Original Date of Post: 01/27/2008
Narrator: Wonderful rehearsals! As I am someone who has been up on stage, I know first hand about the rehearsal process. I’m not talking about learning your lines or anything like that! I’m talking about the weirdos and whack-jobs you meet during rehearsals! Your co-stars! But it is because of these people that make it so interesting. It’s been about three weeks since rehearsals began for Guys & Dolls. Since this was the first play May has been in at Pallet High, she would have to get used to some of the people in the theatre. Her first lesson: stay out of Jessie and Erika’s way. Next, try not to get on the bad side of a very flamboyant boy...like Harley. And last, to try not to rip off the head of your co-star...meaning Drew.
Marcus: (Singing) Call it sad, call it funny!
James: (Singing) But it’s better than even money!
Both: (Singing) That the guy’s only doing it for some doll!
Miss Vivian: Very good boys! (Backstage)
May: Wow, they’re pretty…something!
Marisa: It’s only the first few weeks. Give them some time, they’ll get better.
May: I hope so! (Drew walks up)
Drew: And you have nerve to talk? I see you haven’t called me once since we began.
May: That’s because my voice is fine, green-hair! It was just the jitters of being up for callbacks.
Drew: Hmm. (Flicks hair) In my opinion, if you can’t handle the pressure of auditions and callbacks, then you’ll never handle being on stage period. (He walks away)
May: Oh I can’t stand him! I don’t know what everybody else sees in Drew! I think he’s an arrogant jerk!
Marisa: He’s not all bad. (Tucker walks up)
Tucker: Hi girls!
May: Hi Tucker! Oh my God! What the hell happened?
Tucker: What? All I did was dye my hair black! Miss Vivian wanted me to dye my hair black for the role of Big Julie. That’s why I was glad that I was on set crew when we did Les Mis last year. I was able to keep my pink hair!
May: Well when you were in Les Mis, was green hair a big jerk?
Tucker: Green hair? You mean Drew? He’s a nice boy, just very serious about his work.
May: He’s a jerk! (Joshua walks up)
Joshua: Oh don’t let Drew get you down. I’ve been noticing a great change in your style since auditions. Trust me, you’re doing great. (May blushes)
May: Thank you Joshua!
Erika: Hey, watch it girlie! Lay a finger on my Joshua and you’ll be going on stage with a black eye!
Solidad: (Screaming) QUIET BACK STAGE!!! (They all jump)
May: (Whispering) Sorry! (After rehearsals)
Marisa: Great job today!
May: Thanks Marisa! Say, now that we’re alone I want to talk to you.
Marisa: Sure! What about?
May: Does it seem like a lot of people are giving me a lot of attitude? It just feels like I get this negative vibe from a lot of people lately. Except from you and Marcus for some reason!
Marisa: I really haven’t noticed.
May: Well I can understand Erika and her jealousy. I can see her a little angry since she feels I’m coming in between her and Joshua. Grace and Kelly talk to me, occasionally. But give me a strange look every time they talk to me. Then there’s Harley! I think it’s just because it was between the two of us for the part of Sarah Brown. And Jessie! I barely know her and yet she just gives me these strange looks as well.
Marisa: First off I’m going to say, don’t let them get to you. Just live your life and do what you’ve got to do. Erika is angry at everybody. That’s just who she is! She gets mad at butterflies if they land too close to Joshua. Grace and Kelly like you. The only reason why they give the strange looks and don’t talk to you for long is because of Erika. She tries to control them because she’s a control freak. I don’t think I need to explain anymore about Harley that you don't already know. And as for Jessie…She’s just a bitch. Plain and simple!
May: Is she just as controlling as Erika?
Marisa: More so!
May: I have another question for you. What do you think of Drew? Personally!
Marisa: Drew, he’s nice. He hasn’t gotten on my bad side as far as I’m concerned. But he is such a player! Just about every girl in school would do anything to try and date him. Matter of fact, I’ve seen him on dates with almost all of the girls in our class for the past two years.
May: Did you ever date him?
