Stanfield's Classroom Economy Collapses after School Closure Announcement

As of late, pandemonium has struck the classroom economy of none other than beloved Social Studies teacher, Brandon Stanfield. It is a widely known fact that Mr. Stanfield begins his economics unit every 4th quarter and introduces the most valuable of resources known to the 7th grade: Stanbucks (not to be confused with Starbucks). But with the new school closure, many students have become quite stressed and acquired an obsession with the new StanBucks. Kids have been blackmailing, stealing, and bribing Stanfield for this currency and it has been very successful. In fact the Federal Reserve is out of money. 

Children aren't spending money, nor are they putting it in the banks. They are just stacking it up, smelling it, staring at it, petting it, and talking to it, this is the only therapy available to most of them after the recent closures, some of them are just plain crazy. The children have been neglecting to pay rent, taxes, and electrical bills.

Another problem that has led to the downfall of the economy is the Bolotin bucks that have been mixed into the circulation (or lack thereof) of the “play” money that children have become weirdly obsessed with. Mr. Bolotin wanted to become more popular with the youth, and he saw how Mr. Stanfield was so popular, his lunch table had a line of people waiting to sit down. But the student’s did not react the way Mr. Bolotin was hoping. They realized that he was just a copycat, and the students began chanting at him “Copycat! Copycat!” Mr. Bolotin then started eating his lunch in the bathroom stalls.

The jobs in Mr. Stanfield’s room (attendance person, timer person, six-minute-observer, and substitute) have been on strike just “because.” According to Jago Rallphf, Mr. Stanfield’s class just doesn’t run as smoothly without these jobs. “But what’s the point? We only have a few more months in this school and this class will disintegrate before our very eyes.”
“This currency isn’t even real!” says a sixth grade critic. The fight that broke out afterwards was unimaginable. It’s almost like these seventh graders value fake currency more than anything else. One of the rioters even said, “We value this currency more than anything else!” “It gives us comfort in a hard time” Says another StanBucks believer.

Mr. Stanfield, in a panic, has resorted to bribing students with Takis to get what little money he can back. So far the mouth watering smell has made 2 students break down and hand in a total of 3000 StanBucks. Now that Mr. Stanfield has 3,000 StanBucks he joined the other students in their rituals of stacking the money  up, smelling it, staring at it, petting it, and talking to it. Whilst the current economic problems haven't been solved many find that by stacking their money up, smelling it, staring at it, petting it, and talking to it they can find a little bit of peace.