Original Date of Post: 06/07/2009
Narrator: I just lost five pounds on my new dietary supplement. Nothing like taking these wonder pills to make you feel 100 times happier! And even better, there are no visible side-effects…well except for bleeding out of the rectum, nose bleeds, headaches, erectile dysfunction, and foamy diarrhea.
Theresa: Glad to have you back Winona! So, how’s the baby?
Winona: She’s good.
Theresa: I’m surprised you’re not going through that whole separation withdrawal that most mothers go through, where they miss their kids as soon as they part ways.
Winona: That maybe the case for some mothers, but not all mothers. I’ve been down that road after I had Wallace, but I learned how to cope with this. (Runs to the phone) Steven, how’s my baby? Please tell me she’s fine! Is she okay? Does she need anything? Is she okay? Did you make sure to heat the bottle to…?
Steven: Winnie, calm down! She’s fine! She’s just sleeping! (Baby crying)
Winona: What was that?
Steven: Oh, um…That was just the television…The View is on! One of the women hosts was crying. I gotta go now! (Hangs up)
Winona: (Sighs) I knew I should have stayed for another week.
Theresa: Now what were you saying about not being like all the other mothers?
Winona: (Nervous laugh) Well, you know it’s never easy when a mother is separated from her baby. But someone has to be the bread-winner of the family.
Theresa: You never told me, what does Steven do?
Winona: After he got back from the Army, he got a job in the construction field.
Theresa: Oh yeah…Hey, where’s Waterflower?
Misty: I’m right here! (Panting) I made it!
Winona: What happened? I thought you were driving right behind me.
Misty: I was…but then my car broke down and then I had to walk the rest of the way. Phew, I’m out of breath!
Theresa: I’m surprised you didn’t ask your boyfriend over there for a lift. He and his police buddies just got here.
Misty: Ash is here? (At a table)
Lunick: So guys…let’s talk about girls. (All groan) What’s wrong?
Ash: That’s all you ever talk about when we’re here! My God, are you still in high school?
Joel: For once I agree with Ketchum.
Spenser: Come on now. Some of us do have wives, you know.
Joel: Not really. You’re getting a divorce, Cameron hasn’t had a date since MTV has been launched, and Lunick is desperately lonely. (All groan) The only one who isn’t miserable is Ketchum. Oh and myself!
Ash: Hold on there. I’m the one with a girlfriend. All you do is hop from one woman to another. You’re such a womanizer!
Lunick: We all can’t be handsome like you Joel!
Spenser: Is it my fault that she doesn’t want to have sex with me anymore?
Cameron: I can’t help it. Every girl I've ever met felt uneasy with me after five minutes.
Joel: You’d have a lot better chance with the ladies if you put on deodorant instead of that Axe Body Spray. That stuff doesn’t cover up YOUR body odor.
Cameron: So sue me! I just happen to breakout in hives every time I put any of those brand-named deodorants on and the cheap ones can’t contain my B.O.
Lunick: Okay, enough talk about Cameron’s sad and pathetic story and go back to my sad and pathetic story. Look at what I’ve got!
Joel: Hey, Halle Berry is going to be in a new movie.
Spenser: She looks good in that bikini!
Ash: Check out those assets!
Misty: (Clears throat) Are you guys ordering any time soon?
Ash: Oh, hi Misty. So um, a round of cheeseburgers!
Lunick: Make mine with extra onions!
Spenser: No pickles on mine! (Misty walks away)
Lunick: Is it just me or has she gotten really fat?
Joel: I know!
Spenser: Guys, not cool to talk about a lady like that! But I do have to say it, she's as big as a cow.
Misty: Huh?
Ash: Guys, she’s not as big as a cow! But I do have to admit she’s on the chunky side now. (Misty runs back in the kitchen)
Theresa: Do you have the order from the boys? Misty? Earth to Misty!
Misty: What? Is there something you’d like to say to me? Is there something you’d like to criticize about with me? Okay fine! My weight may be fluctuating like crazy, but that’s no reason to bring such horrible judgment.
