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Marketing Critics Prefer Arby’s “Good Mood Food” Campaign Over “I’m Thinkin’ Arby’s”
Advertisement aficionados everywhere breathed a huge sigh of relief when Arby’s launched their current “It’s good mood food” campaign.
“The main problem with the previous [I’m Thinkin’ Arby’s] campaign,” said marketing guru Bill Witherhaven, “was that Arby’s took a pseudo-colloquial phrase and made it drab and awkward. McDonald’s did basically the same thing with their ‘I’m lovin’ it’ campaign, but Arby’s managed to make theirs boring and self-consciously cavalier in their attempt to sound lax, loose, and ultracasual. McDonald’s can get away with cringe-worthy, in-your-face affectations because of the juggernaut that they are, but Arby’s just sounded like a middle-aged dad wearing his pants too high trying to sound relevant to his kids—they just couldn’t pull it off.”
On the other hand, most critics praise Arby’s new campaign as “fresh, original, and innovative.”
“They seem to have found their voice, and they sound comfortable with who they are and what they have to offer,” said longtime fast-food marketing critic Neil Lepe. “They no longer sound as though they are reaching for something that they are not—it is as though they are daring us to eat their food and not feel good about it. Where Arby’s unabashedly and openly claims that patrons of their restaurants will feel better about themselves after eating the thousands of calories in their delicious signature roast beef sandwiches and one-of-a-kind curly fries, other companies would have tried to weave such a suggestion more subtly into their message. Arby’s says in their new campaign, essentially, ‘Go big or go home’—and it works.”
Arby’s new campaign has struck a chord with its customers, too. When the bottom line is all that matters at the end of the day, Arby’s can feel confident by the recent spike in business and profits that their gamble has paid off and their marketing teams are effective.
“One bit of proof,” points out Lepe, “is in the catchiness test. Just try to go the rest of the day without humming the tune after reading this: It’s good mood food! It’s good mood food! It’s good mood food! It’s good mood food! It’s good mood food! It’s good mood food!”
-The Editors
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Man Discovers Meaning Of Life While Staring At Stain On Ceiling
Sunrise Manor, Nev.— Pendleton Altenhofen achieved serendipitous nirvana when things in his world began to quickly fall into place and make perfect sense to him.
Altenhofen claims he was lying on his couch in his two-bedroom adobe home when his eyes found the water stain on his living room ceiling as they so often do. “I just had the roof retiled two years ago because it leaked before that, and I just haven’t gotten around to fixing that stain,” said a completely limpid and tranquil Altenhofen.
It is a good thing for Altenhofen that he did not fix the stain, for it was staring at that stain that led him to his new heightened awareness. “Suddenly everything just made sense,” said Altenhofen. “All of my fears, worries, and inhibitions just melted away, and I became one with the life-energy of the universe.”
Altenhofen remained dodgy about what the actual meaning of life that he discovered was, but he said that the shape of the stain was what gave him his initial clue, and upon further meditation of the stain he was able to reconcile all fears and assumed evils with the peace of tranquility.
For the time being, Altenhofen plans to leave the mar and allow pilgrims to view the sacred ceiling stain while on his couch “as they spend a period of personal meditation and reflection for a nominal fee.”
-The Editors
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“Frothy” Used As Modifier Of Nondairy Item
Scottsbluff, Neb.— Maxwell Chiarotti’s recent comments describing a swamp as “frothy” rocked his small community.
“It was like someone punched me in the stomach,” said local news anchor Chet Stevens. “I was completely blindsided by his use of the word.”
Stevens claimed he had never heard the word used in any context other than describing milk or other dairy products and claimed that the audacious, heedless manner in which Chiarotti “bandied the expression about” was “reckless, tasteless, and scandalizing.”
Allegations of elementary school children using the word with abandon to describe toilets, sinks, and pudding cups have begun surfacing in and around the community, and officials fear the improper usage of the word will continue to grow momentum, infecting surrounding cities and townships with “the shame of Scottsbluff.”
