The real, unequivocal end is here.

2022 News Archive

This is where all news from 2022 is.

As we all know, this was the year of Harmon.

Boomer News 1/14/22

Welcome back to Boomer News, the number 1 most trusted news source.... in the UNIVERSE ! In today's big comeback news, a march on BaldBurg occured in which hundreds of old people protested the rising prices of Dentures from Boomerland Denture Co. Several boxes of dentures and other stock was destroyed in the march, only making the price rise further. Old people are not very smart. That is all for Boomer News today.

Boomer News 1/18/22

Raged lunatic attacks homeless person a picture of the lunatic on the right it was after a cup of coffee was stolen the man was attacked To see the video go to: https://www.latlmes.com/breaking/homeless-man-is-attacked-1

Boomer News 1/18/22 (Cont.)

In continuing stories the crazed maniac is now littering all over who will stop this man? Look at those eyes that's why you don't drink coffee kids.

Boomer News 2/9/22

Welcome back to Boomer News. In today's yesterday's day's news, an ancient rock (not Dwayne Johnson) was dug up at the Archeology Super Squad's (Abbreviated [Redacted]) Boomerland discovery site. Boomerland has always been a popular digsite for how old it is, but this rock is estimated to me more than 3 days old. We don't know what "Shushening" means, but we do think it's time to loot your nearby stores. That is all for Boomer News today.

Boomer News 2/11/2022

Welcome back to Boomer News! Today, in some exciting news actually from a few days ago, the Harmon the Harmonica website has received an award in the form of a Destination Honor. This is the first (And Last) award that this website has ever won! We at the sites.google.com/venturelearning.org/harmontheharmonica/boomer-news team get none of the benefits from this, but it's still exciting! We have an interview with Dr. Edward's (Tyson) available now here. That is all for boomer news today.

Boomer News 2/25/2022

BREAKING NEWS! Bird-Based vigilante arrested for assaulting multiple innocent men with eggs, as he had seen them "Commit a crime". The man claimed that he was not Yolking, and it was serious. He also claimed that he was Eggs-Military and could not be arrested. When he came out of his shell, his mental state cracked when he saw two men steal a package of eggs. To him this crime was "An Ineggscusable offense", but to the two men, an "Eggcellent way to get quick money from a lawsuit", as they were both actually egg store employees. That is all for boomer news today.

Boomer News 2/28/2022

Club Penguin is dead again. Once again the childrens website is dead this is the fourth time club penguin has died now millions of penguins are invading different websites including this one

Boomer News 4/18/22

Welcome back to Boomer News, where we cannot decide on a set style or a schedule for our articles. It has been an eventful two months, but my fingers already hurt quite a bit so I will just cover what happened today. An old man was found guilty on multiple charges of Tax Evasion. With the Boomerland Tax Reform putting a harsh filing quota of 4 years, he protested by entirely forgetting to do his taxes due to his severe dementia. Of course, this is unforgivable and the fact that he won't pay his taxes to fund a park nobody will visit is a sin and he must be punished! In other news, Jared Harmon has befriended a large cardboard cutout of Ketchup. Boomerland doctors have declared him officially insane. He's also old. That is all for Boomer News today.

Boomer News 4/21/22

Queen Elizabeth the second oldest in History besides Harmon celebrates her birthday today. She is turning 96000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 Years old still significantly younger than Harmon

Boomer News 4/25/22

Local man Joshua Lenhart caught operating an illegal aircraft he calls the "Mathacopter". He was reported by his son Lenhart Jr. after Lenhart had tried to leave him on this strange device. The vessel in question was a personal helicopter powered by Quadratic Equations. Only Lenhart knows how to do these and thus the Mathacopter was unstealable. When asked about insurance, he got in and flew away answering math questions with the speed of a fast math question answerer. A police chase then ensued and they had to use a heat seeking missile to shoot down the Mathacopter but Lenhart was ejected and a parachute took him into the himalayas and a search has begun. Won't anybody stop this man?

Boomer News 4/26/22

The 24000th local Soccer match has happened. Local man Paul Clean was the Captain of team Paul. The other Captain was that of Kyle Hunter Captain of team busy bees. The match was a close one but the refree Harmon was to old to keep track of the score.

Boomer News 5/10/22

Welcome back to Boomer News! In today's news, a local BaldBurg man has gone off the rails on the crazy train metaphorically and literally. He hopped on a train with walking cane in hand and knocked out the old train conductor. He then sped the train up tenfold. Police officers could not catch the train to get on as they were also old. Soon the train slowed to a halt as it ran out of coal, and the man was apprehended. When asked why, it was revealed that it was because his retirement home had run out of free coffee. In other news, Harmon and Kyle Hunter have opened a food truck called "Spicy Whites". It has proven to be very successful, selling spanish and latin food. That is all for Boomer News today.

Boomer News 5/23/22

Welcome to a special edition of Boomer News. Today's news is very special because we are wishing a happy belated 40 trillionth birthday to Jared Fitzgerald Benedict Harmon II. Not only this, but the Boomer News broadcast year is coming to a close. Later this week, we will publish our final article of the school year. It will be big and full of news. In other news, a local bar was set on fire after a man was denied entry for being too old. The man was apprehended later that night and found to be on several pounds of Hard Candy. That is all for Boomer News today.

