An auto-biographical introduction.
This is a very personal journey. It is about my own individual expeditions into the world of beliefs, biblical interpretations, church teachings and the influence each has had on me through my 86 years of life. I relate my experience and my present convictions. One might even call it my belief/theological autobiography. This is all done in the environment of uncertainty and a feeling of, ‘The process is one which is always on-going’. I’m sure this will continue while my brain continues to function reasonably well.
Why have I chosen the title, ‘Starting all over again? Yes or No?’ With honest questioning, I am trying to look at my beliefs again, because I have so many questions and misgivings about what I understand to be the orthodox theological teachings of the church, its currently espoused doctrines and practices as well as the current liturgies used in the church services I attend and have attended for many years. It is my experience that there are other church-goers in a similar situation with their own questionings and misgivings. For me, many questions and misgivings have existed for years.
The hard-copy book cover has a photo which was taken from the bottom of the street where I live. Every time I walk to the nearby shops I have to walk up this steep hill to come home. The hill seems to get steeper and steeper every time I have to negotiate it. I don’t know why this is the case (Maybe being 86 has something to do with it!), but it is symbolic of the increasing difficulty I have with my past church teachings and the hymns and liturgies I am presented with each Sunday. So I thought it was an appropriate pictorial presentation of my theological situation. However, I keep coming home and I keep attending church services.
Is my situation so hard that I do have to ‘Start all over again’ regarding my beliefs and religious practices? I use this theme in each area of my questioning because, where I feel it necessary, I wish to break free from past beliefs and start from scratch again. Going completely back to scratch of course cannot happen, because my past is always with me and, to an extent, conditions who I am now and what I presently believe. So what is my past in the church?
I was born into the church. I cannot remember a time when I was not associated with it as a member. I was taught many prayers and a couple of creeds. I still have imbedded in my subconscious, numerous lyrics and melodies of traditional hymns I have sung over and over for many years. I can even remember the numbers of many of them from the 1927 edition of the Presbyterian Hymnary, the hymnbook the Presbyterian Church used during my childhood and youth years. Onward Christian Soldiers, No. 535; The Church’s One Foundation, No. 205; There is a Green Hill far away, No. 105; Holy, Holy, Holy, Lord God Almighty, No. 1, and so on and on. I can remember as a young person, adjourning along with other young people after an evening church service, to a private home of different congregational members to sing with great gusto, many of our favourites. Positive memories.
In my youth I spent much time in church associated activities, playing in church sporting teams and participating in church social events, as well as attending the weekly church youth group meeting. I attended two church services every week for 20 or more years. (I do not use the term ‘worship’ when referring to the regular weekly gathering of the local Christian community. I use the term ‘church service’ because of reasons which become obvious throughout what follows. Michael Morwood states, "I too would stop using the word ‘worship’. The notion of worship belongs to an old paradigm, an outdated template for religion." [1]
I can remember as a child that I was permitted to play games on Sundays at home, as long as they were not games of chance. Cards and dice games were a No-No, but chess was permitted. I had no idea why. I can also remember long discussions with friends about such things as to whether we should go to a milk-bar on Sundays to buy a drink, because it required someone to work on that day to serve us. We also had long debates as to whether or not we should play cards. My; how things change over time.
As a young man I trained and graduated as an analytical chemist but after a number of years in that profession, I changed tracks and for a few years worked as a state youth leader in the Presbyterian Church in Victoria, Australia. Subsequently, I submitted myself to the Presbyterian Church as a student for the Christian ministry and was accepted.
During my theological education at Ormond Theological College in Melbourne in the early 1960’s, I was introduced to theologians and biblical scholars; Paul Tillich, Karl Barth, Ludwig Feuerbach, Friedrich Scheiermacher, Rudolph Bultmann, to name but a few. I began to think far more deeply about my beliefs, which I presume was one of the aims of the theological education.
After being ordained, I became a full-time minister, beginning at Whyalla, South Australia. A few years on and after long conversations with church leaders, local, district and state, I was granted permission by the church to seek secular employment, while still retaining my leadership role in the church. I applied for and succeeded in gaining employment at the Broken Hill Proprietary Company Ltd. (BHP). In this BHP employment, I gained some promotions in the Administration Department, Human Resources section, being in charge of apprentices and trainees and eventually having responsibility in Occupational Health and Safety for the whole steel production plant at Whyalla. During this time I retained my position as minister of the local Presbyterian congregation in the west of Whyalla. I conducted church services each weekend and attended to pastoral care matters, doing funerals during my lunch hour and then continuing with pastoral visits during the following evenings. My situation was a sort of ‘worker-priest’ position.
