The Apple

"Praise The Apple!"

What happens when you mix the overblown glitziness of "Xanadu" and "Can't Stop the Music" with the stupidity of "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band," the kinkiness of "The Rocky Horror Picture Show," the production design of "Barbarella," the outrageousness of "The Who's Tommy," the glitter from "The Brady Bunch Variety Hour," the costumes from "Flash Gordon," the sort of locales seen in "Logan's Run" and throw in some plot elements from "Phantom of the Paradise" and The Holy Bible for good measure? You get "The Apple," a quasi-obscure cacophony of music, dance, drugged-out visuals and bad acting. I freely admit that "The Apple" is a terrible film, but it's so spectacularly terrible and excessively ambitious that it's downright endearing. We're talking the absolute epitome of cult movie tackiness. Legend has it that the original American preview audience was so disenchanted with the film that they rioted and pelted the screen with their complimentary soundtrack albums (which might partially explain why so few copies of the LP seem to exist today). That's my kinda movie.

The plot of the film is Alphie (George Gilmour) and Bibi (Mary Catherine Stewart), a wholseome folk singing duo from Moose Jaw, Canada, come to America (the movie was shot in Berlin) in a futuristic 1994(!) to enter a battle of the bands-type competition. There they catch the eye of Satanic music mogul Mr. Boogalow (Vladek Sheybal), who decides to sign them to Boogalow International Music (B.I.M.) and suck them into his den of debauchery. Bibi is quick to sign her soul away, but Alphie sees through the nefarious Mr. Boogalow's plans. Once Alphie's attempts to take Bibi away from a life of sex, drugs and rock n roll prove futile, he moves into a commune of renegade hippies led by a man who is actually God in disguise.

As the film rolls on, it just keeps getting weirder and weirder. The title song is set in the bowels of hell, where Mr. Boogalow's protegee Pandi (Allan Love), clad only in a sparkly thong, tempts Bibi with a ridiculously oversized apple while keeping Alphie at bay. The denizens of Hell include pig-people, dogmen, Shaka Zulu warriors, a dude who's literally two-faced, others with no faces at all and a(n actual, actual, actual) vampire. Then Mr. Boogalow launches into "Master," a thinly-veiled song about being an S&M daddy. Next the once-wholesome Bibi launches into her music career by singing "Speed," a frantic punk-pop ode to crystal meth. This is followed by a mandatory exercise interlude, a hallucinatory disco orgy sequence with drag queens and nearly nude chicks and dudes, and finally an abrupt, biblical hippie finale that simply has to be seen to be believed.

Did Bob Mackie regurgitate these outfits?

But the weirdest thing about the film is that only many levels it's utterly exquisite. The production design is breathtaking. The dancers are abundant. The camera blocking and movements are a little off, which gives it a sense of style. The costumes are garish and '70s but that's exactly the appeal. The songs stick in your head. The choice of location added a weird vibe and cool visuals. Even the special effects -- which seem ridiculous by today's standards -- weren't bad for their time. It's a lavish production that was clearly made with a lot of love and enthusiasm by its international cast and crew.... who must've all been too high on coke, meth, poppers, quaaludes and any other available intoxicants to protest the regal overindulgence of writer/director Menahem Golan (who went on to produce an endless stream of popular b-movies throughout the '80s). Xanadu, now we are here.

This is hell. Frightening, isn't it?

However, several editing anomalies bog down the final act. There's an audibly obvious and abrupt cut during the song "Coming." As the movie nears its (preposterously absurd) conclusion, there's another abrupt cut right in the middle of the song "Child of Love" to the final scene, which is set more than a year later. Originally the film included a transition during the song that showed Alphie and Bibi getting married and having a baby. Why this was removed is anyone's guess, as its exclusion serves to further degrade the film's narrative. The bitch of it is these sequences still exist (along with many other deleted and alternate sequences) and were seen a few years ago...

The deleted wedding scene

In 2008, there was a mix-up booking a print of the film for a midnight screening at L.A.'s The Silent Movie Theatre, so MGM wound up sending over unchecked reels that were labeled "Screening Print" for the theatre managers to run. One can only surmise this was the original screening print. These reels included a completely different cut of the movie than that which has been released on TV, VHS and DVD. Apparently this print features fewer insert shots and random editing during the musical sequences, Dandi is made out to be more of a villain, the transition to the title song runs a little more smoothly, "Coming" ends less abruptly and includes additional hallucination bits which feature Bibi topless in bed with Pandi and a group of nude men (who can be spied behind Dandi in the abrupt closing shot of the scene), the "Child of Love" sequence remains intact, the head hippie transforms into Mr. Topps and the mystical Cadillac seen in the finale of the widely available print is instead merely a splotch of glowing light. A few more specific details about these scenes are available at The Idolater. This alternate print was run a couple times at The Silent Movie Theatre and wound up being screened again a few months later at The Alamo Drafthouse in Austin, Texas. Strangely, copies of this version have yet to show up in fandom, as of 2013.

