Embedded Files
~Returning Characters~
Pryce, Savannah, and Noland
~New Characters Introduced~
Sheila, Byron, and Mr. Goodshow
Original Date of Post: 05/31/2009
Narrator: We now take a nice trip back to the wonderful world of Pallet High. (Books slam on desk) Ooh…maybe not so wonderful.
Lt. Surge: Okay teachers, the latest budget-cut list that skin-flinted, Oak gave us is going too far! We have to act!
Sheila: It’s been three years since we got any kind of new equipment for the gym.
Prima: You know I’m able to put up with a lot at this school. But when they took away the dry-erase markers from the classroom, they’ve gone too far. (All agreeing)
Marion: It’s bad enough we don’t have a book for every student in the classroom, but to screw with the markers, it’s just wrong.
Byron: I have to buy markers with my own money. Money I don’t have! I can’t even get a brand-name markers. I buy some kind of crap that has a weird Russian name. Stupid things dry-up in one day. I go through a whole pack in one week. (All grumbling)
Lillian: So what do we do?
Lt. Surge: I SAY WE STRIKE!
Byron: Hey, come on people. We still have a teacher shortage. Right now, I’m handling the entire science department on my own.
Savannah: Well what do you expect? Mr. Spenser had a mental breakdown.
Byron: I should have one! (In the cafeteria)
Dawn: Come on Conway! I need you to choose! This picture or this picture!
Conway: Either one is fine!
Dawn: Wrong answer, bub! Now please choose a dress from the pictures! Do you like this one or this one?
Conway: They both look fine. It doesn’t matter which one you decide to wear.
Dawn: Just choose one!
Conway: Do I really have to?
Dawn: Yes you do! Homecoming is in a matter of days now and I want my dress to be perfect. Besides, I have to choose which one I want from the store A.S.A.P. (Brianna grumbling) What’s the matter now?
Brianna: The bitch over there! Roxanne! She gets to be Homecoming Queen and loved by the whole school.
Boys: WE LOVE YOU ROXANNE!
Brianna: It makes me sick!
Dawn: What do you expect? She's pretty and talented!
Conway: Not to mention a soccer player, a wonderful singer, on the debate team and…
Brianna: Stop listing things from her resume! The bitch is perfect! I am so tired of playing second-fiddle to her!
Dawn: You are not second fiddle to her!
Brianna: Oh yeah! She gets a lead role in Fiddler on the Roof, I’m stuck doing costume. She gets to be Homecoming Queen; I don’t even make it on the court. She gets a boyfriend who is the son of a hot doctor, and I get the son of a pig farmer!
Marley: If you were second fiddle to her, wouldn’t you be near the top? (Brianna growls) From what you told us, you’re WAY away from her league.
Brianna: Who asked you, goth-moth? (Zoey walks up)
Zoey: What’s going on here?
Dawn: Brianna won’t shut up about Roxanne!
Zoey: That's nothing new.
Dawn: Where have you been? Lunch is almost over.
Zoey: (Sighs) Busy being Principal Oak’s assistant. I swear I don’t know how Laura and Marisa were able to do this job.
Dawn: Well I hope you’re getting some worthwhile gossip, school wise. It’d be nice to know if we’re getting any more books for the classroom. My copy of Much Ado About Nothing has absolutely nothing at the end. The last twenty pages are missing!
Brianna: Yeah and our history textbooks are way outdated. I’m sorry but a whole chapter about how the Russians suck isn’t really helpful. The Cold War has been over for almost 20 years now!
Zoey: Sorry guys, but there has been talk of the teachers going on a possible strike.
Dawn: What? Why on earth would they do that?
Zoey: Lack of appreciation, no supplies, and no money…Need I go on? (In the principal’s office)
Lt. Surge: This is the list of our demands. (Miss Prima clears her throat)
Prima: What he means is this is the list of some things that you can help us out with. We teachers do need our supplies and right now we’re at the bottom of the barrel.
Oak: Sorry guys. No can do. Look, the budget is already tight as it is. In just another couple of years or so we can finally break even.
Juan: This entire penny-pinching has got to stop. We barely get paid as it is. Most of the Europe trip came from my own pocket!
Clevon: And that goes double for the drama department!
Quackenpoker: Triple for the arts!
Oak: Look people, what do you think school is for? School is for you teachers to teach the students. This extra-curricular crap is something that had to be on the chopping block. If you want the students to enjoy their extra programs that are not educational, then you all need to support.
