Senior Honors Project Spring '23

The Life of Living with a Single Father

Female Native American Athlete Living with a Single Father

Jalen Abeyta

Ohkay Owingeh Pueblo /Sisseton Wahpeton Sioux

Research Log One

Sharing One Skin

Okanagan Community

The Okanagan People are connected with the land, it's hard to explain where they come from without making those connections. Their connection to humans is much different than the one they have with the land. Although they know that humans need each other they shut off their feelings so depending on each other isn't something they need. The Okangan word to describe who they really are and their identity means ¨the ones who are dream and land together..” The knowledge of the Okanagan people specifically comes from their heritage.

Armstrong, Jeanette. “Sharing One Skin: The Okanagan Community,” in Jerry Mander and Edward Goldsmith (eds), The Case Against the Global Economy. San Francisco, CA, Sierra Club Books, 1996. Pp 460-470.

How place names impact the way we see landscape

This article is about different emotions of place names that hold different stories The feelings of sacrifice, smallness, patience and resilience. Place names tell different stories by connecting to the landscape. For some, it's just a name but to Indigenous people it tells a story of colonizers' names. These places that hold such a big significance to Indigenous peoples are the same ones that bring trauma. ¨They give power to the dead.” says Tohe. This article brings back a lot of memories of talks I´ve had around the table with my family. Right now I´m thinking about my family back home in South Dakota. Everyone knows the Black Hills as Mount Rushmore but don´t know the cultural significance that that sacred sight has. In all reality it should be owned and curved by our Native people that fought for us.

Toastie, B. “How place names impact the way we see landscape.” High Country News: Know the

West, 1 May 2022, https://www.hcn.org/issues/54.5/people-places-how-place-names-impact-the-way-we-see-landscape. Accessed 27 August 2022.

Research Log Two

The Rise of Single Fathers. Livingston, Gretchen. Pew research center, July 2, 2013.

The Number of single fathers has increased to more than 2.6 million since 2011. It is known that single fathers may be less educated than single mothers. The persona that single dads are given are younger, less educated, less financially well-off. ¨The single fathers who are cohabitating are younger, less educated and likely to be living in poverty than the fathers that are raising with another partner.¨ The public tends to give more credit to single mothers then what they give to single fathers. But now the public is acknowledging for not only being breadwinners but for being caregivers as well. Because of the public acknowledging single fathers as well, the legal system has changed. The system has given more opportunities for fathers to gain partial custody of children after split up between the parents. Fathers role is not only to protect and provide for his family, but to be there for emotional support, discipline, and income support. I have a tie to this article because it talks about the ways single fathers struggle. The different percentiles give me a better understanding that there is millions of stories to get a perspective on. The biggest take away in this story is the way it talks about the financial struggles that ties into race.

Single Moms vs. Single Dads: Examining the Double Standards of Single Parenthood. Brown, Maressa. Parents. November 25, 2019.

Raising children alone is much different than raising a two parent household, it's harder. Single parenting has been even more common around the globe. Single mothers and single fathers are different but they both hold to a high standard and face expectations, and oftentimes their pressure. Dads are praised more when it comes to doing something right but moms are ashamed when they don't do something right. Single fathers are known to be the disciplinarian and moms are known to be the caretakers, ¨…child absolutely requires consistent nurture by a single primary caretaker and that the mother is the best person for that job.” says Hays. The ways we can support single parents is by motivating them for change for their children. I enjoyed reading this article a lot. I liked this article because it talked about both perspectives on single mothers and single fathers. It also provided stories from those different roles. And mentioned some tips on how not to criticize those single parents. My tie to this article is the quote ¨dads are generally perceived as the subordinate parent and this has caused him to feel like he has to constantly prove himself in order to be taken seriously as a parent¨ I feel every single has that chip on their shoulder not to fail.

Life as a single dad- Davids tips. Gingerbread. September 12, 2022.

David and his wife parted ways, although it was hard they had a discussion about what they thought was best for their two kids. The two kids lived with their dad all the time. David feels as if he is being judged for having to leave something important because of his career or being late for something important to his kids, there's many struggles of being a single parent. In order to make money to provide for your family, you need to keep a stable job, but many times you feel like you're not doing a good job as a parent or professional. ¨I'm not a hero. I'm just doing my job as a parent.” This video brought back thoughts of my interview with my dad. He talked about ways he tries to be there for all my games and if he can't make it due to his job, he feels like he disappoints me. This really ties into my story because I only lived with my dad all my life. But we didn't have a choice to pick who we wanted to live with because it was court ordered for us to live with our dad. This video shows how David cares for his kids and how he always tries to be there and it is the same with mine.

