Rude Jokes
Why was Tigger in the bathroom for so long?
Because he had Pooh stuck inside him.
Why does Ariel wear seashells?
Because the B shells are too small.
Why did the seven dwarves go to jail?
They sold all their gems for hi-hoes!
Why can’t Miss Piggy count to one hundred?
Because every time she gets to sixty-nine she gets a frog in her throat.
What are the best-selling Disney sex toys?
Woody and Buzz.
What did Genie say to Aladdin?
Rub me three times and I will come.
Wanna know something about Pinocchio?
His nose ain’t the only piece of wood that grows.
Why doesn’t Thumper make noise during sex?
Because he has cotton balls.
What do Viagra and Disney Land have in common?
They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for a two-minute ride.
What did Cinderella say to her prince?
“Want to see if it fits?”
Why was Anger so furious?
Because Sadness touched one of his balls.
Why doesn’t Eeyore have any friends?
Because he plays with Pooh all day.
How did Mickey feel when he first saw Minnie?
It was glove at first sight.
What did Nala say to Simba?
Hakuna these tatas.
Why was Tigger in the toilet?
He was looking for Pooh.
What happened after Snow White sat in the bath, feeling happy?
Happy got out, so she felt Grumpy.
Why do Chip ‘N Dale sit on their butts all day?
To keep their nuts dry.
Who is Cogsworth’s best friend?
His favorite candlestick.
Why did Belle get kicked out of Disney World?
She sat on Pinnochio’s face and screamed, “Lie to me! Lie to me!”
What did Nala say to Simba in bed?
Move fasta (Mufasa)
What do the 101 Dalmatians say after sex?
That hit the spot.
What did Winnie the Pooh say to his new love interest?
Show me the honey.
What is Mickey’s favorite treat?
Minnie Mice cream.
What do you call a nanny that doesn’t flush?
Mary Poopins the toilet.
What are Muppets puppeteers really good at?
Hand jobs.
Did you hear how Captain Hook died?
Jock Itch!
Why do the seven dwarfs laugh when they play soccer?
The grass tickles their balls.
What’s slimy, cold, long, and smells like pork?
Kermit the Frog‘s finger.
What is Peter Pan’s favorite place to eat out?
Wendy’s.
What did Nala say to Simba during sex?
Move fasta (Mufasa).
Yes, I have my period.
No, I’m not ovary acting.
Ever had sex while camping?
It’s fucking intense (in-tents).
Lick me ’till ice cream.
What’s a horny pirate’s worst nightmare?
A sunken chest and no booty.
What’s the difference between a snowman and a snow woman?
Snowballs.
When should condoms be used?
Every conceivable occasion.
I’m trying to finish writing a script for an adult film…
But there are just too many holes in the plot.
Constipation is such a pain in the ass.
Diarrhea is hereditary — it runs in your jeans.
What did the hurricane say to the palm tree?
Better hold onto your nuts; this is no ordinary blowjob.
My friend met a male porn actor the other day.
She told me he was really cocky.
My colleague can no longer attend next week’s Innuendo Seminar.
I have to fill her slot instead.
A hole was found in the wall of a nudist camp.
The police are looking into it.
Let’s play carpenter.
First, we’ll get hammered. Then I’ll nail you.
Why is Santa’s sack is so big?
He only comes once a year!
Sex on TV can’t hurt…
Unless you fall off.
I got mad at my bae for pulling out.
I told him it was a dick move.
That submarine is long, hard, and full of seamen.
It’s not that the man didn’t know how to juggle…
He just didn’t have the balls to do it.
That teabag was surprisingly better the second time around.
A pearl necklace would go well with that dress.
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