Non-GMO-ers, Anti-Vaxxers Bored After Rest of Population Dies Out

‘Even though we’ve been completely vindicated, preaching our superior ways somehow isn’t as satisfying when there’s no one left to feel superior to.’

Natural Paradise, New Earth—Wearing ethereal, shimmering white gowns, sporting pointed ears, and glowing slightly, the highly-advanced humans now residing on earth have begun emitting telepathic rumblings of boredom and disillusionment after all their predictions came true and the rest of the earthlings died off after failing to heed the warnings about the dangers of deadly vaccinations and pernicious GMOs.

While some scientists among what many are referring to as “humans 2.0” or simply “the reasonable ones” continue to stubbornly deny the obvious and maintain obstinately that “correlation doesn’t equal causation,” and “we should be careful not to jump to the conclusion that GMOs and vaccines killed them all off, even though they clearly did,” it seems clear to everyone, in their advanced intellectual states, that those sheeple who died off did so due to their own stupidity and in spite of clear and reliable warnings during “the dark years.”

“I don’t feel bad for them,” said Bjork Wender, Third Glaft of the High Zuthruistion Order. “I posted stuff about vaccines and GMOs like every day on Facebook, and they still marched their children to the government henchmen, a.k.a., ‘doctors’ [Wender employed exaggerated air quotes at this point] to receive their aluminum and mercury poison like lemmings. I guess maybe it was nature weeding out the weak minded.”

Wender then paused and looked wistfully toward the golden-pink sunset of the twin suns of New Earth and added, “Still, it’s kind of boring here without them. I posted an anti-GMO article yesterday and got 756 likes.”

Wender, who has 756 Facebook friends, says he sometimes misses a good online scrap with one of the sheeple.

“Of course that’s back when Big Pharmaceutical still had everyone convinced we needed doctors,” Wender said.

“Big Pharma-what?” asked Wender’s young son, who looked up from his Capstellar set in which he was fashioning miniature model galaxies with mind control and holograms while floating several inches off the ground.

“Never mind, son,” Wender sighed. “You’ll learn about all of that in ancient history after you turn three.”

Unfortunately, Wender’s son will never reach three because at this moment a continent-sized alien vessel from a neighboring galaxy is hovering over earth. In the vessel are millions of ravenous, health-conscious beings who heard the earthlings went non-GMO and came to devour them guilt free.

Sad.

-The Editors