Abeyta, Jalen. Personal Image. Sept 2022.

Abeyta, Jalen. Personal Image (2) June 2022.

Abeyta, Jalen. Personal Image (3) Nov 2022.

Research Log 3

The Truth About Life as a Single Dad

This article talks about all the different problems that come with single parenting. And it also gives advice on how to work on yourself and your relationship with the children. Ben Dillon-Smith and his wife split up when his son Jethro was five years old. They sat him down when he was playing with his toys. The parents explained that nothing was his fault for their separation. Jethro took it well and just said “Can I go play now?” But he was only five years old so he really did not know what was going on. They now share joint custody.

The first section was about “drop-off day”. Drop-off day is when both parents meet up at a mutual site and switch off kids. It’s hard for both parents and children. For me, it was hard having a certain routine at my dad’s house then go to my mom’s house and have a whole other routine.“When you become a dad, you just take for granted that you wake up and your children are going to be there.” Leaving my dad was also the hard part, knowing he had to sleep alone in a empty house and worrying if he had a warm meal or not. “Getting ready for drop-off days, gets easier with time, but you also have to be aware of the problem and be ready for it.” Co-parenting is another big factor in your children's life. It’s hard to get along after the separation, even if it’s for the kids. “But if you’ve had a kid with someone, I’m going to have to spend the rest of my life dealing with this person.” The other parent is always gonna be apart of your child. It may be the way they walk, talk, their accent, or the way they look. This can also be another part of holding back moving on. “Letting go was hard, it takes time. But it’s so refreshing when you finally do-it’s like a big sigh of relief. And otherwise it just eats away at you.” In this journey of single parenting, you find out who your true friends are. Many leave you and very few support you. When those family and friends leave, you become angry on why they left you ¨But you need people to talk to. It might just be one person, it might be a family member- whoever you feel comfortable with. Because you can't do it on your own. Your going to need help and support. From personal experience, my father appreciates any dad time that he gets whether it's going fishing, to the mountains, playing basketball, or just doing anything. ¨When you become a single dad, you possibly think about fatherhood more. Because your not with your child all the time, it suddenly becomes about making the most of your time together.¨ Lastly, taking it easy on yourself. Parenting is hard, especially when you're in it alone. There are many ups and downs that come with it. ¨You can get into dark spots. But no matter how bad your situation, no matter how much you of a failure you think you are, your kids still see you as their dad.¨

The truth about life as a single dad. The Father Hood. (2018). Retrieved November 18, 2022, from https://www.the-father-hood.com/article/the-truth-about-life-as-a-single-dad/

Raising Your Daughter as a Single Parent

This article spoke a lot on different aspects of being a single parent to a daughter. Different aspects like being there emotionally but in the right way where daughters won't go away from you. Being a single father is hard especially when you have no other guidance from females to show you how to handle these difficulties of being a girl. ¨Finding a strong capable female role model is important to your daughter success of growing up¨

Being reassuring is important to females. And just being there for them is what will hold any kind of relationship. But when it comes to communication, we are very open to talking. ¨Men rather identify a problem than offer a solution¨ When fathers want to talk about problems with their daughters they always have feedback instead of just listening. This causes daughters to not want to talk about their problems and hold everything in. ¨Often your daughter won't want you to fix her problems, instead she will want you to listen and understand what she is experiencing¨ Moms are the comforting roles in the relationship of kids. You have to learn how to be empathetic and compassionate so they are comfortable talking about their feelings. Dads are good at being the teacher of problem-solving skills. This process will help daughters become independent, learn to do things on their own. But being overprotective wont help in the long run, this will allow difficult behavior. Learning to do things on their own will help gain more self-confidence. Interest, support and being available is another big factor. Showing up for the little things like athletic events, school events, or birthday parties. Being a daughter to a single father is hard. Being understanding of what girls go through is a struggle.

