Embedded Files
~New Character Introduced~
Morty
Original Date of Post: 06/15/2008
Narrator: Spring Break! That wonderful, fun-filled week away from school! It’s around this time that people go to the beach, go to never-ending parties, catch up on some sleep, and GIRLS GONE WILD! Ha! Okay, when you are under the age of 21 or in most cases with the people in this story, under the age of 18 means your choices for Spring Break fun can be very limited. But when a golden opportunity comes up, you take it like if it were candy!
Marcus: For the last time, I am not driving you 100 miles out of town just so we can go to the GIRLS GONE WILD Party.
Brock: Come on. It’s this weekend only! We have to go!
Marcus: There’s no way we can pull this off.
Brock: What’s wrong with the plan? We’ll be out of school, you have a car, your parents are out of town, and I don’t have to babysit my siblings. We drive to the location and party down! What is the problem?
Marcus: I’ve got plenty of problems! Gas prices are high, my parents are going to be calling me all the time on my cell phone to know where I am, we are only 18, and there’s a good chance our parents could see us in a commercial. My father is always up around that time they air and the cameras could catch us.
Brock: Oh I’m sure your father would be proud of you! Plus, with the sea of people all around us I doubt he’ll even see you. He’ll be paying attention to all of those juicy, topless women. (Marcus sighs)
Marcus: Couldn’t you have asked one of your other friends?
Brock: No can do! As you know, all of our other male friends are either too young, have very controlling girlfriends, or have a different lifestyle choice.
Marcus: And you want to leave the day of the Oak-Ketchum wedding! God-damn it, I love weddings and we were invited!
Brock: But picture this, getting to see and even touch actual “Double D’s” for real! The two of us are single men and we might meet and take advantage of some drunk, college girls!
Marcus: You disappoint me! And I do hate having to miss a good wedding!
Brock: Not to worry, we’ll stay for the wedding and leave after they say “I do” and we’ll be at the big GIRLS GONE WILD bash by nightfall. Now get packing! We only have a couple of days until the bash! (The next day at school)
Marisa: I’ll be glad once these midterms are a thing of the past.
Misty: Yeah, so we don’t have to stress so much and so Sakura can act sane again.
Sakura: CAN’T TALK! MUST STUDY! (Walks away)
Ash: It’s not like its finals!
Tracey: I can’t wait to see the wedding and I can’t believe that all of us are invited.
Marisa: Believe it. For one thing, we’re Ash’s friends and it is his mother getting married. Then you have his faithful office aid, moi! Plus, Principal Oak decided to invite some of the good students. I can’t wait for the wedding. I love weddings.
Ash: Yeah, you all may think it’s a hoot, but this is a nightmare to me!
Tracey: Why? What’s the matter? Aren’t you happy that your mother is getting married?
Ash: Yes. I’m happy that my mother is going to be married and it doesn’t even bother me that Principal Oak will be my new father. I’ve made my peace with that. The thing that’s pissing me off is the fact that I will now be related to Gary. My arch-rival!
Marisa: Oh for the love of Buddha! Can’t you two get along? I mean, I was able to make peace with Gary dating my little cousin.
Ash: Well that’s you and this is me. I still can’t stand the S.O.B. and he can’t stand me. And now that we’re going to be related, it’s going to be even creepier. (Bell rings)
Misty: Time for class! I’ll see you all later! (All separate) Just a couple of more days of hell and then I can rest. (Laura walks up)
Laura: Hey Misty, could I speak with you for a little bit?
Misty: Um, okay! What’s on your mind?
Laura: I know it shouldn’t be an issue I should tiptoe around, but I think it’s something that I need to tiptoe around. You see, I was having dinner with Gary and his family the other day…Well soon-to-be family! Anyways, Ash’s mother cornered me and asked for my help to get Ash and Gary to get along.
Misty: How has that been going?
Laura: Not too good. I’ve tried to convince Gary to at least give Ash a chance and he just scoffed at the idea.
Misty: I know. Ash still isn’t open about being related to Gary.
Laura: Maybe if you could help me…
Misty: I don’t know.
Laura: Please Misty. If we double-team them, we might get them to resolve their issues.
Misty: Oh. I don’t know! The two of them bicker to no-end and…
Laura: They have to learn to accept each other soon. Come Saturday, they will be family.