Theresa: But Misty…
Misty: (Tears up) Why do you have the right to judge the way I look? Just because you can fit into a size 0, doesn’t mean you have the authority to…
Theresa: MISTY! Calm the hell down! I was just asking if you had the order for the police boys.
Misty: Here.
Narrator: Wow…a 9.6 on the mood-swing scale! That’s got to be a record!
Theresa: What the hell was that about Misty? I’ve never seen a mood-swing that intense in my whole life.
Misty: Do I look fat to you?
Theresa: No…And why would you question your appearance?
Misty: Look at me! I’ve pretty much let myself go! How the hell do you stay so damn skinny?
Theresa: You find ways! (Watch beeps) Time for a smoke break! (That night at Misty’s apartment)
Steven: Oh, love kitten…the kids are asleep and we’re both still awake!
Winona: Oh Steven…that’s how we got into the mess the last time.
Steven: No. We were at your parents house when we conceived Stephanie.
Winona: I’ll get my negligee! (Five minutes later)
Steven: Winnie, let’s go…I took the…
Winona: Look at this! This used to fit me like a glove! Now look at this!
Steven: You look fine! Now let’s go before the…
Winona: Where did these rolls come from? Ack! What the…? Ugh!
Steven: It’s just some extra baby weight. It doesn’t matter if you’re a few pounds overweight… (Moments later on the couch) Me and my big mouth! (Sanford and Son theme song playing) At least Fred Sanford never had to deal with his wife on the show…she was dead. (Door opens) Huh? Oh, hi Misty!
Misty: Winona kick you out again? What’d you do this time?
Steven: Made some stupid comment about her weight.
Misty: You insensitive bastard! (Misty slaps him and runs into Winona’s bedroom)
Steven: Geez, full moon! (In the bedroom)
Misty: What’d he do? What did he say?
Winona: Oh…that jackass said something stupid and I feel bad now.
Misty: I know sweetie! (She hugs her)
Winona: I mean maybe I overreacted. Steven didn’t mean the weight comment in any disrespecting way.
Misty: Huh? No, no, no! Winona, you know that we women don’t do well with any weight comment and men should know by now!
Winona: Um yeah, speaking of which, I want to talk to you about your big temper tantrum earlier at the restaurant.
Misty: Oh…You heard that?
Winona: I was in the back room with Paco and Jose when we heard that.
Misty: I overreacted in front of Theresa. I guess it was something that Ash and his buddies said as I walked away. All I remember is “She’s fat as a cow” and all I kept thinking was they were right. I mean, I’ve let myself go. I’m not my skinny, cheerleading self anymore. I’ve basically been taking it easy the last couple of years.
Winona: Yes, I have read about women having boyfriends and then those same women stop caring about their appearance during the relationship. They stop wearing make-up, they start packing on the pounds…
Misty: Not to mention, I’ve been neglecting the gym since I'm always busy with work and school.
Winona: Hmm…This sounds like an old memory.
Misty: Come again?
Winona: I seem to recall a certain red-haired friend of mine who tried to juggle school work, cheerleading practice, and the swim team and have it end in tragedy. Sound familiar?
Misty: Yes, but that was when I was 14 and didn’t know how to handle my time. Now here’s my schedule! I’ve got some extra time in the mornings and on the weekends so those times will be used for working out at the gym.
Winona: But after that you’ve got school, work, and homework? Where does Ash come into the picture?
Misty: I’ll put him somewhere, he won’t mind! What about you?
Winona: What about me?
Misty: Do you want to shed some of that weight off?
Winona: Well…I could stand to lose a couple of…10 or 20 pounds. (The next morning)
Misty: Okay, first thing we’ve got to do is cut out any bad things from our diet. First to go, coffee! What the hell are you doing drinking coffee anyways, Winona? You’re still breast feeding!
Winona: Hey, I need a wake up boost!
Misty: Next, get rid of anything filled with too much starch and too much sugar. (A little while later)
Winona: Okay, that’s basically everything from the fridge and the pantry. So what the hell are we going to eat for breakfast?
