East Holds First (and last) School Dance

As a last hurrah, East Middle School decided to throw the first and last school dance of the year. After many teasers of a dance, they finally decided to go through with it. Everyone was looking forward to hearing the latest Kids Bop hits! The song that everyone was most excited for was “About Darn Time” by Ozzil. The hottest DJ for middle school dances was showing up for the event, DJ Yo’ Clock NoteBook. “Am I happy with my life choices? No. But do I get paid to do the same thing Spotify does? Yes, so all of y’all who decided to come teach these delinquents for half of what I make in a year made the wrong choice.” Said DJ Yo’ Clock NoteBook.

 Many of EMS high society and royalty were rumored to show up at the dance, “I heard Jago Thoron is going to show up! He is the essence of 6th grade!” said one squealing 8th grader. Many of his fans were devastated to find out he went to board games instead.

Everyone bought expensive prom and homecoming dresses, but as predicted by SDS (School Dance Statistics) most decided at the last minute to wear a hoodie and pajama pants instead.

CNN 10 even did a 10/10 story about this dance. Specifically when one student spelled out “Dance?” with milk on the lunchroom floor. The recipient of the dance-proposal just squealed and ran away to tell all her friends who were vaping in the bathroom. Like all middle-schoolers, this 7th grader has no social awareness and came back to the lunchroom ten minutes later to accept the invitation. 

When the actual dance did happen the only “couple” that danced was Moreno and a bass from the orchestra room. Ms. Daigle played the rager everyone had been waiting for, Burnt Crusty Bread, as a finale. “It was a very exciting end to an overall mid no cap dance. The snow cones were bussin’ though”. Said Trixie May. 

Many were disappointed that they only had half of the gym because the Rec League Cricket team were practicing for they’re game against the Roaches. “It felt wrong to watch Crickets play basketball, but I'm going to the game against the Roaches. It’s gonna be the game of a lifetime.” said one homeschooled kid who showed up to watch the Cricket team practice.

Over all 78% of students said they had been put off of going to dances for the rest of their middle school career.