For family reasons I asked the church for a transfer and I was granted a position as the assistant minister at St. Andrews/St. Phillips, the city Presbyterian churches in Newcastle, New South Wales. Fortunately, I also gained a transfer to the BHP plant in Newcastle.
In 1977, Church Union in Australia, was achieved between the Congregational, Methodist and Presbyterian denominations. I was promptly asked to leave the St. Andrews/St. Phillips parish. That combined parish wished to remain outside the union whereas I wished to join it. I was fortunate in being posted to a nearby ‘Uniting’ congregation as a supply minister. After a couple of years at this new congregation, the Presbytery of the Uniting Church requested me to resign my position at BHP and become a 'full-time' minister again or resign from the ordained ministry. I wrote reports for the Presbytery about my ministry within BHP, not as a chaplain but as a senior employee, giving reasons why I believed my work at BHP, together with my leadership position in the church, was a legitimate expression of Christian ministry. I refused to resign from BHP so I was required to submit a resignation regarding my church leadership position. I left my fate to the Presbytery. I find it rather ironic that, the Presbytery meeting at which my resignation from the ministry was accepted, a communication came from the New South Wales Synod of the Uniting Church, that Presbyteries should consider seriously, different ways of doing ministry.
I concluded my career with BHP after 19 years and eventually completed my paid employment as a Rehabilitation Councilor with the NSW Government Insurance Office. I retired about 17 years ago.
During my retired life, after reading a reasonable amount of theology and biblical commentary, much, but not all of which had a bias towards Progressive Christianity, I realized that much of what I had been taught in my early church life and had accepted without question for many years after, was no longer what I believed and was no longer helpful in ‘my journey with Jesus’. (I use this phrase ‘journeying with Jesus’ because believe it captures what I think I have been and am still doing.) Because of my journey with Jesus, I have made a contribution to encourage change in the church, by writing over 500 new sets of lyrics to well-loved, well-known traditional hymn tunes, self-publishing them in 7 different volumes. They form a major part of this website. I have written these new lyrics to enable people like myself to sing hymns in church services without compromising their theological integrity too much. I believe these new lyrics have been of some benefit to people like myself. For some of us, many hymns we are asked to sing in church services today, are very difficult to sing because of their 1st to 18th Century theological emphases.
I am fortunate to live in a time when there is the religious freedom to do what I have done. I have little fear of being burnt at the stake! I find it a great pity that there are still occurrences like heresy trials, and I despair that Gretta Vosper, as well as others, have been subjected reasonably recently, to what seems to have been a similar process. We always need prophets to stand against what is officially embraced, to try to reform an institution, its practices and beliefs. I suppose this might be one of the unfortunate, but necessary, aspects of the evolutionary process.
Being over 80 and retired, I face little financial or employment consequence from this endeavour. I may upset some of my friends and also strangers if they read what I am writing, but I think they might be able to cope or just stop reading and ignore it all. However, I hope readers might find some positive alternative ideas and different perspectives that give food for thought and facilitate some spiritual growth.
As a regular church-goer.
Before embarking on this process of questioning and reappraisal, reconstruction and rejection, may I state quite emphatically, that even though some of my statements are made quite forcefully, I do not wish to convey the impression that I think people who espouse other or contrary beliefs to mine, are stupid or ignorant. I might think such beliefs are ill-informed but that’s my judgement. Take it or leave it. It’s up to you. I too, am most likely under-informed or ill-informed on some matters which I discuss in this venture.
I write as a regular church-goer with all my personal history behind me and the Bible text in front of me. Having a formal qualification in theology, I am not representative of regular church-goers. I have probably done a lot more theological investigation, Bible study and Bible commentary reading than many other church-goers, but this does not qualify me as a biblical scholar nor do I make claim to be an authority in any of what follows. Some of my comments about Bible passages may be unscholarly and even wrong but I can only work with what I presently have at my stage of learning. I speak out of my experience, my understanding and my interpretations of all I have studied and have been taught. I know these personal experiences create serious limitations and I acknowledge this.