Misty: Well…we do have these vegan bran muffins! (Winona groans) Hey, it’s a small price to pay!
Winona: I hate the taste of bran!
Misty: It’ll make you go to the bathroom, so it’s a start. (Sighs) Okay, we need to do more than just cut lots of food from our diets. (A little later at school)
Brock: Mmm…This is some good pizza! Anyone else want some?
Harley: We’d love to but…
Marisa: Not a big fan of anchovies!
Brock: Suit yourself! (Misty walks over)
Misty: Hey guys.
Brock: Hey Mist. Want some pizza? You’re a fan of anchovies, right?
Misty: Well, it does look tempt…I mean no thanks Brock. So what’s up with you guys?
Harley: Same old! Nando and I will be doing another performance in a couple of weeks if anybody’s interested. We’ll be dancing to a bunch of songs from Mama Mia!
Marisa: I’m game…Oh…That is if I can get off from work.
Misty: Work keeping you away?
Marisa: You know it. (Yawns) I’m so exhausted!
Harley: I meant to ask you before but did you lose some weight, Marisa?
Marisa: Um…probably. I really didn’t notice.
Misty: Huh?
Brock: Yeah, you don’t have that many stomach rolls as you used… (Marisa hits him)
Harley: Ooh girl, tell me your secret!
Marisa: No secret really. I work in a literal example of a sweat shop. I’m bound to sweat off a couple of pounds!
Harley: Well it seems to be working for you.
Marisa: (Sarcastic) Oh yeah. Nothing like giving up my soul and dignity to be trapped in an enclosed box for ten hours a day to make me feel skinny! I’d rather be overweight than deal with that! (A little later in the girl’s bathroom)
Misty: Marisa, I need your help.
Marisa: Okay, what’s on your mind?
Misty: Do you think I’ve put on weight?
Marisa: No…but then again it's not really my place to say or shed light on. What’s with this obsession with weight all of a sudden? Everybody keeps talking about it and that’s one subject I don’t ever like to talk about!
Misty: Understandable! It’s just that I’m starting to feel really insecure about my own appearance. Have you ever had that happen?
Marisa: Why do you think I got my breast reduction in the first place? I’ll tell you why! It is because I’m secretly vein about my looks. After high school, I became very insecure about my looks. I know I put on a front that I don’t care still, but truth is that was a load of crap.
Misty: That explains. (Door to a stall opens)
Marisa: The point is to try and not let people’s words get to you. The important thing is what you really think. I really should try my own advice one day.
Rhonda: So, the mighty Marisa is nothing but a hypocrite!
Marisa: Far from it, you whore!
Rhonda: But what would you expect from such a poor unfortunate soul like yourself! We can’t all be beautiful!
Marisa: Yeah, I know I’m better looking than you! You transvestite-looking whore! (Rhonda walks out of the bathroom) I’ll teach her to mess with me! (Takes off her shoe)
Misty: Whoa, whoa, whoa! (Grabs Marisa) Is there anybody in this school you don’t hate or don’t have beef with?
Marisa: I want her dead.
Misty: (Sighs) Well thanks for the word Marisa. (A little later at Daisy’s house)
Daisy: Oh Misty…trouble with the weight?
Lily: Well somebody had to get that little imperfection!
Violet: Lord knows it wasn’t going to be us. (All three laugh)
Misty: So are you guys going to tell me what your secret is?
Daisy: It’s not even a secret!
Lily: All you have to do is watch what you eat. Just don’t eat too much and you’ll lose some weight.
Daisy: She’s right. Although, that’s probably damn-near impossible with you, little sister. I mean you eat like a cow! (Misty growls) Secondly, a little exercise wouldn’t kill you.
Violet: It’s bad enough we see those love handles over the sides of your jeans. (Moments later outside the house)
Misty: I don’t know why I deal with those three. (Sighs) Right! All I have to do is exercise and eat right and I’ll lose weight in no time. Huh? (Looks at watch) Oh crap! I have to get to work! (Later at the diner)
Winona: I’m exhausted!