Sheila: We’ve been doing the support! We’ve been doing the support 100%.
Lt. Surge: Yet we haven’t gotten any support from the administration. No help! Nothing! (Back outside the office)
Forrest: Ooh, this is getting good!
Riley: What’s going on? Did someone spit in Principal Oak’s face again?
Forrest: Better than that! I think the teachers are gonna go on strike!
Riley: Fat chance.
Forrest: I don’t know. I’ve been eavesdropping for the last five minutes and this sounds pretty heated.
Lt. Surge: (Shouting) YOU INCOMPETENT MORON!
Riley: Whoa! This is good!
Lt. Surge: I have to spend my salary on basketballs. Do you know how much that is?
Oak: Lt. Surge! One more outburst like that and I will fire you! You’ve been on thin-ice with this school already. With this on your record, I doubt you’ll bet hired at any other school.
Lt. Surge: Well then, you’ve left us no other option. WE’RE ON STRIKE!
Oak: What?
All: What? (Back outside)
Riley: What?
Forrest: Woo-hoo! A strike! No school for us! (Riley groans) Come on dude! A strike means no teachers and no teachers means no school. This is the greatest thing ever! We have got to tell everybody this! (In the cafeteria)
Dawn: Huh? This is weird. The bells should have rang by now.
Brianna: Well for now let’s hope that the bells don’t ring. That way we can go home early today. (The door opens)
Forrest: EVERYBODY! BIG NEWS! BIG NEWS! (All murmuring) THE TEACHERS ARE ALL ON STRIKE! (All gasp)
Dawn: Well I didn’t see this coming. (Roxanne screams)
Roxanne: This is terrible! This is terrible!
Brianna: What? Not having to go to school because the teachers are on strike is a blessing. Why are you so uptight about it?
Roxanne: Duh! Homecoming is coming! Do you know what that means? Teachers are chaperones and no chaperones means no dance. THERE WILL BE NO DANCE!
Brianna: Oh…WE’VE GOT TO GET THOSE TEACHERS BACK! (Intercom is on)
Oak: Attention students! Due to unforeseeable events beyond our control, school is out for the rest of the day. And tomorrow as well! School dismissed! (A little later at Dawn’s house)
Dawn: Well Zoey told me that the teachers were planning this for a long time and that it was Lt. Surge to cast the first stone. (Over the phone)
Brianna: I’m sure he was. If he were the president he would have bombed Iraq a long time ago and half of China while he was at it. But Dawn, what’s going to happen if we don’t have a Homecoming?
Dawn: Anarchy! (Beep) Oh…I’m getting an email from…Roxanne?
Brianna: What does that whore want?
Dawn: It says she wants us to meet at her house tomorrow for some kind of urgent meeting.
Brianna: Well if she has a solution for what we’re going to do with our Homecoming dance, I’m up for going. (At Ash’s house)
Delia: They all just walked out?
Oak: (Sighs) Unfortunately! And of course the ring-leader behind that was Lt. Surge.
Delia: Why haven’t you fired that man yet? I told you to do so the day of our wedding.
Oak: Just because he showed up to the ceremony drunk and then almost picked a fight with the deejay in the middle of the reception doesn’t make him a bad man.
Ash: Though you have to admit it was entertaining. (Mocking) Too-ra-loo-ra... (Belches) You want a piece of me? Play some AC/DC! (Oak laughs)
Delia: ASH! Look, the man has a screw-loose!
Ash: She’s right, you know. And another thing, isn’t Homecoming this week?
Oak: Yes it is. But don’t worry because I have a plan. We can’t just skip the dance or the game. We’re on a tight schedule with the football games. Luckily Gary has agreed to help me out with the team by being a temporary coach. Now we just need chaperones for the dance. Ash, do you think you can help me out with this one?
Ash: Well…I think my team is off that night, so we can help you out.
Delia: Well I could pick up some refreshments and I can serve them at the dance. Honey, what are you going to do for substitute teachers?
Oak: (Sighs) Well I was able to get a few teachers for substituting. I guess it’s kind of fortunate that Miss Agatha and Scott didn’t abandon me. (The next morning at Roxanne’s house)
Riley: Wow, you are seriously loaded Roxanne.
Max: I know. This is even bigger than my Dad’s summer home in California.
Roxanne: Ah, that’s right. I forgot your father is a famous actor.
Max: And…I got his good looks!
Roxanne: Oh…You mean you’re getting his receding hairline too? (Max sulks)
Butler: Three more guests have arrived.