Many people may not have had many of the experiences I have had and I have no doubt at all, that many people have had experiences which I have never had and probably never will. As such, my experiences lead me to opinions and attitudes which work for me but they cannot be definitive for others. No one. All I can do is share where I am at present, knowing full-well that I have much more journeying to do. If I waited until I was totally confident in my opinions and beliefs, I would probably never write anything about them. But as I journey, I believe it is important to share the insights I have pursued and the concerns I have confronted. So I write now, believing that many of my questions and misgivings are not unique to me but are shared by many other regular and irregular church-goers, as well as many I know who have left the church.
The real worry I have, is that some people seem to have a closed mind or are frightened to ask questions. I’m not sure that change must happen but I think it is important to have an attitude which leaves open the possibility for change. Some people can go through life without questioning the things I question; certainly not the things that have to do with God and religious beliefs in general. It is, however, never my intention to try to destroy anyone’s beliefs and certainly not for those whose beliefs help them live a loving life, trying to make the world a better place. My aim is to encourage questioning, maybe even disturb but never destroy.
I encourage you to take note of not only the teachings I reject, but far more importantly, to think about the alternatives and different understandings and beliefs I present. I find the usual reaction of people, is that they tend to remember the negatives and often forget other material. I ask you to guard against this tendency and take heed of the alternative ideas and beliefs I present.
Faithful questioning.
Peter Abelard, a medieval French scholastic philosopher, theologian, and preeminent logician, has been quoted as saying,
The key to wisdom is this - constant and frequent questioning, for by doubting we are led to question and by questioning we arrive at the truth.
From my lyrics:
In Praise of Doubt
Tune Forest Green AHB 240 TiS 316
(AHB - the official Australian Hymnbook and TiS - AHB’s second edition, Together in Song)
Some people say, “To doubt is wrong”
We should not doubt at all;
o question our beliefs, they say
Could bring about our fall;
But doubt permits an honest stance
In those who are devout;
For those who think about beliefs
Can sing in praise of doubt.
The Thomas’ story has been used
To judge, condemn, deplore;
But Thomas shows he is sincere;
He wanted to be sure.
For doubt can help and not deter
A vital turnabout;
Yes! Those who care about beliefs
Can sing in praise of doubt.
If our beliefs prevent our search
For new and different creeds;
Let us beware of narrow views
Where dogma often breeds;
With new, exciting facts we learn
Much love can come about;
Yes! Those who grow in their beliefs
Can sing in praise of doubt.
(I have included some of my new lyrics throughout the whole book. The full text of all the lyrics used, together with references in Australian official hymnbooks to the different tunes I have chosen, are all listed at the back of the book. Please feel free to copy and use them. There are very few copyright limitations or restrictions attached to any of the lyrics, however, you may need to check the copyright issue for the tunes. All the lyrics are on my current website Each of the sets of lyrics also has reference to the different volumes of ‘Singing a New Song’ - another section of this website, from which each has been taken. For more information refer to the last section of this book.)
I certainly have to do more questioning but I’m not really sure that I have to ‘Start all over again’. That might be to ignore or reject all my past Christian teaching. That would be unfortunate. Surely I learn from my past. However, I think I learn best from it, by way of a healthy questioning. So my position, at least at present, is not as stark as to ‘Start all over again’, but certainly it is that which promotes a faithful questioning of everything, absolutely everything, even my own questioning.
Some time ago, I was introduced by Derek Flood to the phrases ‘unquestioning obedience’ and ‘faithful questioning’ regarding the different ways by which it is possible to approach the Bible. His book, ‘Disarming Scripture’, is about violence in the Bible, particularly violence attributed to God and within God’s commands to Jewish leaders. I quote,
The Pharisees are representative of the way of unquestioning obedience and Jesus is representative of the way of faithful questioning. [2]
Originally he uses these terms regarding how each attitude approaches rules and commands laid down in the Old Testament, particularly those commands which harm people. He later uses the phrases more broadly. [3]
When talking about Jesus’ own use of the Hebrew Bible, Flood suggests that the Jesus’ approach should be followed by us.
In other words, Jesus expects his disciples - expects you and me - to be making the same calls of knowing what to embrace in the Bible and what to reject. [4]
Faithful questioning’ is the beginning of the work of seeking new insights; not final and complete answers but new insights and wisdom. When I do some ‘faithful questioning’, I hope I am not making a shift further into my own prejudices and pre-conceived ideas. Not that pre-conceived ideas are necessarily valueless or counter-productive. They can be and maybe often are, but they are conceived; i.e. thought out and considered. They may be worth retaining as well as being an appropriate launching pad for further thinking. It is not essential that they all be automatically abandoned. Having said this, no matter how hard I try, I know I am still bound at least to some extent, to my prejudices, presuppositions and thought-out attitudes. So what’s new? Aren’t we all so bound? I work hard at trying to loosen my mind from this bind so that I can think new thoughts and even go in different directions.