Misty: Me too!
Theresa: You guys look awful! Is there a cold going around?
Misty: We’re on our diet.
Winona: Yeah, we’re trying to lose weight. So we don’t wanna hear any thing coming from your skinny trap!
Theresa: Okay, sorry. Didn’t mean to get on your bad side! Geez, even I didn’t act like that when I tried to give up smoking!
Misty: You tried to quit smoking?
Theresa: Once…Oh God, I never wanna go through that again. (Abigail walks in)
Abigail: Hello ladies! Great work today! And in recognition of your work, I baked a cake!
Theresa: (Gasps) You’re not talking about your famous triple-layer sponge-cake, are you?
Abigail: The one and only! (Winona and Misty groan) Aren’t you girls going to have some?
Misty: That’s okay.
Winona: Not that hungry at the moment. (That night in Misty’s dream)
Misty: Ash! There you are! We’re going to be late for the movie. (She grabs his arm)
Ash: I’m not going anywhere with you.
Misty: Huh? Stop fooling around. You’re my boyfriend.
Ash: You mean I WAS your boyfriend. I only date skinny girls.
Misty: Huh? But Ash…What about all the time we’ve been together?
Ash: That’s in the past, baby! I’m with Theresa now!
Theresa: Come on babe! We’re taking my hog to Vegas so we can get hitched!
Ash: You’ve got it babe!
Misty: But Ash…
Ash: But nothing. Look at you, FAT! You’re nothing to me!
Misty: Ash! ASH! (Wakes up) Ah! Oh…Phew it was just a dream! Oh man, that wasn’t a dream. That was a nightmare! (Stomach growling) Ugh…I’m hungry. Damn it. I can’t dig into temptation! I’m just going to go back to bed. (Stomach continues growling)
Narrator: Meanwhile, Winona…
Winona: Mmm…Fluffy marshmallow!
Steven: Huh? (Turns over) Honey, you’re chewing on my pillow again!
Narrator: Yeah…there goes the diet already in progress! The one thing that these girls need is complete will-power. That is the one thing needed for doing almost any diet and for quitting anything addiction. So let’s skip ahead to the next night.
Misty: I’m home.
Winona: Hey Misty. Want some?
Misty: What the hell are you eating?
Winona: Steven got me something at Wendy’s.
Misty: What the hell are you doing eating a burger from a fast-food chain?
Winona: Don’t worry about it Misty, I’ve got it covered! (Pulls out a bottle)
Misty: What the hell is this?
Winona: Don’t worry. I bought it at a health food store and all I’ve got to do is pop one of these babies in right before I eat and the weight will come off like magic.
Misty: Have you been smoking crack? This is the worst thing you can put in your body! What happened to working out with Lanette and Bebe today?
Winona: I don’t want to get into the gory details. (Flashback to earlier)
Bebe: (Yelling) Put your back into it! You’re not going to burn off calories by sitting on your squishy butt! FASTER! FASTER! (End of flashback)
Winona: And that was just the beginning! I swear the bitch is worse than any drill sergeant!
Misty: It’s still not the quick-fix! There’s no such thing as a quick-fix!
Winona: Yeah, well when you’re tired of doing “Plan A” you go with “Plan B.”
Misty: And you were class valedictorian?
Winona: Quit riding me! The guy at the store assured me it was safe. (Misty walks into the bathroom)
Misty: (Sighs) I’ve only been on this diet for two days and my body wants food like that greasy crap Winona was eating. (Goes to the toilet) Oh my God! Was I close to doing the unspeakable? (She slaps herself) Snap out of it! You’re not going down the same road that your sisters have went down! I have more power than that. I’m stronger than that!
Narrator: So the diet continued throughout the week. By the end of the week…
Misty: I’ve only lost three pounds?
Narrator: Yes only three pounds! Three measly, little, insignificant…
Misty: Shut up! And get out of the bathroom!
