Chapter 15

~New Character Introduced~

Noland

Original Date of Post: 11/04/2007

Narrator: In high school, some people get the idea in their heads about having sex when you are only a freshman. Most of these are just a bunch of depressed freshman girls having sex with horny senior boys. Okay, I’m only saying this because I’m still a virgin. Here’s the story, now shut the hell up!

Misty: Man, it's really coming down outside. (Thunder sounds)

Marcus: Very depressing outside. (Brock runs up)

Brock: Misty, you gotta come see this. (At the table) I just found him like this.

Misty: I wonder how long has he been twitching and whimpering.

Brock: Ash, snap out of it! (Ash babbling) This is serious. Ash, get a hold of yourself. (Slaps him in the face) Come on, you're acting crazier than that bum on the freeway ramp!

Ash: Thanks Brock, I needed that. (Brock raises his hand again) Whoa, whoa, whoa, I’m fine now! (Ash sighs)

Misty: What’s going on Ash?

Brock: Yeah, what's the deal?

Ash: I saw something last night, so horrific and so terrifying!

Misty: What was it? Don’t tell me you saw Harley and Tucker making out again. I swear, ever since Halloween, those two have been at it like jack rabbits!

Ash: No, it was worse!

Brock: Worse than that?! (Points to Harley and Tucker making out) What in the world can be more disgusting than that?

Ash: You can’t imagine!

Misty: Try us!

Ash: Okay, I was at my house last night. (Flashback to last night)

Ash: Oh God, there’s nothing on TV today! (Clicks remote) Oh crap! The Gilmore Girls is on! I better go get Mom! (Flashback ends)

Misty: Wait a minute! You watch the Gilmore Girls?

Marcus: And with your mother? (Laughing) That’s a hoot!

Ash: I wouldn’t talk if I were you Marcus. Don’t you still watch the Golden Girls with your grandmother? (Marcus growls) Anyways, what I saw after that was so scary!

Marisa: Hey guys! (Ash whimpers) Oh dear God! Ash, you saw your mother naked!

Brock: What? Now how did you come to that conclusion?

Marisa: Just a guess by the way he was shaking. I must say, you’re handling it a lot better than Marcus.

Marcus: It wasn’t merely the fact my mom was naked, it was more like the position she was in.

Brock: I don’t know Ash’s mom has got it going on! I don’t know how anyone could be traumatized by that. (Misty grabs Brock’s ear)

Misty: YOU ARE A DISGUSTING PERVERT!!!

Ash: HEY, I’M TELLING THE STORY! (Back to flashback) Hey Mom! (Knocks on the door) Mom, our show is on! (Opens the door)

Delia: Ash! (Ash screams) Oh dear! (Flashback ends)

Marisa: So what? That’s what single parent’s do. They screw around!

Ash: But that’s not the problem.

Misty: Then, what is the problem? (Back to flashback)

Delia: This can’t be good.

Oak: Maybe I should go. (End of flashback)

Marisa: NO WAY!!!

Ash: Yes way!

Misty: You’ve got to be kidding me!

Ash: I wish I was.

Brock: Come on Ash, you’re letting a golden opportunity pass you by. Your mom is doing the principal and that’s like a get out jail free card!

Marcus: I thought it was the complete opposite of that.

Brock: Nope!

Ash: There’s more to my story. (Back to the flashback)

Delia: Now honey, I think I should tell you some things. (Ash whimpers) I don’t want you to be frightened, but Samuel and I are dating.

Ash: I thought you were sleeping with Principal Oak. Who is this Samuel?

Delia: Honey, Samuel is Principal Oak’s first name.

Ash: Did you guys just start dating?

Delia: Actually honey… (Delia’s flashback one year ago)

Oak: I want to thank all of you parents for coming to our open house. If there are any questions, come into my office so that we can talk.

Delia: Oh Principal Oak, I wanted to talk with you for just a second.

Oak: It’s no problem…Miss…

Delia: Oh right, my name is Delia Ketchum. My son Ash is a freshman.

