Sunday Family Humour 24th August Page 2

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour

Old Tombstones

Thanks to Alex S.

Some fascinating things on old tombstones!

Harry Edsel Smith of Albany , New York :

Born 1903--Died 1942.

Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the

car was on the way down. It was.

=============================

In a Thurmont, Maryland , cemetery:

Here lies an Atheist, all dressed up

and no place to go.

=============================

On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in

East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia:

Here lies Ezekial Aikle, Age 102.

Only the good die young.

=============================

In a London , England cemetery:

Here lies Ann Mann, who lived an old maid

but died an old Mann. Dec. 8, 1767

=============================

In a Ribbesford, England , cemetery:

Anna Wallace

The children of Israel wanted bread,

And the Lord sent them manna.

Clark Wallace wanted a wife,

And the Devil sent him Anna.

===============================

In a Ruidoso, New Mexico , cemetery:

Here lies Johnny Yeast.

Pardon him for not rising.

===============================

In a Uniontown, Pennsylvania , cemetery:

Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake,

Stepped on the gas instead of the brake.

==============================

In a Silver City , Nevada , cemetery:

Here lays The Kid,

We planted him raw.

He was quick on the trigger,

But slow on the draw.

================================

A lawyer's epitaph in England :

Sir John Strange.

Here lies an honest lawyer,

and that is Strange.

=================================

John Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne,

England , cemetery:

Reader, if cash thou art in want of any,

Dig 6 feet deep and thou wilt find a Penny.

==================================

In a cemetery in Hartscombe , England :

On the 22nd of June, Jonathan Fiddle went out of tune.

==================================

Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls ,

Vermont :

Here lies the body of our Anna,

Done to death by a banana.

It wasn't the fruit that laid her low,

But the skin of the thing that made her go.

==================================

On a grave from the 1880s in Nantucket ,

Massachusetts :

Under the sod and under the trees,

Lies the body of Jonathan Pease.

He is not here, there's only the pod,

Pease shelled out and went to God.

==================================

In a cemetery in England :

Remember man, as you walk by,

As you are now, so once was I.

As I am now, so shall you be,

Remember this and follow me.

To which someone replied by writing on the tombstone:

To follow you I'll not consent,

Until I know which way you went.

Recycled Cars and Bikes

Thanks to David H.

Crazy Circle Illusion!

Thanks to Ray O'

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Artist Who Recovers Everything

Thanks to Steven B.

The Artist Who Recovers and Paints Everything

Seventeen Staircases

Thanks to Paula M.

San Francisco, California

Valparaiso, Chile

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Valparaiso, Chile

Seoul, South Korea

Wuppertal, Germany

Sicily, Italy

Rio de Janeiro, Brazil

Beirut, Lebanon

Seoul, South Korea

Stairs of Peace in Syria

Rio de Janeiro, Brazil

Angers, France

Istanbul, Turkey

Morlaix, France

Tehran, Iran

Beirut, Lebanon

Cute Posters

Thanks to Eleanor S.

Short Stories

Thanks to Lee

1. Today, when I slipped on the wet tile floor a boy in a wheelchair caught me before I slammed my head on the ground. He said,“Believe it or not, that's almost exactly how I injured my back 3 years ago.”

2. Today, my father told me, “Just go for it and give it a try!

You don't have to be a professional to build a successful product.

Amateurs started Google and Apple. Professionals built the Titanic.”

3. Today, I asked my mentor – a very successful business man in his 70's– what his top 3 tips are for success.

He smiled and said,

“Read something no one else is reading, think something no one else is thinking, and do something no one else is doing.”

4. Today, I interviewed my grandmother for part of a research paper I'm working on for my Psychology class.

When I asked her to define success in her own words, she said,

“Success is when you look back at your life and the memories make you smile.”\

5. I am blind by birth. When I was 8 years old, I wanted to play baseball. I asked my father-

"Dad, can I play baseball?"

He said "You'll never know until you try."

When I was a teenager, I asked him, -

"Dad can I become a surgeon?".

He replied "Son, you'll never know until you try"

Today after my own successful sight restoration surgery, I am a surgeon, just because I tried!

6. Today, after a 72 hour shift at the fire station, a woman ran up to me at the grocery store and gave me a hug.

When I tensed up, she realized I didn't recognize her.

She let go with tears of joy in her eyes and the most sincere smile and said,

“On 9-11-2001, you carried me out of the World Trade Center.”

7. Today, after I watched my dog get run over by a car, I sat on the side of the road holding him and crying.

And just before he died, he licked the tears off my face.

8. Today at 7AM, I woke up feeling ill, but decided I needed the money, so I went into work.

At 3PM I got laid off. On my drive home I got a flat tire.

When I went into the trunk for the spare, it was flat too.

A man in a BMW pulled over, gave me a ride, we chatted, and then he offered me a job.

I start tomorrow.

9. Today, as my father, three brothers, and two sisters stood around my mother's hospital bed, my mother uttered her last coherent words before she died. She simply said, “I feel so loved right now.

We should have gotten together like this more often.”

10. Today, I kissed my dad on the forehead as he passed away in a small hospital bed.

About 5 seconds after he passed, I realized it was the first time I had given him a kiss since I was a little boy

11. Today, in the cutest voice, my 8-year-old daughter asked me to start recycling.

I chuckled and asked, “Why?”

She replied, “So you can help me save the planet.”

I chuckled again and asked, “And why do you want to save the planet?”

“Because that's where I keep all my stuff,” she said.

12. Today, when I witnessed a 27-year-old breast cancer patient laughing hysterically at her 2-year-old daughter's antics, I suddenly realized that I need to stop complaining about my life and start celebrating it again.

13. Today, a boy in a wheelchair saw me desperately struggling on crutches with my broken leg and offered to carry my backpack and books for me. He helped me all the way across campus to my class and as he was leaving he said,

“I hope you feel better soon.”

14. Today, I was traveling in Kenya and I met a refugee from Zimbabwe.

He said he hadn't eaten anything in over 3 days and looked extremely skinny and unhealthy.

Then my friend offered him the rest of the sandwich he was eating.

The first thing the man said was, “We can share it.”

The best sermons are lived; not preached!

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