Communication Principles for High Stress or Dangerous Situations

COMMUNICATION PRINCIPLES FOR HIGH STRESS OR DANGEROUS SITUATIONS

A person cannot NOT communicate. All behavior is a form of communication.

Communication is multilevel, with context. Reducing it to one level (such as focusing on the content) often makes it meaningless. The reality we all live in is created and maintained by our own set of formed opinions. When communicating in a crisis situation, it is up to the helper to understand the world view or reality view of the person in crisis. When it contradicts the helper’s view there are two choices: 1) change the reality condition of the person (difficult to do and often disbelieved by the person if the change comes too fast); or 2) work towards changing the world view (or perspective) of the person, so that other alternatives become evident and persuasive.

The message sent is not necessarily the message received. This works in both directions. The helper may be engaged in a lot of reflective listening, in order to assure the person that they are being heard, but the person in crisis is probably not doing the same thing, and may have misunderstood what you said.

People begin to structure and to set rules for their relationship as soon as they first meet. The helper has to listen closely for clues about how the person wants to define the relationship.

Find out what they prefer to be called.

When in doubt, avoid a presumption of intimacy. When we are under stress or frightened and trying to be friendly, it is easy to speak to strangers in a manner that is too friendly. Saying “You’re a nice guy” can easily backfire.

When describing or explaining something, keep it simple and direct. People in crisis adopt a filtered mode of perception. Complicated and indirect modes of communication came across and condescending as well as confusing. Use restraint, sensitivity, and clarity of expression.

Most people do things for specific reasons. Once the system is understood by the helper, it becomes much easier to make “reasonable” recommendations or requests.

Communicate in positive language, whenever realistically possible. Because a person in crisis tends to pay more attention and give greater value to negative information, it is important to counter that trend early by getting them to agree with positive statements, however trivial.

Other guidelines:

Keep the pace of communication relatively slow.

Only make promises you can keep.

Don’t question a person’s ability.

Trying to cheer up a depressed person invalidates their world perspective, and suffers from gracelessness.

Avoid using the royal “we”, which usually sounds condescending.

Having established the person’s world view (See above, no.2), tailor alternatives to that point of view. If there are no alternatives, in an emergency, create the illusion of choice.

Don’t read people’s minds.

Resolving Conflicts

Wherever there are people, the chance of conflict is real. We teach these steps to conflict resolution:

Conflict is a daily occurrence.

Conflict is sometimes bad but often it is beneficial.

Conflicts can be resolved.

These steps are generally shared with children in solving difficulties with others:

FIRST…STATE THE PROBLEM: Tell what you feel and let others know how they can help. (It hurts my feelings when you call me that name: please stop.)

SECOND…REMINDERS ARE OKAY: If they don’t stop, then remind them about what you feel and how they can help. (I told you it hurts my feelings when you call me that name and I have asked you to stop.)

THIRD…WALK AWAY: If they continue, then tell them the truth…(I have reminded you that it hurts my feelings when you call me that name and I asked you to stop. I don’t like how you are treating me, and I am not going to be around you) and walk away. Get advice from another teacher or a staff member to help solve the problem.

Updated: 12/16/2019