The Demographer Guy

In the past few weeks the East Middle School community has been introduced to a new supervillain of sorts. This man goes by the name of “The Demographer Guy.” The Demographer guy's special power is weaponizing math into sadness. While this doesn’t seem like an unbelievable task, nobody does it as well as The Demographer Guy. But who is this man? The Shallot launched an investigation.

He is a Demographer Guy by day. But by night, he is The Demographer Guy. This persona has been hidden from the public by hundreds of his small yellow helpers in human costumes, making sure he keeps his mouth shut and does not reveal his real plans. During the day, he runs around stating random facts in the middle of conversations with people. He always carries around a briefcase, loaded with things he needs like his calculator, loads of books, and, of course, an abnormally long fake nose he puts on when night falls. We think he believes this disguises himself, but we are not completely sure because he is the one that went to college. 

Now, to get to the real story. According to anonymous sources around Grand Junction, he has been seen sleuthing around the local college campus. These sources even say they spotted him ordering a meal at Mcdonalds. They also mentioned that they caught one of the yellow creatures that follows him, but we are unsure if this is factual. Another thing that our sources have found is that he does not seem to go to a house at night. Instead, they have spied on him in places like the middle of Stocker Stadium, a dumpster in the back of Walmart, and the park in front of East Middle School. Although it appears he does not have a place he resides, our trackers have sometimes lost him. We think he goes somewhere to figure out better reasons to shut East down. 

Although he moves around a lot, we have discovered a possible location of one of his past research sights. We only think this because there were very precise blueprints lying around the floor with “Property of The Demographer Guy” written on the back. The strange thing about these blueprints is that they show East with an underground bunker. In the middle of this bunker is what seems to be a laser. But, we can not be sure about this because he labeled it as “Moon Go Boom Boom Machine”. 

We have been keeping a very close watch on him from then on, and it appears that these plans were written by him. Every time East is mentioned in a conversation, even in front of other professionals, he smiles mischievously and mutters “Moon go.. Boom boom”. So, there is a lot of evidence stacked against him about him having different plans for East.  Despite this, he still manages to keep up a professional act in front of his colleagues. This is the part that has us confused. He is either acting crazy and leaving us clues behind to be funny, or, he is truly The Demographer Guy that will continue to haunt D51 until the board decides what is best. Just keep in mind these facts about him when you are listening to his other reasons for closing East.