Roxanne: Okay, show them in.
Yolanda: Hi Roxanne.
Forrest: What’d I miss?
Roxanne: Forrest, leave! Yolanda and Salvadore can stay.
Salvadore: You have to forgive Forrest.
Yolanda: At least we were able to have him put on pants.
Roxanne: Fine. There’s a stack of papers. Just throw him there! Okay, I think we can start now. (Dawn and Brianna walk in)
Dawn: We’re here.
Roxanne: I sent you guys an email? Hmm…I guess your email must have gotten there by mistake.
Brianna: So what’s this important announcement? If this is about you losing your virginity to a hobo, we’ve known for several years now.
Roxanne: Go to hell, you tramp! (Happily) Now everyone, as you all know we have a bit of a problem. This problem is concerning our Homecoming game and dance. Since we do indeed need teachers to be chaperones and a coach for the game, the school is in desperate need of some teachers. So the floor is open to suggestions. Any at all! (Forrest raises his hand) ANYONE?! (Forrest shakes his hand) Ugh! Fine Forrest! What is it?
Forrest: I suggest we hire people to be our chaperones for the dance.
Roxanne: Fine Forrest! How the hell are we going to get the money for hiring the chaperones?
Forrest: We were thinking you could do it. I mean…Look around! You are pretty freakin’ loaded.
All: Yeah. (A man walks in)
Father: Oh, hello pumpkin!
Roxanne: Hi Daddy!
Father: Your principal just called me and informed me that he is looking for chaperones for your little dance on Friday.
Roxanne: (Silently) Oh dear God. I hope you rejected him.
Father: So I guess I’ll be chaperoning your dance, sweetheart. Oh, look at the time. Got to get to the office! See you later Princess. (He leaves)
Dawn: Well, this was a waste of a perfectly good day off.
Brianna: Not entirely. I got to see Roxanne crash and burn. Homecoming Queen is ruined due to father being chaperone of the dance. You should put that story in the paper, Marley.
Marley: Um, no thank you.
Roxanne: (Thinking) My reputation is ruined! Why does it have to be my father? I wish I was dead! (The next morning at the gym)
Oak: Welcome back to school students. I know it feels a little weird to have none of your usual teachers here. Well, we’re soon on reaching an agreement.
Agatha: (Silently) If only the captain of the strike crew wasn’t such an idiot. (On the picket lines)
Lt. Surge: Okay, here’s the chant! “We’re here, we’re queer, get used to it!”
Sheila: You are an idiot!
Prima: Amen to that.
Juan: Maybe we rushed into this whole thing a little too fast. Maybe if we planned this whole thing out and…
Lt. Surge: No! No planning. Everything had to be quick-like! Had to be at a time when Oak didn’t see it coming. Attack the enemy when his pants are down. That way he won’t dock your pay.
Prima: Yeah, smooth move genius. Because of the strike, we’re not getting paid! (All groaning)
Byron: Yeah and I have two boys! Roark has college tuition bills piling up and Noland is unemployed and still living with me!
Savannah: I don’t think he’s still unemployed seeing as I saw him go into the building an hour ago wearing a suit. (Byron’s jaw drops)
Prima: So he’s a scab? (Byron smacks his forehead) At least the boy is working!
Lt. Surge: Think about what we’re aiming at people! More textbooks for the students, more cash in our paycheck…
Prima: Has he been cutting back on his medication again? (In Miss Prima’s classroom)
Forrest: Come on hottie substitute! Preferably one with a big rack!
Dawn: You make me sick. (The door opens)
Forrest: Show time! UGH!
Goodshow: Hello class. My name is Mr. Goodshow and this is Spanish for beginners.
All: Huh? (Dawn raises her hand)
Goodshow: Yes…Little girl?
Dawn: This is Enriched English for seniors.
Goodshow: Huh?...OH, of course! (Laughing) I was just joking! Of course! Okay, so what does your teacher do first?
Roxanne: She usually does roll-call.
Goodshow: Huh?...OH, of course! (Laughing) Now where is that roll-call sheet? Yoo-hoo! Roll-call sheet! Where are you?
Dawn: Are you freakin’ kidding me?
Narrator: The morning got even sadder. Let’s go a few classrooms down where we’ve got a monkey at the controls.
Noland: Okay dudes, if you take the four and add it to this thingy with the weird shape…you’ll get the answer.
Max: HOLD IT! That is totally wrong! First, you take this number and divide it by this number.