Marisa: Not at all. Drew’s nice! He’s just not my type at all. Something is telling me that you would like to get to know Drew a little more. (May blushes)
May: I just want to know what the hell is up with that asshole! Uppity bitch boy! Did you say that he’s a player?
Marisa: Absolutely! He’s been on more dates than Flavor Flav. One second, I see him on a date with one girl. The next second, he’s courting some other dame. I mean girl! God, I’ve been getting into this play a little too much. Anyways, ladies love him, no matter if he doesn’t call them back. The men are jealous that they don’t have the suave moves that he has. But, he’s not a pervert like Brock. (Nearby)
Harley: Look at her! Only here for one month and already she’s the talk of the whole school! It just makes me ill inside knowing that she gets the part I’ve wanted for so long. And what’s even more nauseating is that she gets to work with that hot Drew.
Jessie: Oh get over yourself!
Harley: You’re one to talk girlfriend! Correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t you want the part of Sarah Brown as much as I did?
Jessie: Damn straight! I would have gotten it too if it weren’t for you and that pipsqueak getting in my way!
Harley: You didn’t even audition!
Jessie: Don’t blame me! I was at home with the flu. I couldn’t be on stage trying to sing, while having my head in a trash can every five seconds.
Harley: Why don’t we make our guest feel more at home? It’ll be perfect! Once she is torn, she’ll have to quit the play!
Jessie: Ha! Why should I help you go along with this plan?
Harley: Look honey, let’s bury the hatchet and call a truce. Once the pipsqueak quits, that leaves the part of Sarah Brown up for grabs!
Jessie: Yeah, but you’re the understudy for the part.
Harley: Not a problem darling! Just go through with the plan and I promise to give up my role to you. (Jessie gasps) That’s right my dear, with no strings attached! I will simply tell Miss Vivian that you would be perfect for the role and you’ll be a shoe-in. Just remember to rehearse the lines and she’ll give you that role.
Jessie: I’ll do it!
Harley: (Thinking) Little do you know doll-face, I have no intention of giving up that part to the likes of you. (Aloud) Okay Jessie, first I want you to get on May’s good side and wait for further instructions later on. (Both laughing)
Jessie: Sarah Brown, here I come! (A little later outside the theatre)
Marisa: I’ll see you tomorrow May.
May: See you later! (Marisa walks away)
Jessie: There’s my cue! (She runs up to May) Hey May, wait a minute! Hi May! How’s it going?
May: Um, hi…Jessie right?
Jessie: Aw and quick to learn I see! We haven’t gotten a chance to know each other very well. I figure since we’re in the play together, we should get a chance to get more well acquainted. Girl to girl!
May: Sure thing Jessie! Why are you taking this sudden interest in me? I’m not trying to be mean or anything like that, but we’ve been rehearsing for the last three weeks and all you’ve been doing is giving me the silent treatment.
Jessie: Uh, well I always like to get to know my fellow co-stars. You know, get to know them well! It’s just that it takes me a while to warm up to new people. I’ve always been that way. Just stick with me kid and we can make our version of Guys & Dolls the best.
May: Aren’t you just on the make-up crew?
Jessie: (Thinking) Why you little witch! (Aloud) True. But what’s a play without the make-up crew?
May: You got me there.
Jessie: Hey now that we’re girlfriends, there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you.
May: Thanks…I think. (The next day at lunch)
Sakura: God, I hate salads!
Misty: I know sweetie, but it is all part of the diet.
Sakura: Yeah, yeah, yeah I know!
Misty: Just look on the bright side, you’ve already lost over 10 pounds. That’s an accomplishment and you should be proud.
Sakura: I am Misty and I’m very grateful that you’ve been so helpful. If I can go through eating this crap for a little while longer, I’ll do it.
Marcus: No freakin’ way! Are you sure this isn’t photoshopped?
Todd: Nope. I got this one from yesterday.
Misty: What are you looking at?
Marcus: These are pictures of May and Jessie hugging. I’m sorry; you just don’t hug the enemy!
Todd: Me thinks that they’re lesbians! Thanks to these pictures, I can lay off of Sakura.
Sakura: What?
Misty: You…Leave…NOW! (Todd leaves) Pay no attention to him!
