Mr. Hansen, The Lost Hanson Brother

After recently listening to a lost song from his favorite band, our leader Mr. Somerville has discovered something shocking. Mr. Hansen, banana and basketball crazed Social Studies teacher was found to have been the lost Hanson brother. 

The band Hanson blew up back in Mr. Somerville’s day, nobody knows why, but Mr. Somerville was a screaming fan girl who idolized them and had a cardboard cutout of each member. After spending 10 years worth of his teacher salary on a lost tape of the band, Mr. Somerville discovered that his colleague had been one of the brothers. “The verbal abuse  Mr. Hansen received from his older brothers was truly sad, but what was even sadder was his lack of Kazoo ability.” 

According to an old newspaper article from 1827 Mr. Hansen played the kazoo in the band, but because he was so awful at it, his brothers kicked him out of the band and used their fortune to get diamond toilettes. After that heartbreak Hansen turned to a different kind of music, death metal. He started another band called Han-Sin. He played his soul out to prove to his brothers that he had talent. His first concert was a smashing success, The crowd literally came up and smashed every musical instrument on the stage and all needed to go to therapy afterwards. Mr. Hansen stomped his kazoo into pieces to officially move on from his past. His brothers saw his performance and decided to disown him as a disgrace. He then changed his name in court legally to Hansen, dyed his hair to “burnt sienna ''(which includes hints of hazelnut and almond) and got facial reconstruction . The last step was moving on to a profession that corrupts more people each year than the music industry, teaching. While Hansen has renounced the ways of the Boy Band, some students rumor to hear him playing “taps” on his kazoo after school hours.