Mystery of the B Building Bathroom Closure Solved

One of the great mysteries of the 2022/2023 school years has been the closing of the B building bathrooms. East Middle School Cheetahs have demanded information on the closure of the bathrooms, so the Shallot launched an investigation. Initial assumptions were that the closure was based on a social media trend known as “devious licks.” This TikTok trend spread like wildfire over the country. Students would steal objects from their schools and post a video of it on tik tok or other social media sites. This could be anything from sinks, soap dispensers, and fire alarms. This led to a new trend of kids doing inappropriate things in public places and posting it on social media.

Early in the school year a group of students who wished to not be identified made an attempt at a devious lick with the sink. The prank unfortunately didn’t gain much traction on Tiktok, because let's be honest, making videos in the bathroom is weird. However Mr. Thomas still managed to catch wind based on his incredible diligence on Social Media. When asked about said diligence Mr Thomas responded, “It's not that I actually like Tiktok, I mean some of it's funny, I just watch it 8 hours a day to catch bad guys, you know?”

What Mr. Thomas discovered was unbelievable. What appeared to be graffiti in the background turned out to be a freshly written petroglyph that said “Sekor,” alongside what appeared to be culturally relevant symbols. As it turned out, this all represented a nation of people known as “Sekor Nation.” A tribe of tiny people who live in bathroom walls.

But who are the Sekor people? What do they look like, what are they into? Why are they here? And why did they choose to present themselves now? The Sekors survived in the walls of the bathroom feeding only on apples that were thrown at the toilets. They had been in the walls for 3 years and their parents thought they were abducted by aliens. They stank so much, the flies tried to fly away from them actively.

We were able to obtain an interview with the Sekor spokesperson weeks after their discovery. He said, “Living in the walls was actually not that bad, we fed on apples that tasted a bit funny and slept on the floor with the others. However the gossiping we overheard was getting bland. It's always the same people and the same thing.” He also talked about how the fights were disturbing their peace and silence in the bathrooms. This, plus the fact their apple supply was decreasing, led them to venture out of the walls into being caught.

All this led East Middle School to launch a private investigation into the incident, leading to the closing of the bathroom temporarily. Some say it was because of the recent appearance of apples in the bathroom, or the recent fights. But we now know that the B Building Bathrooms have been closed due to the space being designated by President Biden as a National Monument dedicated to the Indigenous Sekor People.