True Fatherhood

TRUE FATHERHOOD

by Fr. Jim Whalen

A true father must die if he is to give life to his wife and children. He must be willing to sacrifice; to lay down his life for his family. To provide, to protect, to teach, and to witness are necessary responsibilities of fatherhood, but they are not enough.

A true father is called to put on “the mind of Christ” and be a living model of love, truth, and holiness. A true father is called to be a real man - the life-blood of his family. “Love for his wife as mother of their children and love for the children themselves are for the man the natural way of understanding and fulfilling his own fatherhood… the place and task of the father in and for the family is of unique and irreplaceable importance”(1).

In today’s society, human life and family life are under the constant threat of annihilation. Falsehood and relativism have become the norm. The basic concepts of real women and real men, motherhood, and fatherhood, have been distorted and misunderstood. Due to original sin and Satan’s efforts to destroy family life, “the world is peopled by walking wounded, broken men, who do not know how to be real men, and broken women, who have rejected everything that is feminine”(2).

In some cases there have been generations of inadequate fathering, a breakdown of God’s design and order for men, resulting in dysfunctional children and families.

There seem to be numerous scenarios. Some fathers do everything from changing diapers to praying with their children. Others do nothing. Some embrace their families and others have no relationships with their children. There seem to be two extremes, either no father present, or too many fathers. Some are absent because of a workaholic ethic, or abandonment of parental responsibilities. Others are not available due to alcoholic or drug related problems. Others are avoided by family members due to physical abuse or repeated put-downs. Fear, worthlessness, and gender confusion abound in the children, who hunt for a father image to love them, encourage them, teach them, and spend time with them.

In order for men to reclaim their manhood and fatherhood, they would do well to take a good look at three role models: God the Father, God the Son, Jesus Christ, and St. Joseph, the foster father of Jesus and husband of Mary. There must be a return to the father principle, with men once again shouldering the privilege of fatherly leadership as the head of the family, accepting their role as protectors, guardians, providers, and educators. There is a real need to rediscover and return to God’s vision of who they are, to live out their vocation of manhood and fatherhood. “.... it is in God, the source of all fatherhood, it is in his way of acting with men, which is revealed to us in Sacred Scripture, that you can find the model of a fatherhood capable of making a positive impression on the educational process of your children, not smothering their spontaneity on the one hand, nor abandoning their still immature personality to the traumatizing experiences of insecurity and loneliness on the other”(3).

Divine fatherhood is depicted in the Scriptures when we are shown God as creating, fathering, and caring for the universe and His creatures: “God created man in His own image…” (Gen 1:27-28). “As a man disciplines his son, the Lord your God disciplines you” (Deut 8:5). God’s fatherhood is especially evident in His relationship with His Son who called Him: “Abba, Father” (Rom 8:15). From our Catholic perspective, from the time of Christ, we are shown that our relationship with God is that of a Father with His children. True fathers must themselves live a life of love, discipline, and obedience to the Father of fathers before they can teach or expect it in their families. “A father must be strong enough to allow the rest of the family to lean on him. Since God the Father is love, mercy, and tenderness, so man must possess these virtues in a great measure. His very virility is always expressed in that love, that tenderness, that mercy, and that understanding”(4).

It is through Jesus Christ, the Son, that fatherhood is extended to us. We can only go to the Father through Christ, our sole Mediator. We are called through Christ to be adopted children, sons and daughters of God, ‘Our Father’. The risen Christ instructed us about this basic truth: “I am ascending to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God”. (Jn 10:17). We are through Christ, by Baptism, by the spirit of our adoption: “all sons of God” (Gal 3:26). The Father is to be approached through Christ: “If you know me then you will also know my Father” (Jn 14:7). Fathers are challenged to follow and imitate Christ’s actions: “By example, a father preaches his loudest sermons and teaches his greatest lessons. It is from his own tender, responsible actions that his children learn the heart and the art of loving”(5).

St. Joseph, the foster father of Jesus, is a model of true fatherhood. He was not a biological father but exemplified the love and responsibility that a father should have for the moral, physical, and spiritual well-being of others. He showed and continues to show great concern and solicitude for all who are in need. This was revealed in his attitude and treatment to shield Mary, a virgin and his betrothed, from scandal when he found before they came to live together, that she was with child: “wanting to spare her publicity decided to divorce her informally…” (Matt 1: 19-20). This same responsibility was shown in protecting the life of his Son by fleeing into Egypt with his family when warned by an angel: “Joseph got up and taking the child and his mother left that night for Egypt” (Matt 2:13-14). This same concern was evident in the reaction of Mary and Joseph when they found Jesus in the Temple after looking for him for three days: “Your father and I have been looking for you with great anxiety” (Lk 2:48).

True fatherhood challenges men to fulfill their greatest obligations, to love unconditionally, to will the good of the other, without expecting a return, sacrificing the self for the family and for the other. A father’s love is like that of Christ: “We are to love, then, because He loved us first” (1 Jn 4:19). This means following the pattern of Christ’s love, dying willingly on the Cross to give us eternal life, and to give life to His new life: “Whoever remains in me… bears fruit in plenty” (Jn 15:5). “Fatherhood is responsibility for life: for the child first conceived in the woman’s womb and then born, in order that a new man, who is blood of your blood and flesh of your flesh, may be revealed”(6). +

(1) John Paul II, Familiaris Consortio, Pope John Paul II, Nov. 22, 1981, No. 25.

(2) Deacon Dr. Robert McDonald,The Catholic Family, Image and Likeness of God, Queenship Publishing p. 13.

(3) Christopher de Vink, “Pope John Paul II, Homily, March 19, 1981”, Fathering, Madonna House Publications, 2000, p. 18.

(4) Catherine Doherty, Dearly Beloved, Vol. 1, Madonna House Publications, 1989.

(5) Catherine Doherty, Dear Father, Madonna House Publications, 2001.

(6) Pope John Paul II, Homily, March 19, 1981, Fathering, Madonna House Publications, 2000.