Mr. Carei Buys a Clone off the Dark Web?!!

We all know and almost love the mop-headed 8th grade social studies teacher Mr. Carei, and we know that he makes decisions that aren’t the most wonderful and sane. But, the most recent decision that we found out about made us question his sanity just a little bit more than any of us originally thought was even necessary. He tried to buy a clone of himself off of the dark web.

How did he get access to this weird part of the internet? No one has any idea, and I don’t think anyone wants to know. the Shallot hired investigators to inspect his computer and his belongings. From his internet search history, it seems that at first he was trying to find a new pet that was safe for kids, because apparently no other actual animal literally anywhere would be safe for Rowen so he had to go to the weirdest, creepiest, most unhinged part of the internet to find something safe. But then, an ad came up that said a perfect clone could be made of him if only a hint of his DNA was sent into a lab somewhere that only the people running that operation knows. So, like the most stable and orderly teacher he is, you would think that we would skip over the ad and keep looking for- pets, eEe. But, no. he is not right in the head or orderly, so he jumped at the opportunity to have a partner to take over the world with instead of potentially putting his child in danger because we all know those weren’t actual pets. Seems like an okay tradeoff right?

Well, he got his clone. Unfortunately, it had the same personality, same face, same looks, everything….. But the hair. They cut his luscious, wonderful, absolutely amazing, astounding, stunning, staggering, breathtaking, wondrous hair. Even though that was the sample he sent in, a sample of this hair, but the clone showed up bald. Carei was flabbergasted, hornswoggled, dumbfounded, even. After wasting all of his money, putting in his credit card information, and giving these people his address, he was very disappointed with the result (but I mean like, this is the dark web. Everything is going to look incredibly cursed). It was now his life’s mission to destroy this abomination. 

He tried hammers, lawn mowers, a flamethrower or two, and a lot of other things that can’t be said because then this article will get demonetized. But, nothing would work. Until a brilliantly insane idea metamorphosed in his almost smooth brain. He would sell it to one of the crazy Carei fangirls.

He put the clone up on eBay and set the starting price for one cent. One of the fangirls found this clone within mere minutes, and racked the price up to $100,000 (1. How did you get that money? 2. No one else was even going for it, you could have gotten your mans for a penny. 3. He has very low standards if he would sell himself for a single cent). After this crazy girl had put in her mom’s credit card information, the clone was shipped off to her house and never to be seen again. We don’t want to or need to know what that girl did with that clone, and it’s kind of creepy to think about. It’s not Carei’s or our problem anymore.

-This is Max Ryan, signing off on another strange story.