Embedded Files
The real, unequivocal end is here.
This is where all news from 2020 is.
This is where all news from 2020 is.
The beginning of the end, truly.
Boomer News 3/10/2020
Boomer News 3/10/2020
The current day is 3/10/2020. The news for today is that Harmon was missing yesterday. In other news, the boomers have rallied for old people to participate in smash bros as playable characters. Boomers also have recently been declaring their independence from the USA in a new country called Boomerstan (Different from Boomerland) . That is all for boomer news today. In other news, Scrappy doo has been found dead in Miami.
me when
me when
Boomer News 3/11/2020
Boomer News 3/11/2020
The king of the boomers, Jared Harmon, is here today. The boomer rally for playable boomers in smash bros was answered by the CEO of Nintendo, by saying "Mii Fighter" That is all for boomer news today.
Boomer News 9/1/2020
Boomer News 9/1/2020
School is back in session, and the king of the boomers, Jared Benedict Harmon is back again to teach another year of History. He is still an ancient boomer, nothing has changed there, nor will it ever. In other Boomer News, Kanye West runs for president. That is all for the news today.
Boomer News 9/14/2020
Boomer News 9/14/2020
Harmon is continuing to be a boomer, as is tradition. The country of Boomerstan has officially been annexed by the United States, Boomerland still continues to be strong. Harmon is late to class by a few seconds today, absolutely unacceptable by the people within his class. That is all for Boomer News today
Boomer News 9/23/20
Boomer News 9/23/20
Harmon as always is still a boomer, but in a recent turn of events, got a D-Average in his class on tests. Harmon also appears to be teaching the preamble of the constitution, Harmon himself was alive when the constitution was signed, so he knows a lot about it. In other news, old people are still old. That is all for Boomer News today.
Boomer News 9/25/20
Boomer News 9/25/20
Boomers have constantly proven to be absolutely insane mad-lads. In a shocking turn of events, Harmon himself is still a boomer, and is currently racing to the most insane of every old person. Today's assignment is to map out the constitution. As said in the news yesterday, Harmon knows much about the constitution. He was there when it was signed. In other news, the Old People Retaliation Association of Helping or OPRAH has helped to quell the outbreak of Sword-wielding boomers. That is all for the news today.
Weather brought to you by Kent Weed
Weather brought to you by Kent Weed
Our weatherman, Kent Weed, has reported that today is a nice 75 degree day in Utah, however, Kent Weed predicts it will begin raining spaghetti and meatballs within the next 48 hours. That is all for the weather today.
Boomer News 9/29/20
Boomer News 9/29/20
Welcome back to Boomer News, today, Harmon is late to his own class per usual by at least a few seconds. He is old and is pretty bad at keeping track of time. Some say his time keeping is so bad because of how much time he has experienced. In other news, the old people wielding swords have officially taken over the government of Ghana. The military reported "There are too many old people for us to handle" Claimed General Jaredis Olde. Today Harmon finally proved he owns the original Constitution and even signed and wrote it as well as the declaration. This is big news for everyone, especially Americans. That is all for the news today.
Weather brought to you by Kent weed
Weather brought to you by Kent weed
Today's weather is sunny, but our weatherman, Kent Weed, still predicts the spaghetti and meatball rain. He claims that his weather radar returned to the planet after he had sent it into the sky covered with spaghetti noodles. Many say that he might've accidentally spilled his lunch on it, but he is sure that spaghetti rain is coming. He predicts the rest of the week will be mild with a chance of meatballs. That is all for the weather today.
Boomer News 9/30/20
Boomer News 9/30/20
Today something of big importance happened, I am beginning to suspect that Joshua Lenhart is working with Harmon on something I do not know what but I will keep you all updated.
Boomer News 10/1/20
Boomer News 10/1/20
It is officially October, the spookiest month of the year, this is the site's first annual spooky theme October, for the rest of October, the site will have a spooky theme. In other news, We still have no updates on Lenhart and Harmon's big secret project, but I'm sure Harmon is still very old. Harmon is once again late to his own class by a few seconds, shameful. That is all for the news today.
Weather brought to you by Kent Weed
Weather brought to you by Kent Weed
Our Weatherman, Kent Weed, predicts that it is October and that spooky weather will be spooky and scary and thunder and it was a dark and stormy night. He has also confirmed he did, in fact, accidentally drop his lunch on the weather balloon. That is all for the weather today.
Boomer News 10/2/20
Boomer News 10/2/20
Welcome back to Boomer News, the #1 trusted source for news about old people, in today's news, Harmon is a boomer. In other news, the Old People with Swords are currently in the process of overthrowing several more governments with their swords. Some generals claim that the old people are much too unpredictable for their armies to handle. That is all for Boomer News today.
Boomer News 10/21/20
Boomer News 10/21/20
Welcome back to Boomer News. In today's boomer news, we have a shocking story. Jared Benedict Harmon has stated in the recent months he personally does not like the game Halo: Reach, this is all well and good, until he stated he preferred Halo 5 over Halo Reach. Here at Boomer News, we attempt to stay as objective as possible, but this is absolutely heinous. In other news, our weatherman, Kent Weed, was arrested for multiple accounts of tax fraud. He was found on his private yacht, not doing his taxes, and was promptly arrested by local law enforcement. That is all for the news today.