Noland: Huh? Oh yeah. And then…Uh…What do I do next?
Max: (Sighs) You plug that number in for y!
Noland: And then what?
Max: And then you…HEY WAIT! YOU’RE THE TEACHER! You’re supposed to know this stuff!
Narrator: Byron must be so proud! (After first period)
Dawn: Well that was a big fat waste of time.
Forrest: Smartest thing said all morning! I was hoping for a hot English substitute.
Dawn: You realize that you have five other classes.
Forrest: Yeah but, it wouldn’t have the same effect. You get a hot English teacher, you’re set for life. Having a hot math or science teacher just seems sad.
Dawn: You are sad. (Brianna runs up)
Brianna: You are not going to believe who is teaching History! (Outside another classroom)
Dawn: Oh…My…God! Mom? My mom? I am so screwed! My reputation is shot!
Brianna: First your mother’s a cleaning lady for Oak and now she’s a substitute. What the hell? is she really a temp?
Dawn: Well yeah!
Roxanne: Poor Dawn. Having her mother be a teacher during the strike!
Brianna: I wouldn’t talk if I were you “Princess” because your father is still going to be a chaperone at the dance.
Roxanne: But my humiliation is for one night. Dawn, your humiliation can last for a long time since it’s for the strike. (Dawn sighs)
Man: Hello Princess.
Roxanne: Daddy, what are you doing here?
Man: Good news darling! Your principal called me again and asked for parent volunteers for substituting. (Roxanne whimpers) Guess who’s the new French teacher?
Roxanne: French? You mean as in French class! (Sighs) What a relief! (Thinking) The one class that I don’t have! There is a God!
Dawn: Ooh, French. Can’t wait for that class… (Silently) So I might hear some embarrassing stories about Roxanne.
Roxanne: AH! (At lunch)
Zoey: (Shudders) That creepy math substitute tried to hit on me. (Flashback to an hour ago)
Noland: So…Miss Zoey, I saw you looking up at me during class and I can’t help but think we should get to know each other better.
Zoey: (Thinking) I was looking at you because I’ve never seen anyone so stupid in my life.
Noland: So if you have any questions concerning math, you give me a call.
Marley: Stop the flashback. (End of flashback) Give me his name and homeroom.
Zoey: Calm down Marley. I told him off after he came onto me.
Dawn: So what? At least your mother isn’t teaching a class.
Zoey: It’s not that bad Dawn. I just had her for third period World History and she’s pretty good for a substitute.
Dawn: Fine and dandy for you Zoey, but you don’t have to live with her and none of your parents are substitute teachers. (Outside the cafeteria)
Man: Oh Pumpkin!
Roxanne: Hi…Daddy…
Man: I’m dying of anticipation. Who is your darling boyfriend? I was going to wait until the day of the dance to meet him. But since I’m here, why not?
Roxanne: Right…My date! Oh, here he…AH!
Miss Agatha: Young man, you are in so much trouble!
Boy: I swear Miss Agatha, those drugs were not mine.
Miss Agatha: Save it for the police!
Man: Drugs? It’s sad to see this generation throw its potential and hope away just to smoke a James Blunt or a Mary Jane or whatever they call it. Now Princess…Where’s that wonderful boyfriend of yours?
Roxanne: Right, I’ll get him! (She runs to the cafeteria) Okay, I need a pigeon and fast! Ah! The idiots can do! (She walks to a table) Howdy fellas!
All: Hi Roxanne!
Roxanne: Guys, I have a bit of a problem. As it turns out my boyfriend has been caught with drugs on campus and will most likely be arrested. So that means he won't be taking me to the dance. Will one of you boys go out with me?
Max: ME! ME! ME! PICK ME! PICK ME! YOU’VE GOT TO! PLEASE! PLEASE! PRETTY PLEASE WITH A CHERRY ON TOP! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE!
Roxanne: Not you! (Max sulks) So Wally, Riley, Conway, and Forrest…what can you fellas offer me to let me pick you to be my date?
Riley: Hold on Roxanne. With your popularity, you could get any boy you want. Why do you want to bother with us losers?
Roxanne: Time is short Riley! Plus, I’ve dated most of the other boys. Plus Daddy won’t suspect you boys of doing drugs and you boys are pretty clean. So which one of you boys wants to be my date?
Forrest: The reason why you need to choose me is because…Look at me! I’m perfect arm candy! You show up with me at the dance and your girlfriends will only wish that their dates were this handsome.