Boomer News 8/22/22

Welcome to the beginning of the final broadcast year of Boomer News! As I value my post-school career, this site will no longer be updated as of the end of this year. With that said, we at Harmon the Harmonica hope you're ready for what critics say "The Most Website Of All Time"'s final year. No need to be upset, all 0 of you that are, this year is going to be great. It'll make you think such things such as, "What am I doing with my life?". In other news, Harmon is incredibly old. This surprises nobody whatsoever. In more other news, Uncle Grandpa was recent involved in a shootout with the HBO Max employees. He was shot 13 times and died on the spot. We will miss this truly iconic and genre defining icon of the cartoon industry. That is all for today's special edition of Boomer News.

Boomer News 8/25/22

Welcome back to Boomer News! The number 1 trusted news source for old people. In today's news, a recent hostage situation has BaldBurg in shock. An old man named Mortis took an entire Walgreens store hostage. He demanded to be given free prune juice and heart pills or he'd begin caning them. Boomerland police were called on the scene, but their wooden walking canes could not stand up to his sharp steel one. The Boomerland Investigatory Branch (BIB) was dispatched soon after, and they apprehended Mortis. He's been sentenced to 2 years in Old Jail. That is all for Boomer News today. Harmon is old.

Boomer News 9/6/22

Today on Boomer News we have breaking news, flooding in Boom Beach has temporarily made the beachfront inaccessible. This has come alongside many towns on the eastern coast of Boomerland having multiple flood threats. Climate Change expert Clyde Emmet Chang has made a statement declaring that Boom Beach may be Boom Bay until the current Typhurricyclone season is over, and Harmon Harbor may experience some major flooding. Many rich old people are currently upset and are protesting against mother nature herself to little effect. Protests became violent after one Clarence Clarinet was struck by lightning in a terror act from Ms. Nature. More to come soon. Harmon's so old oh my goodness.

Boomer News 9/26/22

Today on Boomer News we have massive news. It appears zombies are rising from the dead in the cemetery. Be careful, as they are saying things that don't make much sense, like eat brains; and appear to be fighting plants.

Boomer News 10/5/22

Welcome back to the most consistently inconsistent news source in the world, Boomer News! In today's news, the recent zombie invasion seems to have been handled by one "Dave", last name unknown. He was seen wearing a pot on his head and shouting unintelligible gibberish. He has been awared the national purple walking cane, despite being far under the age to live in Boomerland. He's allowed to stay now for fending this off. In other news, the Typhurricyclone season of this year does not appear to be showing any signs of stopping. This has become the longest Typhurricyclone season in history, and has historians & scientists very worried. That is all for Boomer News today.

Boomer News 10/10/22

Welcome to yet another October edition of Boomer News. In today's news, a strange weather forecast has been placed for the month of November. Current meteorological estimates seem to predict a thick fog to roll in on November 3rd and stay for at least a week afterward. This incoming weather has registered as a tier 4 ecological disaster on a weather scale, which is why it has been predicted so far in advance. Current estimates from scientists showing it just being regular fog that'll envelop the country. We here at Boomer News believe that our meteorologists have always been awful at their jobs and this is no exC THE FOG IS COMING ABANDON ALL HOPE DISPOSE OF THE FALSE IDOLS THE FOG THE FOG NOVEMBER 3RD IS THE END THE FOG IS THE END THE FOG THE FOG TH

Boomer News Public Apology

10/10/22

We at Boomer News would like to issue an apology regarding our most recent article. The station's primary typewriter was tapped into using some advanced technology known as "Stealing". How is this possible? Who knows! Who cares?! To anyone who may be worried about November 3rd or this fog, please dispell any rumors regarding them. There's nothing to be worried about whatsoever. Have a nice day, Harmon is old.

Boomer News 11/21/22

Breaking news today across Boomerland, the mysterious mind-melting fog that rolled in a few weeks ago has finally been pushed out of our office in Old York City. The fog is currently still occupying the westernmost sides of Boomerland, but the Fog Resisting Army of Grandmas, or FRAG, is making great progress getting rid of it. The fog's hold over our nation has ended. Other people aiding the effort include Paul and famous war veteran/ex-weatherman Jaredis Olde. That is all for Boomer News today. Harmon's soooooo old! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Boomer News 11/30/22

Welcome back to Boomer News! You may feel a slight chill in the air, or it may just be a natural rejection of Harmon the Harmonica. Or maybe you need a trip to the hospital. The site has received its annual Christmas makeover, which means the season has officially started. It may have been a bit early to some folk, but to those people, we say, "It's never too early to annoy a large chunk of people". In other news, pop star Mariah Carrey has fully defrosted and has gone on a killing spree in Los Angeles. They are currently trying to recontain her in the ice cube, but her Christmas time powers are simply too much for the LAPD to handle. The US Military and multiple other nations have begun sending equipment and troops to contain this threat, including Boomerland. That is all for Boomer News today.

Boomer News 12/6/22

Welcome to the first December edition of Boomer News. The situation in California has worsened, with Mariah's influence spreading across the US into multiple other states. Currently the only one holding out is Wyoming, as they are battle hardened warriors who know how to deal with horrific beasts. They are from the void, after all. That is all for Boomer News today.

Boomer News 12/8/22

Crazy cat man John Fortnite Kennedy gave a special address this evening to the nations calling to be on the nice list "Ich bin ein a good child." Kennedy is quoted as saying.

Report abuse