Meanwhile, city leaders have taken radical measures to curb the uninhibited usage of the word by attaching steep fines to its use with anything nondairy. So far, the popularity of the polysyllable has not wavered and continues to grow.
-The Editors
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Friends Fear Woman May Make Good On Threats To Harm Kittens, Puppies, Bunnies
Skokie, Ill.— Although Tabitha Stiefez has been idly threatening to punch, drown, and otherwise abuse only the cutest of God’s creation in her fits of passionate rage, friends believe she may be on the brink of a catastrophic follow through and are taking no chances with neighborhood pets.
Stiefez’s friends describe her as “prone to angry, volatile fits in which the very sight of anything cuddly, soft, and cute will drive her to hysteria.” So far, allege Stiefez’s closest acquaintances, there have been no actual acts of violence—only the threats of them. Some believe that Stiefez uses the threats as a way to vent her feelings and release her anger in a safe, hilarious way, but others believe that one of these days, her threat that she is “so mad [she] could punch a kitten” will actually be followed by her balled-up fist meeting a cute, cuddly, fluffy ball of fur.
“As unlikely as it seems,” said a close friend and confidant of Stiefez who wished to remain anonymous, “should she actually follow through with an act of terror against a kitten or bunny, the repercussions could be disastrous.”
Friends say Stiefez had to be physically led from a birthday party when a hired actor in a dog costume began making cute animals out of balloons for the children. “She started turning purple with rage, pacing the kitchen while breathing like a dragon, and balling and unballing her fists,” recalled a friend. “It really could have gotten ugly.”
So far Stiefez has harmed no fuzzy creatures, but friends are caught in a sort of catch-22 in which they can do nothing about her threats until she actually follows through with one—at which time, they believe, the damage could be irreparable.
-The Editors
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Busy Busy Baby Finds Satisfaction, Sense Of Purpose In Activity Table
Warren, Mich.— Little Lincoln Gelberman, a spunky, active ten-month-old baby who enjoys Toy Story toys, anything round and bouncy, and a good bowel movement, takes his time on his activity table very seriously.
Gelberman received his activity table from his paternal grandmother and enjoys the music, noises, and festive expressions he elicits from the table as he hits random buttons while wearing a serious look of concentration.
In the past several months, Gelberman has begun using the table more frequently thanks to his increasing dexterity and improving ability to pull himself up to stand at the table. While Gelberman’s attention span is short, his parents allege that his activity table is able to command his attention the longest of any of his toys. Occasionally Gelberman will release a squeal of delight as he pounds buttons and shapes and watches them light up; depending on his level of sleepiness, however, he is sometimes just as likely to erupt into spontaneous and somewhat forced crying until someone comes to swoop him up and show him attention.
All in all, agree his parents, the activity table is great way for their little abundance of exuberance to release some of his never-ending ebullience in a safe, stimulating way.
-The Editors
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Couple With Structured Settlement Doesn’t Need Cash Now, Spurns JG Wentworth
Mishawaka, Ind.— Samantha and William Billigmeier have a structured settlement but are willing to wait for their cash.
The Billigmeiers first saw the JG Wentworth ads several years ago in which people of various races, ethnicities, and acting abilities would burst their heads out windows and shout, as if to the trees, “It’s my money, and I want it now!” The Billigmeiers followed the ad campaign, which culminated with an elaborate opera, but realized as the opera singers bellowed the line, “I have a structured settlement, but I need cash now!” that they were in no immediate need of cash and were perfectly able and willing to receive the structured settlement on the set schedule.
As a result, the Billigmeiers did not call JG Wentworth by dialing 877-CASH NOW, and they soon began giving the commercials only passing attention.
While the Billigmeiers foresee no need of employing the financial services company to purchase their settlement payout, they did admit that the tune was catchy and that JG Wentworth would probably be the first company they thought of should they ever become cash strapped and need their money now.
-The Editors
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