Riley: Please Forrest! Girls have found you utterly repulsive since you’ve entered this school. I on the other hand have the looks and the charm to put on the table.
Roxanne: Talk is cheap and time is short! I’ve got it! A length contest!
Forrest: Length? Ah! I know! (Unzips fly)
Roxanne: WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?!
Conway: Put your wiener dog back in the house!
Roxanne: Okay boys. In my hand I have four licorice whips! Now one of them has already been nibbled on, so there’s half left. The boy who gets the small whip gets to be my date.
Conway: Wait a second. Can I get out of this? I do have a girlfriend.
Wally: Yeah me too and she’s most likely to kill!
Forrest: Too late! You boys are already in the running. (They pull) Crap!
Riley: Double crap!
Wally: Thank God!
Roxanne: Well I guess the lucky boy gets to be Conway.
Conway: Me?
Forrest: Not fair Conway. You get two girlfriends. Lucky mother…
Roxanne: Come with me Conway. I need you to meet my father. (They leave the room)
Forrest: Not fair! So not fair! I don’t even have the one girlfriend.
Riley: Me neither. But I am saving myself for Laura. (Pulls out her picture) Soon my dear, we will be together.
Wally: Consider you guys lucky. Being in a relationship is nothing but trouble. Ever since I agreed to go out with Brianna, I have been her bitch.
Brianna: WALLY! (He jumps) What the hell were you doing associating with that whore?
Wally: We were just talking! I swear it!
Brianna: Good! Now come along, little man! (They walk away)
Forrest: Never seen a man so whipped so fast! (Makes whipping sound) Ha! Oh the more I see it, the funnier it is! (Outside the cafeteria)
Conway: Let me get this straight, I just have to be your boyfriend until the dance is over?
Roxanne: That’s the end and no questions are asked. After the dance, I put out the story that I dumped you and you go running back to Dawn. Oh and I suppose you’ll want something in return. Oh…I know! (Gets out checkbook) This check should cover the inconvenience.
Conway: Roxanne, no! Everything about this makes me very uneasy. Besides, Dawn is my girlfriend and… (She hands him the check) WHOA BABY! I’m sold!
Roxanne: Good to know. Oh, here’s my father. Hi Daddy!
Man: Hello darling. Who is this young man?
Roxanne: This is Conway…My boyfriend! (Nearby)
Dawn: I’ve made up my mind, I’m going to ditch 6th period.
Zoey: Whoa! Look at that! (Dawn turns around) What the hell is Conway doing with Roxanne's arm wrapped around her?
Dawn: I’m going to throw him off a bridge.
Zoey: Whoa, first Marley turns violent, now you? (Beginning of sixth period)
Dawn: I can do this. She’s only my mother. (Opens the door)
Johanna: Young lady, you’re late!
Dawn: Huh? Oh…it’s only by…two minutes.
Johanna: That’s two minutes that’ll never be gained back mind you. Now please take your seat.
Dawn: Sorry Mom.
Johanna: What did you call me?
Dawn: What I’ve called you for 16 years, Mom!
Johanna: I am not “Mom”! You will call me Miss Berlitz. The same goes for the rest of you. Now, take your seat. (She sits next to Conway) So anyways class, turn your books to page 145 where we will be discussing Ancient Greek culture and…
Dawn: (Whispering) What the hell were you doing with Roxanne?
Conway: (Whispering) I don’t feel comfortable talking about it in class.
Dawn: (Whispering) What do you mean? You’re my boyfriend and something like this is definitely something you need to talk immediately.
Johanna: DAWN! (She jumps) Is there something amusing that you would like to share with the class? (She shakes her head no) Then I would appreciate it if you would keep quiet during my lecture.
Conway: (Whispering) I’ll talk about it later.
Dawn: (Whispering) I want answers now. You’re hiding something from me!
Johanna: DAWN! I’ve had it with the interruptions! Now I’m sending you to the principal’s office.
Dawn: Ah! But Mom!
Johanna: Go now! (Class snickering) Settle down class! (She leaves the room)
Dawn: Great! My boyfriend is cheating on me, Mom just sent me to the principal’s office, and now I’m a complete laughing stalk. My life can't possibly get any worse! (After school outside the principal’s office)
Zoey: Just be thankful you got off with just a warning, Dawn.
Dawn: Yeah, whatever.
Conway: There you are.
Dawn: Huh? (Turns around) YOU!