Narrator: Oh sorry! And as for Winona…
Winona: I lost ten pounds already! Woo-hoo!
Narrator: Well we can see who wins this round! (Winona does a victory dance) Okay, we all know who is a tad obsessed. Let’s see who wins in the long-run! (A little later over the phone)
Marisa: So, how’s the diet going?
Misty: I’ve only lost three pounds.
Marisa: Hey, that’s good in one week.
Misty: Not really.
Marisa: I’d be lucky enough to do that. Look Misty, everyone’s metabolism is different. Some people like me are yo-yo dieters. We gain weight one day and lose it the next! I was that way during high school! And if you remember, Sakura was the same way.
Misty: Yeah, but ever since high school you’ve been losing weight like crazy!
Marisa: Yeah, I get that way when I’m extremely stressed out. I also lose my hair when I’m stressed. It’s not fun! I mean first school got me stressed, then my stupid father…may he rest in peace, then Tracey, and then school again, then that stupid job! Maybe I should get a job at the diner. Everyone seems nice!
Misty: You don’t want my job. You don’t need to be surrounded by food every time you’re there. My problem is trying to say no when someone offers me something tasty.
Marisa: What does Ash say?
Misty: I haven’t really talked to Ash this week. It’s not like I’m ignoring him or anything, it’s just that he’s been busy with the police schedule…that’s all.
Marisa: Well if you’re really desperate to lose weight, try working at my job. We have no air conditioner. Guarantee you’ll lose five pounds by the end of the day!
Misty: Huh? You may be onto something!
Marisa: (Gasps) You mean you’ll get a job over there. Finally! We've been looking for extra help and maybe I can get a day off!
Misty: No. Not that! (Marisa groans) I’ve got an idea! (The next morning at the gym)
Lanette: I’m glad you’ve decided to join us at the gym.
Bebe: Yeah, someone’s gotta keep this one from playing all nicey-nice with the new fitness trainer!
Lanette: Hey, the girl is nice and does fine work.
Bebe: Uh-huh? I saw you drooling all over her. Yeesh! You’re worse than a St. Bernard!
Lanette: I was just impressed by the big guns she’s packing. Sue me!
Bebe: So Misty, what do you want to work on first, your abs, your gluts…?
Misty: I’ll decide when I get there.
Bebe: Well I hope you didn’t eat too much, Mist. In case you want to take one of the power classes, they really have you working up a sweat.
Misty: Oh, I don’t think I have to worry about that.
Lanette: We should get Winona to come with us. She’s been complaining about her weight lately.
Bebe: We were here the other day. But I guess she called it quits after one session. Guess she couldn’t handle me and my workout. You’re not like that, right Misty?
Misty: Not at all!
Bebe: That’s the spirit! (A little later at the gym)
Lanette: We were just talking!
Bebe: No, she was talking. You were drooling!
Lanette: Hey, it was just simple chit-chat! “Hi! How’s it going? How much do you bench-press?” Simple as that!
Bebe: Since when does simple chit-chat end up with you asking for her phone number?
Lanette: Can I help it that she’s available?
Bebe: To fuck? The bitch must be desperate for anyone!
Lanette: Don’t be jealous! I signed you up to have her help you as well.
Bebe: You are truly a pain in the ass! You know damn well I don’t need a trainer.
Lanette: Ah-ha! You sure about that? (Bebe blushes)
Bebe: Grow up, will ya! Hey, where’s Misty?
Lanette: I don’t know. I haven’t seen her since my power yoga class.
Bebe: Oh, I see her. She’s on the stair master! (They go into another room)
Lanette: Hey, there you are! We’re about to leave soon.
Misty: (Panting) Okay…I’ll be…done…In a few… (Falls down)
Lanette: (Gasp) Misty! (A little later at the apartment)
Bebe: I think she’s finally coming around!
Lanette: See I told you she’d be fine. No need for a hospital visit. (Misty opens her eyes)
Misty: Ugh…I feel like I’ve been hit by a bus! Huh?
Lanette: Thank God you’re alive.
Bebe: You had us worried there.