The deleted "Creation" song

The film was also to have begun with a creation sequence in which God, portrayed by Joss Ackland, created the world, though this footage just didn't make the cut. "Filming began in paradise" Ackland recalled. "There were a lot of animals, some real, some phony. I was stuck in a crevice hacking away at a canvas rock, dressed in white tails and top hat, smoking a pipe Bing Crosby fashion and singing 'Behold the wonder I've created, the first of all humanity.' There was no room for the camera to edge in amongst the scenery. A tiger escaped. The brontosaurus collapsed because midgets inside their skins were fainting with the heat... The elephants became embedded in the fragile scenery and were stuck forever while their trunks flailed at all who came near."

"Vladek and I did this song and dance routine over the complicated set which ended with him falling into a stream," Ackland continued. We did not look like Fred Astaire and Gene Kelly. Menahem was yelling 'Bring back the tiger! Bring back the tiger!' Paradise was a large portion of the movie. Paradise never made the movie." Golan agreed and said, "It didn't work." The disastrous shooting of this sequence was the first thing that writer Coby Recht saw when he arrived to set.

That's lyricist George S. Clinton & composer Cody Recht on the left and far right

The film's story was conceived by Israeli husband and wife duo Coby and Iris Recht as a Hebrew stage musical centering on God and the Devil. When they showed the script to Menahem Golan, he pitched the idea of adapting it as an English-language movie. Eventually they discerned that the original story was unusable, so it was scrapped and a new screenplay was written. Picking up on the Orwellian themes of their rock n' roll allegory, the Rechts set the new script in 1984. Golan saw the script and wasn't happy with it. He wanted humor and more changes. Golan took a pass at the script and changed 1984 to 1994, rationing that the film was set in the future and 1984 was too close to the era in which they were living. He added the part of Alphie's landlady for comic relief. Golan retained screenwriting credit on-screen, though he later denounced his rights and gave sole credit to Coby Recht in a residuals lawsuit Recht brought against MGM for the DVD release.

Yep, that's Harry Potter's Pomona Sprout receiving a mammary massage.

Coby and Iris wrote the songs, however their English wasn't stellar ("mankind screamies for whatever bits of dreamies we might treat them to...") so an unknown named George S. Clinton was brought in to polish their phraseology. The Rechts and Clinton shared songwriting credits, and all three appeared in bit roles in the film. Matter of fact, Clinton played both a reporter and the circus clown announcer in "Showbizness." Coby and Iris eventually divorced, but he's worked sporadically in film since, and George S. Clinton has had a long career as a film composer.

Most of the actors provided their own singing vocals. George Gilmour had been the frontman for a '60s Scottish rock band called The Bo Weavels, and his smoldering looks and soulful singing voice landed him the role of Alphie. God love him, he didn't get the part based on his acting abilities. Apparently Gilmour continued singing, but he didn't further pursue a film career. Similarly, Allan Love got his start with the '60s British psych band Opal Butterfly, then he released some solo material, set his sites on acting and eventually opened a restaurant (featured on "Kitchen Nightmares") which he was forced to close due to dwindling profits in 2009. Grace Kennedy was a disco diva who was frequently seen on TV in the UK in the '70s and '80s (though her success never spread to this side of the pond). Ray Shell never had much of a film career, but he's been a star on the stage, having originated roles in "Starlight Express" and "Five Guys Named Moe." The role of Mr. Topps went to Joss Ackland, a distinguished British character actor. And as the sinister Mr. Boogalow, there was Vladek Sheybal, who got his start on the Polish stage before becoming a recognizable character actor (who could possibly forget that face?) from film and television worldwide.

Shouldn't she be naked under those flowers?

This just leaves beautiful then-newbie Catherine Mary Stewart. CMS was training as a dancer at a school in London when she encountered a few of her classmates heading off to a cattle-call audition for the film so she tagged along, intending only to audition as a background dancer. Once inside, she inadvertently caught the attention of Coby Recht, who recognized her as the Bibi he'd envisioned while writing the script. He pointed her out to Menahem Golan, who held up his fingers and began framing her, and it was at this point Stewart realized something was up..Although completely unprepared to audition for a major role, Golan encouraged her to sing and do a script reading. The next day, Golan called her back and informed her she'd been cast as Bibi.

