201. Why don’t Puerto Ricans have checking accounts? Because it’s hard to write checks with spray cans!
202. My Grandmother made cookies out of floor wax, and it gave Grand Father a fine finish!
203. Why does a dog lick himself? Because he can!
204. Johnny is sitting in class and every time the teacher asks Johnny a question, Johnny says, “How about it teacher?” The teacher says if you say that again I am going to have to punish you. So then the teacher asks Johnny another question and Johnny says, “How about it teacher?” The teacher says, “That’s it I want you to sit in the hall and think up something to tell the class. Johnny goes out in to the hall and sits. While sitting out there he sees a cock roach out there running up the wall. The teacher comes out in to the hallway and asks if he has something to tell the class. Johnny shakes his head yes and heads back inside in front of the class. The teacher says, “Well Johnny, tell the class something!” Johnny says, “As I was sitting in the hall, I saw a cock roach run up the wall.” The teacher says, “That good, but I want you to say it again, but this time leave the cock out!” Johnny repeats, “As I was sitting in the hall, I saw a roach run up the wall with his cock out, how about it teacher?”
205. There's a little boy walking down a dirt road dragging a role of duct tape behind himself while passingin front of a house with an old man sitting in a lawn chair watching. The old man asks, "Boy, where are you going with that long string of duct tape?" The boy answers, "I'm going to catch me some ducks!" Two hours later the boy comes back passing by while dragging his duct tape with a bunch of ducks stuck to it quacking. The old man looks and scratches his head as he passes by. The next day the boy passes by dragging another long string of duct tape. The old man watches once again as he passes while asking, "Boy, where are you going again with that duct tape?" The boy answers, "I am going to catch me some pussy willows!" The old man answers, "Hold on boy, let me go inside and get my hat!"
206. Little Richie is helping his mother in the kitchen while she cuts herself with the knife yelling, "Crap!" Richie asks, "What does that mean?" His mother answers food. Then an hour later Richie is helping his father who hits his thumb with the hammer crying, "Son of a beach!" Richie asks again, "What does that mean?" His father answers, "It means Priest." Then a half hour later Richie's mother trips yelling, "Hump!" Again Richie asks, "What does that mean?" Again his mother answers, "Getting dressed." Then that night there is a knock at the door for a dinner guest and Richie answers the door with a Priest standing there. Immediately Richie says, "Hey, son of beach, the crap is on the table, and mom and dad are upstairs humping!"
207. What did the monkey say when his tail got caught in a lawn mower blade? It won’t be long now.
208. A boy is helping his father in the garage while putting up a shelving rack. His asks his son to hand the hammer. Soon he hits his thumb and yells, “Damn!” The son asks, “What’s that mean?” His dad answers, “That means fish!” Later that night the family is having dinner and the dad remember what he told him stood for the word fish. As the dad asks his son to pass the plate full of salmon, he says, “Pass the damn fish son!” The son replies, “Okay dad, pass the frocking potatoes.”
209. A white guy travels to an Africa town in Nigeria where they don’t really like white people. He goes to a Nigerian store to buy something. The African sales clerk tells him that he can’t sell him anything because he isn’t black. After arguing a while the white guy leaves and walks down an alley way finding a black bucket of paint. Desperate for African cigarettes, the white guy paints his skin black and then later after he dries he goes back in to the store to buy something again. After buying the cigarettes, he drops something and has to bend over with extra short cutoffs on. Another black bystander sees his behind saying, “Bless my heart, and bless my soul. I have never seen a nigger with a white a-hole.
210. There is a teenage girl who every time she cuts herself and heals she saves her wounds. In on container she saves her scabs and the other one she drains the blood and puts it in her closet. One day she had a friend over when her parents were gone and she isn’t allowed to have anybody over when they are gone. While with the friend her parents pull up and she tells her friend to hide in the closet. While in the closet he notices the cans while remaining quiet. Her parents leave again and she lets him out. Feeling sorry for him she asks if he is hungry and he says no that he just had French fries and ketch-up.
211. There’s a family home with the adults of the household gathered with their neighbors. The husbands and wives are playing a game. They have a sheet over the hallway with four holes where the husbands stick their things through the hole so the wives guess which husband it is. The first wife says, “The first hole is my husband.” The second wife says, “The fourth hole is my husband.” The third wife guesses saying, “The third hole is my husband.” Then the fourth wife proclaims, “The second hole, that’s the milk man!”
212. There is a little girl is praying before going to sleep. The dad walks by her closed bedroom door hearing her praying saying, “Tomorrow I want our dog to go to heaven when he dies.” The daddy leaves thinking that sounds weird. The next day the dog dies and the dad remembers her prayer. That night the dad walks by her bedroom again while she is praying before going to bed saying, “Tomorrow I want my goldfish to go to heaven when he dies.” The dad walks away thinking that sounded weird again. The next day her goldfish dies and the dad remembers her prayer for the goldfish. The next night the dad walks by her bedroom door again as she is praying before going to bed as she says, “Tomorrow when my daddy dies, I want him to go to heaven.” The dad walks away thinking, “Oh no, that’s me!” The next day he is extra careful at work and driving home. When he gets home his wife says, “Oh honey, the milk man died today!”
213. What do you get when you cross a rooster and an owl? A cock that stays up all night.
214. There are three ants on this girls stomach while she is asleep tanning in the sun. One of the ants says, "Let's split up check and out the sights and return right back here at her belly button." The other ants agree and they all leave to check out the what sights the girl's body has to offer. Later when they return one of the ants asks, "You know what I saw? There were two giant mountains that started erupting like a giant volcano." The second ant says, "I saw a huge gorge that had large shrubs and trees and then there was a flash flood so I ran back here!" The third ant says, "I saw a giant dark cave and went inside until a huge bear chased me out!"
215. There's an older woman on a bus who keeps exercising despite the other people around. Constantly every so many minutes she places her hands under her armpits pushing out saying, "I must, I must, increase the size of me bust!" A while later she does it again saying, "I must, I must, increase the size of me bust!" Soon she gets off the bus when it stops. After walking through the bus doors onto the street, the bus driver walks off behind her asking, "Did you go to the bust enlarging class down the street?" She answers, "Yes, how did you know?" He replies while lifting one leg up and down side by side saying, "Hickory dickory dock, I must increase the size of me.....!"
216. Why did they call him Peter Pan? They called him Peter Pan because he didn’t have anything else under his bed but a peter pan.
217. Why doesn’t Superman wear deodorant? Because then he can’t lick the Superman Peanut Butter from under his arm pits.
218. What do you call a Mexican Flying Saucer? A Mexican Flying saucer is a flying tortilla or a flying sombrero.
THE END