Misty: What did you have in mind?
Laura: I was thinking that we can have them together at the table during lunch. I’ll bring Gary to the table and sit him next to Ash.
Misty: It would be nice to have those two try and get along. Okay, let’s give it a try. How bad could it be?(At lunch)
Ash: FUCK YOU!
Gary: FUCK YOU TOO!
Misty: So much for that plan working.
Laura: I never thought it would end up like this.
Misty: Come on you guys! You’ll be related to each other in just a couple of days. Can’t you boys just call a truce? (Ash and Gary scoff)
Laura: At least agree to disagree! (Ash and Gary get up)
Misty: Alright! This has gone too far! I want you two to sit down and I want you to say one thing positive about the other person. (Ash and Gary groan) JUST DO IT!
Gary: Fine! You’re...a very, ugh… (Quickly) You’re okay!
Laura: Very good Gary!
Ash: Like you meant it!
Gary: Up yours!
Ash: Hey I’ve got one! Once we’re related, I guess that technically makes me your uncle and I can boss you around. I guess that’s one nice thing I can say!
Gary: You are such a retard! Besides, I’m older than you Ashy-boy!
Ash: Only by a month!
Gary: Yeah, well your mother is just some random slut!
Ash: Oh, you want to sink so low as to insulting my mother? (Miss Agatha walks by) Well then, your grandfather is just some fucking, horny old geezer with a limp biscuit! And you are going to be just as fucking impotent! (Ash gets a slip of paper) What’s this?
Miss Agatha: That’s a ticket for detention, young man! Not even sailors curse that much!
Ash: Well, that’s just great!
Gary: Have fun in detention Ashy-boy! (Laughing) I’m out of here! (He leaves)
Misty: Well, this has been a complete disaster!
Laura: This is going to be harder than I thought. (After school at Ash’s house)
Delia: Oh Gary, you are such a nice, polite man.
Gary: Well, you are such a nice woman. I’m glad that you’ll be my new grandmother, even though you look way too young to be a grandmother. (Delia blushes)
Delia: And such a charmer, just like Samuel!
Gary: Thank you ma’am!
Delia: Oh Gary, sweetie, that’s way too formal. You can just call me Delia! (The door opens) Oh Ash, you’re finally home!
Ash: What’s he doing here?
Delia: What do you mean, dear? Aren’t you forgetting that Gary is staying with us for the wedding? (Ash screams)
Gary: That reminds me, where can I put my stuff?
Delia: Just put them in Ash’s room. You’ll be bunking with him! (Ash screams) Ash, go get the old cot from the garage! Gary, you can take the bed for the next couple of days.
Ash: This cannot be happening!
Delia: Now, I’ve got to go pick up some relatives from the airport! I’ll see you boys in a while. (She leaves)
Ash: Alright, you had your fun, now get out!
Gary: I think you are forgetting that my grandfather is getting married to your mother and I’m staying with you until this wonderful ceremony!
Ash: Unbe-friggin-livable! Don’t you have an older sister with an apartment? Why don’t you stay with her?
Gary: I can’t! She’s holding some of our relatives there. Besides, I’m not leaving! Your mother is like the mother I never had.
Ash: Correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t you say that my mother was just some random slut earlier today?
Gary: Sometimes a person is entitled to change their opinion about another person.
Ash: Oh, you are such a fake!
Gary: Come on Ashy-boy! Are you going to show me to your room or not?
Ash: Fine! (Opens a door)
Gary: Boy, this is pretty dinky! (Ash growls) I guess it’ll have to do Ashy-boy!
Ash: Let me just clarify things for you, Gary-boy! Everything in this room is mine! That includes the television, the action figures, and more importantly, the bed.
Gary: Keep your pants on Ashy-boy! I won’t harm your precious rubber sheets!
Ash: GET OUT OF MY ROOM!
Gary: Your mom gave me the room, so why don’t YOU get out!
Ash: You’re going to regret that!
Narrator: And now, Ash vs. Gary, part two! (Ash punches Gary) Ooh, a nice shot from Ketchum! (Gary punches Ash in the gut) But here comes Oak with a gut-check! Let's skip ahead an hour to when Delia comes back home.
Delia: Oh my! What happened to you boys?