Conway: Dawn, please let me explain…Um, Zoey…could you leave us alone?
Zoey: Fine, no skin off my back! (She goes back in the office)
Dawn: Oh, you better start explaining before I get arrested for attempted murder.
Conway: Look at lunch today, Roxanne came up to me and my friends and needed one of us to be a temporary date. I didn’t want to go, but Forrest for some strange reason wanted me to go for it. Well, I’m chosen just until the dance is over.
Dawn: Weren’t we supposed to go to the dance TOGETHER?
Conway: Yes and that’s the beauty part of it. We can postpone our romantic night until next week. You see, because I’m sacrificing my date with you Saturday, Roxanne has agreed to pay me handsomely for the inconvenience.
Dawn: There’s no way you could have sold out our relationship for… (He pulls out the check) WHOA BABY! Okay, I can see why.
Conway: So you see, no harm done.
Dawn: Yes, there’s still a glitch. We were supposed to go together. If you’re with Roxanne for the night, where does that leave me? In a little corner with the punch bowl!
Conway: Found a solution to that too!
Forrest: Yo!
Dawn: Conway, I’m going to give you a five second head-start before I stick something so far down your throat, it goes out the other end.
Forrest: Not me! You’re not my type. This is actually for my younger brother.
Salvadore: Yo!
Dawn: Your brother, the sophomore?
Forrest: Don’t let the age fool you! He’s actually very mature for his age!
Salvadore: Forrest, I’m supposed to meet my friends now. We’re going to play Dungeons and Dragons. (Dawn growls)
Forrest: Did I mention he took after our mother? (Dawn sighs) Yeah, that’s right! He isn’t a pervert like me and Brock and my father! He’s the wussy, naive type!
Dawn: Well…if it’s only temporary…Fine. (Roxanne walks up)
Roxanne: Conway, come on! Daddy wants to take us to see the new Step Up movie. Step Up 3: I’m Still A Thug.
Conway: Right.
Roxanne: Oh, hello Dawn!
Dawn: Don’t “hello” me! I have a few rules and regulations for you if you're going to "date" my boyfriend.
Roxanne: Just to humor you, I’ll bite.
Dawn: First. No kissing on the lips. The cheek is fine as long as you’re doing it in front of your father. Two! Absolutely no French kissing! Three! For every date that you go on, I get to go!
Roxanne: WHAT?
Dawn: And just so we have a true understanding, if you go back on our little deal, then I will tell your father that your real boyfriend is the one who got arrested today. Come on, it’s not that hard to figure out why you’re doing this. Plus, we all know you don’t want to be alone for the dance.
Roxanne: Well Dawn, looks like you’re not as dumb as you look. Fine! You can come with us to the movies.
Narrator: Yes, the following days turned a little ugly in terms of temporary boyfriend dilemma and whatnot. Even the strike wasn’t going as planned as some of the teachers were plotting on turning against Lt. Surge.
Lt. Surge: And where do you think you’re going Miss Prima?
Prima: I’m going to talk to Principal Oak so we can drop this stupid strike and we can get on with our jobs while we still have them.
Lt. Surge: That’s exactly what I’m here for. To snap you out of this!
Byron: Lt. Surge, we’ve had enough! The strike is not worth having us lose our jobs.
Savannah: Why we listened to you in the first place is beyond me.
Prima: Jim Jones wannabe!
Lt. Surge: We’re going to stay out here until Oak can hear our demands! (Quackenpoker runs for a head-butt and gets kicked in the stomach by Lt. Surge) Anyone else want a piece of me? (They all shake their heads no) Good.
Byron: What do we do now, Miss Prima? We can’t all kill the big oaf!
Prima: (Groans) I wish to God I knew.
Sheila: We have to do something y’all.
Pryce: Agreed! I say we gang up on him and sedate the idiot!
Prima: Brute strength will get us no where. You already saw what happened when Quackenpoker tried to head-butt him.
Byron: That’s because Quackenpoker is a freakin’ midget compared to that giant ogre. One alone can’t stop him but together, we might stand a chance.
Savannah: Dr. Quackenpoker, can you hear me? How many fingers am I holding up?
Quackenpoker: (Dreamily) I swear Officer, that isn’t my stash of choco-caine! (Friday night at the football stadium)
Announcer: And touchdown Pallet Academy! And with the first quarter drawing to a close, Pallet Academy is at 13 while Pallet High School are still at 0.