Weather brought to you by Dunkin D'Onuts
Weather brought to you by Dunkin D'Onuts
Our new Weatherman, Dunkin D'Onuts, has reported the local weather. It appears to be partly cloudy with a chance of meatballs. Dunkin D'Onuts says that we should expect sunny skies for the next few days, but he also says we should expect rain within the next 200 years. That is all for the weather today.
Boomer News 10/23/20
Boomer News 10/23/20
In today's special report of Boomer News: Harmon is going blind. Harmon is many eons old, it only makes sense for his eyesight to eventually degrade. In other news, President Harmon (Of Boomerland) has suffered hearing lost as well. He is becoming exponentially old. That is all for boomer news today.
Boomer News 10/27/20
Boomer News 10/27/20
Welcome back to Boomer News. First thing in today's news: Harmon is still old, no surprise there. A new Boomer Board Game called "Boomers on the Board" has released today. They say it's very popular in retirement home, as its colors are burgundy and bronze. They include such playable characters as a Walking Cane and a Tombstone. Very representative of old people.
Weather brought to you by Dunkin DO'Nuts
Weather brought to you by Dunkin DO'Nuts
Dunkin DO'Nuts has no weather today. Go home.
Boomer News 11/10/20
Boomer News 11/10/20
In today's special edition report of BOOMER NEWS we have shocking life footage of an old person on a motorbike. It appears they jumped onto it after robbing a retirement home of all of its hard candy and laundry detergent. It appears this old lady has many plans to do her laundry and give her grandchildren hard candy that tastes like water pollution. The retirement home that was robbed said "We never knew old people could ride motorbikes." As it turns out, they can't. 78 year old Maurice was found holding her back in pain from the uncomfortable seating position on the motorbike. Police took her into custody this morning and demanded she return the Laundry Detergent. In other news, Harmon is old. That is all for the news today.
Boomer News 11/11/20
Boomer News 11/11/20
Today's issue of Boomer news is Harmon's first pet a trilobite named terry. Harmon raised his trilobite since birth he loved and cared for it until he murdered them all because he got hungry you can see the full video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GHMjD0Lp5DY
Written by Hayden Reese
Boomer News 11/16/20
Boomer News 11/16/20
Today in Boomer News, Harmon has made an incredibly boomer joke. He has only dated himself further, scientists are believing he has existed for centuries before the big bang, if not even sooner. He is very old. That is all for today's short edition of Boomer News.
Boomer News 11/20/20
Boomer News 11/20/20
In today's episode of Boomer News, we have a shocking scientific discovery! The Boomer News Science Team which consists of a homeless person named Johanson, has discovered a person that is OLDER than Jared Harmon! Harmon is still very old, but this person beats his record by a single year! You may have heard of her, her name is Queen Elizabeth. Elizabeth claimed she was several years older than the Big Bang, and is also a year older than Jared Harmon. Our tests have concluded this evidence is true, however, more tests may be conducted. On a similar note new leading discoveries have been found on how Jared came to be, during the big bang 13.8 billion years all of the boomer energy condensed into a singular point thus creating Harmon.
Boomer News 11/23/20
Boomer News 11/23/20
Welcome back to Boomer News! In today's first story, Harmon is still shockingly elderly. This just in: our recent reports of the Queen of England being older than Jared Harmon are true. Queen Elizabeth herself has confirmed she is seven years older than Jared. This is shocking, and the biggest scientific breakthrough since the invention of the toaster. That is all for Boomer News today.
Boomer News 11/24/20
Boomer News 11/24/20
Welcome back to today's very jolly edition of Boomer News. It's getting to be that time of year, and thus, Harmon is still very old. Today is the start of the site's first ever x-mas land of super doom, and it will be x-mas-ified until December ends. Happy Holidays! In other news, Harmon is very very very old and only one person has ever beaten his record. That is all for boomer news
Boomer News 11/30/20
Boomer News 11/30/20
dududududu dudududu dududud boomer news
Welcome back to BOOMER NEWS. In today's special report of Boomer News, we have shocking footage of an old man driving a monster truck. He drove it around for hours before being unable to get out. He had to be rescued by firefighters hours later. In other news, Harmon is very old. That is all today.
Boomer News 12/1/20
Boomer News 12/1/20
It is now officially the final month of December. We're in the endgame of this year now. As of about 11 months ago, Harmon the Harmonica was created in the google drawing "Evil things of doom". The awful and unfunny meme has existed for almost an entire year! In other news, Harmon is really old. That is all for the news today.
Boomer News 12/7/20
Boomer News 12/7/20
Welcome back to a very festive episode of Boomer News. Many people have thought they have seen Santa Clause. Our science team, however, has proved that this is just a very old man in a fake beard and Santa Hat. He has been breaking into people's houses and stealing their Christmas presents. Cops tracked him down and took him back to the retirement home he was from. He said "He did it to get away from his wife" and now he's been placed under House Arrest. In some other shocking news, Harmon is SUPER old. That is all for the news today.
Boomer News 12/11/20
Boomer News 12/11/20
Welcome back to boomer news! In today's news, harmon is incredibly old. In other news, today is a big milestone for Boomerland. Boomerland's big 13 Billionth anniversary is today. This is a huge day, as the last milestone this big was 1 billion years ago. Boomerland is celebrating with festivities and pre-blended prunes. That is all for the news today.
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