Sakura: It’s okay Misty. It’s like you said. Don’t pay attention to what people say and live your own life.
Misty: Very good Sakura. (Ash, Brock, and Tracey sit down)
Ash: How’s it going?
Sakura: Okay I guess!
Brock: Sakura, you’re looking well today!
Ash: Yeah, Misty’s diet plan must be working.
Tracey: We can totally see the results and you’re looking fabulous!
Sakura: Thank you boys!
Ash: You see Misty; we don’t need to be bri… (Brock and Tracey cover his mouth)
Brock: Shut your big mouth!
Sakura: What did he say?
Misty: He said, we don’t need to be…bright to know that you’re looking great every single day!
Sakura: That’s so sweet. Thank you Ash! (May walks up)
May: Hi you guys!
Marcus: Uh May, I heard from a reliable source that you were hanging around with Jessie yesterday and this morning and that got me to wondering if the two of you were getting well acquainted.
Ash: Well acquainted? You don’t mean that she’s gay do you?
Marcus: God, you truly are an idiot! Are the two of you friends or something?
May: She just wanted to get to know me better yesterday.
Marcus: Just be careful when hanging around someone like Jessie. She’s got the tendency to be a bit of a bitch and a backstabber most of the time.
Brock: So is Marisa, but that never stopped us from hanging with her.
Marcus: Little buddy can be bitchy at times, but never a backstabber. (Drew walks up)
May: And what the hell do you want?
Drew: Nothing! I’ll see you at rehearsals! (He walks away)
May: I can’t stand him! I don’t know what girls see in him!
Sakura: He’s rather cute.
Misty: Oh I forgot! You went out with him.
Sakura: It was for one Homecoming dance. After that, he stopped calling me and then I see him kissing some other girl. But another thing is that Drew isn’t a pervert like another boy we all know.
Brock: What’s that supposed to mean?
Sakura: Just ask almost any girl in the school about Drew and they’ll tell you all about him. Huh? Where’d May go?
Marcus: Don’t know? (A little later out in the courtyard)
Erica: (Sighs) Drew! He was so sweet on our date. I’ll never forget the bouquet of roses he gave me. And then he goes and dates my best friend behind my back!
Whitney: He asked me out on one date and I couldn’t resist. I mean, come on, just look at him! It almost ruined my friendship with Erica, but it was so worth it just to date him.
Marina: Sweet, very sweet! Not a… (Sees Brock) PERVERT! (She throws a book at him) Just sweet! Very sweet!
Sarah: He was nice! A little conceded about his hair, but nice!
Grace: He is a great dancer!
Kelly: For a white guy, he’s got a great ass! (Nearby)
Harley: So that’s it! She has a little crush on Drew!
Jessie: How can you tell?
Harley: It’s simple. A lot of girls go for boys who treat them like crap. And Drew has been giving her crap since day one.
Jessie: That pest? Ugh, that kid is so annoying and such a poser!
Harley: Drew boy is such a player and has so many other opportunities with some of the sluts at this school. There’s no way he’d be interested in her. But this could play to our advantage. I want you to try and get her more interested in him.
Jessie: Why would I do that?
Harley: Build her hopes up and have her think that Drew likes her. And once she’s up, she’ll get smashed down by a little thing called reality. You tell her to put the moves on Drew boy and she’ll make an idiot of herself. She’ll quit the play and you’ve got yourself the lead role. (Jessie chuckles) Now get moving! (Jessie runs over to May)
Jessie: May darling, there you are!
May: Oh hi Jessie.
Jessie: What are you doing?
May: I was trying to get more information on a certain co-star of mine.
Jessie: This wouldn’t be about Drew would it?
May: Yeah. It turns out the little pervert has done pretty well for himself by getting all of these girls to go out with him.
Jessie: Oh you don’t have to lie to me! I can already tell that you have a crush on Drew.
May: TAKE IT BACK! IT’S NOT TRUE!
Jessie: Oh but it’s true! It’s all over your face! (May blushes) See, you’re blushing! I could of course help you get with him.
May: Really? Uh, why would I care about green-hair?
