Embedded Files
~New Characters Introduced~
Spring, Summer, and Autumn
Original Date of Post: 09/06/2009
Narrator: God bless Las Vegas! Land that I love! Filled with slot machines, and sluts, and Wayne Newton, and…Oh, sorry about that! I just love that city and today’s chapter is all about that great place. But first, a catch-up for our viewers! And with that report, we turn you to Marcus!
Marcus: Hello fellow fans! Time to give you a brief history of what happened over the summer vacation since you know, the writer has this fixation with skipping the summer months. As you all remember at the beginning of June, Ash got shot, Misty nursed him back to help, and bada-bing, they’re engaged to be married! Holy crap! Brock is still with Suzy and they are the picture perfect… (Crashing)
Suzy: GET OUT YOU HORRIBLE JERK!
Brock: Well screw you too, you crazy bitch!
Marcus: Make that Brock is back in Singles-ville once more. Back to the news of the people we love! Dawn, Forrest, and Brianna are now students at Pallet University and are now living in the dorms. They’re finding that college life is as boring as it is in all the documentaries about college life. Zoey has gone away to Celadon College. It’s this very nice campus a few states away from us. My buddy Wally sends me letters every once and a while. Oh and I just got one in the mail yesterday. “I heard you were doing a video about all of us three months later. I am currently working on an oil rig with my uncle. Don’t look for me.” Oh, that Wally! Let’s see…Tracey has been busy working as a bellhop at a hotel. And I hear he's been getting some pretty good tips. Let's take a look at the boy work!
Tracey: Room service!
Girl: Ooh, come on in! (Opens the door)
Tracey: Okay, I’ve got your double cheeseburger and chocolate mousse right here. So that’ll be $13.50.
Girl: Here’s a twenty. Keep the change. Oh and before you go…could you check the light up there? (Seductively) It’s been flickering on and off again.
Tracey: Sure. (Gets on a chair and untwists the bulb) Okay, here we go. It was just a little loose.
Girl: (Dreamily) Uh-huh.
Marcus: Don’t worry. He knows not to screw around with any stray women because… (Flashback)
Marisa: Remember Tracey, any woman who flirts with you in that hotel has more diseases than Amy Winehouse. And if you touch any of them, I’ll go Kathy Bates on you! (End of flashback)
Marcus: Let’s see…Drew and May are still happily married. Sara is growing up…and is a big pain in the neck. I’m serious, that kid of theirs is such a spoiled brat. But anyways…Harley and Nando are still together. In fact, during the summer, the two of them were in a play with me. Seeing Harley being his usual flamboyant self in the theatre, brings back the good old days for me. Winona is doing okay. She still receives letters from Steven and thankfully he’s still alive. And finally my little buddy! Marisa has gone through such crap over the summer. Work wise, I’m afraid! Well it’s now September and we all decided to go on a road trip to a little city. A little place called…LAS VEGAS! Time to have some fun! (One morning outside Marisa’s house)
Ash: Okay, we’ve been out of high school for like three years now and we’ve never been on a college road trip! That seems pretty messed up.
Misty: Well, I kind of took one!
Marcus: Oh your California trip doesn’t count! Only because you weren’t with your best friends! (Car pulls up) Brock, you made it!
Ash: Suzy let you off the leash?
Brock: Wrong! Suzy and I are finished for good! I’m done with that crazy bitch. Now, I just want to relax for the weekend and focus on some cheap floozies from Vegas. Now let’s hit the road!
Tracey: Hold on! We’re waiting for Marisa to come out of the house.
Misty: What the hell is she doing in there? (Marcus walks inside)
Marcus: Little buddy! Time to go! Huh?
Marisa: It’s underneath the cabinet right next to all of the notebooks. Look, I’m about to leave now. Call my phone again and you'll be a ghost. (Hangs up)
Marcus: Was that work, a telemarketer, or one of the relatives from your father’s side?
Marisa: That was work! Those people cannot wipe their own asses without me.
Marcus: Come on. Everyone is waiting outside. It’s your birthday and we’re going to celebrate it in style. Vegas here we come!
Marisa: We’re off Mom!
Michelle: Hold it! You forgot to sign the contract.
Marisa: You found my old Bureaucrat Bastard Kit, didn’t you?
Michelle: It’s just to make sure that you won’t pierce any other part of your body, that you will not get married, and that you will keep your pants on!
Marisa: Yeah three things! One, my nose ring was enough. Two, no sex period and no marriage yet! And three, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
Marcus: But the STD you get in Vegas won’t exactly stay in Vegas. (They glare at him) I’ll shut up now.
Marisa: Mom, you know Marcus is stupid and should only be allowed to say one stupid thing a day. But I’ll see you in a couple of days. (They walk out the door)
Brock: Finally, Las Vegas here we come!
Marisa: Sorry guys, had to take care of some last minute things for work.
Misty: Oh yeah, here’s something from Winona. But she wants you to open it as soon as you turn 21.
Marisa: Great, she wants me to play the waiting game.
Marcus: It’s only until tomorrow.
Marisa: I hate being the youngest in the group.
Tracey: And I’ve got a present for you too, but you can’t open it until you turn 21.
Marisa: And now you’re torturing me! Eh…wait a sec! If that present is in your pants, can I punch you?
Ash: Why do you think everybody is trying to get in your pants? And you should let Tracey have a little action.
Marisa: Oh shut up!
Marcus: Okay, it should take us roughly 8-10 hours to drive there…so we shall be in Vegas by the end of the night. (They all hop in the car)
Marisa: Move it Marcus! (Honks horn) Let’s go! (A few hours later on the road)
Marcus: Man, I never knew this area was gonna be a dead zone.