Oak: Oh yes, I’ve met your boy. Please com inside my office. (End of Delia’s flashback)

Delia: I guess one thing lead to another and we started to see each other more often. And by the end of your freshman year, we got a little…involved.

Ash: So all of the times you said you were at your sister’s…

Delia: Ash honey, you know I don’t have a sister.

Ash: Oh! (Principal Oak comes out of the bedroom)

Oak: Oh Ash, I’m glad we can talk now. You see, we were having a parent-teacher conference when all of a sudden…

Delia: I already told him Samuel.

Oak: (Yawns) I guess it’s time for me to get out of here. Ash, I’ll see you in school tomorrow. (Whispers) Call me! (End of flashback)

Marcus: Ho…

Brock: Ly…

Marisa: Crap! (Ash whimpers)

Marcus: What now? Come on Marisa, you’re like the expert in this sort of thing. Help the poor boy!

Marisa: I don’t know. This is way beyond my control! I’ve seen and heard some pretty graphic things in my life, but this is just crazy.

Brock: So can you do anything for Ash?

Marisa: Hey, Marcus has been seeing me for years and is almost back to sane again. But, I’ll be the first to admit that this is territory that I shouldn’t be tip-toeing around. In other words, you’re on your own. (Principal Oak walks up)

Oak: Hello students. Ash if it’s not too much trouble, would you mind swinging by my office in a couple of minutes?

Ash: Sure thing. Hey, I’ll see you guys later. (Ash and Principal Oak leave)

Misty: That must be rough for poor Ash. (Macey walks by)

Macey: Hello guys! I was wondering if you could tell me where Ashy boy has gotten to.

Brock: He’s in the principal’s office.

Macey: WHAT?! Well, I guess I’ll bump into him some other time. Come along Noland, we have to be going now. (She leaves)

Brock: What’s that all about?

Marisa: Rumor has it that Macey is dating Noland to try and get Ash’s attention. I don’t know how she’ll pull that one off.

Marcus: Wait, isn’t Noland a senior?

Misty: And Macey is only a freshman! Oh that’s just sick!

Marisa: But it happens! Usually, depressed freshman girls are having sex with horny senior boys.

Narrator: Is there an echo in here? Oh, sorry!

Marisa: Anyways, it’s either that or Macey really lied and said she really was a senior.

Brock: Are you sure Noland is that stupid to believe that she's really older?

Marisa: According to Lanette, he can’t tell the difference between a monkey and George W. Bush. But then again, it is an easy mistake! (In the principal's office)

Oak: I'm glad we can speak one-on-one Ash.

Ash: Um, yeah...same here.

Oak: Look Ash, I know that it's a little scary having your mother dating the principal to your school. I just want to let you know that I care for your mother deeply and would do anything to keep her happy. And same goes for you. Which is why I'm sorry we kept this from you for so long. You see Ash...

Ash: (Thinking) I don't trust this guy. Mom would never hide things from me before. I gotta split these two up to set things right.

Oak: You understand Ash?

Ash: Um, yeah...sure. I'll see you...um, later, Principal Oak. Right. (He walks out of the room)

Marcus: There you are.

Ash: Marcus, Brock, I need your help.

Both: Huh?! (In the girl's bathroom)

Misty: Come on you guys! Don’t you all think it’s sick that Macey is dating someone who is four years older?

Sakura: Not really. Besides, we really don’t know her very well.

Marisa: It’s nothing new.

Misty: How the hell did this happen?

Narrator: Let’s freeze for a second. It all happened near the end of the Homecoming dance. Macey was a little pissed off about Ash not really paying much attention to her during the night. As she left, she accidentally bumped into Noland. Noland noticed that she was mad and was trying to cheer her up. The two of them began talking and Macey lied to him and told him that she was really a senior. Now back to the story already in progress.

Sakura: This is what’s confusing me! You want to help this girl who has a crush on the same boy you have a crush on?