Ash: Well...we... (Gary scoffs)
Delia: I think I understand. Come on Ash, I'll clean you up. (Moments later in the bathroom) I know about your little rivalry with Gary.
Ash: You do?
Delia: A mother knows, sweetie! It took me a while to figure out that this was the Gary Oak who you used to hate back in elementary school.
Ash: How could you not see that? For Christ sake, his last name is the same as Samuel’s.
Delia: Well, I just thought that Oak was a very common last name. The point is, I think that you and Gary should come to some sort of a truce and try to get along.
Ash: Yeah, I don’t see that ever happening.
Delia: Please Ash! The last thing I want is to see my son and soon-to-be grandson fighting at the wedding. (Ash sighs) Would it help to know that Gary won’t be living with us? This arrangement is for a couple of days and as soon as the wedding is over, he will be back in the apartment with his sister.
Ash: It’s just that I can’t stand him!
Delia: Please, just try and get along with him, even if it’s temporary! You don’t want to see your mother beg, do you?
Ash: Alright! For your sake, I’ll try! (Delia hugs him)
Delia: Thank you so much honey!
Ash: I’ve just got to try and survive these next few nights. How am I going to deal with this? (Later that night)
Marcus: Okay I’m here! So what was it that you wanted me to do?
Ash: I need you to sleep with me for the next few nights!
Marcus: HUH?! Gee, Ash, as much as I am flattered that you’ve chosen me to come out to, I think you should really inform Misty.
Ash: WHAT?!
Marcus: Although, I don’t know why you are coming out to me and not to someone like Brock or even Harley for that matter.
Ash: NO, YOU DOPE! I need someone who can help me through these next couple of days. It’s so I don’t end up destroying Gary or destroy myself. See, I promised my mother that I would try to get along with Gary and so I really need a moderator to help us. Therefore, I need you to stay here until the day of the wedding. Plus, my room is big enough for the three of us.
Marcus: (Thinking) I guess it won’t kill me to help Ash. I won’t be leaving for my trip until the day of the wedding. I’m sure Brock won’t kill me for this. (Aloud) Okay, as long as your mother agrees then I’ll stay and help. (Delia walks in)
Delia: Did I hear you correctly, Marcus? You're going to stay with us for a couple of days? (Marcus nods) Oh, that’s perfectly fine with me.
Ash: You seem really chipper about this.
Delia: Marcus, could I speak to you in the hallway alone? (In the hallway) Marcus, you are truly a God-send. I need you to do anything in your power to try and get those boys to get along. I’ve tried to get Gary’s little girlfriend to help, but that didn’t work. So maybe you can get through.
Marcus: I could try electroshock therapy. I hook one of them up to the car battery…
Delia: I would try talking to them first.
Marcus: Gotcha! But if you want me to do the electroshock therapy, just nod your head slowly. (The next day at school)
Misty: You’re doing what?
Marcus: I’m helping Ash and Gary try to bury the hatchet and start talking to each other.
Laura: This is perfect Misty! He’s going to accomplish what we failed at yesterday.
Misty: How come I feel like this is going to end badly?
Tracey: It might work!
Marisa: Exactly! (Brock walks up) It would be a miracle for Ash and Gary to try and get along for the wedding. But if anyone could help those two see the light, it’s Marcus.
Marcus: Hold the praise until the deed is done. Things didn’t go so well last night. I had to break up at least 5 fist-fights and one atomic pile-driver!
Marisa: Well if they don’t listen to your words, you can always use your fists.
Marcus: I’m a lover, not a fighter.
Laura: I have to thank you for doing this Marcus. When you can be studying for midterms or preparing for your spring break vacation, you are helping out a friend.
Brock: Yes, you are Mother Theresa reincarnated! Marcus old buddy, I need to speak to you…in private! (They go off in a corner) What the hell are you doing helping Ash when you need to be getting ready for the trip?!
Marcus: Relax! I’m going to help Ash and Gary out for the next few days.
Brock: Marcus, you swore your allegiance over to me for spring break and that was the deal.
Marcus: The deal was for me to drive your horny ass to GIRLS GONE WILD. Besides, you don’t need me to help you. You are beyond help! Sigmund Freud would give up on you in the first session!
Brock: But I need you!