Marisa: What do you mean? Las Vegas is in the middle of the desert! So around that is just a dead zone!
Brock: What? You mean to tell me that there’s no tourist trap we can stop at?
Marcus: Well, we did pass by a place where we can see a baby buffalo.
Ash: Baby buffalo? That sounds like fun…
Marisa: It’s just a donkey made up to look like a buffalo. (Stomach growling)
Ash: I’m hungry.
Tracey: Eat one of the sandwiches I made to calm your gut down.
Marcus: Hold it. We’re making a stop.
Marisa: Denny’s? Hell no!
Ash: Come on!
Marcus: Hey, Denny’s is an institution!
Marisa: You belong in an institution! It’s a haven for crap and grease! Misty, you agree with me, don’t you?
Misty: Well I don’t mind it.
Marisa: What the hell? You hate Denny’s!
Misty: I do, but I’m in the mood for something there. (An hour later)
Ash: That was delicious! (Belches)
Marcus: Yummy! Come on little buddy! You must have enjoyed your meal.
Marisa: Shut up. (Misty groans)
Tracey: So how much longer until we get there?
Marcus: About a couple of more hours.
Misty: Pull over!
Marcus: Misty, are you okay?
Misty: I said pull over! (The car stops and she runs out of the car)
Brock: Maybe it was something she ate.
Ash: Impossible. We all ate at Denny’s and we’re perfectly fine.
Marisa: (Singing and Shouting) I’M WALKING ON SUNSHINE! WHOAAA!
Marcus: For the love of Buddha woman! Will you stop with your screaming? She might not have the flu!
Marisa: I CAN’T HEAR YOU! (Continues singing) I’M WALKING ON SUNSHINE!
Narrator: Six hours and three stops later…
Ash: We’re here! Finally!
Marisa: What time is it? WHAT TIME IS IT?
Marcus: 9:03pm. You’ve got less than three hours to go before your birthday.
Marisa: Crap!
Tracey: Hey, we have a couple of days. We can always rest up before we hit the town tomorrow. Besides, this town has to be good for more than just strip shows and slot machines.
Marisa: Not really.
Marcus: Hey, we can see Celine Dion! (Marisa growls) I’ll shut up! (A little later in the hotel room)
Marisa: By this time tomorrow, I will finally be 21 years old. (Yawns) Time for some sleep! (Door opens) What the hell? Where’d you get all of those snacks?
Misty: Oh, Ash gave me these. He got a bunch of snacks from the machine down the hall. Want some Cheetos?
Marisa: No thanks. I’m just ready for some bed. (Knock on the door)
Misty: I’ll get that. (Opens the door)
Tracey: Just came to say goodnight to you girls.
Marcus: Hey, pajama party up in here!
Marisa: Hold it! Keep it at the door! (Gets up) Now goodnight boys! Now get out of the room before I castrate you raging bulls! (Shuts the door)
Marcus: What about our kiss goodnight? (Door opens)
Marisa: Goodnight Tracey! (Kisses him) Marcus! Here’s your inhaler! (Tosses at him and shuts the door) Persistent bastards! (Downstairs at the casino)
Brock: Oh man. Look at all of the hot babes!
Ash: Brock, control yourself. Now our plan is to stay for the next couple of days. I don’t feel like returning from my vacation early because your horny urges got us kicked out.
Brock: When have I ever…? (Ash glares at him) Okay, the Hooters restaurant doesn’t count!
Ash: It did when you played grab-ass with one of the hostesses! (Sighs) Look, just try not to act too much of an ass. Besides, why did you and Suzy break up? I mean, I saw the two of you last week and you guys seemed happy as can be.
Brock: Ash, you know it can take a week, even less than that to get into a big fight and never speak to each other again. I’m going out.
Ash: You have your key to your room, right?
Brock: Yeah. I’ll see you later. (He walks away)
Ash: Well…might as well play some slots while I’m here.
Narrator: (Yawns) 4:45am!
Marisa: RISE AND SHINE!
Misty: (Groans) Do you have any idea…what time it is?
Marisa: Late! If I were home, I would have been up hours ago. (Giggles) I am finally 21!
Misty: Good! Now could you just go back to bed and celebrate when it’s daylight?
Marisa: Ugh! Misty, this is Las Vegas! People are insomniacs here and are zombies at the machine. And I want to be a part of that! Now come on. I want to get my card so I can start gambling.
Misty: (Yawns) Hold your horses. You’ll get your chance to blow through your college money. (Downstairs)
Man: Oh, it’s your 21st birthday.
Marisa: Sure is!
Man: You sure know how to celebrate in style, don’t you? Okay Marisa, here is your card and enjoy.
Marisa: Thank you. (Giggles) This is even better than Christmas!
Misty: Great, now let’s go back to bed!
Marisa: Hold on a second! Isn’t that Ash at the machines? I never knew he was a gambler. (They walk over) Ash! So did you just wake up?
Ash: What? What time is it?
Misty: It’s five in the morning.
Ash: Guess I lost track of the time.
Marisa: And possibly our money!
Ash: Oh that. I ended up winning $1400. (All gasp) These games are horribly addicting.
Marisa: Ash! Let me rub you for good luck!
Misty: Get your hands off of my boyfriend!