Jessie: I talk to Drew all of the time and for the last month, all he talks about is you. It’s true! “May’s so great! May is so talented! I’d love to play around the May pole.” And so on! You know, many girls would be jealous at the fact that you’re getting this much attention from Drew.
May: Is it true?
Jessie: Would I lie to you?
May: Well, you haven’t steered me wrong yet, so I guess I’ll take your word for it.
Jessie: I would flirt around with him, you know, really screw with his emotions. Another thing is try to plant a big kiss on him. Do something a little freaky and give him some tongue! You two have a couple of kissing scenes in the play. (Later at rehearsals)
Drew: (Singing) Yes I’ll know, when my love comes along.
Miss Vivian: Very good Drew. Now this is when you two stare at each other as the music continues to play. Drew, you lean in! Let me feel it! You want that kiss from her! May, you question at first. And you two go in for a kiss!
May: Uh! (Thinking) Should I?
Jessie’s voice: Another thing is try to plant a big kiss on him. Do something a little freaky and give him some tongue! (May slaps Drew in the face)
Solidad: Whoa! I felt that out here!
Miss Vivian: May, you’re supposed to kiss Drew first and then you slap him.
May: Sorry.
Miss Vivian: (Sighs) Let’s take a five minute break. (Backstage)
Marisa: I had no idea you hated Drew that much! He’s still red from that slap!
May: I really didn’t want to hurt him…much.
Solidad: Hi May.
May: Solidad?
Solidad: It’s okay to kiss him. It’s just an innocent stage kiss and nothing like a kiss if you two were getting married. Miss Vivian doesn’t really mind the kiss at all.
May: It’s not like that at all.
Solidad: What’s the matter then?
Drew: It’s because she’s not strong enough for the role. Amateur! (May growls)
Harley: All you need is an edge! (They all turn around) Tucker, get over here! (Grabs him and kisses him on the lips) And that’s how it is done!
Solidad: Okay.
Drew: One year later and that still grosses me out!
Marisa: There’s nothing gross about that! Isn’t that right May? May? Where’d she go?
Kelly: She ran to the bathroom. (Later at rehearsals)
May: (Singing)
I've never been in love before
I thought my heart was safe
I thought I knew the score
But this is wine that's all too strange and strong
I'm full of foolish song
And out my song must pour
Drew and May together:
So please forgive this helpless haze I'm in
I've really never been
In love before
Miss Vivian: Beautiful you two! Alright, this is when you two go in for a kiss. May, it’s quite alright with me if you kiss him. Just not too passionate that I lose my job! (Drew leans in closer)
May: Oh! (Backstage)
Jessie: (Thinking) Come on May! (Fire alarm goes off) Huh?
Marcus: FIRE! FIRE! WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE! (Everybody runs outside)
Miss Vivian: Of all the damn things! (Outside)
Marisa: You are a bigger Drama Queen than Harley! And that’s saying a lot!
Marcus: Come on! It had to have been something serious. It’s after school and as far as I remember, there aren’t any fire drills after school!
May: That was a close one. (Drew walks up)
Drew: Hey, what’s your deal? Your whole performance is bringing us all down. If you don’t get your act together, you can just quit right now.
Solidad: Drew, that was too harsh!
Tucker: Seriously man! May’s doing the best that she can and by the way, she’s doing a fantastic job in my opinion.
Solidad: Besides, I remember a time when you weren’t at the best of your game.
Drew: (Growls) Fine! I can see that I can’t win this. (He walks away)
May: Jerk!
Solidad: You always hurt the one you love.
May: Huh?
Solidad: You’ll see what I mean in time. (Tucker and Solidad walk away)
May: Huh? Is it true? Does Drew really like me?
Jessie: OF COURSE HE DOES! (May screams) Come on, he’s got to have a total interest in you. There’s no denying it!
May: I don’t know!
Jessie: Just give him a chance. (May sighs and walks away) I know you’re there! (Harley walks up) I swear, you’re like herpes, you just won’t go away!
Harley: I’m flattered darling! She’s still not falling for Drew! We’ve still got to convince her that Drew really likes her. And when she finds out that he can’t stand her, she’ll be so devastated that she’ll never want to act with him on stage. This leaving the big part up for grabs, if you get my drift!
