Sunday Family Humour 20th July

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour

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Definite definitions

Thanks to David H.

CIGARETTE:   A pinch of tobacco  Rolled in paper  With fire at one end  And a fool at the other! 

MARRIAGE:
  It's an agreement  Wherein  A man loses his bachelor’s degree 
And a woman gains her masters 


LECTURE:
  An art of transmitting Information  From the notes of the lecturer 
To the notes of students  Without passing through the minds  of either 


CONFERENCE:
  The confusion of one man  multiplied by the  number present 

COMPROMISE:
  The art of dividing  a cake in such a way that  everybody believes 
he got the biggest piece 


TEARS:
  The hydraulic force by which  masculine will power is  defeated by feminine water-power! 

CONFERENCE ROOM:
  A place where everybody talks, nobody listens  and everybody disagrees later on 

ECSTASY:
  A feeling when you feel  you are going to feel  a feeling  you have never felt before 

CLASSIC:
  A book  which people praise,  but never read 

SMILE:
  A curve  that can set  a lot of things straight!  

OFFICE:   A place  where you can relax  after your strenuous  home life 

YAWN:
  The only time  when some married men  ever get to open  their mouth 

EXPERIENCE:
  The name  men give  to their  mistakes 

DIPLOMAT:
  A person  who tells you  to go to hell 
in such a way  that you actually look forward  to the trip 


OPTIMIST:
  A person  who while falling  from EIFFEL TOWER  Says in midway 
"SEE I AM NOT INJURED YET!" 


MISER:
  A person  wWho lives poor  so that  he can die RICH! 

FATHER:
  A banker  pProvided by  Nature 

BOSS:
  Someone  Who is early  when you are late  and late  when you are early 

POLITICIAN:
  One who  shakes your hand  before elections  and your confidence  later 

 

A Video Everyone Needs To See

Thanks to David M.

‎Video everyone needs to see



Good Advice and Beautiful Birds

Thanks to Paula M.

 
Good Advice 1
   
Good Advice 2

 
Good Advice 3
   
Good Advice 4

 
Good Advice 5
   
Good Advice 6

 
Good Advice 7
   
Good Advice 8

 
Good Advice 9
   
Good Advice 10

 
Good Advice 11
   
Good Advice 12

 
Good Advice 13
   
Good Advice 14

 
Good Advice 15
   
Good Advice 16

 
Good Advice 17
   



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A Little Poem, so true it hurts!

Thanks to Paul S.
TRue

Another year has passed
And we're all a little older.
Last summer felt hotter
And winter seems much colder.
 
There was a time not long ago
When life was quite a blast.
Now I fully understand
About 'Living in the Past'
 
We used to go to weddings,
Football games and lunches..
Now we go to funeral homes
And after-funeral brunches.
 
We used to have hangovers,
From parties that were gay.
Now we suffer body aches
And wile the night away.
 
We used to go out dining,
And couldn't get our fill.
Now we ask for doggie bags,
Come home and take a pill.
 
We used to often travel
To places near and far.
Now we get sore asses
From riding in the car.
 
We used to go to nightclubs
And drink a little booze.
Now we stay home at night
And watch the evening news.
 
That, my friend is how life is,
And now my tale is told.
So, enjoy each day and live it up...
Before you're too damned old!


Cooking Secrets By Ma

Thanks to Paula M.

 
Maxine 1
To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes

   
Maxine2
Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix. Keeps in the pantry for up to a year.
 
Maxine 1
When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.
   
Maxine2

Go to the bakery! Hell, they'll even decorate it for you!
 
Maxine 1
Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.
   

Maxine2
Celery? Never heard of it!

 
Maxine 1
Cure for headaches: take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
   
Maxine2
Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink! All your pains go away!
 
Maxine 1
Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.
   
Maxine2
Leftover wine??????? HELLO!!!!!!



French Alps

Thanks to Lee

French Alps



25 reasons to not ride the bus

Thanks to David H.

25 reasons to not ride the bus



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