Sunday Family Humour 6th July
Sunday Family Humour 6th July
Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour
Puns for the Educated
Thanks to Ray O'.
1. King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the Euphrates , the most valuable diamond in the ancient world.
Desperate, he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan.
Croesus said, "I'll give you 100,000 dinars for it." " But I paid a million dinars for it," the King protested. "Don't you know who I am? I am the King!"
Croesus replied, "When you wish to pawn a star, makes no difference who you are."
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2. Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers. Unfortunately, all the Swiss League records were destroyed in a fire. . . . and so we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.
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3. A man rushed into a busy doctor's surgery and shouted, "Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!"
The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just have to be a little patient."
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4. An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine man.
After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin strip of elk rawhide and gave it to the chief, telling him to bite off, chew, and swallow one inch of the leather every day.
After a month, the medicine man returned to see how the chief was feeling. The chief shrugged and said, "The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."
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5. A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining to the local civic official, who apologized profusely saying, "I must have taken Leif off my census."
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6. There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin, one slept on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin.
All three became pregnant.
The first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys.
This just goes to prove that... the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.
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7. A skeptical anthropologist was cataloguing South American folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal elder who indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation.
When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the elder looked him in the eye and said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these, you don't need enemas."
TAKING DOWN THE BIRD FEEDER
Thanks to Paula M.
Leave it to Maxine to come up with a solution for the mess that America/Canada/Australia is now in economically.
I bought a bird feeder. I hung it on my back porch and filled it
with seed. What a beauty of a bird feeder it was, as I filled it
lovingly with seed.
Within a week we had hundreds of birds taking advantage of the
continuous flow of free and easily accessible food.
But then the birds started building nests in the boards
of the patio, above the table, and next to the barbecue.
Then came the poop. It was everywhere: on the patio tile,
the chairs, the table . everywhere!
Then some of the birds turned mean. They would
dive bomb me and try to peck me even though I had
fed them out of my own pocket.
And others birds were boisterous and loud. They
sat on the feeder and squawked and screamed at
all hours of the day and night and demanded that I fill it
when it got low on food.
After a while, I couldn't even sit on my own back porch
any more.. So I took down the bird feeder and in three days
the birds were gone. I cleaned up their mess and took down
the many nests they had built all over the patio.
Soon, the back yard was like it used to be ....... quiet, serene....
and no one demanding their rights to a free meal.
Now let's see...... Our government gives out
free food, subsidized housing, free medical care and free
education, and allows anyone born here to be an automatic citizen.
Then the illegals came by the tens of thousands. Suddenly
our taxes went up to pay for free services; small apartments
are housing 5 families; you have to wait 6 hours to be seen
by an emergency room doctor; Your child's second grade class is
behind other schools because over half the class doesn't speak English.
Corn Flakes now come in a bilingual box; I have to
'press one ' to hear my bank talk to me in English, and
people waving flags other than ”ours” are squawking and screaming
in the streets, demanding more rights and free liberties.
Just my opinion, but maybe it's time for the government
to take down the bird feeder.
If you agree, pass it on; if not, just continue cleaning up the poop!
The Real Lord Of the Ring
Taipei City, Taiwan's famous street
performer, "The Real Lord of The Ring,"
Isaac Hou blows our minds with his
amazing Cyr wheel performance.
There are records of people using a
similar apparatus as far back as the
19th century, as a circus skill but it
has really taken off in popularity in
the 21st century.
This looks like so much fun!
(Video: 4 minutes):
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