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Haiku in English by the Japanese
There are an increasing number of Japanese poets who want to write haiku in English. Here are two examples. Ayaka Murakami is a haijin living in Kyushu. She loves English and has long been wondering if she could not combine haiku and English, two of her favourite hobbies. At long last she decided to jump into the deep water and sent me her very first attempt at writing haiku in English. Comments are mine, which I wrote for her.
The other person is Noriko Barrow. She is an accomplished traditional haiku poetess but has not written haiku in English, until, that is, now. She has lived in England for eight years or so and is enjoying life in London and in the country.
They both would be delighted if they would receive any feedback from you.
村上 綾香
Ayaka Murakami
[Susumu Takiguchi] Broadly, there are two ways for a Japanese to write haiku in English. The first is to write it in Japanese to start with and then translate it into English. The second is to write it in English right from the start. What you have done here is of course the first way.
The first way involves problems of translation resulting from the differences of the two languages in terms of syntax, vocabulary or idioms. Word-by-word translation is seldom possible or desirable. Often the word order or even line order needs to be changed to make the English version read like natural and proper English. Sometimes different words or expressions have to be brought in when the original Japanese has no English equivalent, or when the translation sounds unnatural.
The second method is obviously dependent on the poet’s ability of English. However, the good news is that haiku in English allows some flexibility in terms of grammar and all in all writing haiku in English is arguably much easier than writing prose or poetry in English. So, take heart!
All your haiku in English are excellent for a first try and show a reassuring promise. I would recommend that you also start writing haiku in English right from the beginning rather than translating your Japanese haiku into English.
ピラミッド型に積まるる缶ビール
Canned beers
Stacked up
In the shape of Pyramids
Comments: Interesting haiku. A good observation with a sense of fleeting humour. It is more common not to use capitals at the beginning of each line, especially the second and the third. “Pyramids” should either be “pyramids” with small p or “the Pyramids” meaning the Great Pyramids. You can change the line order to make it a bit more exciting:
Stacked up
in the shape of the Pyramids…
canned beers
焼きそばの不味さも楽し海の家
A food stand in the beach
Being a bad taste
Is also a part of fun !
Once again, a very good sense of humour. Cup noodle is becoming popular in England and can perhaps be used in this context:
Holiday on the beach,
shocking taste of cup noodle (or a noodle dish)...
still part of fun!
冷房にホットコーヒー売れてをり
Hot coffee is being sold well
In the room of
Too much air conditioning
It is becoming more like senryu! Make it even more humorous:
Hot coffee
selling like hot cakes in the
air-conditioned building
砂を吸ひ寄せてしまひぬ日焼け止め
Sands sticks
On the body of
Sunscreen
This too is humorous.
Sun-creamed body...
now covered totally with
sands
天井の木材匂ふ避暑の宿
A summering cabin
The scent of timber
From its roof
Wafting down,
the scent of new timber from
our holiday inn’s ceiling
下戸を羨ましがらせてビール飲む
Nondrinkers
Seem to be envious
A beer in the hot night
I enjoy my beer,
leaving teetotalers
green with envy
お洒落して女優気取りのバルコニー
Dressed up
On the balcony
Pretending an actress
Dolling myself up
I come out onto the balcony
like an actress
留学生帰国してゆく夏の果
Exchange students
Going back to their homes
Summer is gone
Overseas students
go back to their homelands,
summer ending…
自転車の籠の大きな西瓜かな
One big water melon
In a basket
Of a bicycle
A huge watermelon
being carried on a bike
in its pannier
寝不足の吹っ飛んでゆく避暑の宿
Insomnia has gone!
Thanks to the house
Of summering
Summer holiday…
in the cool of the inn, my
sleeplessness evaporates
*
Haiku in English
by Mrs. Noriko Barrow
A Sketch of England 2010~2011
By Noriko Barrow
dancing snowflakes
in the light of
street lamps
street lamps…
illuminating wind-blown, dancing
snowflakes
snowflakes…
dancing under
a street lamp
*
no sooner
I light the fire, than people come
closer to the fireplace
the fireplace…
people gather around it
the minute it’s lit
*
sleet…
disappearing each time
it hits the ground
sleet falls…
till it touches the ground
and melts away
*
a lone quail
on the Cotswold stone wall,
winter rain
a single quail
sitting on our stone wall,
in the winter rain
*
frosted grasses…
making noises
as I tread on them
treading on
frosted grasses, do I hear
their cry?
