投稿日: Aug 14, 2019 12:6:46 AM
Scribe: Crusader
Hayama Hash Run Number 133
14th July 2019
Hare: Bearly Blue
Disaster: I consulted my Hash Thesaurus, and came up with the following synonyms: apocalypse, balls-up, bummer, calamity, cataclysm, catastrophe, clusterf*ck, cock-up, debacle, failure, fiasco, flop, f*ck-up, mess, muddle, mishap, misadventure, omnishambles, setback, tragedy, turkey and washout. Did any (or all) of these do justice to last month’s run? Just ask any one of the shell-shocked unfortunates unlucky enough to have been in attendance on the day (if they aren’t suffering from PTSD, that is).
The afternoon started promisingly enough, with a break in the clouds and a brief interlude in the rain that had plagued us for weeks. In best Sweetie style the Hare gave us a lengthy explanation of the convoluted marks he had used on trail and (this should have set the alarm bells ringing) told us how a busy work schedule that weekend had meant that he had had to rush the trail preparations. (Just how hard the Hare had been working in the previous 48 hours is, incidentally, captured for posterity in a series of photos of the Friday Hash overnighter on its Facebook page).
The preliminaries completed, we set off on a flat, traffic congested course, with the markings bearing little if no relation to the pretty pictures the Hare had drawn earlier. Just as boredom and carbon monoxide poisoning were setting in, we were led onto a treacherously muddy trail into a wooded valley. Things were looking up until the FRBs were brought to a screeching halt by a local farmer screaming “Private Property” and brandishing an AK-47, an Uzi, a grenade launcher and a whole array of anti-tank rocket launchers. Discretion was deemed to be the better part of valour, and the pack retreated faster than an Italian army battalion. After much head-scratching, certain brave souls decided that the only way out of this mess was to find an alternative route up the ridge, which involved hacking through jungle to a cave which hasn’t seen human life since at least the Edo era. CB! Another track was followed, which eventually brought us out into civilization, but with no sign of a trail.
It was at this point that modern technology saved our bacon. Thunderballs are Go, who clearly had no faith in our Hare’s ability to organize a piss-up in a brewery, had cunningly left a tracker in his rucksack, so he confidently told us that the finish of the run was next to the Post Office in Kamakura. (Remember that this was an A-B run and no-one had had the foresight to take the Hare’s phone number). Down the hill we headed until eventually we found the little chevron markings that told us we were once again back on trail. More flat, traffic-congested running (sounds familiar?), until, sure enough, we located the Hare in a car park.
Was this the end of our troubles? You know better than to ask that question, surely! Our Hare, obviously used to drinking the gnats’ piss that passes for beer in Trumpland, had lined up various brewskies, but had failed to realize that a premium lifestyle Hash like H4 drinks beer, not happoshu. (Hint: if it’s cheap, it’s cheap for a reason!). The Hare at this point disappeared for half an hour or so; some of us thought he might have had the decency to commit hara-kiri, but in fact he had run off to retrieve the “beer” that he had left at the “beer” stop which, for reasons explained above, we had failed to pass. More happoshu – just what we needed!
When the cat’s away, the mice have a field day. In a display which would have horrified our GM, the Hare conducted a (fortunately brief) circle in which he administered numerous down-downs to himself and sung a number of songs in his own honour. He then explained that the On-On was not in Kamakura, so we had to trudge to the station, board a train and battle our way to a bar in Ofuna. (Those Canucks have set a very bad precedent!) At this point something approaching normal service was resumed, and the good times (at last) started to roll. All’s well that ends well, especially when the real beer starts to kick in!
On! On!
Crusader
P.S. SERIOUS ADVICE to future Hares: If you don’t know the difference between beer and happoshu GET HELP WHEN YOU LAY IN THE POST-RUN DRINKS!!