, what a 'Post Tortoise' was?
The old farmer said, "When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a tortoise balanced on top, that's a post tortoise."
The old farmer, seeing the puzzled look on the doctor's face, continued to explain…
"You know he didn't get up there by himself, he doesn't belong up there, he doesn't know what to do while he's up there, he's elevated beyond his ability to function, and you just wonder what kind of dumb ass put him up there to begin with."
.........Best explanation I've heard yet !!!!!
Totally Cool Video
Thanks to David M.
Senior Humour
Thanks to Paula M.
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Food for thought
Thanks to Chris
A doctor was addressing a large audience in Oxford...
"The material we put into our stomachs should have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.
Red meat is full of steroids and dye. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High trans-fat diets can be disastrous and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and most of us have, or will eat it.
Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"
After several seconds of quiet, a 70-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, "Wedding Cake."
An interesting evening out
Thanks to David M.
Cooks With Too Much Time On Their Hands
Thanks to Paula M.
Is Sex Work?
Thanks to David M.
A U.S. Marine Colonel was about to start the morning briefing to his
staff.
While waiting for the coffee machine to finish brewing, the colonel
decided to pose a question to all assembled.
He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and
he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep.
He posed the question of just how much of sex was "work" and how much
of it was "pleasure?"
A Major chimed in with 75%-25% in favor of work.
A Captain said it was 50%-50%.
A lieutenant responded with 25%-75% in favor of pleasure, depending
upon his state of inebriation at the time.
There being no consensus, the colonel turned to the PFC who was in
charge of making the coffee and asked for HIS opinion.
Without any hesitation, the young PFC responded, "Sir, it has to be
100% pleasure.
The colonel was surprised and as you might guess, asked why?
"Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have
me doing it for them."
The room fell silent.
God Bless the enlisted man.
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