The Saga of the Missing Lil Summy

In Mr. Somerville’s room at East Middle School there once was a little man who lived on a ruler. He was a very loyal friend who kept watch over the class when we have reason to believe that he was ABDUCTED. Missing posters had been put up, and he was described as having, “Brown hair, steely eyes, notable glare, Canadian tuxedo, and impossibly handsome.” His family of the Summys were very concerned. When interviewed, his younger brother, Lil’er Summy, stated, “Even though he was lil’, his presence was large.” The rest of the family includes, ‘Yung Summy,’ ‘Gucci Summy’, and ‘Big Lil’ Summy’. They all searched desperately for their beloved family member. But the question still remains. Who is the one to blame for Lil Summy’s disappearance?

Most seventh graders think Mr. Roenicke is the prime suspect. Known for having a grudge against Mr. Somerville and trying to kidnap him. Many think that he stole Lil Summy so he could take along to his new school since he won’t have the real version. When given the opportunity to defend himself, Roenicke states, “I would never kidnap Mr. Somerville or Lil Summy, I’m not a Little Caesar!” After hearing this, many think that Mr. Roenicke needs to be taken hostage in his rival ELA class, Mr. Somervile’s ELA class. 

Meanwhile the Yearbook is staying quiet about the missing Lil Summy. Everyone knows that Yearbook and the Shallot got beef, but that’s no reason not to help Mr. Somerville in this country-closing crisis. 

Since the initial publication of this story the Shallot has received new information exonerating the Yearbook club, for now at least. Following the appearance of a ransom now, Mr. Somerville left the money and staked out the scene. Out of the shadows appeared a person who took the money and ran without giving Lil’ Summy back. Mr. Somerville was devastated and doubled his attempt to find his dearest friend. He made an exchange: a hostage named Little Elias for Lil Summy (Little Elias isn’t worthy of the word lil’). Many believe that the kid was paid off Mr. Renokies Ceasers bucks, but with Lil Summy safe on his ruler with the other Summies, everyone is calming down and quickly forgetting the disappearance of our dear Lil’ Summy.