Marisa: Now wish me luck! I’m off! (She runs off)
Misty: Please don’t blow all of our money! (A couple of hours later in Marisa’s room)
Marisa: Nothing like a few hours of gambling to really wake me up! (Water running in bathroom) This is nice! (Humming) This is turning into a wonderful birthday. (Bathroom door opens)
Misty: Oh crap! Oh crap! Oh crap! (Vomits in toilet)
Marisa: What the? (Plugs up ears) I’m in my happy place! (Shouting and Singing) I’M WALKING ON SUNSHINE! WHOA! I’M WALKING ON SUNSHINE! WHOA! (A little later at the restaurant)
Misty: Sorry about that Marisa.
Marisa: Not the most pleasant sound I want to hear in the morning. So what’s up? Is it the flu or is it something…else?
Misty: I don’t know. Maybe it’s just me being nervous about something.
Marisa: Oh…Well you and Ash are planning on your wedding. Maybe it’s that putting pressure on you and causing you to be sick.
Misty: Maybe you’re right.
Tracey: Good morning to you all!
Marisa: It’s about time you guys woke up! (Tracey kisses her)
Tracey: Happy birthday!
Marcus: Happy Yom Kippur! (They all stare at him) What? It’s today too! So after breakfast, do you want to play your first slot machine?
Marisa: Been there, done that!
Misty: She’s been up since five this morning. So, did you end up winning anything?
Marisa: About two dollars! (Ash walks up) Oh and idiot-savant over there ended up winning over a thousand!
Tracey: WHAT?!
Marcus: Ash, my best friend! My buddy! My amigo!
Ash: Get off me! My ass is for sitting and not for kissing! But you guys, I didn’t tell you the other thing. I ended up being in some 5am raffle and won us six tickets to see a comedian on stage tomorrow night.
Marisa: Well this is turning out to be a very good birthday. Ash, who are we going to see?
Misty: One of the Queens of Comedy?
Marisa: One of the Kings of Comedy?
Marcus: Latin Kings of Comedy?
Ash: Doesn’t say. It says some guy named Dustin Diamond.
Marisa: Huh? Whoa! We’re going to see Screech?
Marcus: From Saved By The Bell? Oh dear Jesus!
Ash: Why? What’s wrong with him?
Marisa: He is such a douchebag! A very mean and very cruel douchebag!
Ash: Come on Marisa. You might have a fun time.
Marisa: (Sighs) Fine. We’ll go see him live. But if he pulls any racist jokes, I have every right to go up on stage and punch him in the face.
Brock: Hey, what’d I miss?
Ash: Where the hell have you been?
Marcus: Yeah and why are you dressed in the same clothes from the night before?
Marisa: You’ve been at a strip club, haven’t you?
Brock: I am offended that you would think that I was…Yes I was at a strip club. (All groan) Hey, it was a great place called the Four Seasons! Oh man, those three girls were amazing. Summer can do this great pole dance, Spring was able to make this great drink that hits you just right, and Autumn…Oh, that girl is able to do this great trick with her butt-cheeks and a walnut. (Misty grabs his ear)
Misty: We don’t want to hear it!
Waiter: Are you all ready to order?
Tracey: Birthday girl first!
Marisa: I’ll have the pancakes with sausage.
Marcus: Ham and cheese omelet!
Tracey: Waffles and bacon combo!
Brock: (Groans) Toast and lots of it.
Misty: Let’s see…I’ll have scrambled eggs, short stack of blueberry pancakes, hash browns, side of bacon, and a slice of honeydew.
All: Huh?
Misty: Oh, I’m just very hungry…That’s all!
Marisa: Uh-huh?
Ash: I’ll have what she’s having! (Later in the girl’s bedroom)
Misty: I’ll be back later. I’m going to check out some of the shops around.
Marisa: Just wait one minute! I’m starting to get a wee bit suspicious Misty. Now I know that you and Ash have been sexually active for…the last year or so! I’m starting to wonder if this sickness isn’t really your nerves kicking in…but really morning sickness.
Misty: You think I could be…pregnant?
Marisa: (Sarcastic) No…I think you might have scurvy!
Misty: I couldn’t be pregnant. It’s silly.
Marisa: The first step is denial! Take a pregnancy test. That solves everything!
Misty: I can’t be! We’ve been using a condom every time.
Marisa: (Groans) Misty! Condoms break! A condom broke for May and Drew and look what happened to them. Come on, they might have a pregnancy test in the corner store. (Downstairs in a little shop)
Misty: (Thinking) Let’s see…box of condoms. I won’t need that! Boxed wine? Geez, that’s ever so tacky! Pads…I probably won’t need them for a while.
Marisa: Found it!
Misty: (Whispering) Not so loud!
Marisa: Don’t have a fit! No one knows besides you and me! Everyone else is running around elsewhere.
Misty: No they’re not! Because Ash and Marcus are right there! Of all the stores for them to be in…
Marisa: Go to the counter and buy that thing! I’ll keep them from noticing you. (Misty walks to the counter) Boys! What are you doing here?
Ash: Just wanted to buy some things.
Marisa: More snacks?
Ash: Yeah. Something about Cheetos, they're very addicting. I don’t know why I even bother. I never gain a pound.
Marisa: Oh, you make me sick.
Marcus: We’re going to walk the strip! Want to join us?
Marisa: Well that sounds… (Misty walks out of the store) Great! I’ll meet you guys back down here in a little bit. Gotta go freshen up! (She runs off)
Ash: That was weird. Oh well. (In the girl’s bedroom)
Marisa: Okay, now just pee on the stick and wait five minutes.
Misty: Okay. You’re so lucky the boys didn’t catch on. And couldn’t you have gotten a pregnancy test that wasn’t slot machine themed?
