8th Graders Becoming Molecularly Indistinguishable From Kindergartners

8th graders almost molecularly indistinguishable from kindergarteners. Recent studies have been run by two experts, Dr. Florida Conner and Dr. Max Ryan, and the situations have gotten worse, they say. Another newsletter will be released to the public soon.

As Dr. Ryan explains, “The whatshouldwenameit gene in 8th grader’s DNA is almost a perfect match to that of kindergarten students. Not to mention the Urmom tetrahydride and Lit Ratio genes have practically no difference between them. The only true difference between the two is that the Slayoxide molecule only seems to get smaller in each growing specimen. Clearly this is very worrying, as studies have shown that Slayoxide is one of the few things that keep one sane after hundreds of years a day scrolling through TikTok. However, somehow, this has managed to shrink because of so much use. This points to one thing for certain, 8th graders are not very slay. We will be running more tests on the matter as it becomes a growing problem. More students have been interviewed since this incident, including a 7th grader that has witnessed a first hand account of what experts are now calling ‘8th kinders.’ “It was one of the scariest things I've ever seen. To think that 7th graders are becoming more mature than the top of the food chain students is sad to think about.” However scary, we carry on.

As more studies are being done, the genetic defect seems to get worse. Just 2 days ago, an 8th grader in 3rd block Science was being dealt with in a childlike way to make them stop throwing a tantrum, including threatening to take away toys. Mr. Bolotin was shocked by the behavior, but wasn't super surprised by the action because he was so much a part of the studies that he was never mentioned. “8th kinders are absolutely wilding my guy, it's not very lit, cuh. Nahgunnalie, I think it's lowkey mid but highkey cringe lol XD. I had to fuhreal take away a fart gun in 2nd block it was cringe cringe” Mr. Bolotin also said much more but this reporter was cringing so hard they ceased to exist. Suspicions are now rising that Mr. Bolotin also has this genetic defect, seeing as he talks exactly as the ones with the genes do, though, that’s a story for another day.

As the situation gets worse, more updates will be released. As far as we know, there is no cure.