Roenicke Looking Sus Holding Orange Bucket After Lockdown

This week at East Middle School, students were subjected to the longest lockdown drill in the history of public education. For over an hour, students sat in a worried boredom wondering what could be going on outside to cause such an extended lockdown. Was there a bear on campus? A cockroach infestation? Was a Redlands kid trying to infiltrate a class taking IA’s so that they gain access to secrets of our academic success? Days later we still don’t know. But shortly after the students were released to the next period, the reasons for the lockdown stopped being the biggest concern for the students.

“Why was Mr. Roenicke standing out in the hall holding his orange bucket?!” Asked an 8th grader. For the newly initiated, the orange bucket is the emergency bathroom, to be used only under the most dire circumstances. To this point there are no documented instances of such a worst case scenario.

“Mr. Roenicke had that look in his eye standing there. You know the look, the one he gives either after he just gave a kid lunch detention for not knowing who Bob Dylan is, or he just ‘had a meeting about a thing with a guy in a place’ kinda look,” said a worried 8th grader who hadn’t seen that look in two years.

Concerns grew further when an entire stack of orange buckets was later seen in the 7th grade hallway. At this point the Shallot has too many questions, but we will be investigating further. Or probably not. Not all questions need to be answered. You’re welcome.