Marisa: Is it my fault that Ash and Marcus wanted to get something at that exact same store? And those were the only pregnancy tests I saw so just deal with it. (Phone rings) Oh, that’s my phone. (Picks up) Hello. Hi Tracey! Okay, that sounds good. I’ll be down in a little bit. (Hangs up) Now where did I put that swimsuit? Ah…perfect! (The door opens)
Misty: Where are you going?
Marisa: Tracey wants to go swimming so we’re going to go to the downstairs pool.
Misty: Aren’t you going to call Marcus and Ash and tell them you’re not going with them?
Marisa: Yeah, I’ll call them and tell them I’m spending the afternoon with Tracey and to not disturb. I want my alone time with him, you know. I’ve barely had any time alone with Tracey for the last couple of months with school and work getting in the way. I’m surprised he hasn’t broken up with me yet!
Misty: Marisa, Tracey loves you. There was a conversation I had with Tracey a while back. (Flashback to a couple of months ago) I can’t believe you snubbed my own sister.
Tracey: She cheated on me. Remember?
Misty: Oh yes. That’s right. But then why did you fall for her in the first place?
Tracey: Well, you know Daisy was my very first girlfriend, so that part can’t be shaken off so easily. But then…Marisa came along and the rest is history.
Misty: Well you guys have been on and off again!
Tracey: We broke up twice and that was it. The first time was because we thought it would be best if we go separate ways once college started and then the last one…well that was my fault. But something kept drawing me back to her every time we split. And it finally dawned on me, she is the one. My one and only! (End of flashback)
Marisa: Hmm…His one and only! I feel honored…but at the same time, a little scared.
Misty: At least you’re not the one with a possible bun in the oven.
Marisa: Oh God, the pregnancy test! Has it been five minutes yet? (In the bathroom)
Misty: I can’t look! Tell me what it says!
Marisa: God damn! I wish I hit that on the slot machines. According to the box, if you get three 7’s that means you’re pregnant. If you get three lemons that means you’re not pregnant. And if you get a mixed reading the test is a dud.
Misty: So what does my test say?
Marisa: You are pregnant!
Misty: No…NO! Damn it! God damn it! This cannot be happening! I only make enough to help Winona with the rent. Ash is just a rookie cop! I’m only one year away from graduating. I cannot be pregnant.
Marisa: The test sings a different tune. Now the first thing you have to do is tell Ash. But, you can’t just spring it on him and tell him he’s gonna be a father. Kind of get him warmed up to the idea of having children. (Knock on the door) Oh crap, that must be Tracey. Do you want me to send him packing? I can stay here if you need me for emotional support.
Misty: No…Go on and have fun. Don’t let me ruin your birthday. (A little later at the pool)
Marisa: This is nice.
Tracey: You said it.
Marisa: So relaxing. I’m glad all of the adults are out here. God bless the person who created Adult Swim. (Phone ringing)
Tracey: Isn’t that your phone?
Marisa: Couldn’t be. Marcus knows this is our special time. (Continue ringing)
Tracey: Aren’t you going to answer it?
Marisa: Fine. Probably just someone wishing me a happy birthday! Huh? What the hell do these people want from me? (Picks up) Hello. What are you talking about? Okay, calm down. Okay. Yeah. Fine! Look, I have a computer in the room and I’ll email you the price sheet when I get back. Now goodbye! (Hangs up and shouts in Italian)
Tracey: Should I ask you what that means?
Marisa: That was work telling me that the power is completely out and that they need to know the prices of everything.
Tracey: Don’t they know that by heart by now?
Marisa: Apparently not…The lazy asses! Didn’t even once say happy birthday to me.
Tracey: Marisa, calm down. You’re going to have one of your episodes again if you let them get to you. Now come on. We drove all the way out in the middle of the desert to celebrate your birthday. This is for you to relax! (She breathes in and out)
Marisa: You’re right Tracey. It’s just that this job is going to be the end of me! They are going to cause me to either lose my mind completely or have a heart attack! But I'll be calm now. (Tracey sighs) So Tracey, you said you have a surprise for me?
Tracey: Yes I did. And you’re not getting a thing until tonight!
Marisa: Aw! Can’t you give me a teeny hint?
Tracey: Come on. You know I’m not going to budge. (Back on the strip)
Ash: So why didn’t Marisa come with us?
Marcus: She’s spending some alone time with Tracey. Glad you decided to come with us in her place Misty.
Misty: No problem.
Ash: So where do you want to go first?
Marcus: I’ve read that Planet Hollywood has a bunch of great shops.
Misty: Let’s go there.
Ash: Don’t tell me we traveled all this way just so you can go shopping.
Misty: I might find something I like. Plus…I need a few things.
Ash: What kind of things?
Misty: Just a few things. (Thinking) Some baby clothes, some maternity clothes…the usual for an expecting mother!
Marcus: They also have a wide floor of gambling!
Ash: Cool. Might as well see if I still have a lucky streak.
Misty: Ash, don't you think you should cool it with the gambling?
Ash: What’s the matter Misty?
Misty: I just don’t think you should blow all of your money like this. Our money still has to last the rest of this vacation.
Ash: I still have over a thousand dollars left in winnings alone. No need to worry!
Misty: When you tell me that, I worry the most.
Marcus: Hey…Isn’t that Brock? (He walks up)
Misty: Where have you been? It’s like two in the afternoon!
Brock: I had to visit my friends. Um…Hey Ash, you think you can loan me $100?
Ash: What happened to the $100 I gave you five hours ago?
