Mr. Bolotin's Secrets

Biden, Trump, and Pence were all found with classified documents in their homes. These documents contained everything from information about nuclear arms to information about the NSA, FBI, and CIA. However, as the FBI conducted their investigation into Biden’s house, they saw what was described as, “a white beat up van” that was smoking out of its doors. Authorities quickly defused the situation and investigated the van as well, finding more classified information. The information did not belong to Biden, however, but it belonged to Mr. Bolotin of East Middle School.

Although Mr. Bolotin was rumored to be a lizard as a joke, the documents revealed that Bolotin actually was a lizard, and that he was a spy for them. In the paper labeled, “Espionage”, it stated, “There are 59 spies working for us. They are teachers, pilots, and normal jobs. Our best spies are called Mr. Bolotin (spy #43) and Mark Zuckerberg (spy #12).” 

Secondly, Bolotin made several deals with Mark Zuckerberg, also rumored to be a lizard person. These deals included: the shipping of weaponized worms to insurgents in Paraguay, private data from Facebook users, and the shipment of worms immune to bleach and other worm-killing chemicals. 

Lastly, Bolotin used a shell company to commit tax fraud, and money laundering. The documents revealed that over the period of 4 years, Bolotin avoided taxes and laundered over a million dollars. This could explain why he has a money system in his classroom.

“WormPoopGate” as it was called, showed that Bolotin laundered over a million dollars for his worm poop business as well as his money system. He had a lot of experience in the industry, being called the “Elon Musk '' of the business. Bolotin achieved this by creating a business in Africa called, “Bolo Lolo”, who sold and distributed weaponized worms across the continent like Nigeria, Central African Republic, and Ethiopia. He then put that money from his African business into a wire account located in the Cayman Islands. Lastly, he laundered the money from the account to his worm poop business in the United States. 

These Weaponized Worms do not kill someone, but kills their morale. When the worms gets fired at someone, they won’t die but they will emit a strong fart and feces odor. The Worms are most effective when they are dropped from a plane at a convoy or military base. Not only does that drops everybody’s morale, but other soldiers will hate them too.

Like Elon Musk, Bolotin has also created his own cryptocurrency called WormPoopCoin. WormPoopCoin is currently valued at 0.000000001 cents. 8th grader Henry Phillips gave his thoughts on the cryptocurrency, “I have invested in many different crypto before, like BitCoin and DogeCoin. However, I see a large potential in WormPoopCoin. I think it will value up to $1,000,000. I have also bought the WormPoop NFTs and joined the WormPoop metaverse."
Mr. Bolotin denied any involvement in the secret society stating, “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I would never work for a lizard. I would never launder money.” The interview was abruptly interrupted by a radio sound speaking another language, and not from East Middle School. Bolotin then ordered the immediate exit of our interviewer. Bolotin has been ordered to testify before Congress in the next months to get information about the worm poop business.