Misty: Where are we?
Lanette: Back at your place. You’ve been out for about an hour or so. I think you might have overdone it on the stair master.
Misty: I guess. (Sighs) Hey, since we’re back here. I’m gonna go into the bathroom.
Bebe: Do you feel sick?
Misty: Huh? No…I’m okay. (She walks to the bathroom)
Bebe: Do you think she just overdid it?
Lanette: No, I think there’s something else. (She walks to the bathroom door) I’ll get to the bottom of… (Misty groans) Ah-ha…Misty, is everything okay in there?
Misty: Yeah, no problem in the world. (Silently) Damn it. Damn it.
Lanette: (Growls) Misty, get out of the bathroom now. (Misty opens the door) Let’s go, Waterflower!
Misty: What’s this all about?
Lanette: Call it an intervention. (In the kitchen)
Bebe: What’s this all about Lanette?
Lanette: Getting to the bottom of a serious matter. Let me just pull a random question out of thin-air here. Have you been eating while on this so-called diet or have you been on a complete fast?
Misty: Well…
Lanette: Tell me what you had for breakfast! That is IF you had breakfast!
Misty: I had a piece of fruit! (Lanette glares at her) A few grapes?
Lanette: Thought so! (Hits her on the head) You idiot! Starving yourself to lose weight never works. Trust me, I’ve gone down that road. You have to eat and exercise. Burn off the calories that way. That’s the proper way to lose weight. And just now, you were seeing how much you weigh after that workout. Admit it!
Misty: Fine, I admit it!
Lanette: (Sighs) I honestly don’t know how people think that starving themselves is going to make them lose weight. But not surprising since you probably took advice from your idiot sisters.
Misty: (Thinking) She’s psychic!
Lanette: Well no more… (Phone ringing) Oh, let me get that! Hello.
Theresa: Hi, is Misty there?
Lanette: She’s here. I’m just not sure if she’s feeling well enough to talking to anybody.
Theresa: Well it’s Theresa from work. There was a bit of an accident involving Winona.
Lanette: What kind of accident? (A little later at the diner)
Jose: Que?
Lanette: Winnie! She’s the one with the purple hair!
Jose: Que?
Lanette: God damn it! What’s the Spanish word for purple? Senorita with el purplo hairo!
Jose: Que?
Lanette: (Sighs) Why the hell didn’t I take Spanish in high school? (The door opens)
Theresa: Lanette?
Lanette: Finally someone who speaks English!
Theresa: Sorry about that. Jose doesn’t comprehend English very well.
Lanette: Okay, where is she?
Theresa: In the break room! Are you going to take her home?
Lanette: Nope. I’m going to get to the bottom of why she’s fainting at work, yell at her a little bit, and then rebuild her before dinner time.
Theresa: Good luck to you. (She walks in the room)
Winona: What are you doing here?
Lanette: Your co-worker called the apartment and said you fell without warning during your shift. Now is there something you’re not telling me? Something that’s been going on, perhaps?! I need to know these things. I don’t want to lose a best friend.
Winona: Stop worrying, you're not going to lose me.
Lanette: So what the hell is going on?
Winona: I don’t know. I just got a little tired I guess.
Lanette: Uh-huh? Similar kind of thing just happened to Misty. I know that the two of you are on this so-called diet. Starving yourself just so that you can fit into some kind of dress isn’t gonna work!
Winona: Hell no, I wasn’t starving to death! I eat!
Lanette: Then why’d you faint?
Winona: You got me! (A bottle falls down) Ah! (Grabs the bottle)
Lanette: What was that?
Winona: What was what? (Lanette grabs the bottle)
Lanette: Just as I thought! Okay, time for me to interfere! You and Misty are going to be on my program now. Starting tomorrow, no more B.S. and you two are going to listen to me and stick with the program! (The next morning at the apartments)
Winona: What the hell is that?
Lanette: My special omelet.
Misty: Is this going to help us lose weight?
Winona: Who knows? It’s probably that all-organic crap that tastes like a compost pile!
