Mr. Bietz is Addicted to Maf

Mr. Beitz is a strong man. Even stronger as he’s going through the worst addiction of all. Maf. Maf is one of the worst drugs out there, combining so many different numbers and stuff none of us understand and will probably never ever understand or use, he’s been teaching it to us anyway so we can get addicted to it as well as him, so we can all go in his room and talk about this awful thing like it’s good for us.

And we’ve already lost people to this drug. Jaymon (Jaimon? Jaemoesoen? I dunno) in 4th period, Loooke, as well as Benbug Franklin, Cinnamon, Buggie, Bluejay, Nova, Brooklyn, Oliver, Elfie, Firefly, Corona, the list goes on and on. And it's so addicting that even the teachers are lining up by the decimal. They’ll even do Maf in class, on the playground, even in the lunchroom, like animals. Like the animals they turn into after doing Maf, they run around encouraging us to turn into animals and do Maf with them. (is this why the teachers act the way they do?) The worst part of all, the peer pressure one another into doing Maf, otherwise you aren’t anyone’s favorite teacher anymore. They do this to the kids as well, threatening that it’s the ‘universal language’ and ‘very important.’

But it's so addicting, especially when it's shoved in your face day and night, school and home, every teacher wants you to do it, all. the. time. And Mr. Beitz is the worst about it. Legend has it that he even uses math in the bedroom. (for measuring his bed, creep)

The unfortunate thing about this whole Maf thing is that it can never be stopped. It’s already infected the 6th and 7th graders as well, taking over every classroom and being used everywhere, even where it shouldn’t be used, like at lunch or something, or in ELA for that matter. This whole Maf thing needs to thtop, it's not good for anyone and no one likes or wants to do it.

Thank goodness, though, some stay sane, and some are still true to ELA. Somerville protects these people with a passion. He’s conducting a rehabilitation program for those that have been exposed to Maf for an extended amount of time. Those who are too far gone to be saved, however, he shuns from his classroom, as he is deathly allergic to Maf.