Marcus: Ugh! I was hoping for Beyonce to say those words to me one day. Look, I’m just going to spend a couple of nights at Ash’s house to try and get the two idiots to start respecting each other. We’ll stay for the wedding and then we can drive to the GIRLS GONE WILD party. Now please, if you would, get off my ass!
Brock: Hold it! At least take this. I wrote some dialogue for the trip. I want you to memorize these lines by Saturday.
Marcus: This won’t do us any good. Everyone is going to be drunk.
Narrator: Throughout the next couple of days, Marcus spent his nights at Ash’s house in hopes of having Ash and Gary to try and get along. Unfortunately, things didn’t go as well as first thought. Marcus tried but still ended up stuck in the middle of the two of them fighting. It wasn’t until the night before the wedding that things were looking mighty grim.
Delia: Please Marcus, stay and continue!
Marcus: I’m sorry Ms. Ketchum, but I’ve seen no progress with those two. Besides, I have another commitment that I have to attend to this evening and I can’t blow this off.
Delia: (Sighs) Why am I kidding myself? Those two are still going to hate each other. I guess it was wrong of me to have the two of them be the ring-barer.
Marcus: Geez, that’s like putting a mongoose and a snake in the same cage!
Delia: You’re right. Hmm…I wonder if this last-ditch plan might work.
Marcus: Say what now?
Delia: You’ll see in time my dear. Thanks for your services Marcus. (The next morning over the phone)
Misty: Are you ready for the wedding?
Ash: As ready as I’m ever going to be. Well, I better get off the phone now and get the last minute things done.
Misty: Okay Ash, but just promise me that…
Ash: Will you relax? But if Gary dies sometime today, I want you to come and leave the country with me!
Misty: Ash, don’t do anything stupid! (She hangs up)
Ash: (Sighs) Girlfriends! Hey Mom, you ready to go to the church? (Silence) Mom? Hey, where are you! (Goes to the window) Huh? (A car drives off) That’s not good! Oh crap, they left without me! I bet anything that Gary lied and said I got a ride from someone else! That two-faced jerk! (A door opens) Huh?
Gary: I thought I was the only one in the house.
Ash: Oh, I thought you were in the car with my mom.
Gary: No, I was in the bathroom.
Ash: Well, we have to hurry and get to the church. Mom just left with everyone else in the limo and we’re the only ones left.
Gary: Are you serious? Come on Ash, let’s get into the car and get to the church!
Ash: Problem! I don’t have a car on me!
Gary: You’ve got to be kidding me! Well that’s just great! You don’t have a car, I don’t have a car, all of our family members are at the church and there’s no way to get in contact with them, and I’m stuck with an idiot!
Ash: I’m standing right here you jerk! But where there is a will, there is a way and I can call Misty to try and pick us up! (At Marisa’s house)
Marisa: Thanks for picking us up Marcus!
Marcus: It’s no problem! (Brock points to his watch) Shut the hell up Brock!
Laura: How did it go with Ash and Gary last night?
Marcus: (Sighs) A failure like every other attempt to have them get along. I honestly don’t know how things are going to go down today. Misty, if they start to kill each other during the reception party, I want you to get every detail on your camera.
Misty: Why can’t you do it?
Marcus: Well, Brock and I are only staying for the wedding!
Marisa: What the hell? What do you have to do that’s so damn important that you have to leave before the reception?
Brock: We’re just doing something and that’s all I’m willing to say on the subject.
Laura: I don’t think I really want to know. It sounds too perverted.
Brock: No one asked you, pipsqueak!
Marisa: Hey, don’t speak to my cousin like that you jerk. Besides Laura, they have all of this luggage in the car; I take it they’re going on some kind of trip.
Marcus: Okay then, I’m going to change the subject now! So, where’s your better-half little buddy?
Marisa: He’s getting a ride from Drew. (Beeping)
Misty: God damn it! My phone is dead! I forgot to charge it last night. Oh well! No one should be calling me today anyways. (Back at Ash’s house)
Ash: Damn it! All I’m getting is Misty’s answering machine! She must have shut her phone off! (Hangs up)
Gary: Fine! I’ll just call Laura! (Back in the car)
Laura: Oh God! I should shut off my phone! I wouldn’t want anyone to call me during the ceremony.
Brock: Sounds good! (They all shut off their phones) Great! We’ll go through the whole wedding and have enough time to go see Gi…I mean, nothing!