Oak: Well, it’s still better than I thought. (Miss Agatha sighs) Hey give Gary some credit. He’s doing a fine job with the team. (Up in the stands)
Brianna: That is a sad sight, Dawn! You and Conway are such big sellouts!
Dawn: Fine! I admit it! I’m a sellout! Roxanne offered us a big amount of money just so she isn’t alone at the dance or in trouble with her old man.
Brianna: Uh-huh? I have to admit Conway looks pretty good once he’s spent a day with Roxanne’s make-up department. He looks sexy, like Adam Levine. Oh yeah! Where’s that turd that hangs off the end of your ass? What’s his name again? Salamander?
Dawn: It’s Salvadore! I sent him to get some food. (Grabs the binoculars) You better not screw up! (The following day at the dance)
Ash: Remind me again why we’re chaperones?
Brock: You wanted to do a nice favor for your step-dad?
Solana: Well I think it’s a great favor. It’s been such a long time since I’ve been to any school function.
Lunick: You know Solana, we don’t always have to be on duty. We could…
Solana: Keep your eyes on the students and not on me. (Lunick sighs)
Brock: He sounds so pathetic.
Ash: Remind you of someone?
Brock: Hmm…Nope. Nothing coming to me! (Outside the front of the school)
Pryce: I’ll be right back.
Lt. Surge: Where do you think you’re going?
Pryce: To the bathroom?
Lt. Surge: Not on my watch!
Pryce: Hey, I have an old man bladder.
Lt. Surge: Take my bottle of Budweiser and take a whiz. (He goes to a corner)
Pryce: No good guys, he didn’t fall for it.
Savannah: Got just the thing! Some of these will sweeten the deal. A few of my cookies and he’ll be putty in my hands. (A few minutes later)
Byron: So what happened?
Savannah: Well, he didn’t buy the sweet act, but he did give me a note. It says, “More chocolate chips next time, sweet-cakes.”
Sheila: That does it! I’m going to fight that big ape myself! (Takes off her top)
Prima: Come on, don’t do that!
Sheila: I wrestled a bear twice his height and three times his weight. Prima, I want you to take this note to Principal Oak. Run as fast as you can as soon as I give you the word. Now then, Byron and Pryce…I need you help me pin this oaf down! Let’s go! (They walk over to him)
Prima: Okay…
Sheila: SURGE! You’ve been bossing us around and now we’re sick and tired of it.
Lt. Surge: Oh, you want a piece of me? (Takes off his shirt)
Byron: Is it really necessary to take off your shirts?
Sheila: Let’s go, big boy! (They wrestle)
Byron: Go now! (Prima runs into the building) God-speed Prima! (Back in the gym)
Marley: What’s wrong?
Zoey: It’s him. (Noland winks at Zoey from a distance)
Marley: Oh. (Cracks knuckles)
Zoey: Please don’t hurt him. I don’t want any of my friends to cause a scene. (Nearby)
Salvadore: What’s wrong Dawn? Dawn!
Dawn: Oh…I was thinking.
Salvadore: It’s because of your real boyfriend?
Dawn: No and mind your own business. (Sighs) I’m sorry I’m so bitchy. It’s just for the rest of the night and then the deal is off. You can go on with your life and I can go on with mine.
Salvadore: Agreed.
Dawn: I knew I shouldn’t have agreed to this arrangement! (Salvadore sighs)
Forrest: This sucks! My best friends have dates, Conway has two girlfriends, Max is with my sister, and I’m still alone.
Riley: You still have me. (In the principal’s office)
Oak: I better get out there and check on the dance. (The door opens) Miss Prima?
Prima: (Gasping) Principal…Oak…I need…to talk…to you!
Oak: Of course, of course! Take a seat.
Prima: Thank you. (Sighs) I hope that maniac isn’t out there!
Oak: What maniac?
Prima: Let me lock that door!
Oak: I don’t have a lock for that door. What’s going on? Why are you so jumpy and paranoid?
Prima: We’re calling it quits with the strike!
Oak: Well that was fast!
Prima: Don’t get too cocky, Oak. We were seriously tired of being bossed around by that tyrant, Lt. Surge. He has some kind of chemical imbalance. Look, we all didn’t want to go on strike unless it was absolutely necessary. But Lt. Surge kept treating this as a war and talking about ambushing and all of that drove us insane. We just want our jobs back. (Back in the gym)
DJ: Okay, time to slow things down with a nice slow song. (They Don’t Know by Jon B. plays) Cuddle next to the one you love.