Jessie: Yeah but, what if it’s REALLY true and Drew likes her back!
Harley: Have you seen Drew with her? He can’t stand her. Trust me honey, there’s nothing more painful than finding out that the person you like doesn’t like you back. It’s an ugly road I’ve been down many times in the past.
Jessie: I too have felt that ugly sting of rejection. I thought the pain would never leave! But life goes on!
Narrator: A couple of more weeks go by and opening night is drawing closer and closer. May continues to grow stronger in her part and just about everybody knows it and acknowledges her for it. Well, except for Drew. Oh sure, he did toss one compliment her way, but that’s about it. As for the kissing scenes, May personally asked Miss Vivian to skip the kissing scenes until opening night. Now Miss Vivian made a deal to skip it until some of the final rehearsals before they open. Back to the play itself! Just about everybody got all of the lines down, but still need to get some of the dance moves down, as well as most of the blocking. In other news, Sakura managed to get down to a reasonable weight and…
Random idiot #1: Whoa, whoa, whoa! How the hell was she able to get her weight down that fast?
Narrator: She can put on weight fast and take it off fast. Like Renée Zellweger or Janet Jackson. They call those people yo-yo’s! Wait, how the hell did you get here? Get out of my booth or I’m calling the police. Where was I? Oh yeah! Back to the play, Jessie is getting pissed off as time keeps passing by and May is still in the play.
Jessie: The performance is in a couple of weeks Harley and that little pipsqueak is still in the play. How on earth do expect to have her quit this close to opening night? No professional actor would ever do something like that!
Harley: Keep your thong on! I have an idea! We’re going to write a love note.
Jessie: A love note? Three weeks of plotting and that’s the best you could come up with? You couldn’t have come up with an idea that doesn’t sound so cliché or so gay?
Harley: I resent that! We write a love note on how she expresses her true feelings for Drew and sign May’s name. When he opens it, he’ll rip her heart out and boom, she’ll be too devastated to go on and you will be Sarah Brown!
Jessie: Okay fine! But this is your last chance and this idea better work! (At lunch)
Ash: So how are rehearsals coming along for you? (Marcus stands up)
Marcus: (Singing) I dreamed last night I got on the boat to heaven!
Marisa: Sit down!
Marcus: Sit down, you’re rocking the boat! (She glares at him) I’ll be quiet now!
Marisa: It’s been going okay. Luckily, I was able to get down all my lines pretty fast since General Cartwright doesn’t have that many lines.
Sakura: What about the singing?
May: It’s okay!
Ash: I must admit May, you’ve got guts!
Brock: Is it because she actually has the nerve to sing in front of an audience?
Ash: No! It’s because she’s up on stage acting with Drew. I mean come on, Brock and I have known him since Elementary school and let’s face it, he can be a bit of a jerk.
Brock: He’s not a jerk. Sarcastic sometimes, but he’s an okay guy. He just pisses me off whenever he goes out with a girl that turns me down.
Misty: Wouldn’t that be just about every girl that you ever asked out since your freshmen year? (Brock growls)
Marisa: Anyways May, opening night is coming up pretty fast and sooner or later, you’re going to have to kiss Drew on stage.
May: I know.
Sakura: Why are you so afraid of kissing Drew? I know a bunch of girls here who would kill to have the opportunity that you have. (May sighs)
Narrator: After school, Jessie and Harley put the finishing touches on the love letter. After writing May’s name, they slipped it right next to Drew’s jacket and left before anybody could see them. Luckily, it was only a few minutes after that happened that Drew discovered the love note.
Solidad: Okay you guys, we’re going to start rehearsals in ten minutes. Huh?
Joshua: Oh man, that is the best parody ever! Do it again! Do it again!
Marcus: (Singing) For the people all said sit down, sit down you’re fucking the goat!
James: (Singing) The people all said sit down, sit down you’re fucking the goat!
Joshua: I swear Weird Al should do this!
Marcus: Nah, he’ll never get permission from the FCC to do that!