Laura: Huh? (Back at Ash’s house)
Ash: You were saying?
Gary: Oh shut up! Don’t criticize until you come up with an idea. (Several minutes later)
Ash: I give up! I’ve tried calling Misty, Brock, Sakura, Drew, Marisa, Tracey, Marcus, and no one has even picked up. Wait! I forgot about May!
Gary: Well stop talking and call her! (At May’s house)
Max: May, are you done in there? I need to wash my hair. (May vomits) Is this what all pregnant women do all day? Eat, cry, and vomit? (The toilet flushes and the door opens)
May: Oh shut up you little worm! (Phone ringing) Oh, that’s my phone. (Back at Ash’s house)
Ash: Oh thank you God! Her phone is turned on! (Picks up)
May: Hello!
Ash: May, thank God! You have to come by my house! My mom forgot me at the house and I’ve got to get to the wedding! (Gary clears his throat) Oh yeah and Gary is here as well. Please May; we have to be there as soon as possible!
May: I’ll leave right away!
Ash: Ha! I knew one of my friends can always come through for me! (A little later at the church)
Marcus: Alright boys, I think it’s time again for a poll. Ash versus Gary!
Brock: Right, my money is on Ash!
Drew: I’ll put five dollars on Gary.
Tracey: Can I put money down for a tie!
Brock: A tie? I don’t know why Marisa puts up with you.
Marisa: You guys are painful. (Misty and Laura walk up) Something wrong Misty?
Misty: Yeah, I haven’t seen Ash anywhere.
Laura: And Gary is no where to be found either.
Marisa: Oh, they’re probably just getting ready for the ceremony.
Marcus: Or ready to rumble! (Principal Oak walks up)
All: Hello Principal Oak.
Oak: Have any of you seen Ash or Gary? We haven’t seen them at all. The wedding is supposed to start soon and we can’t go through with the ceremony without either one of them.
Misty: We haven’t seen them at all.
Oak: This is bad.
Misty: Wait a second, I have a hunch! Laura, turn on your phone again. I want to see if Ash got lost on the way to the church.
Laura: Okay! (Beeping) I have six new messages!
Misty: Huh? THAT’S ASH’S NUMBER! (Answering machine)
Gary: Laura, its Gary! This is an emergency! Ash and I have no ride and we have to get to the church as soon as possible! I’m stuck at the house with this idiot!
Ash: TAKE THAT BACK YOU ASS… (Beep)
Misty: They’re still at the house?
Oak: Okay, let’s not panic! First things first! We have to stall the wedding until we get those boys here and to keep Delia from knowing any of this. Marcus and Drew, I want you two to keep the audience entertained. The group I hired to sing isn’t here yet so just sing until they get here. Marisa and Sakura, I want you girls to keep Delia in her room until I give the word. (Misty runs over to Marcus)
Misty: Give me your car keys!
Marcus: Okay!
Brock: God damn it! Hell no! Not today of all days! (Misty grabs Brock by the ear)
Misty: Listen here! I don’t know why you’re having this attitude but you better quit it right now! (Brock gives her the keys) And another thing, you shouldn’t be cussing in a church. SO WATCH YOUR GOD-DAMN MOUTH! (Grabs Laura) Come on!
Oak: If you will all excuse me, I need to go to the bathroom and throw up. (In front of Ash’s house)
May: Come on you guys!
Ash: Go, go, go! (They enter the car) Do we have everything?
Gary: Oh God, where are the rings?
Ash: Relax, I got both of them right here! (Gary sighs)
May: Now, which church is it?
Ash: I think it’s called St. Flannigan’s!
May: Sounds like the name of a bar!
Gary: St. Flannigan’s? And what do you mean "you think"?
Ash: Will you trust me on this? I know it since it’s only ten minutes from the house.
Gary: If that were the case, we could have just walked!
Ash: JUST DRIVE! (Back at the church)
Brock: I cannot believe that girl stole my friggin’ car! All of my gadgets are in there!
Tracey: What gadgets?
Brock: Eh, it’s nothing!
Tracey: If I didn’t know any better, I would say you were up to something. Am I to assume you were planning on meeting up with a girl?
Brock: Yeah, well you don’t know any better so shut it! I wish I didn’t have to hear those two singing!
Tracey: What are you talking about? Marcus and Drew are the best male singers in school.