Man: Oh, this is so cute. Say cheese!
Roxanne: Cheese!
Conway: Cheese! (Flash)
Man: Oh, this is going right in the album. (He walks away)
Conway: Um Roxanne…I’m having a nice night.
Roxanne: (Sarcastic) Yeah. I’m glad you enjoyed my father’s company every second of the night as much as I did. (She stares at him) You’re serious? (He nods) Well…this night hasn’t been so bad. (Roxanne leans in for a kiss)
Dawn: (Gasp) GET YOUR LIPS OFF OF MY BOYFRIEND! (She pulls Roxanne’s hair)
Roxanne: Dawn?
Dawn: Deal’s off, bitch! (Back in the office)
Prima: Okay, all we need is your signature.
Oak: Alright then. I’m glad we came to a reasonable decision. (Lt. Surge runs in) Ah!
Lt. Surge: (Panting) I made it! Just in time before she did anything to screw it up!
Prima: It’s too late, halfwit! He signed it already and we’re going back to work starting Monday. Although, after the crap you pulled, I doubt he wants you back. You pompous, idiotic, Neanderthal, straight-up fool! (He grabs onto his chest) And another thing, there are women out there too and… (He starts panting)
Oak: Lt. Surge? (He falls to the ground) Oh my God!
Prima: Oh damn! Damn! I’ll call an ambulance! (Back in the gym)
Roxanne: You bitch!
Dawn: You whore! (They hit each other)
Conway: Oh man! Oh man! This is so not worth it!
Forrest: He gets two girls fighting over him and he’s still not satisfied!
Ash: Dawn! Dawn! Break it up! (Roxanne punches Ash and he falls down)
Lunick: I’m going in! (Dawn punches Lunick and he falls down)
Miss Agatha: Break it up, ladies! (Phone beeping) Hello. What? Wait, what? (A little later outside the school)
Zoey: You had to go and do that! You had to hit her! It’s bad enough I had to keep an eye on Marley all night so she doesn’t hit Mr. Noland with a lead-pipe. And then I have to see you and Roxanne brawling like sumo wrestlers!
Brianna: So how do you feel champ?
Dawn: (Sighs) I feel good but at the same time feel like crap.
Zoey: Well I hope you have a good time getting over those mixed feelings because I know for a fact that you are getting suspended from school.
Dawn: It was still worth punching the crap out of her. (Nearby)
Miss Agatha: So is he going to be okay?
Paramedic: We won’t know until the blood work comes back. But from what I figure, he just had a mild stroke.
Byron: Poetic justice if you ask me.
Pryce: You said it.
Brianna: Oh Miss Prima, so is it true? Are you guys back?
Miss Prima: Yes! Starting Monday, we teachers go back on duty.
Zoey: Oh, thank you God! (Monday morning at school)
Miss Prima: Class, it’s really great to be back in here again.
Forrest: (Thinking) It’s really great to have her back. I need my daily dose of Vitamin C. Vitamin Cleavage-shot! (In the math room)
Byron: Okay, so then you divide those and that gives you the answer to X. Now plug that number in the original equation to get Y.
Max: It feels so good to have a real teacher back. (During lunch)
Conway: So how’s Dawn doing?
Brianna: Well, she’s grounded from going on dates, watching television, talking on the phone, and going on the computer for a month, but other than that, she still feels good about beating the crap out of Roxanne. But she'll be back in school in a couple of days.
Conway: For the record, she did try to kiss me. I guess this puts a damper on our date for the weekend.
Zoey: You mean you’re still holding onto that money? You got it on bad terms!
Conway: True, but when I talked to Dawn after the dance she said keeping the money will indeed make us bad people, but that’s the only time we’ll see that amount of money, so take advantage.
Brianna: At least we won out of some of this. Lt. Surge won’t be coming back to school.
Zoey: On the contrary, he’s coming back. His pay got docked severely for the strike, but he’ll be back once he finishes recovering in the hospital. (Conway walks away)
Conway: Hmm… (Pulls out a picture) That sure was a great night. (Blushes)
~*Preview*~
Winona: And now we dip into what truly is the four-letter word! No, it’s not what you think? Diet! (Sighs) My body is just nothing but pure flab…But you really can’t blame me…I just had a baby! But now it’s time to shed that extra baby weight off. No more laziness and fatty foods…It’s time to shape up! Next time on Romance 102, Chapter 30…See you next time!
Song(s) used:
*They Don't Know by Jon B
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