Forever Fabulous: Things to Watch for...

*The color red. If you're seeing a digital print, all of the reds in the film pop. If you're watching a VHS dupe, those reds bleed... badly.

*Countless "Valley of the Dolls" references. Which should tell you what sort of audience this is aimed at.

*Opening titles sequence. It's simultaneously hideous and entrancing.

*Jean Smart speaking French with a Texas accent. That's something you don't hear every day.

*Corrine's head. And no, this is not a sexual thing, though Corrinne is obsessed with it.

*Gratuitous Mink Stole cameo!

*Jack Plotnick in a role that's clearly been trimmed down so much that one has to wonder why he's even there.

*Tiffany Dahl smoking. I'm thinking drinking game.

*Trippy still-frame montage sequences.

*Overabundant beauty queen bitching, bickering and bantering. Say that five times fast.

*Robert Wagner. He manages to steal scenes from a quartet of beauty queens. That takes balls.

*Camera shots up Jean Smart's dress. Something for the straight guys.

*Smiling teeth everywhere. At a point, it becomes creepy.

*Mirror images. There's mirrors and mirrored opticals throughout the film, to highlight the shallow vanity of the characters. Wow, that was deep. My head may explode now.

*Spoiler: Death by false eyelash. Perhaps the only one ever.

*Bitch-slapping beauty queens!

*"...I must increase my bust."

*Tiaras at bedtime.

*One minute Lyle's in drag, a few minutes later he's not, then he is again.

*Priscilla, Queen of the Desert homage. Doesn't get any gayer, folks. Oh wait, I forgot what movie I was talking about.