Mr. Bietz Outed as a Cheesist

On the 7th of Chedderary, our grumpy 8th grade math teacher Mr. Beitz was outed as a cheesist, someone whose diet only consists of cheese, specifically from Wisconsin, whatever that is (I’m surprised he isn’t Swiss). Unfortunately, apparently being from “Wisconsin” is not very gouda for your health. However, shocking news takes hold of EMS that despite being from the cheesiest place with the cheesiest jokes, he is still prov-alone. But this isn’t the most shocking.

The most surprising part about all of this is that Mr. Beitz is lactose intolerant. Unfortunately, this also isn’t very gouda (That’s what chee-sed), because Mr. Beitz still brie-lieves that he is still able to eat cheese without and terrible side effects. He is not, unfortunately, able to eat cheese if he wants to feel grate. We wish him the best on his depression, brought on by not being able to eat cheese comfortably. Mr Beitz- cheddar days are coming.

Here in the Shallot, though, we understand that this seems swiss-picious. After all, if he’s living on cloud 9 with Colby and Jack, why is he so grumpy? It's because he’s lactose intolerant. But that's nacho business.