Brock: Um…I got mugged.
Ash: Here’s a fifty! Now make it last until… (He grabs it and runs out) Geez. (Inside a shop)
Misty: Oh…these are so cute. I wonder if it’s a boy or a girl in there.
Lady: Finding everything okay?
Misty: Oh yes…I’m just browsing. (Outside the store)
Marcus: You’ve got to try this hamburger!
Ash: Ooh. It’s that good?
Marcus: Let me break you off a piece.
Ash: Mmm… (Starts coughing)
Marcus: Oh come on! How can you hack at this?
Ash: (Coughing) No…I just saw Misty in that shop!
Marcus: Huh? The P-N-A shop! Oh come on Ash. Don’t get so worked up over nothing! It’s a known fact that every woman needs a vibrating dildo to get through the day.
Ash: Not that one, you idiot! The one next door!
Marcus: The Baby Store? Why would they put a baby store next to a sex store?
Ash: Why is Misty in a baby store?
Marcus: Maybe she’s pregnant. You guys are sexually active I take it!
Ash: You don’t think it’s possible, do you? I mean, we use protection every time.
Marcus: Condoms break. Remember what happened to May and Drew? But it could be for something else. There’s a good chance that she’s merely shopping for someone she knows who might be expecting.
Ash: I’m going to find out. (They go in the shop)
Lady: Welcome boys. Need help with anything?
Ash: Nah, we’re good!
Misty: (Thinking) Shit! Ash is here! Oh crap! I better get out of here before he…
Ash: (Shouting) Hey Misty!
Misty: Ash! What, what are you doing here?
Ash: I got bored with the machines and we saw you in here.
Marcus: So what are you doing here?
Misty: Oh…I’m just looking for something for someone I know. Yeah, Theresa from work is pregnant, so I’m shopping for her.
Ash: (Sighs) What a relief! We saw you in here and Marcus thought that you were pregnant! (Misty sighs)
Misty: Right…funny! Could you guys excuse me for a second? (Goes to the ladies room)
Ash: Well back to the slots for me!
Marcus: I’ll catch up with you later. (In the bathroom)
Misty: Gotta call…Marisa!
Marisa: Hello!
Misty: It’s me. I couldn’t tell Ash.
Marisa: What do you mean?
Misty: I was in a baby store trying to find some baby clothes and then Ash caught me. He thought I was pregnant and…I lied to him and said I was shopping for a friend.
Marisa: Jesus Christ! I told you to ease him into having a baby, not to lie. If you lie to him, that only means when you really do tell him he’ll think you’re nothing but a liar.
Misty: But how do I break it to him that we’re…having a baby?
Marisa: Sorry, can’t help you there. (Hangs up and shouts in Italian)
Tracey: What was that about?
Marisa: Just one of my friends asking my advice on something. That’s it! I am shutting this damned thing off. (Back at the store)
Misty: Well she was of no help. (She walks out of the bathroom) Maybe I could call May and ask her for advice.
Marcus: Misty? (She jumps) So…is it true? Are you really…expecting? (She nods)
Misty: What gave me away?
Marcus: Theresa isn’t pregnant. She refuses to get pregnant because she would have to quit smoking. (Misty sighs) I assume Ash doesn’t know.
Misty: No…I want to tell him and…
Marcus: Hey Misty…stop beating yourself up. Everything is going to turn out fine. Ash will be by your side and will always be very understanding once he learns the truth. But if you don’t want me to tell him, I understand.
Misty: I’ve got to be the one to tell him. (He hugs her) Thanks for being so understanding Marcus. (That night in the bedroom)
Marisa: I guess it’s time to see what Tracey has in store for me.
Misty: Yeah, hopefully it won’t end in a pregnancy like with me.
Marisa: Misty, having a baby is a blessing…even though there are a bunch of hard times for you in the future, you are truly blessed.
Misty: (Angrily) Aren’t you going to be late?
Marisa: Fine. If you don’t want to listen to me…that’s fine! No skin off my back!
Misty: I’m sorry I’m having an attitude with you Marisa. (Knocks on the door)
Marisa: Oh dear! I’m not ready yet! (Misty opens the door)
Misty: Have some consideration for your girlfriend, you jerk?
Tracey: Huh?
Marisa: Misty! Pay no attention to her. Sit on the bed and I’ll be finished in a sec.
Tracey: Okay. Misty…are you okay?
Misty: Fine, fine. I’m fine! Stop asking me if I’m fine!
Marisa: Misty! Calm it down! (Knock on the door)
Misty: I’ll get that. (Opens the door)
Ash: Hey Misty! Since Tracey and Marisa are going to that fancy restaurant downstairs, did you want to get something to eat with me?
Tracey: Ash, you idiot! You blew the secret!
Ash: What secret? Your plan is so cliché it’s not even funny!
Marisa: It’s okay Ash! Even if I can see through Tracey’s “plans” I always love his intentions. It is the thought that counts and…at least he doesn’t forget.
Ash: I forget my anniversary one time!
Marisa: You did more damage than you could ever know. Okay, done with that. I guess that’s the best I can do with myself.
Tracey: You look fine. Come on. (At the Four Seasons strip club)
Brock: (Sighs) This is…getting…old.
Autumn: What’s the matter Brocky?
Brock: Oh…life problems.
Summer: Maybe a nice drink will cheer you up! Spring, make him our special drink of the day.
Spring: Coming right up!
Brock: Do you have a phone? (Nearby) Please be there! Please be there! Please be there!