Misty: I know it’s stupid, but I don’t want to see her get hurt.

Marisa: So I suppose you know about the reputation that Noland has.

Misty: WHAT REPUTATION?

Marisa: Being a man-whore! But if he screws around with Macey, there is the whole statutory rape discussion. In other words, we better talk to Macey before those two do something they’ll regret.

Sakura: Do you think she’ll listen to us?

Misty: I sure hope so. (Outside in the courtyard)

Brock: You want to set your mother away from Principal Oak? (Ash nods)

Marcus: And why do you need us to help you?

Ash: I’m not asking the girls to help because I know what they’ll say. They’ll say no, followed up with an insult! Besides, I have no idea how to set them apart.

Brock: Well, we could plant something on Principal Oak to incriminate him of cheating on your mother.

Marcus: A love letter might do the trick!

Ash: That’s it! We’ll write a phony love letter and plant it in Principal Oak’s pocket. And when he and my mother pursue in love making, my mom will find it.

Brock: How do you expect us to get it into his pocket?

Marcus: Yeah, and what happens if Principal Oak finds it first?

Ash: Hmm…Better put some more planning into this. (In the girl's bathroom)

Macey: So what do you girls want?

Sakura: We’re just a little concerned.

Marisa: The fact that you are dating Noland.

Macey: Noland and I love each other!

Misty: Listen Macey, it’s pretty obvious that you are just dating Noland to try and get through to Ash. (Macey blushes)

Marisa: More to the point, have you ever heard of a little thing called statutory rape? You and your boyfriend could get into so much trouble.

Sakura: I take it that Noland doesn’t know you’re really a freshman. I think a horny 18 year old trying to get his hands on a 14 or 15 year old would get some sort of media attention.

Macey: Ha! I get it! Just because you three don’t have a boyfriend, you have to ruin it for the rest of us. Misty, you’re too pushy, Marisa, you’re a nark, and you Sakura, you’re just an egghead! So what if Noland doesn’t know my real age? It’s not hurting anybody!

Misty: Look Macey, it’s not a smart idea at all to…

Macey: Oh I don’t even want to hear it from you! I know for a fact that you actually have a crush on Ash! (Misty blushes) I know that you were jealous that he was my date to the Homecoming dance and that you intentionally set me away from him. So in a sense, you’re to blame for me going out with Noland. I’ve got a good thing going here so I don’t want any of you skanks telling Noland the truth! Once Ash gets word about me dating Noland, he’s bound to come back to me and then I shall dump Noland. (The bell rings) I’ll see you ladies later! And by the way, it’s my decision whether or not to have sex with him. Not yours! (She leaves)

Marisa: Well that went well! Crap, she’s going to end up just like Rebecca.

Misty: Rebecca?

Marisa: Yeah, you remember last year when they caught Rebecca naked in the closet with Professor Elm.

Sakura: I’d rather not remember that. But you guys, this is serious! We can’t let them go through with it.

Misty: Maybe we don’t have to do anything.

Marisa: Huh?

Misty: I just have a feeling that our words will get to her.

Sakura: I hope you’re right Misty. (After fourth period)

Ash: Where the hell is he?

Brock: There he comes! (Marcus runs up)

Ash: Took you long enough.

Marcus: Sorry about that. Here’s the letter. (Ash grabs it and reads it)

Ash: There’s no name on it! We need to have a name on this thing!

Marcus: I’m sorry! I thought that it was just a secret admirer or something like that.

Brock: Oh crap! Miss Agatha is coming! Hide the letter!

Marcus: Got it! (She passes them by) That was close.

Ash: Very good. Now, I want you to go in there and plant the letter in his coat.

Marcus: I hate you. (Opens the door) Okay...coast is clear. Hmm...Ah-ha, there's his jacket. Now we just slip the... (Another door opens) Ah!

Marisa: Marcus, what are you doing here?

Marcus: Uh, oh, I was just, I was just, um, coming to say hi to you!

Marisa: Huh?