Solidad: HEY! I said ten minutes! Miss Vivian is out in the theatre and she’s going to hear everything. And when I say quiet back stage I mean, shut the hell up! And another thing, if I even hear your stupid version of Sit Down You’re Rocking the Boat on stage, I will have your heads. (She walks away)
Joshua: She seems mad!
Marcus: She’s pretty tame compared to both of your girlfriends. (May walks up) Hey, you ready today!
May: More or less! Hey Joshua! (Erika runs up)
Erika: Back off you hussy!
Solidad: QUIET BACKSTAGE! (They all jump)
Marcus: I take it back, Solidad is much scarier! (Drew walks up)
Drew: May, can I talk to you in private?
May: Um, okay. Let’s go in the green room. (In the room) So what do you want?
Drew: Hmm. The feeling is mutual.
May: Huh?
Drew: I like you too May.
May: You what? (Outside)
Jessie: Can you hear what they’re saying?
Harley: Shut up so I can hear please! (Marisa walks up)
Marisa: Hey, what are you two doing? (Harley and Jessie jump) Because it looks like you two are eavesdropping.
Jessie: Why, we weren’t doing that. Besides, you do it all the time nark! I was just checking on my good buddy. (May and Drew open the door)
Drew: What’s going on out here?
Marisa: I caught these two eavesdropping on your conversation.
May: Harley and Jessie?
Drew: What did you hear?
Marisa: Nothing! I just got here!
Drew: Not you! You two!
Harley: I just heard you spill your guts to May, that’s all.
May: Huh?
Drew: Why do you act so surprised by all of this May? You’re the one who sent me the note saying that you liked me first!
May: I WHAT?! Let me see this so called note! (She reads the note) This isn’t even my handwriting! (Everyone gasps)
Drew: If you didn’t write this letter, then who did? I’ve got an idea! Marisa, I need you for a second! I take it you’re familiar with a lot of people’s handwriting seeing as you work in the front office. Take a look at the note and tell me anything.
Marisa: Who me? I could never do…Okay, you’ve got me there. I can analyze people’s handwriting. Let’s see what I can find. Hmm…Jessie, this looks an awful lot like your writing. You’re the only person I know who still dots your I’s with stars. (Jessie gasps)
Jessie: That’s ridiculous! Why would I write some love note in an attempt to trash your reputation and ruin you for life?
Marisa: Because you are an evil witch!
Jessie: And you are a nark! (Marisa growls)
May: Why did you do something like that?
Jessie: I’m not going down alone! Harley was in on this the whole time!
Harley: Hey, don’t drag my good name down as well!
Jessie: There is nothing good about it!
Harley: Fine! I’ll come clean! I wanted revenge for May stealing my part away!
May: Your part? I won the part of Sarah Brown fair and square.
Harley: I wanted to drive you to quit the play. I only got Jessie to help with me because you know how the old saying goes, “Two is always better than one.” Once you quit, I would have been the star of the play.
Jessie: I knew I shouldn’t have trusted you! You weren’t going to give up the part!
Harley: And you actually believed me? I don’t know what that hunk James sees in you!
May: I hate to disappoint you two but I’m not going anywhere! I’m not quitting the play and I’m not backing down! Not for you! I’m going to be Sarah Brown and I don’t care what anybody says! Now get out of my sight! (Harley and Jessie leave) Drew!
Drew: Yeah?
May: When you told me that you liked me…That was really something else! I just can’t give you a response now.
Drew: Huh?
May: I need some time to let this sink in. I’ll give you my answer on opening night.
~*Preview*~
Marcus: (Singing) When you see a guy reach for stars in the sky, you can bet that he's doing it for some doll! When you see Drew waiting out in the rain, chances are he's in pain, as all he can do is think of May. When you meet the folks...
Marisa: Marcus, shut up and finish this preview.
Marcus: Next time on Romance 101, Chapter 26... (Singing) ...Call it sad, call it funny, but it's better than even money...
Marisa: See you next time!
Song(s) used:
*Guys & Dolls
*I'll Know from Guys & Dolls
*I've Never Been in Love Before from Guys & Dolls
*Sit Down You're Rocking the Boat from Guys & Dolls