*
the first frost,
making all car roofs
white
the first frost…
all car roofs have turned
white
*
shortening daytime…
the café in the park
closing early, too
*
foggy night…
Oliver Twist may appear
from behind the outside lamp
*
winter wind…
do I hear the voice
of Heathcliff?
wuthering day…
the rawness of the wind, or
Heathcliff‚s voice?
*
cold winter wind…
or, is it the talking raven in disguise
tapping at my chamber door in the dark?
*
the fire
flares up again when
left alone
no longer fussed over,
the fire suddenly lights itself
in the fireplace
*
growing longer and longer,
the shadow of the tree
by the autumn sun
*
red vine leaves…
left un-blown on the old wall
by autumn wind
*
the frost has melted,
only leaving the shadow of the tree
white
*
a snowflake
landed on my palm
and melted away
*
snowy day…
the squirrel hasn’t used
the hedge hole
*
withered tree…
branches glisten
with raindrops
*
a gust of wind
sends fallen leaves helter-skelter
along the ground
fallen leaves,
whipped by a gust of wind
rub fast along the ground
*
green buds,
showing among withered ivies…
spring calendar
*
with the fireplace
reflected on the window panes,
outside lawn looks burning
the lawn burns!
the windowpanes reflecting
the fireplace fire
*
the lamb,
whiter than the white
of its mother
*
passing spring…
the people are moving too
from their stone-built house
*
crocuses out…
I wipe out the spring mud off my shoes
with the lawn grasses
*
the news from home
of the first cherry blossom,
travelling 6,000 miles
*
hand-made Japanese paper,
the letter carries
the scent of home, too
*
daffodils,
nod, nod, nod…
*
taking a long detour
to get close to the cherry blossom
I chanced to glance at
*
no wind,
under a cherry tree
a circle of petals
*
traffic jam…
cherry petals shower down
on the inching cars
*
I look back
and look back
at the cherry blossom
*
swallow chicks…
they are
all mouths!
*
dandelions…
I feel as if I can hear my children
of long time past
[This poem may be misconstrued to mean that your children are now lost.]
dandelions…
I remember the voices of my children
when they were so small
*
every year,
I view the cherry blossom
as if for the last time
*
taken root
in a foreign country
the cherry tree in blossom
[This poem has the irony of the author living in a foreign country
and calling it foreign‚ when she is the foreigner there. It can also be a
celebration for the author having put down roots in England and is blossoming!]
*
the summer sun
shining on the sprinkler‚s mist…
a rainbow!
*
meditation on the grass…
again my encounter with the unknown,
like yesterday
*
gardening, I discover
hydrangea blooming,
out of sight
*
I watch fireworks,
not knowing what festival
they are celebrating
*
autumn cool…
the clear sound of
a small garden waterfall
*
the clear moon…
what a faraway country I live
from home!
*
looked at
from the harvest moon,
is the Earth a blue star?
*
the harvest moon…
the same moon viewed in the West
and in the East
*
the time of autumn colours…
the time for shooting stars
*
the rainbow in heaven
and autumn colours on earth,
ah, our planet!
*
approaching a Japanese garden,
I hear the sound
for keeping deer away
*
the sound of autumn waterfall…
making me at once happy and lonely
*
The wind chime
making lonely sounds
in the autumn
*
putting away
the garden benches,
autumn rain
*
two cows
nestling together,
winter rain
*
the gentle countenance
of a lady
gazing at the fireplace
*
deepening autumn…
what made it
flower again?
*
pitiful
is the cry of a pheasant
fleeing in fright
*
autumn passing…
the unhurried steps
of a pair of pheasant
*
the autumn gale…
leaving the garden in a mess
and the moon bright
*
late autumn…
among withered trees
some red branches
*
the first fog…
a picture emerges like that
by Hasegawa Tohaku
*
the frost's disappeared,
leaving only the shadow of a tree
white
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