Brock: I want girls! (Tracey sighs) Huh? Oh thank you God! Look who just showed up?
Tracey: I didn’t know Erika, Grace, and Kelly were here. I guess Principal Oak asked them to sing.
Marcus: (Singing) For the way we were!
Drew: (Singing) The way we were! (Sees Erika) Thank you God! Come on Marcus. It’s break time! (In a corner)
Erika: What in the name of God are you doing singing at our gig!
Marcus: We were just warming up for you three. You three are the stars!
Erika: That’s right and don’t you forget it!
Marcus: You girls just keep singing whatever age appropriate song you want to until Principal Oak gives the signal to start singing Here Comes The Bride. (They walk up to the front)
Drew: Why’d you let them walk all over you?
Marcus: Because of Erika! I get yelled at by my mother and Marisa. Two screaming ladies are enough for me!
Erika: Wait a second! He wants us to sing UNTIL the wedding begins? This is a golden ticket!
Kelly: (Gasp) I’ve got the perfect song! (Puts on a wig and puts on a CD)
Erika: What are we doing?
Grace: Just give her this one thing! Then you can lead.
Kelly: (Singing)
And I am telling you
I'm not going.
You're the best man I'll ever know.
There's no way I can ever, ever go,
No, no, no, no way,
No, no, no, no way I'm livin' without you.
Oh, I'm not livin' without you… (Outside the church)
Gary: I’ve got to hand it to you Ash; we were able to get here in no time flat.
Ash: Thank you Gary. Hey May, when you’re finished with your late-morning sickness, you can come in with us. (May groans) Well, we finally made it. (They open the door)
Gary: Uh Ash, I think this is the wrong church.
Ash: Why do you say that?
Gary: Because, none of our friends or family members are here and there are two gay men getting married.
Ash: Hey, he goes to our school! What was his name again, oh yeah, it’s Biff!
Butch: THE NAME IS BUTCH!
Priest: And do you Morty, take Buffy…
Butch: IT’S BUTCH!!!
Priest: …To be your husband?
Morty: I do...Take Butch to be my husband.
Butch: (Thinking) Finally! Someone who remembers my name! I love my man!
Priest: I now pronounce you husband and…husband. You may kiss…each other. (They kiss on the lips)
Ash: Ugh. (Closes the door) All I can say is thank God it wasn’t Harley.
Gary: IDIOT! You can’t even get the name of the church right!
Ash: Hey, you could have said that it was the wrong church. STUPID! Fine then, it must be Hannigan instead of Flannigan.
Gary: How you were able to make it this far in high school is beyond me. (Back at the car)
Ash: Come on May, it’s the wrong church.
May: Where are we going now?
Gary: St. Hannigan’s Church! (Car makes strange noise)
May: Uh-oh!
Ash: What do you mean “uh-oh?” You shouldn’t say uh-oh until you are ready to deliver your baby! Why did she say "uh-oh"?
May: The car is dead! (Ash screams) Will you stop your screaming? (In front of Ash’s house)
Laura: It doesn’t look like they’re here!
Misty: Where could they have gone to?
Laura: Maybe they found a ride from somebody and are on their way to the church.
Misty: I hope you are right! And I hope that they haven’t killed each other. Come on; let’s get back in the car. (A few minutes later over the phone) What do you mean they’re not there yet?
Oak: It’s just as I said! But don’t worry, no one has caught on about any of this and Delia still doesn’t know. But they better come here soon because I don’t know how long we can keep up this charade! (Hangs up) How’s Delia holding up?
Marisa: It’s working for now. She seems to believe that the priest is suffering from a big hangover and it’ll take him a while to come around.
Oak: Very good.
Sakura: At least the audience is being entertained. (Singing and clapping)
Marisa: You’ve got to love those girls. (Back in front of St. Flannigan’s Church)
Ash: Come on! SOMEBODY GIVE US A RIDE! (Horns honk)
Gary: Give it up Ash!
Ash: Oh! I suppose you’re going to pin this whole thing on me. Say it’s my entire fault and that I should be blamed.
Gary: Damn straight. It is your fault. If you got the name of the church right, we could have been there by now instead of in front of a church watching two gay guys prance out.
Ash: Kiss my ass!