Marcus: Come on my friend! (He hugs Marisa) When was the last time I gave you a great big hug?

Marisa: Now! (She kicks him in the crotch)

Marcus: (Painfully) Fair enough! I’ll see you later! (He runs out of the office and falls on the ground)

Ash: What took you so long? You didn’t get caught did you?

Marcus: No, I didn’t get caught and I’m pretty sure Marisa didn’t catch on to what I was doing. (Wheezes) Now leave me alone! (Later in the parking lot)

Winona: You did the right thing letting me know about this.

Misty: I know this shouldn't be any of my business, but...

Winona: No you're right, it shouldn't be anyone's business but theirs. However, Noland is notorious for sleeping around with other girls at the school. It would be a wise idea to intervene so that your freshman friend doesn't do something she'll regret. First of all, are you sure that they've never had intercourse?

Misty: I'm pretty positive. She could be bluffing but I'm pretty sure she's only dating him to get back at another boy. There he is. (Winona walks up)

Winona: Noland, could I speak to you for just a quick second alone? (They go off together) How are you doing?

Noland: I’m fine dude! Since when do you care? You usually never talk to me!

Winona: So I see that you are dating a girl named Macey.

Noland: Yeah, she maybe a little short for me, but she’s one smart babe!

Winona: Don’t you realize that she’s a freshman?

Noland: What? No! Macey told me off the back that she’s a senior. (Macey walks up) Oh hey honey!

Macey: Come on Noland, don’t we have a date tonight? (Thinking) Damn, Waterflower must have snitched to Winona. I’ll have to step up my game a little bit.

Noland: We sure do have a date! I’ll see you later Winona! (Laughs) A freshman! That truly is a laugh! (They walk off)

Misty: What an idiot! I guess there’s no stopping them now, they’re on the move.

Winona: Maybe not, I know where Noland lives and we can hunt him and Macey down!

Misty: You are the greatest Winona! (A little later at Ash’s house)

Brock: My God Marcus, that kick couldn’t have been that bad!

Marcus: You wanna bet?

Brock: I’m not going to risk it. Besides, how do we know if this plan of yours will work?

Ash: It has to work! (Knock at the door) And that must be the sucker now! (He opens the door) Principal Oak, what a surprise!

Oak: Ash, I’m so glad that you are starting to warm up to the idea of me dating your mother. Speaking of which, where is she?

Ash: Oh, she’s in her room. Why don’t you go in there? (He walks in the room)

Marcus: I don’t know you guys. Do you think it was a wise idea to set those two love birds apart? It just doesn’t seem right!

Ash: If I don’t nip this thing in the bud, I’ll end up with him as my father. Do you have any idea who I’d be related to? It’s that arrogant jackass Gary! I cannot stand him!

Marcus: Don’t you want your mother to be happy? (Ash glares at him)

Ash: No matter how they want to sugarcoat it, he will never be my father. (Inside Delia’s room)

Delia: So you had a talk with Ash today? What did he say?

Oak: He really didn’t say anything. He just nodded at about everything I said.

Delia: Well, I’m glad that you two are getting off on a good foot. Ash was really close to his father. I was just afraid that he might think that you’re taking his place.

Oak: I can understand what he’s going through. It might feel weird having his mother dating the principal of the school. If I were in Ash’s shoes, I would probably go nuts.

Delia: I’m still wondering if it was a good idea to hide that fact from him for a whole year. I’m just riddled with guilt right now! (Principal Oak takes off his coat and a note falls out of the pocket) What’s this? WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?! (Outside the room)

Brock: Sounds like your mother is yelling! (Inside)

Delia: What the hell is this? “Dear Samuel, last night was a wild ride. I never knew a man who could do something strange for piece of change?” AND WHO IS THIS AGATHA GIRL?

Oak: AGATHA! (Outside)

Ash: You put Miss Agatha’s name on that note?