What then, am I claiming to be faithful to in my ‘faithful questioning’? I am endeavouring to be faithful to logic, to some scientific and psychological insights I have learned over the years, to new insights I have gleaned from reading modern biblical scholars and theologians, to my diligent search for truth wherever I may find it, to my discipleship of Jesus, to my conscience, my experience, honesty, thoroughness, to common decency and common sense.
When confronted by road junctions on my journey, I take one road but I accept there are other roads that other people may take for quite legitimate and good reasons. The road I take is not through complicated edifices of the academic world, even though there are a few buildings that modern biblical scholars and theologians have erected. And my road certainly does not have signs indicating, ‘This is the correct road to truth’, or, ‘Just around the corner you will arrive’. My road twists and turns and sometimes backtracks, goes up very steep hills but seldom on the plain and simple, flat and easy. My road hopefully leads to green pastures where there is plenty of good food to sustain me for an open future with all its risks, challenges and surprises.
My detailed questioning.
I am somewhat conflicted as to how to begin this venture. On the one hand I feel I need to affirm what I now believe and present it as a positive basis for my serious ‘faithful reappraisal’ of what I have been taught in my past by the church and have given ‘unquestioning obedience’ to for many years. On the other hand I feel the force of John Shelby Spong’s injunction, in his autobiography, where he states
Before one can hear what Christianity is one must create room for that hearing by clearing out the misconceptions of what Christianity is not.[5]
I have opted to follow Spong’s advice so I begin each section by ‘clearing out’ what are misconceptions, as I see them to be.
My questioning centres on 11 different areas of orthodox Christianity as I understand them. These are identified by the titles of the 11 chapters listed in the contents.
From my lyrics, No. 1:
Certain of Uncertainty
Tune Forest Green
In life, with such uncertainty;
We long to feel at peace;
But with such complex liberty
We feel our stress increase.
When, in the maze we grope each day,
‘Confusion’ is our name.
When change unsettles life, we say,
“Please, let things stay the same!”
I submit that many of the fundamentals that I question, fit together very well for regular church-goers, presenting a unified framework for understanding the basic message of the Bible, the meaning and purpose of the life and Cross of Jesus, the way of viewing reality and the way of finding meaning for discipleship of Jesus. Most of these fundamentals no longer work for me.
Reader-Response interpretation.
Because I make numerous references to the Bible throughout this endeavour, I recognize my interpretations can differ from other people’s interpretation. I have found in my reading and study that very different interpretations of the same text, are made by various biblical commentators.
‘Reader-Response interpretation’ is reading into the text, ideas and concepts from our own experience of our own day and culture, rather than reading from the text itself and understanding it in its 1st Century middle-eastern cultural context.
I think those who have preached, using the Bible as their prime resource, have indulged in this ‘Reader-Response interpretation’ a great deal, and in extreme cases, have created their own text and then proclaimed it as being what the Bible teaches. I have been and still am certainly involved in this sort of interpretation, hopefully not to an extreme. Moises Silva expounds on this matter.
Insofar as every reader brings an interpretive framework to the text, to that extent every reader generates a new meaning, and thus creates a new text. [6]
Edgar McKnight, a respected proponent of Reader-Response theory, suggests that since we cannot completely break out of our self-validating system, ultimate meaning is unreachable. All we can hope for is to discover and express truth ‘in terms that make sense within a particular universe of meaning’. We may, therefore, continue to discover or create meaning, ‘which is satisfying for the present location of the reader’. [7]
Different Translations.
I usually use the Revised Standard Version (1946 & 1952) of the Bible when quoting from it. However, I sometimes use the New English Bible (1970) translation and also the Good New Bible (1976). When using these other translations/versions I usually state that I am doing so.
[1] David Felton, A New Template for Religion, An internet post.
[2] Derek Flood, Disarming Scripture, 32.
[3] Ibid, 10th chapter, Re-thinking biblical authority.
[4] Ibid, 10th chapter, Re-thinking biblical authority.
[5] Spong, Here I stand, Author’s note, 469
[6] Silva, The New Interpreter’s Bible, Volume 1, 118.
[7] Ibid, 118