Suzy: Hello. You’ve reached my phone. Please leave a message. (Hangs up)
Brock: Damn. (A little later in the restaurant)
Tracey: I want to give you this.
Marisa: What’s this?
Tracey: Just open it.
Marisa: A necklace?
Tracey: With the initials T and M.
Marisa: Tracey and Marisa. Hmm…I’ve always liked the sound of that. (Waiter walks up)
Waiter: Okay, one bottle of Merlot.
Tracey: Thanks.
Marisa: Um…wow. Are you going to drink all of that by yourself?
Tracey: What the hell are you talking about? I got this bottle for us to share. Come on. It is your 21st.
Marisa: (Groans) I’m not one for drinking…I mean at all.
Tracey: Why not?
Marisa: My dad got me drunk on New Years one year. Spent the next morning vomiting up this strange green substance! I don’t need anymore déjà vu trips. (In the casino)
Ash: So where do you want to go now?
Misty: How about we get something to eat?
Ash: We just ate five minutes ago.
Misty: Oh yeah. I forgot.
Ash: Let’s go to the bar and get a drink.
Misty: Um…No thanks.
Ash: No? Come on. I’m sure they’ll fix your favorite.
Misty: I’m not in the mood to drink. (Clapping and cheering) Huh? Oh, it’s a bride and groom. Oh…that’ll be us soon.
Ash: Yeah. By June, we will be husband and wife.
Misty: Say Ash…I was thinking…June seems a little too…Well, would you be up for moving the wedding date earlier?
Ash: How early? Did you want to do it during Spring Break?
Misty: Well since we’re here and it’ll be cheap…
Ash: Misty?! We can’t do it now! I mean, I have to rent a tux and rent a dress for you and invite all of our friends and loved ones and…Why are you rushing this?
Misty: Um…No reason. No reason at all. (Hiccups) Marcus?
Ash: Marcus! My God, you look bad!
Marcus: (Drunken) Hey…Ash!
Misty: It didn’t take you long to get totally wasted.
Marcus: You ever have a Ti-tia-tia-blah-blah Wash-Car?
Ash: I think it’s called a Tijuana Car Wash.
Marcus: (Angrily) You think you know everything!
Misty: Marcus, you’re making a scene!
Marcus: Well let me tell you… (Burps) Something! (Puts his arm around Misty) I’ve given this little lady the best, best, best years of her life. Not you!
Misty: Marcus shut up!
Marcus: Oh no! This is my time to talk! For all you know it could be my baby in her belly! (Misty gasps) You didn’t know, did you Ash! (Shouting) Misty is prego! She’s having a big plate of spaghetti with lots prego sauce. (He falls down)
Ash: So that explains why you’ve been acting so…strange?
Misty: I am going to kill you Marcus.
Ash: Okay, so I can confirm what the drunken idiot said was true I need to know. Are you really pregnant?
Misty: (Sighs) Yes Ash. I’m having a baby.
Ash: So that explains why you want to move up the wedding date.
Misty: Are you disappointed?
Ash: Not at all. I just, I just…need some time alone to think about this. I’ll catch up with you later Misty. (He walks away)
Misty: Oh man. (Marcus sobbing on the ground) Ugh! You blew it, you idiot! What do you have to say?
Marcus: I think I need new pants! (Later in Marcus’s room)
Tracey: Damn…what a night. So much for this bottle of wine!
Marcus: Is that you Mommy?
Tracey: Oh Marcus. I didn’t know you were in here.
Marcus: (Drunken) What am I? I’m a college drop-out, wannabe actor. I don’t even have a girlfriend. You have it all! You’re dating Marisa! You guys must have had a blast tonight.
Tracey: Actually, we didn’t do much after dinner. Damn it. I knew I shouldn’t have bought the wine. Well might as well put this to good use. (Drinks out of the bottle)
Marcus: Are you going to finish that? (In Ash’s room)
Ash: What am I going to do?
Brock: Take my advice. Always treasure the time you have with her! Don’t say anything stupid… (Sobbing) Like I did with Suzy. I’m going to bed.
Ash: Okay. (Phone dialing) Huh?
Brock: Suzy. I was a jerk! I was a big jerk! Could you forgive me? Suzy! SUZY! SUZY!
Machine: If you would like to make a phone call, please hang up and dial again… (Later in Misty’s room)
Ash: Misty! (Banging on the door) Misty!
Misty: Huh? (Opens the door) Ash! What the hell are you doing? You’re going to wake up Marisa and you know you don’t want to do that!
Ash: Let’s go.
Misty: Go where?
Ash: Downstairs. The wedding chapel is open 24/7. We can get married.
Misty: Now? You mean…you’re okay with me having the baby?
Ash: I’m a-okay with it! And the only way we can raise this baby is if we do it together!
Misty: Oh Ash, let’s go to… (A shoe is thrown and the lights turn on)
Marisa: Stay perfectly still! Let me set you two straight on one thing. You are not going to do this. Especially in a sleazy hotel!
Ash: You’re not my mother!
Marisa: No, but I will be for the remainder of the trip. You guys are rushing into this way too fast. Take some time to plan out the wedding! Ash, do you think your mother would be happy to learn that her one and only child married a girl in a crappy Vegas hotel?
Ash: You had to play the mom card, didn’t you!
Marisa: Get back in that room of yours before my size 9 puts you back there!
Ash: (Gulps) I’ll see you tomorrow. (He runs out the door)
Misty: What’d you do that for?
Marisa: Come on Misty. What the hell would that accomplish if you and Ash got married here?