Marcus: I panicked! Get off of my back! (Inside)

Oak: Delia, you have to believe me, the only Agatha I know is the vice principal. And for the record, I would NEVER touch her. What I mean to say is that Miss Agatha and I have a professional relationship.

Delia: Then what about the note?

Oak: That…I cannot explain! (Delia sobs)

Delia: And to think, I thought I knew you well and you do something like this. And just when you and Ash were starting to get well-acquainted! I guess you’re not the man I thought you were. (Outside)

Ash: Oh man.

Brock: Feel like a big man now? (Ash groans) And you know what you have to do now to set things right! (Ash nods)

Marcus: I know you’ll make the right decision. (Ash opens the door)

Delia: Close the door Ash, we’re in the middle of something.

Ash: First, you guys should know something. It wasn’t Miss Agatha who sent that note to you. It was me. It was a plot to split you guys off.

Delia: Why’d you do it Ash?

Ash: I did it for a lot of reasons. I think that the big reason was that, I guess I didn’t want another person in our lives. But it didn’t hit me until I heard you crying. I’m sorry that I didn’t give Principal Oak a chance.

Delia: Oh honey, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you ahead of time about Samuel. (She hugs Ash)

Oak: (Sighs) Okay, now I’m happy that you are willing to accept me. That and the fact that Miss Agatha doesn’t have a wild crush on me! (A little later outside Noland's apartment)

Winona: Here we are. (Misty runs to a window) What do you see?

Misty: They're on a bed and they're making out! Bang on the door now! (Winona knocks on the door) That was a close one. (Inside)

Noland: Be right back babe! (He walks away)

Macey: (Groans) Nothing but interruptions! Geez!

Noland: Hey Winona, what brings you by here today?

Winona: I wasn’t kidding before.

Noland: Kidding about what?

Winona: Macey! She’s a freshman and underage!

Noland: But that’s a good thing…Right?

Winona: Let me put it to you this way Noland. You might have a good thing going right now. But eventually, someone is going to catch you for having sex with someone under the legal limit. That is what we call statutory rape!

Noland: Eh, you lost me!

Winona: In other words, you could go to jail! (Silence) You’ll be labeled as a sex offender for life! (Silence) You’ll be raped in prison by some…

Narrator: Five seconds later…

Noland: (Quickly) Okay, time for you to leave. It’s been nice knowing you. Don’t call me, I’ll call you! Okay, bye-bye! (He pushes Macey out the front door)

Macey: WHAT DID YOU TELL HIM?

Winona: Be realistic here! Would you really have sex with a brain dead idiot like him?

Macey: Maybe! But you shouldn’t have interfered! It wasn’t any of your business!

Misty: You're right! But we had to do something before things got too far and you'd be emotionally scarred for life!

Macey: You just can’t be satisfied, can you Waterflower? (Sighs) No, I don’t think I could live with myself if I gave up my virginity to that dumbass! I guess it’s not so bad to stay single, for now. Oh and Misty, thank you. (She walks off)

Winona: You did good Waterflower! It looks like you’ve been taking lessons from me. (The next day during lunch)

Marcus: So you finally accepted your mother and Principal Oak going out?

Ash: Yeah, I have a lot to think about it while I’m grounded for a week.

Marcus: Serves you right! You shouldn’t have screwed around with your mother’s love life. (Ash growls) I can’t ever win here. (Macey walks by)

Ash: Hi Macey!

Macey: Hello! (She walks off)

Ash: I wonder what’s up with her. (Misty, Marisa, and Sakura hesitate)

Sakura: (Whispering) At least you got her to stop pursuing Ash.

Marisa: (Whispering) And you did set her and Noland apart.

Misty: Yeah! (Thinking) As long as she stays away from Ash, I’ll be okay.

~*Preview*~

Ash: Brock's busy. Morrison's busy. The girls are busy. Man, is there anybody out there to hang with me? What the hell is so important that they're all so...Oh wait, final exams. Oh man, that means I better study. Hey...you can help me. I have a plan in store for you. Next time on Romance 101, Chapter 16...See you next time!