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2022-2023 Articles

Carbonated.Com Shrouds EMS in Mystery

HERE

BY KYLA GUEST

East Holds First (and last) School Dance

HERE

BY THE PLASTICS

Mr. Hansen, The Lost Hanson Brother

HERE

BY THE PLASTICS

Mr. Bietz is Addicted to Maf

HERE

BY MAX RYAN and THE 505

Mr. Carei Buys a Clone off The Dark Web

HERE

BY MAX RYAN

The Saga of the Missing Lil Summy

HERE

BY MYA MARTIN AND MALLORY MCGREGOR

Mr. Bolotin's Secrets

HERE

BY LEO ZHU

Shallot Kid Sent to a "Special Place" After Too Many Weird Ideas

HERE

BY MARSHAL MILLER

Mr. Moreno Revolts Against His Old Ban, Creates a New One

HERE

BY MALLORY MCGREGOR, TAYLOR GLOVER,

and KARLIE TEMPLE

Reactions at East Mixed After News of School Closure

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BY BECKETT CARLTON

The Sweet Sounds of Spring Break

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BY LEIA ROBINSON AND ABBEY BUSCHHORN

Stanfield's Classroom Economy Collapses After News of School Closure

HERE

BY THE PLASTICS

District 51 to Convert East to District Area 51

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BY LEO ZHU

East Saved by Tiny Plastic Babies

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BY LEIA ROBINSON AND ABBEY BUSCHHORN

East to be Converted into Human Baby Farm

NAME

BY KYLA GUEST

Mrs. Flohr Recognized by The FBI; School Goes Wild

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BY MAX RYAN

The Demographer Guy

HERE

BY TRYSTAN GRADY

School Closure: Are Low Birth Rates the Reason Why?

HERE

BY TAYLOR GLOVER

An Experiment Gone Down the Drain

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BY KARLIE TEMPLE and MADISON OTTE

The Cringiest Word is Cringe

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BY JASMINE HILL

Banned Band Books

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BY THE PLASTICS

Mr. Carei Wins in Cards Against Humanity, Carei is Fired

HERE

BY THE 505

Sixth Grade Challenge Illegally Smuggles Rubber Ducks into East Middle School

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BY RYKER WALL

Mr. Bolotin's Gardening Class Taken Over by Carnivorous Plants

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BY JASMINE HILL

Mr. Bietz Outed as a Cheesist

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BY MAX RYAN and THE 505

The Threat that Lurks at East

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BY KYLA GUEST

Mrs. Rath Consulted about her Addiction to Plants

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BY ADDISON CHAMBERS AND AVA TALLEY

Entire World Confused When the Answer to Every Problem to Ever Exist is “Your Mom”

HERE

BY THE 505

Our Ancient Ancestors are Coming Back From the Dead to Complain About the Shallot

HERE

BY LILY AND CLAIRE

Stanfield's Accidental Mafia Experience

HERE

BY THE PLASTICS (Lily, Claire, Leia, and Abbey)

A Day in the Life of a New Kid. #FreeJose

HERE

BY MAX RYAN

Honor Choir Auditions Spiral Out of Control as Flash Mob Ensues

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BY LEIGH TRIVETT

Petition for Harrison Rogers to get Dr.Phil Haircut ends in Disaster When he gets Sued by Dr.Phil

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BY KYLA GUEST

Redlands Spies Infiltrate Yearbook: Has the Rivalry Gone Too Far?

HERE

BY LEIGH TRIVETT

Sixth Graders Addicted to Gambling After Educational Jeopardy: Is Mr. Hansen to Blame?

HERE

BY KYLA GUEST

Grammarly Launches New Social Media Platform

HERE

BY LILY AND CLAIRE

Local 8th grade challenge student gets lost on camping trip and serenades cacti, just like her role model

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BY LEIGH TRIVETT

Mr.Carei May Actually be Iconic Harry Potter Character Albus Dumbledore Gone Rogue

HERE

BY LEIGH TRIVETT

Secret Coffee Meetings Between Teachers Take a Bizarre Turn

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BY TEAGAN WEATHERLY

Boys Basketball Game Scheduled for Ballroom League, All Mr. Bolotin's Fault

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BY JASMINE HILL

EMS Bananas Field Trip Causes War over Acquired Toys

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BY KYLA GUEST

Mr. Jackson Wears Crocs for the First Time

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BY TAYLOR GLOVER

Chuck and Hucks Attempt Flight

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BY JAMIE SOMERVILLE

Mystery of the B Building Bathroom Closure Solved

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BY CANTON MOSELEY AND LEO ZHU

6th Grade Pencil Mastermind Uncovered After Freak Incident Ends in Hospital

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BY KYLA GUEST

Local Teacher Rekopnickg Steals the Food of Students who Misspell His Name

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BY TEAGAN WEATHERLY

Mr. Carei Sees Irony in Ironing

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BY JASMINE HILL

Mr. Somerville’s Stuffed Animals Have Gained Sentience, According to Mr.Hansen Who Claims He's Not Crazy

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BY LEIGH TRIVETT

Mr. Thomas Travels the World to find New Staff

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BY JAMIE SOMERVILLE

Mr. Jackson Loses Birkenstocks on River Trip

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BY LILY HOFFMAN AND CLAIRE GRIFFIN

8th Graders Molecularly Indistinguishable From Kindergartners

HERE

BY MAX RYAN AND 505

Elongated Furby Found in the Walls of EMS

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BY MAX RYAN AND 505

Roenicke Looking Sus Holding Orange Bucket After Longest Lockdown Ever

HERE

BY SHALLOT STAFF

Mr. Stanfield Found Not Guilty By Tribunal

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BY LEIGH TRIVETT

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