Lanette: Just shut up and eat! (Steven walks in)
Steven: Mmm, breakfast!
Lanette: Nope! None for you!
Steven: Come on, hook your boy up!
Lanette: I’ll hook you up with a frying pan to the head!
Steven: You ladies have a nice day! (A little later)
Lanette: Snack time!
Misty: Huh? Celery, carrots…
Winona: What’d you do, rob a farmer?
Lanette: These are your snacks!
Winona: I never ate this crap. Not even as a kid!
Misty: Well… (Chomps on a carrot) I forgot how much I hate carrots!
Winona: Here have the celery! (Winona chomps on the carrot) Mmm…
Misty: I never knew you like carrots so much.
Winona: I was just pretending that this was a snickers bar!
Lanette: Exercise time! You two will be going to the gym. Now you two have fun!
Misty: Wait, aren’t you going with us?
Lanette: I’ve got work! But Bebe is free!
Both: Bebe?
Bebe: That’s right! Who’s ready?
Winona: (Nervous laugh) I’m dead.
Narrator: Give it a couple of days and we definitely see the results. Even though they aren’t on the scale! Within a week or so, Winona felt a little more confident when she wore her “special” negligees for sex. (In the bedroom)
Steven: Wow…Just Wow…Best…Sex…EVER.
Winona: Wow, you’ve never said that before.
Steven: Well usually what happens is that you fall asleep in the middle of sex. But I did read about people who do that when they’re overwe… (Five minutes later on the couch) Me and my big mouth!
Narrator: And as for Misty…
Misty: Ready for the usual Ash?
Ash: You bet! Hey, there’s something different about you Mist. I just can’t place my finger on it.
Misty: Oh, you know. A girl has got to do a lot of things to stay pretty.
Ash: Oh, you know you’re fine the way you are. I wouldn’t change anything about you.
Misty: I get off in about five minutes. Do you wanna come by my place?
Ash: Sounds great!
Lunick: Ash, check this out!
Ash: Huh? Wow Kristie Allie again!
Lunick: She's the true meaning of a yo-yo dieter! But in that other issue, boy was she fat as a cow!
Misty: Other issue?
Ash: Oh, Lunick gets these magazines all the time and he always likes to look at all of these celebrity pictures. Mostly women celebrities!
Lunick: You missed the picture, Mist! Kristie Allie was as big as a blimp.
Misty: You were…talking about…the picture?
Lunick: Yeah. (Misty growls)
Ash: Misty, are you okay?
Misty: I’m going to shove that magazine down your throat Lunick! (That night outside Misty’s apartment)
Ash: Oh, so that’s what’s been going on.
Misty: (Sighs) Dieting sucks.
Ash: Mist, you don’t need go on some crazy diet just to keep me around. You know I’m not going anywhere with anyone else.
Misty: Very comforting to hear.
Ash: If it makes you feel any better, I’d love you no matter what size you are.
Misty: That does. (She opens the door)
Steven: Good evening you two.
Misty: What are you doing out here?
Steven: Same old story! I said something stupid and now I’m on the couch watching TV Land.
Misty: Ready?
Ash: Let’s do it. (They walk into the bedroom)
Steven: Ah, young love. (A little later) So what’d you say to piss her off?
Ash: I don’t want to talk about it.
Steven: Well I guess you’re in the doghouse like me. Have a seat (Sanford and Son theme song plays)
Ash: Does it get any easier with women?
Steven: Let me think…Nope.
Ash: I’ll just make a mental note and not say anything weight related to her ever again.
Steven: You’ll slip up again!
Ash: Dude, don’t jinx it.
Steven: I call it like I see it.
Both: (Sighs) Women!
~*Preview*~
James: Suit…check! Church…check! Plenty of drama…Double check! Next chapter is going to be…my wedding! This wedding is going to be a disaster! My parents are still not getting along with Jessie’s father…Jessie is becoming too demanding, and I’m ready to put a bullet through my head because of all this! Next time on Romance 102, Chapter 31…See you next time!