Misty: It wouldn’t have mattered if we were in Vegas or back home. The point is that it’s our decision and you should just butt out. And I can tell you some other things now since it’s officially…NOT your birthday now!
Marisa: You know you should be grateful that I am this nice and generous to you. Now go back to sleep. (Turns out the light)
Misty: Bitch!
Marisa: I know I am! (The next morning at breakfast)
Marcus: Ugh…my head is pounding.
Tracey: Here…take these pills. They’ll take away most of the pain. Brock, you look terrible.
Ash: Yeah, but he wasn’t out drinking like you two.
Marcus: We weren’t out. We were in our rooms drinking.
Marisa: At least you two didn’t try to elope.
Misty: At least you didn’t have a controlling witch on your shoulder.
Marcus: Not so loud. We’re sitting right here. (Tracey groans)
Marisa: See what alcohol does to you. Tracey, this is why drinking is bad and that alcoholics should be punished to the full extent of the law.
Marcus: Oh live a little, would you! Tracey was just trying to loosen you up and you’re still the uptight person you’ve always been. My God, break out of your shell.
Marisa: For your information, I can be very impulsive.
Brock: Hmm…No. Ever since I’ve met you, you’ve been a straight-lace person. Except for when you were going through that image restoration when you were 18. Other than that time, the rest of the time you can be a bit of a killjoy.
Misty: Amen to that.
Marisa: So…I guess that’s how everyone sees me. Fine! Ash, Misty, go ahead and elope! Tracey, if you and Marcus want to get drunk that’s fine! Brock, go and play with all of those strippers with weird stripper names.
Brock: Eh, not anymore. As soon as we get home, I’m going to apologize to Suzy.
Marisa: Whatever. (Gets up)
Tracey: Where are you going?
Marisa: For a walk. I need to be alone from you guys for a little while. I’ll see you at the comedy show tonight. (A little later in Misty’s room)
Misty: Hello?
Man: Yes, Ms. Waterflower. I’m calling you back. We have an opening for a wedding in two hours.
Misty: Hmm…I’m afraid I’m going to have to decline. Thanks again. (Hangs up) Damn that girl…she always breaks through to me. (In Brock’s room)
Brock: Suzy, I love you so much. Please call me back once you get this message.
Machine: Machine is now full. Please try this number again later. (In Marcus’s room)
Marcus: Hmm…My headache is going away.
Tracey: Same. You feeling well enough to eat anything?
Marcus: Not a chance. Marisa’s words really got me this morning.
Tracey: Yeah, she’ll do that. But I have a feeling she’ll come around.
Marcus: And if she doesn’t?
Tracey: Then…I don’t know. (Groans) My head can’t process this crap right now. (That night)
Marcus: Is he the only act for tonight?
Ash: I guess so. The program just says it’s Dustin Diamond.
Marcus: So I’m guessing a short stand-up and we can all leave.
Tracey: Where’s Marisa? She said she would meet us here.
Misty: I don’t know. (Brock walks up) Did you call Suzy?
Brock: I don’t know where she is! She won’t answer her phone or anything. And now her answering machine is full! Oh man. I wish I had her back. Why doesn’t she answer me? (Whistling)
Spring: Yoo-hoo! Brocky!
Sumner: Over here!
Autumn: Lover boy!
Misty: Who let the dogs out?
Brock: (Sighs) That’s Spring, Sumner, and Autumn!
Marcus: Those are the strippers you’ve been seeing? Oh baby, are they ever hot!
Brock: Just don’t make eye contact with them and maybe they won’t notice me.
Marisa: Yeesh! Tacky, Tackier, and Tackiest whore yet!
All: MARISA! (They hug her)
Marisa: What the hell? I’m gone for a couple of hours and all of a sudden everyone is happy to see me? What are you all smoking!
Misty: Marisa, I’m sorry for going off on you. I know you were looking out for us and making sure we didn’t do anything we'd regret.
Marcus: Yeah, I mean everyone has to have the friend who’s the voice of reason. I mean Charlie Brown had Linus and the Simpson’s have Lisa and we have you.
Marisa: Are you comparing me to a big-headed kid with a blanket and to a yellow-skinned know-it-all?
Marcus: Um…ugh…Guys help me out!
Brock: No can do. You dug this grave on your own.
Marisa: (Giggles) Oh I’m not mad. I’ve just learned I need to step up my game a little more. I need a little more action! (Phone rings) What the? (Shouts in Italian)
Misty: What the hell?
Tracey: Must be someone from work! (She picks up the phone)
Marisa: I am trying to enjoy my vacation! I am not a boss! I am just a low-level clerk and you shouldn’t be calling here! (Hangs up) I’ll start by quitting my job as soon as I get back. And ordering a…drink! (Cheering) Give me that menu! Hmm…I like the sound of this drink! Give me a Lemon Drop! (An hour later)
Marcus: So where the hell is this so called comedian?
Marisa: (Loudly) He’s probably out back filming himself having sex with some prostitute. (Laughing) I am so naughty!
Misty: He really shouldn’t leave us waiting?
Marisa: By now, the people are all so drunk they’ll laugh at anything that dick will say.
Marcus: Well, you’re half-way there.
Marisa: Hey, who do you have to whack to get more lemon-drops! Oh, here comes somebody. Finally! (Light applause)
Man: Sorry folks, but Dustin Diamond won’t be coming out this evening. (All moans) If you would go to the ticket counter, we can give you a refund.
Tracey: How disappointing!
Marisa: What a fucking prick! (Gets up)
Tracey: Where is she going?
