Local British Man Jamie Somerville has recently found the answer to the meaning of life itself; thus also answering every question asked in millions of years. One student quotes, “It’s the most important discovery in history! I can’t believe that such a small, boring town had such a genius in it, just like a Wattpad fanfiction!”

“The answer to every question” Mr. Somerville replies to a student's question on Twitter, “Is entirely simple, young chap. In fact, it is so elementary, i could hardly fit this into my shhhecChdual!” Well, clearly this discovery has given him an ego. But rightfully so, as he was so very kind to answer everyone’s burning question, what really was his answer?

As time went on, he slowly descended into madness, talking about it on Twitter so much that Elon Musk attempted to ban him. Unfortunately, a week later, Mr. Somerville tweeted again, because Elon apparently likes Mr. Somerville’s wild theories. This time he had come back with the answer we had all been waiting for. “The answer to every question, problem, and idea is…”

The entire world, at this point, was on the edge of its seat, praying for an answer before the FBI took him for study. We all wanted to know. Was it a math problem? Obviously not with Mr. Somerville. Maybe a long paragraph of confusing words? What the heck was so amazing that it was classified as an answer to everything ever? And how could it be so? At this point, it had been a long, long year of waiting. Aka the time it takes to finish one page of math homework.

After another long minute (three years in Twitter time), he posted this incredible quote, that people have assumed to be his final response.

“ur mom.”

Immediately afterwards, the Somerville home was raided, yielding a bag of hazelnuts, a cat named Gus, and Mr. Britishfied Jamie Somerville himself.