From childhood on we are told that hard work is the main ingredient in every recipe for success. But the difference in effort that distinguishes hard work from laziness and overworking yourself is never clarified. Further, as we grow older and gather more experiences, our standards for ourselves change with what we learn. Whether it be realizing the amount of work that we put forth in the past was too little or we realize that we have worked too hard for too long: somehow we need to lessen the pressure.

Since I discovered the term Valedictorian in fifth grade, my standards for myself increased exponentially. In middle school I was first introduced to regents exams and to the experience of having a final exam shown on my high school transcript. I received an 81 on my Algebra 1 Regents exam and was proud of myself for passing. I also discovered the meaning of an academic award and how great it felt to have my hard-work acknowledged. In the ninth grade I put more pressure on myself to succeed. Low 90s did not cut it for me anymore, my new goal was to have a 97 average. For my Geometry regents I studied continuously and did not allow myself any time to unwind. I received a 93 and was disappointed for not doing better.

Sophomore year, I kicked it into high gear. I cut out all time for hanging out and relaxing. I studied for hours after school and told myself that if I did not receive a perfect average my hard work was for nothing. After every test I would come home and sob uncontrollably from the fear of failing, yet every time I would receive great scores. I put immense pressure on myself.

Then out of the blue, we went into lockdown. Suddenly the amount of effort I put into assignments meant nothing. All I needed to do was pass. We had no examinations, no presentations, no regents exams, and our AP Tests became jokes. I discovered what it meant to be lazy.

Junior year followed. Again, the worries. I had to worry about college, my SAT scores, my ACT scores, and AP Exams all while relearning how to study and apply myself to my school work. But I could not for the life of me put in the work. I lost all my motivation and experienced severe burnout. It was so frustrating because I felt as though I was losing the only thing about me that differentiated me from others, my academic drive. I suddenly was not excited about life or my future and lost myself completely. When I was finished with the year, I felt as though I could reward myself with socialization. I started to hangout with friends more and focus on other aspects of my life. I discovered that my life did not have to revolve around academics.

Senior year began and I realized in order for me to be happy I had to find a balance. I started putting less pressure on myself to be at the top of every class and began spending more time nurturing my other interests like piano, physical health, and friendship. Through finding this balance, and alleviating pressure, academic success became worth the amount of effort I put in, instead of feeling like a small reward for too much work and stress.

So, as the Valedictorian of my class, I learned not to spend endless hours studying and cramming just so that I could receive a perfect score. I learned not to punish myself when I do less than exceptional on an exam or to cut myself out from all social fun. Going forward, I intend to not only study, but to take time and discover the excitement in life. What is the point of achievement if it is a chore, rather than a pleasure?