May: Jesus Christ! It was both of your faults! You two should have been at least trying to get along. Instead, you two idiots have been at each other’s throats. Maybe if you boys learned to work together, this whole incident could have been avoided.
Ash: You’re right May.
Gary: I’m sorry.
May: Don’t apologize to me.
Ash: I’m sorry Gary. Now I feel bad. I’m letting my own mother down with this on the day of her wedding.
Gary: I envy you. Your mother is the nicest person I’ve ever met. As you know, I don’t have a mother and I guess all of these years, I’ve held against you. I’ve always been jealous of you because of that. I’m sorry for being such a jerk to you.
Ash: Gary. (Holds out his hand) A truce! Let me apologize to you for being a jerk as well. (They shake hands)
Gary: I accept. (Horn honks) Huh? (Misty and Laura come out of the car)
Misty: Ash, Gary!
Ash: Holy crap! You found us!
Gary: Come on, we have to get to the church now!
Ash: Right buddy!
Misty: Buddy? You mean you guys are finally getting along? (They nod)
Laura: Wow! I’m so proud of you two!
Ash: Okay, we made up! Let’s get to the church now! (Inside the car)
Misty: Sorry guys it’s a little cramped in here, this is Marcus’s car!
May: Why are there so many bags in here? (Pulls out a condom) OH MY GOD!
Ash: Does that look familiar to you? (Gary laughs)
May: That’s not funny! (A few minutes later at the church)
Brock: Damn Ash! I’m already behind schedule!
Tracey: Again, you act like you are up to something!
Marcus: Shut up! I don’t want anyone to know that I’m doing you this stupid favor! And after this is all over, I don't want to speak to you for at least three weeks.
Tracey: What favor?
Both: NOTHING! (Tracey sighs)
Drew: They’re back!
Oak: Thank you God! I’ll give the girls the signal!
Erika: Oh man, we have to go back to singing crappy old Here Comes the Bride!
Grace: It was fun while it lasted!
Kelly: Can I at least still wear this Jennifer Hudson wig? (In the back)
Ash: Mom, we're ready to start the ceremony!
Gary: Are you ready?
Delia: Boys, you're standing next to each other and neither one of you is covered in blood or scrapes!
Ash: That’s right Mom.
Gary: We made up!
Delia: That’s all I needed to hear. (She hugs them both)
Ash: Now you get out there and get married.
Delia: Right. I’m just so glad that my plan worked perfectly.
Both: Plan?
Delia: (Giggles) Don't worry about it. (She leaves the room)
Ash: You don’t think she…
Gary: …Set us up?
Both: Nah!
Narrator: Luckily, the wedding went along without any interruptions. Principal Oak and Delia were able to say their “I do’s” in peace and are now husband and wife. Ash and Gary made a temporary truce. I say that because they were able to get along like reasonable human beings for the remainder of the wedding and reception party. But they went back to hating each others guts once the newlyweds went away on their honeymoon. (Ash and Gary choke each other)
Ash: I hate you Gary!
Gary: Ashy-boy!
Narrator: Hey, what do you expect? They’re boys! May was able to get her piece of crap car fixed up. It was fixed after somebody broke into her car and stole the stereo system. Marisa and Tracey spent the majority of the night dancing and kissing and hugging and slow dancing and kissing and…Okay, it’s like watching a lava lamp! Moving right along! Misty and Laura were happy to know that the boys were getting along (for now) and celebrated a job well done. Kelly…Still wore the Jennifer Hudson wig! And as for Marcus and Brock…They made it to GIRLS GONE WILD party. Brock passed out before anything even happened. Dumbass stayed up for two days straight because he was so excited. He saw zero breasts, got zero sex, and is even more pitiful than ever. And as for Marcus, he had a fun time dancing with a bunch of loose women and sticking dollar bills in their g-string. Marcus was on a complete high, until his father saw the infomercial a week later. That’s when he saw his only son with a bra on his head dancing…And is now grounded for a month.
~*Preview*~
Brock: This is the last chance. Senior Prom! After this, I don't get any more chances. Will I finally obtain a date to this iconic dance?
Marcus: If you want to see if Brock will actually succeed, stay tuned for this dance-tastic chapter. Next time on Romance 101, Chapter 44...See you next time!
Song(s) used
*The Way We Were by Barbara Streisand
*And I'm Telling You by Jennifer Holiday or Jennifer Hudson
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