Marcus: I guess it was a good thing she didn’t drink last night, huh? (She gets up on stage)
Marisa: How disappointing Dustin Diamond didn’t come out to perform! (Sarcastic) Oh boo-hoo! You know that has got to be the first Jewish person to refuse to perform. I mean, come on. The boy needs all the money he can get. I mean if you’re on a VH1 reality show and have nerve to pimp your sex video all around, you’re kind of at the bottom of the barrel here. (Light laughter)
Ash: What the hell is she doing?
Marcus: That would be her…drunk stand-up!
Marisa: Shit, people at Wal-Mart are doing better than you pal. “I work 50 hours a week and don’t get paid overtime, but I’m still doing better than that hack from Saved by the Bell.” (Laughing) Oh, but I kid. And it’s ridiculous! Either all of the has-been celebrities or B-movie ones either have a sex tape out, a reality show on VH1 or some other channel, or are here in Las Vegas. I see it as this! If you have one of those things, you’re kind of out for money. Two things, you’re trying to get your career back to what it once was. But if it’s all three things like our good buddy Dustin, you are without a doubt a full-blown attention whore. (Laughing) I know attention whores. I’m one. Otherwise I wouldn’t be up on stage being stupid and saying things I’ll forget later. Even all of my friends are attention whores. One of them, she announces that she’s pregnant. Puts a nice halt on my birthday! Okay, more focus on me please and thank you! (Laughing) Oh and I love it when a woman tells a man that she’s pregnant. I mean, back in the day…well back when my mom was a little girl…A woman tells a man she’s pregnant and the man will be like… (Sympathetic) Oh my God, you are? This is so great. I’m going to be a daddy! (Laughing) Nowadays, a woman tells a man she’s pregnant and it goes like this. Oh my God! What the hell were you thinking? Bitch, that ain’t my baby! And about nine months later we’ll see them on the Maury show getting the DNA tests. (Laughing) I just love that shit! (Imitating a pissed off woman) “Oh, he’s the daddy! He’s the daddy! They gots the same hat on! Look at that hat! Same hat! LOOK AT IT! And them eyebrows! I ain’t got no eyebrows like that! Both of them have the same shit!” All that mess and then we still end up hearing those same five words, “You are NOT the father!” (Laughing)
Marcus: You’ve got to admit, the girl is funny!
Tracey: Just tell me when it’s over!
Ash: Wow, I like drunk Marisa even better. We should get her drunk every night. (Nearby)
Man: Who is that girl?
Owner: I don’t know. She just got on stage and started talking…but the audience seems to like it.
Marisa: Oh, looks like my friends want to take me somewhere! So I guess it’s my time to get out of here before someone calls the cops on me. (Clapping and cheering) Thank you Las Vegas! (The next morning in the car)
Marcus: Well that was one hell of a night. (Marisa groans)
Marisa: Why did I drink?
Marcus: Because peer pressure sucks and you felt that you had to make a few changes in your normal life.
Marisa: I’m standing right here. No need to yell.
Tracey: At least you didn’t do any projectile vomiting last night.
Misty: You didn’t stay in the room long enough. It was like the freakin’ Exorcist!
Brock: So long Vegas! (Looks out the window) Ah! The girls from the club! Drive the car! (They drive away)
Marisa: Ugh…
Marcus: Well if you feel sick, I have an extra bucket you can use. We have a good eight hours or so until we get back home.
Misty: So Ash, how much of that big jackpot do you still have?
Ash: $900. So the first thing I’ll do is buy a crib for the baby to sleep in and get ready for the little bundle of joy.
Narrator: Ten hours, 16 minutes, and four stops later…
Marcus: Here we are back in the good old town of… (Horn honking)
Tracey: So what’d you think of your 21st birthday?
Marisa: Well…I got drunk and made an ass out of myself in a big public setting, I got into a fight with Misty, and had a bunch of stupid calls from work. But on the plus side, I did spend some nice quality time with you Tracey, not to mention the cute necklace you got me, and I came back two dollars richer.
Marcus: All in all…A good time…For the most part.
Marisa: Marcus, stop here.
Marcus: That’s your work! (Stops the car)
Marisa: I’ll be back. This won’t take long. (She walks inside)
Ash: What do you think she’s going to do in there?
Marcus: Knowing her she’ll probably cuss them out and get herself fired or she’ll quit. Good thing I got all of her blunt instruments and the mace out of her purse while she was passed out. Guys, we might have an unemployed friend on our hands. Any suggestions?
Misty: She could work with me at the diner.
Marcus: Pass. With her temper, she might spit in people’s food.
Tracey: She could get a job at the hotel I work at.
Marcus: She needs to work, not an excuse to get laid by you.
Brock: Well…they are looking for female dancers at the… (Misty grabs his ear)
Misty: Stuff a sock in it. (Marisa walks back)
Marcus: So what’s the deal?
Marisa: I gave those assholes my two weeks. I quit!
Tracey: Well, you do have two weeks to find another job. Or you could take a break from working and focus on school.
Marisa: Only time will tell. Maybe the time away can do me some good.
Ash: Just give her some liquor and everything will turn out just fine! (All glare) What? Am I the only one here who thought she was a great drunk?
~*Preview*~
Ash: Misty’s expecting and I couldn’t be anymore excited. But scared at the same time! I mean, I don’t know anything about raising a child. But I guess I’m going to have a life lesson since May and Winona are leaving me alone with their brats! Wonderful way to spend my day off! Here I come fatherhood! Next time on Romance 102, Chapter 40…See you next time!
Song(s) used:
*Walking on Sunshine by Katrina and the Waves
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