Satire

How to Write an Essay

By: Bradyn Thiessen

11 December 2024

Farts inherently cause discomfort. They smell putrid, they cause pain in the abdomen, and they can be thunderous in sound. Despite these cons, once a fart has been laid, it does not result in a large disaster. However, The Cloud of 2008, would scar the nation as a whole for ages to come. 

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 The Fart of ‘08

By: Camilla Wang

6 November 2024

Farts inherently cause discomfort. They smell putrid, they cause pain in the abdomen, and they can be thunderous in sound. Despite these cons, once a fart has been laid, it does not result in a large disaster. However, The Cloud of 2008, would scar the nation as a whole for ages to come. 

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Laufey and Kafka Discourse

By: Delilah Padilla

28 October 2024

The infamous jazz singer, Laufey has announced her up-and-coming third album! Lauvers, the name of her fanbase, is roaring with excitement worldwide. The fans theorized what the songs may be, as her recent second album was filled with hopelessly romantic songs. Fans often leak artists’ work after new creations get announced, and Laufey isn’t safe from this. Many of these unknown online personas have already leaked her work. While the artist loves the classics, recently, it has been rumored that she has a certain hatred for a classic author. 

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A New Science Experiment Takes The World By Storm

By: Camilla Wang

27 October 2024

Last week, a science organization by the name of WhayuMing Incorporated was found to be in possession of a new life form. The creature had features similar to a Chihuahua, yet it seemed to be much larger than the average size of a dog. Its size is likely due to long-term experimentation. Despite the speedy arrest of the numerous well-known scientists in charge of this inhumane experiment, it proved to be fruitless, as within the few hours of taking these scientists down to the station, one subject managed to escape into the world, leaving nothing but its empty capsule titled “Prince-001”. 

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Sonny Angel Mayhem!

By: Delilah Padilla

14 October 2024

Breaking news: The infamous Sonny Angels that took the internet by storm have taken over the world! There have been sightings of giant Sonny Angels, estimated to be 393 feet tall in New York destroying the city. These cute and loveable figures have suddenly become dangerous and terrifying. It is unclear what they are after or why they are doing this, but they have been seen targeting men. Sonny Angels was originally made for working and stressed women in their early adulthood. Experts, who are teenage girls, believe that this is the reason they are targeting men. It is suspected that they only want a world of comfort for women! At least the men, New Yorkers have been advised to evacuate the city.

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The True End of The Second World War!

By: Bradyn Thiessen

9 October 2024

We all thought WW2 ended with Germany's defeat and Japan’s surrender. What if I told you that wasn't the case? The United Nations finally unveiled the truth in collaboration with the CIA. With Japan’s navy fleet getting smaller and smaller due to America's strong Pacific fleet, they knew they did not have much left in them, thus being defeated, causing the surrender of Imperial Japan on September 2, 1945, on the USS Missouri. On the other hand, Germany's military technology and research were increasing at an alarming rate, with the introduction of element 115 and fear across the world during the world war with the potential power of now known, nuclear bombs. 

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The New Trend of Teenage Bands is Taking Over the Internet!

By: Camilla Wang

7 October 2024

With the constant rise of artists and multiple teens aspiring to be just like their favorite music artists while making experimental music in their parents’ garages, there is an influx of quite creative and frankly humorous band names. Uniquely, a pop girl group of three sixteen-year-olds named the Juicy Jaguars has floored the teens of today with their unique upbeat lyrics about lemonade, apple juice, and a multitude of other types of beverages. These girls are so popular that they have been featured on Beyonce’s new album and have managed to chart above Taylor Swift! They were first discovered by an Instagram post published by one of the members of the group. Ever since then multiple unreleased songs and albums have attracted various listeners. 

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