Soap

You don’t expect me to wash in it do you?

(Enter an individual with a very dirty appearance, dirty clothing, unshaven etc., he carries a large bag, in which there are many empty SOAP packets (See words below in capitals). These packets can all be obtained from Church House, North Shields. OR… begin collecting them from your neighbours and friends)

Hello, my name is Mr Muck.

I want to tell you about something that has really changed my life.

The main focus in my life used to be dirt, but now since I’ve discovered soap,

I can’t stop talking about it. Soap is so special to me.

Do you catch my DREFT? There I go, bringing soap into the conservation.

Is it OK if I tell you a story?

Will you help me out ‘cos sometimes I’m lost for words?

Well really it all happened in a FLASH

There was this girl in the local corner shop.

The other day she was standing behind the counter waiting to SURF me.

I went up to her and she said “I know just what you need”. I thought oh my LUX in.

She must fancy me. I was completely BOLD over.

I felt like a real MR MUSCLE.

She told me how soap could really change my life. I’ve never looked back.

From that point on, soap meant everything to me. I really discovered something to SHOUT about.

And I just want to tell everybody the life changing message of soap.

The first thing I did was go to me DAZ house, to tell me mam and dad.

Luckily they were up, ‘cos they often lie in bed all day with the RADION.

I said to them “I’ve brought you some real words of COMFORT”

And I told them how soap could make all their problems VANISH.

My dad said to me “Son that’s a real PEARL of wisdom and I’m sure it will SHIELD me for the rest of my life.”

My dad said to my mam “Here go and rub that soap on your PALMOLIVE, it will do you the world of good.”

She looked at me with her bathroom cream cleanser in her hand and said “Hold on a JIF.”

“You come in here and go on at us about soap, but you still look as dirty as ever to me”.

So I said to her. “You don’t expect me to wash in it do you?”