Peter's Testimony

I met Jesus three years ago, and I just knew straight away, that here was someone who knew my heart, could see right inside me….and even though I tried to keep him at arm’s length, he didn’t give up on me. He had seen something in me that I could not see. I could only see the sinful man, me!

He was the most amazing person. I could scarce believe what he was teaching people , it was all so revolutionary, and I could scarce believe what I saw…all that compassion, all those miracles, all that joy~ those changed lives, healed, made clean and holy. People turned right round in their tracks and followed him. It was all so very beautiful. It was so good being part of it all. Those years were inspiring. We learnt so much from him.

But you see I got it all wrong. He was trying to tell us something about his future suffering and death, and I started to boast. I assured him of all the things I would accomplish for him with my life. I told I would give my life for him. I was so certain,

I got caught up with my own importance after all I was his right hand man, his rock!, but when it came to the test, as he said it would by the way. He was right

And I let him down big time.

I let myself down, felt very depressed. I was in a daze, felt a proper failure.

The words I’d said that night when he was arrested kept going around and around in my head.

I don’t know him, I tell you I don’t know him!

 I couldn’t keep my promise to him…I had weaknesses I hadn’t realized were there.

I was so very low. My heart sank, everything around me began falling apart. Three whole years wasted, I told myself. If I were honest there were very real doubts in my mind when he was taken and slaughtered. Died a death like a man cursed.

But you see all this should not be about me, but him. He was raised from the dead, everything he said would happen, looking back, did happen.

I was uplifted, filled with new hope, I was ecstatic, when I heard he was alive again, and yet at the same time, terrified to meet up with him again, for fear of his disapproval, his ‘I told you so!’.

Later when we saw him on the shore, I was into I’ll prove myself mode, and I dived in. I’ll show him I still love him, I’ll get to him first.

There I was again, singling myself out from the others, trying to get into his favour again.

He asked me three times later if I loved him. Three times, why three?

 I think I knew for I had denied him three times.

But you know what gave me heart~ what I still cannot believe he did? He still wanted me to do things for him, even though I had proved a miserable failure!

I was given yet another chance. He hadn’t given up on me! He didn’t appointed anyone else as the leader of our band of men. It seemed I was still his rock!

‘Feed my lambs, feed my sheep.’ He told me

Now with the help of the Holy Spirit, and in his strength, I’m trying to do just that and I won’t give up, no matter what happens. I may keep getting it wrong, but I know I’ve been given a task to do by Jesus. And I’m going to keep at it till he calls me home to be with him. I won’t give up. I won’t allow myself to be despondent or be filled with despair. Not this time.

I’ll shake off whatever holds me back and keep on going.

I’ll feed his lambs, I will feed his sheep.