Raising your daughter as a single parent. VeryWell family. (2022) https://www.verywellfamily.com/raising-daughter-as-single-dad-1270848

The Harsh Reality of Being a Single Father (video)

This video gave many perspective of the Father´s point of view. Some that I didnt know that fathers thought of. Just like the title says, it is a harsh reality. Your kids bring comfort to your life, wether its simply hugging them, seeing them everyday or having fun with them. They bring joy. But when joint-custody is involved, and your not able to see them everyday you feel empty. Without your kids, your nothing. ¨Your fearful of the unknown and the man you have to become in order to have a happy life again.¨ Being a dad, your always worried that you wont be able to see your kids ever again. Sometimes the only copping mechanism is working a lot, never wanting to come because you have to face that reality of coming home to no one or coming home to someone.

The king collective. Feb, 21, 2019. The Harsh Reality of Being a Single Father. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_aogjMz1n24

Action Plan 1

Trunk Or Treat

This was the trunk we created for the Conjunto Preschool. We gave out candy to families that showed up.

Pumpkin explains a students feelings

The day of, students created art projects in class. This was one of the students art work that explains how she was was feeling when her mom dropped her off.

Chewy enjoying the kids

Research Log 4

Census: More Single Father Raising Children Alone

More fathers are going solo in raising kids. The 2000 census showed that 2.2 million household fathers raise their children without a mother. From the year of 2000 to another ten years, single father households grew 62%. Single fathers today say these numbers are proof that single mothers don’t always abandon their kids nor take care of them, it could be the mothers too. Since single fathers are more common nowadays, the judges award custody to single fathers in divorce cases because the mothers tend to choose their jobs over family. “Single fathers need help just as much as single mothers' ' Darryl Pure, psychologist from Chicago says. “If the mother steps in, she’ll regain custody, so single, custodial fathers don’t go after child support as much as single mothers do…” Pure then added.

This article shows that single fathers are more common now. This gives an insight of how single parenting is and that it isn’t only fathers that leave their children, it’s mothers too. The custody battle between who gets the kids, can get ugly. Most of the time mothers win and judges give fathers a harder time and are way more strict on them. During the time of the custody battle, child support gets brought up and mothers are the first to want that money. But money isn’t important to single fathers, it's the kids.

Number of Men Raising Children Alone Grows 25% Since 95’

Since 1995 the number of single fathers has grown 25% from 1.7 million to 2.1 million. “We’ve got more fathers who are petitioning for custody at the time of divorce and more mothers who are sort of realizing it’s okay for them not to be the custodial parent” says James Levine. The trend of single fathers have evolved from the early 1960’s when were single fathers we rare. The rise in divorce and charges in custody have led more fathers primary care for their children. Census bureau reports on households neem showing decline of “family households”. The number of white single fathers grew 36% and hispanic fathers increased 18.9%. Black single fathers raising children decided 15% since 1995. “Fathers bring different things to the parenting role” Scribner said “and the child could do exceedingly well with either on if they are getting the love and support they need”

This article brought attention to my eyes that mothers have always looked at jobs more than their family. Custody battles are harder for men to win because kids need a motherly role for caregiving and that motherly reassurance and that is what the judges look for. Fathers are more of the disciplinarian.

A Single Fathers Bold Determination to Raise his Children

Antony from Nairobi has two children, a three year old Wanagari and two year old Njugana. Their mom left when they were both very small. His neighbors told him to take his children to a children's home so he could find work but he refused so he could watch them grow. The three have food problems but the kids are happy with what they have. The shops around the village help them out by letting him pay back when he has the money, all business owners know it is hard for them. His job contained replacing shoe soles, polishing and brushing shoes, this job he depends on to provide for his family. Covid caused the business to go to the ground because nothing was left to repair.

This video was similar to my life situations and I connected deeply with it. For Antony, he didn’t wanna give his children up because he wanted to watch them grow into beautiful young people and wanted to proud of the work he did. My dad did the same. We also had food problems growing up but we never complained about what we ate because we were thankful for all my dad provided for us. Many people were understanding of our situations growing up with a single father so they would help us out. For example, my head start teacher would see me walk into the class with soaked hair because my dad tried his hardest to comb my hair and get it slicked back. But my shirt would be soaked because of all the detangler he used. This video was deeply connected to my life.

Action Plan 2

Teammates

Teammates watching movie

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Cast

Kevin Hart is a single father after his wide unexpectedly passes away after giving birth to their babygirl.