What The Artist has 2 say, via fax

(not attributed)

As usual, The Artist does things differently from other rock stars. For this “Jam of the Year Tour,” his publicist says he’s not doing any direct interviews, by phone or in person, but rather is answering questions by e-mail or fax. This means there is no spontaneity to his remarks, no follow-up questions, and he can ignore any questions he doesn’t want to answer. Also, he has set a limit of six questions. Here are the questions we faxed to him, and his replies.

Q: Your career has been based on a sexy, sybaritic image. Now that you’re married, is that image outdated? Have you become domesticated?

A: Judging from the crowd’s reaction, the reviews and the money received from the exploitation of that “image” (eye symbol) think not.

Q: After years of mystery, with you never granting interviews, suddenly you’ve become somewhat accessible. You even seem to enjoy the give-and-take, such as your very forthcoming TV interview with Chris Rock and your appearance on “Oprah.” Are you worried that revealing too much of yourself may take away that sense of mystery you had so skillfully developed?

A: No, because (eye symbol) don’t think about the future in that way. (Eye symbol) believe in the single continuous day. And during that day (eye symbol) am evolving. (Eye symbol) can speak about the past as just that - the past. It’s not really indicative of how (eye symbol) will be 2morrow.

Q: Many jokes have been made at your expense regarding your name, or your glyph, if you will. Now you want to be called The Artist. Hasn’t this made you look kind of silly, or extremely self-absorbed? Has it hurt or helped?

A: (eye symbol)’d rather not be called anything. (eye symbol) have adopted an unpronounceable name. These monikers r created by people who choose not 2 respect my choice. From your question, it sounds like U have a problem with my choice. It’s only strange 2 the unenlightened.

Q: No one ever seems to notice that you are one of the great guitarists in popular music. You must have worked hard to develop your musicianship on guitar and other instruments. Does it bother you that you seldom get recognition for being an outstanding musician?

A: God’s blessings r my rewards. The continuous day of life is worth far more than a few words from a critic. On the contrary, (eye symbol) get much props from people (eye symbol) love. (eye symbol) appreciate your compliment, thank U.

Q: You made one of the greatest rock films of all time, “Purple Rain.” But your other attempts at films flopped. Have you given up on movies, or will you try again?

A: U mean, my other films that didn’t do as well (at the box office) as Purple Rain, don’t U? The message (eye symbol) wanted to convey was received by those listening. U didn’t like Sign `O’ the times? (eye symbol) let the sky rule my decisions now.

Q: Rumors are flying that you will do a surprise club appearance in Seattle around the time of your concert here. Is that true? Also, it’s rumored you may have a surprise opening act at your concert here. If true, who?

A: So much 4 surprises. Duh! Just kidding. NOT! Come hang out, U’ll c! Thank U.