Sunday Family Humour 20th July
Sunday Family Humour 20th July
Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour
Definite definitions
Thanks to David H.
CIGARETTE: A pinch of tobacco Rolled in paper With fire at one end And a fool at the other!
MARRIAGE: It's an agreement Wherein A man loses his bachelor’s degree
And a woman gains her masters
LECTURE: An art of transmitting Information From the notes of the lecturer
To the notes of students Without passing through the minds of either
CONFERENCE: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present
COMPROMISE: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes
he got the biggest piece
TEARS: The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine water-power!
CONFERENCE ROOM: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on
ECSTASY: A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before
CLASSIC: A book which people praise, but never read
SMILE: A curve that can set a lot of things straight!
OFFICE: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life
YAWN: The only time when some married men ever get to open their mouth
EXPERIENCE: The name men give to their mistakes
DIPLOMAT: A person who tells you to go to hell
in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip
OPTIMIST: A person who while falling from EIFFEL TOWER Says in midway
"SEE I AM NOT INJURED YET!"
MISER: A person wWho lives poor so that he can die RICH!
FATHER: A banker pProvided by Nature
BOSS: Someone Who is early when you are late and late when you are early
POLITICIAN: One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence later
A Video Everyone Needs To See
Thanks to David M.
Good Advice and Beautiful Birds
Thanks to Paula M.
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A Little Poem, so true it hurts!
Thanks to Paul S.
Another year has passed
And we're all a little older.
Last summer felt hotter
And winter seems much colder.
There was a time not long ago
When life was quite a blast.
Now I fully understand
About 'Living in the Past'
We used to go to weddings,
Football games and lunches..
Now we go to funeral homes
And after-funeral brunches.
We used to have hangovers,
From parties that were gay.
Now we suffer body aches
And wile the night away.
We used to go out dining,
And couldn't get our fill.
Now we ask for doggie bags,
Come home and take a pill.
We used to often travel
To places near and far.
Now we get sore asses
From riding in the car.
We used to go to nightclubs
And drink a little booze.
Now we stay home at night
And watch the evening news.
That, my friend is how life is,
And now my tale is told.
So, enjoy each day and live it up...
Before you're too damned old!
Cooking Secrets By Ma
Thanks to Paula M.
To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes
Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix. Keeps in the pantry for up to a year.
When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.
Go to the bakery! Hell, they'll even decorate it for you!
Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.
Celery? Never heard of it!
Cure for headaches: take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink! All your pains go away!
Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.
Leftover wine??????? HELLO!!!!!!
French Alps
Thanks to Lee
25 reasons to not ride the bus
Thanks to David H.
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