Because he was so certain he had his star, Recht fudged the truth and told Golan that Stewart had the vocal chops required for a musical. Soon after, everyone began questioning Stewart's singing abilities. Although she was by no means a bad singer, no one thought she had the vocal experience to carry the tunes. "I describe myself as an actor who sings," Stewart later said. A vocal coach was hired and Catherine Mary spent the next few weeks practicing all of Bibi's songs. Meanwhile, George S. Clinton remembered being blown away by Mary Hylan's singing at a recent Christmas party, so he tracked her down and had her record the original demos. Although Stewart had the face, Hylan wound up being the voice.

"It was a disappointment for me when they decided to hire Mary Hylan to sing," Stewart later said. "Even though the coach I was working with thought I would be able to do the work, the producers got cold feet." But the work Stewart had done paid off. She had worked so hard on learning her songs that most viewers assume she's actually singing them. In the end, Catherine Mary Stewart wasn't too upset about it. "I don't blame them, frankly. They were putting a lot of money and time into this thing and wanted it to be the best they could," Stewart said. "[Hylan] was wonderful and I'm thrilled that I had her voice attached to my face, so it's all good in the end."

The movie was filmed in Germany in 1979 but distributors weren't able to generate much interest. Originally it was announced that the film would debut in the summer of 1980, but the release got pushed back. "The Apple" finally opened in North America on November 21, 1980 -- a bad time of year to debut a movie. By debuting so late in November, it ensured the film would merely run for a few weeks, only to abruptly vanish to make room on screens for the tidal wave of holiday blockbusters. Receiving virtually no promotion or interest from the press, true to form, the film had vanished from cinemas by December 5th.

The soundtrack was released on vinyl by Cannon Records in 1980. The album features a gatefold cover with a few stills from the film on the inside. Several of the songs are arranged differently than they appear in the movie and it includes the full versions of "Child of Love" and the omitted "Creation." Years ago, I read somewhere that the American release differs from one of the European releases (I believe it said the European LP included the missing verse from "Master"), but I've never been able to substantiate this claim. As obscure as this movie is and as difficult as it is to find a copy of the LP, through midnight screenings and TV airings it has developed a following so there are now many, many rips of the soundtrack circulating online... though it desperately needs an official release from the master tapes

Paragon Home Video later released the flick, and that could've been that -- the movie could've fallen into a black hole along with tons of other now-forgotten films except it spent a time in constant rotation on The Movie Channel and, as the years passed, "The Apple" picked up momentum as a cult oddity. It eventually started getting regular midnight screenings around America, and even a DVD release... a release which cost MGM a lot of money. No one bothered to check with the Rechts to see if they were owed residuals for the music, so Coby sued over the DVD release and won. So much for us ever getting a Blu-Ray special edition with the alternate cut. While it will never be as well-known or have the prestige of "Rocky Horror" or "Xanadu," the film has a small and devout cult following. And rightly so. It may have certain things in common with numerous other movies, but "The Apple" is truly one-of-a-kind.

Lemme end with the of the two print reviews I've found from the film's release, which published in the Spring 1981 issue of Cinefantastique:

"In THE APPLE, disco is dead, punk is passe, new wave is no more. It's 1994 and everyone is into "The Bim," a drug-induced, sex-enhanced dance craze whose fever extends into the workings of society. Behind "Bim" is an all-powerful promoter who can give you anything and everything you want. There's the makings of a good movie here -- an anti-disco, anti-conformity message, perhaps -- but writer-director Menahem Golan isn't content to stop there. Golan weaves equal parts of London burlesque, religious allegory and soap-opera romance and comes up with a movie so bad you have to laugh at its most poignant moments.

Golan was aiming, one assumes, at the late-night horror appeal of THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW and loads of the screen with the same blend of skin, glitter and trashy transvestite images. But THE APPLE has none of that film's wit, and the insipid songs sound about as much like futuristic hard rock as Barry Manilow. It's not interesting enough to recommend, not outrageous enough to see anyway. Golan used British stage actors for his cast, but apparently never bothered to explain to them that every line, gesture and note need not be played for the last row of the balcony."

And remember! When selling your soul to an evil music mogul, it's always best to read the fine print. And to avoid taking harmless "little pills" given to you by his cronies. Cuz chances are Mr. Topps won't arrive in a flying Cadillac to take you to another planet and release you from your contract. And from your life. Damn, this movie's insane.